Based on a 'True' Story
by Arktos
Summary: Edward Elric finds himself in a world very different from his own, but very familiar to us. A dream every fan is familiar with, but very few take the time to consider the implications of…
1. The Unexpected Hitchhiker REVISED

**Author's Note:** This is the revised version of one of the longest, most plot heavy fanfics I've ever written, once called Stranger Than Fiction. Because honestly, it needed a good rewrite and a better title. Check my profile for more stuff on this story like fanart, trivia, etc. if you want :)

For those of you new to the story and worried about the presence of original characters and the un-Amestrian setting, I've more than open to constructive critique and any advice you guys can offer! There are way too many badly written takes on these types stories in the FMA section, and I intend to do it properly for once.

**Summary:** Edward Elric finds himself in a world very different from his own, but very familiar to us. A dream every fan is familiar with, but very few take the time to consider the implications of… [Possible minor EdxOC, mostly of the 'read between the lines' nature]

_**This is primarily based on the first anime canon, so it would be best if you watch the whole series before reading this.**_

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_Fullmetal Alchemist _and all related **non-original** (as in, not made by myself) subjects © Hiromu Arakawa, V_iz_, etc. I'm only borrowing them for a bit, and intend to return them whole and recognizable- I swear :)

Original characters/ideas/fanfic plot/stuff (such as Lauren) and all related original subjects © Me (Don't take them without permission!)

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_**Based on a 'True' Story**_

**Chapter One: The Unexpected Hitchhiker**

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Leaves rustled in the treetops above. Crickets softly chirped nearby, falling silent at the occasional hoot of an owl. He ignored them all. Even the sound of a car passing by in the distance and the faint flash of headlights failed to draw a reaction from him. Nothing mattered, except his exhaustion and his pain, and for now Edward Elric was content to leave it that way.

A sudden cold breeze left him shivering, and he curled tighter into himself. Adjusting his ripped coat until he was better shielded from the vindictive wind, he ignored the protests his body gave at even such a simple action. A word, a single thought, began to form in his damaged mind, somewhat appropriately summing up his foremost concern towards his current situation:

_Freezing._

And although he had so far failed to grasp the reality looming ever so prominently around him, Ed opened his eyes with no small effort and scanned his surroundings with tired caution. He was barely able to process the fact that this wasn't the army barracks anymore, and he was outside lying on cold, hard ground instead of a warm bed. Instead of inspiring alarm, Ed noted this with little care, barely noticing the sticks and stones jabbing into his sides as he drifted once more into a deep sleep…

Just as he nearly lost consciousness, there was a strange, unnatural fluttering noise. It was the sound of weathered paper stiff from some long ago rain, being tossed around by the wind. The sound grew louder before something smacked into his face, waking him up instantly, and reaching with a heavy arm to pull the offending object off. So much for sleeping. Opening his eyes again felt like a Herculean task, but he did so anyways, trying to get to his feet and hissing in surprised pain when they nearly gave out on him. The moonlight quickly revealed part of the reason; Ed's arms and legs were covered in cuts and bruises. His clothes were also torn, and he was almost covered completely in dirt and tree sap.

"Wonderful." Ed murmured sarcastically, trying to dust himself off as best he could and cursing the biting cold. The sky was dark, framed by the shadowy forms of branches with curled, dead leaves, grasping for the full moon that shone brightly above before a cloud drifted across it.

Glancing at his darkened surroundings, Ed realized with a twinge of fear that he didn't remember how he'd ended up in the middle of a forest. Just that he'd been running, as fast and as far as his tired body could take him. The rest of his memories were a jumble of disorganized thoughts, contradicting and dim, of which he was certain of only one thing. He needed to get far away from where ever he'd been before. Forcing himself to think calmly, he ignored the irrational impulse. That course of action would probably only get him more lost.

But the feeling grew stronger, more insistent as some desperate fear from somewhere deep within started to overwhelm him. At that very moment the moon came out from behind the clouds, illuminating a yellowing newspaper only a metre away, and with painful reluctance, he crouched down to grab it. Any clue he could find might help him get back home, and he was determined to overlook anything.

* * *

**-****THE ENOCH ENQUIRER****-**

_**FACSIMILE TO START HIRING FOR NEW PROGRAM**_

**Salome Eccleston, CEO of Facsimile Industries, has announced the coming expansion of the local contracting company, bringing desperately needed aid to the economy of a dying city…**

* * *

Just some boring financial column. As an afterthought, he glanced up at the date.

_Friday, October 24th, 200-_

"What the hell?" He said to himself quietly. "That can't be right. Since when is it the twenty-first century?"

He was interrupted from his thoughts by another passing car, looking up just in time to see two bright arcs of light sweep through the forest towards him. Blinded momentarily, Ed blinked and suddenly everything was dark again. The headlights continued to move quickly, drifting into the distance before disappearing altogether.

_A car. That means people nearby…and maybe someone who can give me some answers._

With grim determination, the alchemist started making his way through the tangled mess of brushwood and undergrowth. Branches clawed at him as he struggled to move forward, catching on his clothes and leaving small scratches on his face as well as opening old ones, but he perservered anyway. He had to stop to retrieve his coat from an especially stubborn bough five times, three out of which he was unable to avoid ripping it Ed became so frustrated with this that without even thinking he clapped his hands together, transmuting away the damage with a intense flare of blue light.

The toll this took on him was alarming, as what little energy he'd had before was replaced by a throbbing headache. He fell to his knees, rubbing his forehead and swearing as Ed found his path blocked by another branch. More painful struggling later, the ground dipped up sharply, and when he scrambled up the incline he realized he was standing on a road. He glanced to his left, and then his right. It stretched on seemingly forever in each direction, and no matter hard Ed squinted he couldn't make out any approaching cars.

_How did I end up here?_ He thought, finding it difficult to think straight for some reason, feeling strangely distant and detached from the whole affair. Was he dreaming? No, that was quickly ruled out. This felt…just too real.

_Wait, I'm not…not supposed to…_

He was spared following that train of thought by the sound of a car horn, and as Ed turned he felt the fear return again when he found himself staring straight into the headlights of an approaching car.

* * *

Lauren liked to think of herself as practical. Despite this rather secure belief, in reality she was often prone to daydreams and flights of fantasy. As an imaginative fifteen-year-old girl who spent too much time reading books, watching TV and constantly exposing herself to various forms of fiction… it was perhaps a forgivable weakness of hers. So long as she kept up a semblance of a social life and her grade point average, all was right in the world. But as a result, on nights like this, Halloween, she was driven to dream up such incredibly impossible schemes and adventures lurking around every turn that she ended up disappointed by the end of it. Sure, acing a hellish math test was all good and fine, but what about that shadow she'd seen dart through the trees earlier that night? What about the strange noise Lauren had heard earlier as she and her sister trudged towards the car?

It always ended the same way. Nothing new, nothing thrilling, nothing interesting. Still, despite this Lauren was happy with her lot in life. Sometimes it was better if the fanciful dreams didn't come true if the important ones did, because after months of unemployment and mounting bills, her father getting a job was far more significant. He'd taken a managing position in one of the most vital sections of a prestigious local company, at that. It was why her whole family had decided to eat out at a distinguished restaurant downtown to party, which had it lived up to its reputation by being one of those fancy places generally geared towards adults, not teenagers who still celebrated Halloween. Which is why when her dad's friends had joined them, Lauren knew she'd have to leave soon if she wanted to get trick-or-treating. Luckily for her, she had an older sister willing to drive her home, and everything was ready for a back-to-back _Fullmetal Alchemist_ marathon when she finished trick-or-treating with her brother.

"Hey, you still awake?"

Lauren looked up just as her sister glanced into the rearview mirror, barely able to make out the slightly concerned expression on her face. Monica, her older eighteen-year-old sister, was not normally prone to worrying…but then again, Lauren had left Monica driving in silence for the past ten minutes. For a chatterbox like her, that was quite an accomplishment.

_Must be a personal record._ Lauren thought to herself with a slight laugh. "Sure, I'm great."

"Yeah, well…you better not be getting sick or something, because I want you out of the house before my party starts." Monica replied, an hint of hesitation marring the confident facade she normally tried to project. Nevertheless, a comfortable quiet soon replaced the tension. Both of them were feeling too good to worry for very long, especially since they still had an entire evening ahead of them.

Self-consciously, Lauren straightened the sleeve of her white blouse, checking out of habit to make sure she hadn't spilt anything on her good black pants. Gazing out past the side of the weakly lit road into the woods, she could see the sky was lit-up by a sort of soft purplish light, which had faded into the rest of the pitch-black sky. A green highway sign passed them by, with the words 'The Black Corners' printed in bold white lettering. Craning her head to follow them, Lauren blinked and then frowned. What where they doing on such a dangerous road? Monica had barely gotten her full license a month ago!

Before Lauren could point this out, Monica's cellphone rang. The older teen answered it, beginning to chat amiably with whoever had called. "Yeah, I'm heading home now on 'The Black Corners'…I know, I know, you phoned me earlier about that, remember?"

Curious, Lauren leaned closer, trying to see who was calling. Monica gave her a pointed look, covering the number with one hand. Knowing to leave well enough alone and reminding herself to tease Monica about a boyfriend later, Lauren nonchalantly turned her attention to the road ahead. There was flash of blue up to the side of the road, and Lauren immediately moved to get a better view, catching only one more glimpse before they passed them by. Her eyes widened as she realized they must have been people wearing costumes, although why a couple of trick-or-treaters would be out here in the middle of the night was beyond her.

"Whoa…Monica, did you see that?"

"Yeah, I'm onto it. Guess I'll call you back later to tell you how it went?" The older teenager finished smoothly, nodding and then closely her cellphone with a snap.

Rounding on her sister, Monica looked annoyed. "Don't interrupt me when I'm talking, please. Dammit, my battery just died…"

Lauren was about to apologize when she something bright red flash into view. In a split second, she realized it was a person; someone with a braid and wearing an extremely familiar coat. Someone who was standing in the middle of the road, she become conscious of with growing horror.

"Watch out!" She cried, eyes fixed to the terrifying scene ahead of her, unable to turn away.

"What?" Monica said in bewilderment, turning her head quickly. She inhaled sharply as she caught sight of what Lauren had already seen for herself, and without a second thought hit the brakes.

The car skidded to a stop, hurling Lauren forward. Her older sister grabbed her by the collar of her sweatshirt just in time to save her from a bloody nose, having gripped the side door herself to keep from crashing headfirst into the dashboard. Recovering quickly, Lauren yanked her door open and practically flew out of the car, shivering in the cool autumn air. She reached back quickly into the car to grab her jacket, wrapping it tightly around herself.

"Is he okay? Did I kill him? Oh my God, I hope I didn't kill him!" Monica rambled in a panic as she scrambled out of the car.

Lauren was too speechless with shock to reply. The front of the car was dented, but only a tiny bit. A boy close to her age lay sprawled out on the pavement, his eyes half-closed and a pained look on his face. One look at him was all Lauren needed to figure out why he was wearing those clothes. It had to be an Edward Elric cosplayer, a revelation that seemed wildly out of place in this nightmarish situation.

_Well, it is Halloween._ She thought distantly. _And he's the right height._ Funny, how it seemed like a lifetime ago she'd been sitting in the car thinking about trick-or-treating. Maybe he'd been on his way to a party?

"Hello…" She said tentively. With what looked like enormous effort on his part, he turned his head to look at her with dazed golden eyes. She slumped in relief; he was still alive, even if his eyes were a strange shade.

_He's wearing contacts, you dope._ Lauren told herself with admonishment. Why on earth she was focusing on his eye colour when he could be severely wounded? She should be trying to do something useful, like figuring out how hurt he was so he wouldn't end up dying from internal injuries or something worse.

Attempting to sound soothing, she voiced her concern aloud, wincing as soon as the words left her mouth. "Hey…you okay?"

_Of course, Lauren! Because being hit by a car means he's probably one hundred percent fine right now!_

"My head…hurts so much..." He seemed to struggle for words for a moment, and then his eyes closed and his head lolled to the side.

"No, no, no, **NO**!" Monica was immediately by his side, shaking him in an effort to wake him up as Lauren crouched nervously by. "Don't fall asleep, you idiot! If you have a concussion, you'll never wake up again and I'll be in hot water!"

Just as it looked like Monica was about to try slapping some sense into him, Lauren grabbed her raised hand and intervened. "Monica, loss of conscience isn't unusual after a fall like that, and as long as he wakes up soon he should be okay."

"And how do you know that?" Monica replied irritably, shaking Lauren's hand off as the younger teen examined him carefully.

"That lifeguarding course I took, remember?" Lauren said, impatience beginning to creep into her tone. "Just remember, don't-"

Before she could finish, Monica had lifted the boy up, grunting slightly at the weight and giving her an impatient look. Lauren sighed.

"…Pick him up in case he has any internal injuries."

"Lauren, in case you haven't noticed, my cellphone is dead and we're in the middle of nowhere. Unless you don't mind leaving him here while we go get help, or acting as a human shield if any other cars show up while _I_ go for help, I think it's best we drive him to the hospital." Monica pointed out, moving over to the backseat car doors and gesturing for Lauren to open them.

"Well…" Lauren hesitated. As much as she knew just leaving him wasn't an option, she couldn't help feeling nervous about giving a complete stranger a ride, even if he didn't look like much of a threat lying passed out in Monica's arms like that. But what would their parents think if they found out? And what had he been doing standing in the middle of the road anyways?

Reluctantly, Lauren moved forward and opened the car door. "I…guess if there isn't any other option…"

"Great, then that means you can sit next to him and makes sure he doesn't die." Monica said cheerfully, suddenly far more happy than Lauren thought any potential hit-and-run victim had any right to be. As she shoved the unconscious teenage boy in the backseat, her green eyes nearly glowed in the weak light, making her look almost demonic.

"Wait, what?" Lauren sputtered. "But I-"

Monica wasn't about to give in. "No buts, kid. You're the one who knows the CPR and stuff. Either you get into that car and make sure he doesn't go critical on us, or I tell mom you let him die because you were too scared to socialize."

As much as Lauren didn't want to admit it, her sister had a point there. Hearing no smart remarks, Monica paused for a breather and then continued her rant.

"I mean, for Christ's sake, you're obviously both nuts over that 'Fullsteel Alchemist' or whatever the heck it's called. If he wakes up, at the very least you'll be able to have an interesting conversation. Now get in the car before I have to force you."

"You mean _Fullmetal Alchemist_, and how do you know that he'd be interested in talking to me about something like that? I'd think he'd be more interested to find out why a bunch of crazy teenager girls have kidnapped him!" How could her sister have such an irresponsible attitude towards the poor guy?

Her older sister just rolled her eyes. "I'm a lot of things, but I'm not blind. He's dressed up as that guy…what was his name…" Monica snapped her fingers repeatedly as if trying to remember something. "Eric Eldward? That means he's probably as obsessed as you. Did it ever occur to you that maybe reassuring him is better than telling him point blank I hit him with the car and he could have serious medical problems?"

"It's Edward Elric, and that doesn't prove anything. He might have trouble remembering stuff like that when he wakes up." Lauren replied weakly, allowing herself to be ushered back into the car, shoving aside the amazing amount of junk that had accumulated on the seat and floor.

"Of course he might," Monica said ever so complacently, "But if I were him, I'd prefer a friendly, decently attractive member of the opposite sex to talk to me about my favourite TV show instead of being silently glared at from the front seat. Now sit down and shut up unless he starts coughing up blood or something."

Lauren frowned, but nevertheless did as she was told, climbing into the car and closing the door behind her with a bit more strength than was necessary. This accomplished, she leaned as far as she could against the door and away from him. She watched the passed-out teenager with caution, as if she expected him to suddenly spring up and attack her. The truth was, Lauren was just as much intrigued as terrified by the prospect of talking to the cosplayer. There was something about him that set her teeth on edge, though she couldn't quite tell why or what that was. He didn't feel…_real_. The whole thing felt outlandish, that much she could concede, but there was something so utterly out of place about him in particular. A car accident, she could buy. A car accident with a guy who looked like her favourite fictional character? What were the chances of that happening? But these thoughts made Lauren feel even more skittish and irritable, because there was no reason for her to be thinking this in the first place.

_Maybe I'm just letting my imagination get the better of me…_

Pushing this to the back of her mind, Lauren carefully managed to push him up into a sitting position (_A little movement won't kill him. I hope._) and buckled up his seatbelt, before settling back into her seat. She cursed the fact that her parents' car wasn't the most spacious of vehicles, almost having to lean against him in order to reach the seatbelt.

Her arm brushed by his right wrist, and Lauren was mildly surprised to feel something more solid and cold than flesh. So he'd gone to all the trouble to include automail…

_Wow, he's really going all-out._ She thought, giving him a wary look as she got her first good look at his costume._ A red jacket with the symbol, braided blonde hair, a fake metal arm…and even the same sort of black clothing and belt. This guy must really like the show._

And those eyes…even if they were closed now, she would almost swear he had the right shade of golden contact lenses on as well. Impressed despite herself, Lauren immediately felt guilty when she realized the turn he thoughts had taken. _For all I know, he's going to end up at the nearest hospital in intensive care, and here I am critiquing his costume. Good job Mackenzie, I'm sure he'd be glad if he knew you approved while he sat there dying._

"All set?"

Lauren sighed. "I guess so, just drive slower this time."

Monica replied to this with an "Aye aye, captain!" and what Lauren could only assume was a salute.

_What a goof. You'd think a car crash when she has a party only an hour or two away would dampen her mood._

"What…happened?" She nearly jumped when an unfamiliar voice spoke up, and for a moment she wondered if she was hearing things. Looking around, Lauren was relieved to see that it was just the strange cosplayer, regarding his seatbelt with confusion. The fifteen-year-old was a little less relieved when she realized she would have to explain things to him. He sure did _sound_ like Ed, that was for sure.

"Ah…I'm sorry, but my sister ran into you. We're on the way to the hospital, though, and if there's anything wrong **we'll** pay for the bill. Isn't that right, Monica?" Lauren glared at the back of the front seat. Surprisingly, she only received a few resentfully mumbled curse words.

"...No hospitals." He murmured, leaning back into his seat with a pained expression on his face. "I hate hospitals. Too many needles."

"Alright, no hospitals." Lauren amended. "But you should really have a professional check you out. Umm…where would you like us to drop you off?"

There was a gasp from the front seats. "Lauren!"

"What? He said he didn't want to go to the hospital!" Lauren replied defensively.

"I apologize for my sister, she's not normally this rude." Monica glanced back just long enough for Lauren to get a disapproving look aimed at her, before smiling at the stunned cosplayer. "We'll take you back to our place and patch you up. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah…sure. Whatever." The stranger muttered, before wincing and reaching up to touch the back on his head. "Do you have any aspirin?"

"I'm afraid not. Pardon my manners, I'm Monica Mackenzie and this is my sister Lauren. What's your name, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Edward Elric."

Absolute silence. Her heart hammering wildly, Lauren leaned towards the front seat to whisper to Monica, not taking her eyes off the cosplayer. "I think we should let him off before we get home, sis."

Her suggestion was met with laughter. "Lauren, you yourself said he'd probably have trouble remembering things. Think about it, he's just had a major blow to the head. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he was Napoleon right now! In any case, it'll probably pass soon enough."

Lauren sat down again, watching the stranger out of the corner of her eye uncertainly. He seemed a bit more aware of his surroundings now, and gave her a wary look in return. She could only assume it was the small mannerisms like that which gave her pause; they were typical reactions for anyone to have in this situation, but somehow uniquely in character. The mixture of reluctance, clinical curiosity and suspicion…maybe it was the effect of the costume, but this 'Ed' was just a bit too believable.

Out of the blue, the car swerved to the left violently, and Lauren managed to grab hold of her door just in time. The stranger wasn't so fortunate, his head hitting the window as she heard a barely-concealed hiss of pain. A truck quickly thundered by, and Monica whistled.

"On the wrong side of the road, too! That bastard!"

"Sorry, there are a lot of bad drivers in this family." Lauren muttered, half to herself and half to the stranger. It was true, because although her sister was the best in the family she wasn't exactly well-known for her driving skills either.

Monica immediately took it upon herself to clarify this for their guest. "Yeah, no kidding. Like that time Dad bought that huge microwave. It took up, what, half the backseat? He had to avoid some jerk going through a red light, it smashed right into her. Poor girl was only four or something like that."

"You weren't even there." Lauren mumbled, embarrassed and grateful that it was dark enough to hide her blush.

"Doesn't mean I don't know the story like the back of my hand, little sister." The eighteen-year-old replied playfully.

Lauren groaned. "Are we there yet? The sooner I can hunt down a first-aid kit, the better."

Naturally, Monica ignored her. "So, where are you from anyway Mr. Elric? I'd be willing give you a ride back to your parents if you want."

Lauren could see him turn to look out the window. "Don't have any parents. Just my younger brother, and I don't know where he is."

"Is his name Alphonse?" Lauren teased against her better judgment, and felt a chill go down her back when he gave her a puzzled look.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Just a good guess." Lauren mumbled, as Monica laughed in the background.

"Man, this guy is a riot. I have to hit people with my car more often."

"What's so funny?" The cosplayer (Lauren just couldn't bring herself to call him 'Ed') asked with a slight edge to his tone.

"Oh boy," Monica sounded amused. "Lauren? I think you may be right, he may have hit his head a bit too hard if he's still going on about this. Momentary delusion is okay, full-on crazy is not, at least while I'm driving. You care to set him straight?"

Lauren sighed, wondering why her sister was treating this all like it was some kind of joke. "Well…umm…Edward Elric is a fictional character, from an anime called _Fullmetal Alchemist_. Don't you remember? You're not him; you can't be him. You were probably dressed like that for Halloween."

Her explanation finished, Lauren gave the cosplayer a furtive look. His eyes were wide, and he looked so bewildered for a moment Lauren was convinced he'd been telling the truth. The feeling quickly passed.

"…Please tell me you're joking." Something about the way he said it seemed like a demand more than a polite request, although he didn't raise his voice.

"Monica…I think we should get him to a hospital…" Lauren warned her sister, trying to inch away from him slowly. An action she was sure didn't go unnoticed, as his expression changed from shocked to suspicious.

"Both of you, shut up." Monica commanded with surprising authority. "Nobody's taking anyone anywhere except me. Until we get 'Ed' here some medical attention, I want you, Lauren, to stop being a drama queen. If he's a nutcase, chances are he's a harmless one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to drive. I hate going near malls at night, the traffic is unbelievable…"

Something bright flared through the windows, and Lauren winced at the intensity of it, sunspots dancing in her eyes. For the first time since they'd picked up the hitchhiker, she glanced out her window. Brightly-lit signs flashed by as countless headlights lit up the congested roads, the sound of humming engines was so loud she could hear it through the closed window.

Then Lauren remembered the strange cosplayer, and quickly looked back at him. If it was possible, he looked even more surprised than he had before. She began to entertain a ridiculous thought, one quickly dismissed. But running into someone like him on Halloween night, well…could he be…?

_Smarten up, Lauren. This is real life, not one of your daydreams. Despite what Monica thinks, he could be dangerous and you shouldn't get distracted._

A few minutes of tense silence later, during which Monica took many liberties with the law, they were home. Well, at least, Monica and Lauren were. It was a huge house, obscured mostly by a large maple tree, although the front porch and bay window with light filtering through the white curtains were still visible in the dark. Lauren closed her car door, her distrustful eyes not leaving the strange cosplayer for a moment. Eventually, however, she was forced to admit defeat in their little one-sided glaring contest, and glanced at her watch. It was only six o'clock, and taking a quick look down the street, she noted that there were no trick-or-treaters in sight.

Looking up, she saw that despite the bright city light the sky was almost pitch-black now. It was cold and she'd probably would need to wear a jacket over her costume. It was like any other fall night, except at the same time…something was different. A chilly breeze making her shiver, and she slowly started making her way up the front steps and across the porch to the front door.

"Hey, Lauren?" The teenage girl looked back to see Monica still in the front seat, fiddling with something Lauren assumed was her purse.

That didn't bode well. "…Yeah?"

"I have to go get this dent fixed before our parents come back. Would you mind looking after our odd protégé here?" Monica gestured towards the strange cosplayer, who was standing uncomfortably next to the front steps and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Lauren shook her head vehemently. "No way! I'm not going to- hey, come back here!"

True to her nature, Monica had already jumped in the driver's seat and backed out of the driveway, off like a shot before Lauren could even give chase. Sighing in irritation, she slowly climbed up the porch steps, collapsing on the bench near the doorway and leaning back. There was the sound of heavy boots clunking up the steps, which appeared just in her line of vision. She turned away, and felt someone sit down next to her. She sighed again.

"So, you're Edward Elric?" She said, in way of starting up a conversation. He slumped over, the irritation draining out of him.

"You don't believe me." Now that there was no noise besides the distant roar of the highway, Lauren just couldn't help but notice how much his voice really did sound like Ed's voice actor. It was a statement, not a question, but Lauren felt compelled to answer him as clearly and as blunt as she could possibly manage.

"No."

"Fine, I'll leave." He muttered, shifting and getting up.

In some ways, Lauren felt deeply ashamed of her behaviour to the strange cosplayer. He was probably a perfectly nice person when he wasn't convinced he was a fictional character, but she couldn't afford to let her guard down. However, seeing him sway like he was about to fall over made her think twice.

She sighed, getting up. "Sit down. If you're really feeling that bad, then you shouldn't be on your feet. I've got a key, so I'll go unlock the door. You can lie down on the couch."

The cosplayer didn't say anything, but relaxed noticeably, allowing himself to be herded back on the bench. Rifling through her pockets, Lauren took out a small key and used it to unlock the door. Stepping inside, she couldn't hide back a small, appreciative smile. It was good to be home.

"You can come in now." Lauren called softly. "Keep your boots on, if you want."

There was a soft groan from outside, and the sound of creaking floorboards. "Yeah, sure. Thanks."

Hearing the door close behind her, Lauren assumed he'd followed her in and immediately made her way towards the kitchen, flicking on lights as she went. Dragging out a tin and some milk, she set about making some hot chocolate. A moment later, her earlier guess was proven correct when he stumbled through the kitchen doorway.

The kitchen itself had a long counter, which extended out of the wall, forming a small circular area they cooked most of their meals in. It was spotless, and Lauren knew the cleaning lady had probably come in earlier. The cupboards and appliances all had their place, and two large covered windows had been put in above the sink. A table stood nearby, four chairs pushed in neatly. The kitchen was also adjacent to the living room, which had a couch with a coffee table in front of it, a fireplace, two armchairs, a grandfather clock and a rocking chair. Large windows and a glass-paned door were on the opposite side from the couch, also with closed curtains. All in all, it was a cosy, welcoming setup, exactly what Lauren needed it to be after such a long night.

The cosplayer paid little attention to this, staggering across to the couch and collapsing on it. Lauren watched him, debating whether or not she'd seen him before. Now that she could see him in decent light, the teenage girl couldn't help but notice how much he did remind her of the fictional character he claimed to be, even without the costume. Unnerved by the uncanny likeness, she turned back to what she'd been doing.

"Would you believe me if I showed you proof?"

The abrupt question startled Lauren, but she nevertheless finished heating up the hot chocolate, quickly drinking hers. After a moment, she put her empty mug down on the nearby counter, bringing a cup over for him and sitting down in an armchair across from the couch. He looked determined, and although Lauren felt wary at what exactly he meant by 'proof', she decided to humor him.

"I guess so, sure." After all, as long as she wasn't attacking his delusions he wouldn't have a reason to hurt her, right? Or so she hoped.

"I **can** prove it."

"Mm-hmm."

He sounded annoyed. "I can!"

"Who are you, really?" The question slipped out without warning, but Lauren was only so willing to play along. This was treading into dangerous territory, she could feel it. "Don't tell me that you're 'Edward Elric' again, because I won't buy it. Why were you in the middle of the road, why is your costume so good, what's your real name and why do you seem way too good an actor?"

The cosplayer didn't reply, focusing entirely on downing his hot chocolate as slowly as he could. She waited patiently. He finished finally, putting the mug down on a nearby coffee table.

"On second thought, you wouldn't believe me even if I showed you." She blinked, eyes narrowing as she once again noting the creepy similarity in voices. Why she couldn't shake the feeling her theory was right? As crazy as it sounded, Lauren was having a really hard time by this point believing that this was just a typical anime fan with good sewing skills and too much time on his hands. Even if it wasn't logical to think this way, if was becoming harder and harder to keep herself from wondering if he was who he said he was..

"Try me."

He gave her a searching look, and then seemed to decide something. "I'm telling the truth. I'm really Edward Elric, and I have automail. Whatever the hell is going on here…that's who I am."

"I don't believe you." She said bluntly and without thinking. It was rare for her to be this defensive about anything, but although Lauren was a patient person this was getting to be a bit much.

He laughed bitterly. "No, I didn't think you would. But like I said, I have proof."

"Sure."

He sighed. "Better start believing."

And then in one swift motion, he pulled off his arm.

* * *

Hey guys, just letting you know I haven't forgot this story! It may not be as polished as my newer stuff, but I still love it and intend to finish it :) So, here's to the first revised chapter, and to eventually finishing this story! :)


	2. A Convoluted Explanation

**Author's Note:** School's tough and Halloween's coming soon, which you probably already know…thank you for the reviews! You have no clue how great it is to receive six reviews when you didn't even expect one :D

By the way, sorry Lauren's so sensitive- I guess that's one of the few things she has in common with me ;)

_EDIT: Spelling again, and inconsistencies were fixed… _

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Two: A Convoluted Explanation**

Lauren blinked. "Is that all?"

Ed gave her a look. "What do you mean 'is that all'? I have a metal arm!"

"Sure you do…never mind; I'll just go phone up the local sanitarium..." Lauren sighed, getting up and grabbing the phone book and nearby telephone.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." Ed called from his position on the couch. "I was hoping not to resort to this, but I guess I have to."

Slightly bothered about this 'last resort', Lauren nevertheless flipped through the phone book and, after finding what she had been looking for, started dialing.

"This enough for you?"

She turned around to face him. "Listen you, I've had just about en-"

His entire right arm was missing. It was obvious that it was mechanical, and distantly she realized he must have disconnected it. Lauren dropped the phone, which landed on the floor forgotten.

_Oh…my God._

Uncomfortable, Ed moved to pick up the phone. She scrambled back away from him, only to find herself blocked by the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry," He said quietly, not quite able to meet her eyes. "But do you believe me now?"

"Lauren! How are you and the guest getting along?" Monica trilled, thumping down the stairs in her typical one-legged-elephant way.

Reacting purely on instinct, Lauren did the first thing that came to mind. She grabbed him and his coat and quickly pushed him into the nearby basement, closing the door quickly. At that moment, Monica entered the kitchen in her normal chaotic way.

"Hey, where'd he go?" The eighteen-year-old blinked, doing a cursory check of both the kitchen and living room.

"Umm…he's gone." Lauren replied hastily. "He said something about needing to get back home…he might come back later though." She tacked the last part on as insurance. Knowing her luck, something as small as that might save her from Monica's quizzing later on.

"He lives nearby?" Monica raised an eyebrow. Out of the corner of her eye, Lauren noticed Ed's mechanical arm lying on a nearby table. Inching away cautiously from the basement door, she discreetly picked it up and hid it behind her back.

"Yeah, he does." Lauren lied, nodding earnestly. "He…he said something about it being a rather convenient coincidence…"

Monica gave her a searching look. "Oh?" Lauren nodded.

"Well, okay then!" He older sister replied cheerfully. "That's good; I didn't think you guys would hit it off so well- makes my job a bit easier."

Slumped over from relief; Lauren let Monica's last sentence fly in one ear and out the other.

Then it registered. "Hey!"

There was a furious thumping sound from downstairs.

"What was that?" Monica asked worriedly, moving to open the basement door. Lauren blocked it.

"It was Klaus, he…umm…raided the Pocky." Lauren explained.

"WHAT?! You're kidding me- I'm going to hurt that cat so badly he won't be able to eat anything for a week!" Monica snarled, reaching for the doorknob in a manner reminiscent of a charging bull.

"Oh, I already did," Lauren said, blocking her. "Painfully." She added as an afterthought. Monica seemed to accept this, walking away while angrily muttering something about nightshade and catnip.

Slowly sliding down to sit on the floor, Lauren had never been more grateful that her older sister was the most gullible person in existence.

Turning her attention back to what had been the whole source of her stress, Lauren slammed open the door and stalked down the stairs.

---

Caught off guard, Ed just barely managed to grab the railing before the door closed and he was left in almost complete darkness.

"Hey, where'd he go?" Stiffening, Ed tried his best to stay as still and as quiet as he could.

"Umm…he's gone. He said something about needing to get back home…he might come back later though."

"He lives nearby?"

_Dammit…she might see my arm!_ He realized belatedly. The sound of footsteps indicated that apparently Lauren had also thought of that.

"Yeah, he does. He…he said something about it being a rather convenient coincidence…"

_You can say that again…_

"Oh?"

There was a short silence.

"Well, okay then!" Ed sighed, relieved. "That's good; I didn't think you guys would hit it off so well- makes my job a bit easier."

Before he could ponder the meaning behind that last sentence, he felt something rubbing up against him; something small and…furry?

Jolting, he hastily scrambled backwards and fell over the side of the railing, landing in a pile of old carpeting.

---

Her basement wasn't the sort you'd expect to see in her house. While the upper floors were clean, neat and nicely taken care of, the basement was half-finished and always messy. Concrete floor covered by the occasional beaten-up rug, couches at least two decades old (if not more) and looking every bit their age, boxes full of junk that time forgot…if it weren't for the sleek new electronics such as the TV and video games, you could almost dismiss it as a time capsule.

"Okay, what the hell was that about! I almost had to…" She stopped in mid-rant, noticing the decidedly not-pleased expression the alchemist was currently sporting.

"Damn…cat…" He murmured. Putting two and two together, Lauren glanced up the stairs. Sure enough, an orange cat was perched at the very top, preening and looking very contented indeed.

"Oh…well, that explains a lot…"

"Damn well it does." He muttered, standing up and dusting himself off (which was odd to watch, considering he only had one hand…). "Do you believe me now?"

"Hmm?" She replied, pretending to fuss over the now untidy mess of carpeting. Lauren really didn't want to answer; mostly because she didn't have a clue what her answer should be. She was half-surprised she wasn't hyperventilating, to be honest.

"Do you believe that I'm Edward Elric?" He asked bluntly and with the utmost seriousness, obviously not planning to beat around the bush.

She clenched a piece of the carpeting. "I…"

There was an awkward silence as Lauren searched for the words to sum up her current feelings.

"I'm sorry, I don't want this anymore then you do." He replied hurriedly, holding his hand up in a placating gesture.

She sighed, dropping the carpet. "If what you say is true, this means I'll have to deal with a whole truckload of problems I just can't face right now…if not, I'll look like a bloody fool with her head cut off, blindly following whatever lie someone tells me…"

Frustrated and realizing she'd screwed up, Lauren furiously brushed away a few tears that had begun to form. "Look…I'm sorry; I'm really…I…that was uncalled for."

"No, it's alright." He sighed.

"No, it's not alright." She massaged her forehead, inwardly berating herself for being both a jerk and crybaby. It seemed it didn't take much for her to fall apart; she'd done exactly the same thing during exams the previous year.

After a moment or two, she continued on with an almost pleading tone to her voice. "I think I believe you, but there are tons of people in this world who could help you better then I could. You understand, don't you?"

"How far do you think I'll get?" he asked.

She gave him an uncertain look. "What?"

"I mean, how long will I last? If you just barely believe my story, do you think someone else will?"

"Well, I hate to say this…but is it really my bloody business?" She replied hesitantly.

"I'M HOME!"

"Oh no, it's Jared!" Lauren swore, grabbing his arm and ducking underneath the stairs.

"Who the hell is Jared?!" Ed snapped, having had just about enough of being yanked, pulled and pushed out of sight all the time.

"Jared's my little brother; he's obsessed with Fullmetal Alchemist, way to smart for his own good and crazy to boot." Lauren said in a low voice.

"Lauren? Are you down there?" He called.

"Oh no…if he sees you, he'll…I don't know what he'll do!" Lauren whispered anxiously.

"I guess this means you believe me now." Ed said sarcastically.

"He'll hear you!" Lauren hissed, but was too late.

"Who're you talking to Lauren?" The stairs creaked as Jared presumably made his way cautiously down them.

"No one, I'm talking to myself!" Lauren replied loudly, and then turned back to Ed. "Okay, I'll stall my brother and you hide."

"Where?" He pointed out. Lauren grimaced, realizing he was right.

"Lauren…?" Apprehensive, Lauren slowly turned around to face her brother. At 4"8' with messy black hair and bright blue eyes, the scrawny twelve-year-old usually wasn't what you'd normally call formidable.

"Uh, hi." She laughed nervously. "How was Jimmy?"

Jared gave her a strange look. "He was fine, why do you care?"

"Oh, nothing, I just…wanted to know how he was doing!"

"I'm doomed." Ed sighed.

Jared tried to peer over her shoulder, which was kind of hard to do since he was a foot smaller then her. "Who's that behind you?"

"Nobody, just a friend." She answered quickly. "Why don't you get some soda from the fridge? Mom bought Dr. Pepper, and you love that stuff…"

But Jared's gaze stayed fixated on Ed. "He's missing an arm."

Lauren didn't quite know how to respond to that.

Jared sighed. "Oh, c'mon Lauren, I might wear glasses but I'm not blind. What sort of guy hides behind a girl anyway? What sort of guy **can** hide behind a girl?"

She barely managed to hold Ed back as he went into one of his…ah…'vertically challenged' rants.

"I…found him?" She offered, after Ed had finished his rampage.

The eyebrow went up. "Where?"

"Side of the road."

"How?"

"Monica."

"Mmm."

"Why are you treating me like I'm not here?"

"Edward Elric, right?"

"Uh…well, there's a funny story about that…"

"Just answer the question."

"…Yes."

"I **am** still in the room, last time I checked."

"Cool!"

Lauren blinked. "…Huh?"

"You mean he's the actual one-and-only Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist and older brother of Alphonse Elric?"

Now it was Ed's turn to blink. "Yeah, I am."

There was a pause.

"That's so cool."

Lauren exploded. "What the hell do you mean, 'that's so cool'?! YOUR OLDER SISTER NEARLY RAN OVER A FICTIONAL CHARACTER CURRENTLY SITTING IN THIS ROOM!"

"Yeah, so?"

Lauren flopped down on the couch, too frustrated to continue the conversation.

"What's with her?" Ed asked, puzzled with Lauren's extreme behaviour.

Jared snorted. "It's okay; she just has to make a big theatrical production over everything. She's probably the most sensitive person alive."

"I AM NOT!"

"See?" Jared laughed.

"Lauren!"

Said fifteen-year-old immediately jumped to her feet. "Oh no, it's Monica again! Quick, hide!"

Jared rolled his eyes. "Come off it Lauren, it's not like the sky's falling."

"No, you don't understand!" Lauren replied rapidly, looking every which way for a good hiding spot. "The less people who know about this, the better; Monica thinks Ed's some sort of over-obsessed anime fanboy, and I'd like to keep it that way! Can you imagine what she'd do if she found out the truth?!"

Jared shuddered. "Unfortunately, yes. You could try the laundry room."

"Why didn't I think of that?" She replied exasperatedly.

"Because nobody ever goes in there?" Jared suggested wryly, pushing Ed into said room. Both siblings immediately leapt onto the nearby couch, turned on the TV and tried to look as casual as possible.

"Lauren, who are you talking to?" Monica questioned, coming down the stairs

"Jared's home; and he wanted to tell me…about…something…" Lauren replied, trying to sound bored.

"I wanted to tell her about a movie I saw," Jared explained, giving her a look. "it was about some girl who overreacted when she met some famous guy."

Monica blinked, but then laughed. "Okay, sorry for sounding so paranoid. This evening sure has been a weird one so far. Are you going out trick-or-treating soon? Sarah couldn't hold her Halloween party at her home, so I invited her to have it here."

"Monica! Mom and Dad will kill you!" Lauren frowned.

She winked. "Not if they don't find out. I have to go over to Amanda for some supplies, so I'm leaving you to ponder the meaning of life." And with that, she practically glided upstairs.

"Oh no, I can see how this'll end up." Jared said calmly. The doors to the laundry room burst open in a cloud of dust, as a dirty and spider web covered alchemist stumbled out coughing.

"When was the last time you cleaned that place?" Ed asked hoarsely, finding himself once again dusting himself off.

"Dunno; I remember cleaning it before we got Klaus, so that would be…seven years ago?" Jared wondered aloud.

"Why does it matter! Do you have any idea what this means?! We. Have. Edward. Elric. Standing. In. Our. Living. Room!" Lauren retorted.

"Yeah, but the question is whether or not you'll allow him to stay." Jared answered.

That stopped her. "What? I…I can't-"

"Excuse me?" Both Lauren and Jared turned to look at Ed, who wasn't looking very pleased.

"I know this is your decision to make, and I normally won't ask this of anyone, but I haven't got a choice. This is almost a completely different place from the one I came from, and I don't know the first thing about how to live in it." He turned to leave, and then stopped to say one more thing.

"If you want to give me a straight answer, I'll be upstairs." And with that, he went up the stairs and out of sight. The door slammed shut behind him.

After a moment, Jared sighed. "You do realize that if you don't let him stay, there's no telling what could happen to him."

"He can stay." Lauren replied, clenching her hands.

"That's not going to be easy either. Best thing to do would be to just tell Mom and Dad-"

"No way! They'll tell everyone, and then Ed…" She stopped.

Jared looked at her accusingly. "What, he won't be a secret anymore? Grow up Lauren; this isn't one of those sick fangirl fantasies. This is **real**."

"I know that!" She snapped. Then the anger seemed to drain out of her. "Do you realize what will happen if some scientist or the government finds out? Who knows what could happen to him. At worse, they could decide to dissect him and examine every inch of him piece by piece…What if they didn't consider him real? What if they experimented on him?"

Jared sighed. "Then there's the fact that you'll need to teach him a lot...I mean, there's almost a one hundred year difference between his time and this one among other things."

"I can't! That might mess up his world! He's not even supposed to know this stuff, what happens if he -accidentally or not- ends up telling someone else and screws up history!"

"You can't keep him isolated forever." Her brother argued. "Face it; people are going to become suspicious if he doesn't know things like what a microwave is. If you want to keep him a secret, he has to learn this stuff, and he has to learn it fast."

---

The only sound to be heard was the sound of the kitchen clock ticking and the humming of the fridge. These sounds were strangely comforting to Ed, probably because they were to some extent familiar.

He was sitting on a kitchen stool at the very end of the counter, tiredly gazing out the nearby window. Luckily, Monica had already left when he had come up. Now he was just waiting…

_I wonder how Al's doing…_

Of course, it didn't help that he still couldn't remember how he had gotten here in the first place, except that he'd hit his head somewhere along the way. Rubbing the spot, he reflected that he should probably find some bandages and clean it up.

_What am I thinking? I should just move on. It's obvious I can't stay here…_

There was the sound of creaking stairs, and a door opening and closing. Out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw Lauren place his automail arm a metre away and sit down on another kitchen stool. He couldn't help but notice that she was sitting as far away from him as possible.

"You can stay."

He relaxed, having hardly noticed he was tense to begin with. "Thank you."

"You'll have to learn a few things though, mostly of the historical, cultural and economical persuasion. Jared volunteered to help you with a bit, but he said it was 'my bloody problem', so I guess we'll be spending a lot of time together."

He sighed. "Fine by me, I guess."

Then she seemed to remember something. "Oh, and just to warn you, I'm going out trick-or-treating with my brother in a few minutes. I'm afraid you'll have to come along, because my sister's hosting a party and I'd rather keep you as far away from her as possible. She gets kind of…well, parties make her rather excitable."

"Okay, I guess that's fine too."

"And another thing, would you…uh…"Lauren seemed to hesitate for a moment, as Ed gave her a curious look.

She lowered her head, embarrassed. "Um…well…could you put your arm back on? I'm sorry, but it…kind of…never mind."

He blinked. "Sure."

"Thank you!" Lauren said, relieved. "I've got to go up and change. When I come back down, I'll make dinner for you and Jared."

And before Ed could thank her, she was gone.

---

A few minutes later, she came downstairs wearing a long black dress and a pointed hat. Lauren wasn't the greatest when it came to making costumes, so she had just opted to dress up as a witch. It was simple, she already had the materials, and it looked relatively decent. Relatively being the key word.

"Now all you're missing is the cat, the wand and the broom." Jared said bluntly.

"Shut up, I don't have a lot of money to spend right now." She mumbled, rummaging in the fridge for something. A few minutes later, Lauren pulled out a plate with two pieces of pizza, and put them in the oven. Carefully adjusting the temperature, she closed the door, leaned against the counter and sighed.

"Do you want a coke or something?" Lauren finally asked.

"No, I'm alright." Ed replied quietly.

His stomach grumbled. Lauren rolled her eyes and pulled out a can of soda. Only seconds later, she placed a glass full of coke in front of him. He gave her a questioning look.

"Drink it." She said firmly, and was surprised when he did.

"Thanks." He smiled, and Lauren felt a lot less guilty.

"No problem."

---

Jeez, they really are tip-toeing around each other now, aren't they? Sure was difficult to write though. Next chapter: Ed gets a crash course in Halloween and trick-or-treating. Believe it or not, I have more of a plot planned out then the typical 'how-would-it-be-if-FMA-met-real-life' sort of thing; I suppose the whole reason I started to write this was because I'm to darn curious for my own good :)


	3. Hallow's Eve

**Author's Note:** Well…this is odd…I hardly ever update this fast. Guess I really do love this story… And, though you may be surprised to learn this, coke (or coca-cola) was actually first invented in 1886, and started officially being produced in 1894. I've seen ads from 1917 and bottles from 1910, so it's relatively safe to say he's familiar with it ;D (This is why you always do research before you start a story; it makes things easier, especially with fics like this…) Wikipedia wins at life.

He will, however, have to deal with lots of culture clash, starting with some pretty mundane things ;)

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Three: All Hallow's Eve**

"I have a question."

"Mmm?" Lauren answered; preoccupied with making sure the pizza didn't burn.

"Why is there a can?"

"…A what?"

"I mean, why did the coke come in a can?"

"Why the heck does it matter?" Lauren asked, exasperatedly turning around to face him.

Ed grinned almost sheepishly, still in the same laidback position since the last time she'd looked. "Just curious; I'm used to seeing it in bottles, and I figure I might as well start learning as much as I can as **soon** as I can."

Lauren shrugged. "I guess aluminum was cheaper. Don't ask me." She turned her attention back to the pizza. Of course, under any other circumstances she'd normally badger him to death with questions, but dinner came first- even if it wasn't hers.

A few minutes later she pulled out the pizza and grabbed some plates. Lauren set one down at the table, and the other in front of Ed. He didn't seem to notice, to intent on staring a hole through the fridge.

"Great, I'm starving." Jared said joyfully, sitting down at the table.

"You better eat quickly; you still haven't gotten your costume on." Lauren reminded him.

"Sure." Eating his pizza like a half-starved animal, he finished only mere seconds later and bounded upstairs to get ready.

Sighing, she picked up his plate and set it by the sink, making a mental note to do the dishes later. Leaning against the counter (she seemed to be doing a lot of that lately…); Lauren decided that the only course of action she could take was to stare at him until he stopped staring at the fridge. Not the brightest of ideas (especially since this was Ed), but she hadn't failed that math test the week before because she'd wanted to.

It was still kind of surreal, seeing him in her house and knowing that she wasn't just a silent observer. If she stared at him for to long, chances were that he'd snap and say something incredibly sarcastic.

His gaze shifted to her. "Take a picture, it'd last long longer."

_I guess I was right._ She mused. Now that things had quieted down (or as much as they ever 'quieted down' in her house), Lauren was beginning to feel more like herself. Whether or not she wanted this responsibly didn't matter; what did matter was that they were stuck together for an indeterminate amount of time.

"Sorry," She replied, glancing back towards the dirty dishes. _I really should get those washed…_

"What's 'trick-or-treating?" He asked suddenly.

"It's…well…part of Halloween." She answered, focused on scrubbing off a stubborn bit of sauce on one of the plates.

"Alright, then what's Halloween?" He replied, obviously trying to get a better answer out of Lauren.

"It's…uh…" Lauren was taken aback. How should she even begin to explain the concept of Halloween to him?

"It's…a holiday. Kids dress up in costumes of just about anything, then go out trick-or-treating Halloween night. I think it also has something to do with a few religions, but I could be wrong about that. People generally associate it with creepy and mystical stuff, like ghosts, witches, magic…"

He smiled wryly. "That's ironic."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Lauren replied thoughtfully. "Speaking of which, and as much as it pains me to say it, I think we should go shopping tomorrow. You'll probably need new clothes, and my Mom will notice if too much stuff goes missing from the fridge. I'm not too sure what to do about your arm…people are bound to ask questions, and you can't wear gloves all the time-"

"Maybe he could just try to keep it out of sight?" Jared interrupted, entering the room.

"I don't think that will work; too risky." Ed sighed.

Lauren also sighed, deciding to tackle that problem later. "Anyway, do you have a plastic bag for your candy Jared?"

He nodded. "Right here, you have yours?"

"Yeap," She replied, gesturing towards a nearby grocery bag.

Ed sighed yet again. "So I guess I have to come?"

Lauren blinked. "Well, you don't have to, but Monica will be back soon…"

Within moments, he was at the door. As if on cue, the doorbell rang before in burst Monica. Poor Ed didn't even have time to react.

"Oh my goodness, is he okay? I didn't hurt him, did I?" Monica said frantically.

"Monica, do you **try** to kill off our friends?" Jared sighed.

Ed muttered something sarcastically (Lauren suspected it was a swear word), and rubbed his forehead as she helped him to his feet. He swayed for a bit, then seemed to regain his strength and hurried out the door like he expected Monica to pull an axe on him.

"Could you slow down?" Lauren called, trying her best to keep up with him. The dress didn't make it any easier.

"What's with him?" Jared asked, having followed her closely behind. She shrugged.

Nearly tripping, Lauren managed to crash into him. Fortunately for her, Ed didn't really notice, wide-eyed.

"What's the matter now?" She said, exasperated.

He snapped out of it. "It…looks different."

"Hmm?" Peering around him, the only thing Lauren could see out of the ordinary was the occasional trick-or-treater.

"I saw your neighbourhood from the car, but I didn't really get a good look at it until now." He answered, and then continued on as if nothing had happened. Lauren gave him a strange look, then shrugged and followed suit.

A strong gust of wind picked up, wrenching Lauren's pointed hat from her head. "Hey! Come back here!"

Chasing after it, she finally managed to catch the hat before the wind picked up even more.

Putting it firmly on her head, she came back with a sheepish grin on her face. "Sorry about that, it can get blown away easily."

Ed appeared distracted, having seen someone who looked suspiciously like Envy. "Yeah…"

"So, which house first?" Jared pondered.

"Well, I wanted to talk to Mrs. Riley …" Lauren had always liked the old woman, and she wanted Ed to have a good first impression of…well, people from her world. And so Mrs. Riley's it was.

"I just realized something…we could use Ed to get more candy." Jared smirked. Ed just gave him an 'I'd-like-to-see-you-try' look.

Lauren rolled her eyes, then handed Ed an extra bag. "Okay, now when she opens the door, you yell 'trick-or-treat' and you'll get candy."

He sighed. "No thanks."

Puzzled and just a bit hurt, Lauren watched him walk back to the edge of the driveway.

"Spoil sport," Jared muttered.

"I was sure he'd love it…" Lauren replied uncertainly.

Jared shrugged. "Oh well, let him be a stick in the mud if he wants to." He rang the doorbell.

Almost immediately, Mrs. Riley came to the door.

"Trick or treat!"

"I'd prefer treat." She replied amusedly. "Lovely costumes; Are you a vampire Jared?"

He grinned, revealing pointed fangs. "Yeap,"

"And I'm guessing Lauren's a witch again." She laughed, handing out candy to the both of them.

The teenage girl in question blushed. "I know it's been five years, but I just never get the time to put together anything else."

Out of the corner of her eye, Mrs. Riley noticed Ed. "Is he a friend of yours?"

Lauren looked back at him. Ed was glancing around the neighbourhood with a misleadingly bored expression on his face. "Yeah, but he doesn't want to trick-or-treat."

"Really? Well, you give him this," Mrs. Riley handed her a bag of chips. "…and tell him that he should."

"Oh no, I think that-" She began.

Mrs. Riley laughed. "Nonsense, when I was your age, I would have jumped at the chance to get free food. As long as he promises to try and have some fun tonight, you can give him these. Young people these days…" And she closed the door.

"Well, that was strange." Jared commented.

Lauren stood there blinking for a few moments, then grinned and ran back down the driveway to Ed.

"Mrs. Riley told me to give you this." She said, handing him the chips with a flourish.

It was his turn to blink. "What?"

"Well, she wouldn't take no for an answer." Lauren replied cheerfully. "She just had one condition: you have to actually trick-or-treat tonight."

He raised an eyebrow at that, but thankfully didn't pursue the matter.

"…And I intend to see you keep that promise." Grabbing his arm, she proceeded to practically drag him along to the next house.

"Hey! What the…let go of me!"

---

Twenty minutes later (and after much bullying from Lauren), Ed had pretty much gotten the hang of trick-or-treating. It was actually sort of funny, watching him mumble trick-or-treat with the air of a condemned prisoner. They'd gone back home to empty their bags briefly, before resuming their quest for candy. Despite the rather…weird neighbourhood Lauren lived in, things had gone fairly well. Of course, it had been rather amusing to watch Ed jump when one of the displays had seemingly 'come-to-life'. Poor Larry Wilson…she just hoped Ed hadn't hit him too hard…

"He was coming right at me!" Ed argued.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "He was trying to give you candy."

"He was carrying a **bloody sword**!"

"It was part of his costume!"

Unfortunately, the more houses they visited the closer they got to the one Lauren dreaded most.

"Oh no…" Her left eyebrow twitched in irritation. "The Crazy Dog Lady…"

"What are you talking about?" Ed gave her a look. In front of them stood a house with little in the way of decoration, with only pumpkin lights and a tiny cardboard ghost.

She sighed sadly. "The Crazy Dog Lady- she has this purebred dog that…well…he's very, VERY aggressive. They had to get a new, stronger screen door to prevent him from getting out."

Still somewhat reluctant, she rang the doorbell anyway. Immediately, the sounds off a dog running towards the door and barking could be heard. There was a loud thud (_did the dog hit the door?_ Lauren wondered), and it opened to reveal a women with long brown hair in her mid-twenties restraining a huge German Shepherd.

"Heel, Spike. Hello Lauren, what can I do for you?" She grinned disturbingly, revealing a golden tooth.

"Oh…I…um…" Why did she come to this house in the first place?

_Think of the chocolate._ She reminded herself.

She held her bag up in front of her face, as if to shield herself. "Trick or treat?"

The Crazy Dog Lady laughed, and Lauren winced. "Sure Lauren, I'll be right back."

"What the hell?" Ed questioned once she was gone.

"She's nuts." Jared responded flatly.

"Yeap," Lauren sighed, then brightened. "But at least she gives out lots and lots of candy!"

Suddenly, the screen door shuddered. The German Shepherd was repeatedly slamming into the thin metal mesh.

"Umm…excuse me?" Lauren prompted. "Your dog is-"

"Give me just a minute!"

The door shuddered even more, and even Jared took a step back which he saw 'Spike's' frothing jaws. The dog growled threateningly, the fur on his back standing up.

Ed stepped back. "I think we should go."

Lauren also stepped back. "Yeah, I think you're-"

The screen broke, and Lauren found herself staring straight into the dark eyes of a rabid dog.

Ed moved quickly, pushing her aside and trying to brace himself for whatever might come. But before he had to make a spit-second decision on whether or not to use alchemy (on the assumption that he could), the dog was yanked back firmly.

"Oh, sorry about that; Spike just loves people!" A familiar voice laughed. The Crazy Dog Lady had apparently finally finished looking.

Jared and Lauren just stood there with shocked looks on their faces. Ed however, far too used to situations like this, wasn't just going to sit there and gape.

"You should keep a leash on that dog, it could have hurt someone." He said firmly.

"Aw now, Spike wouldn't hurt a fly!" She laughed, and before the dazed kids could react, she'd put soda cans in their bags and was about to close the door.

"Oh, and nice costume," She said, gesturing towards Ed's right arm. His sleeve had fallen back, revealing the automail beneath. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"Edward Elric." He replied, giving her a suspicious look. He didn't trust her one bit.

"Really, where's he from?"

"He's a character from Fullmetal Alchemist." It felt like he was talking in third-person.

"Oh, that's nice." She said, obviously not caring. And moment later, the door was closed.

"Tell me, is Halloween usually this eventful?" He asked skeptically.

Lauren snapped out of her daze. "N-no, not usually…thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Hey Jared!" Turning to find the source of the voice, they saw a boy with brown hair and brown eyes in a ninja costume running towards them, followed by a couples of boys dressed as a mummy, samurai and pirate respectively. They in turn were followed closely by what Lauren could only assume were their mothers.

After waiting a minute to catch his breath, he grinned. "Hi, I was wondering if you wanted to come trick-or-treating with us. Cal's having a party afterwards, so I thought you'd want to come."

Jared grinned, having gotten his second wind back. "Sure!" And then the twelve-year-old ran off after him.

"He didn't even stop to ask if he could." Lauren huffed. "Of course, I'd have said yes, but still…"

"I hope there aren't anymore 'Crazy Dog Ladies' around here." Ed sighed.

"Don't worry, she's…unique."

He groaned. "Unique, my a-"

Lauren stopped and turned around, curious as to why Ed hadn't finished his sentence (although she was sure she didn't want to know the rest).

"W-Winry?" He exclaimed.

"Lauren!" Lauren didn't even have time to blink before she was hugged mercilessly to a pulp.

"What the-" Then she saw the person's face. "Leigh!"

The girl in question laughed, taking off her bandana. "Yeap! Bet you didn't recognize me with my hair dyed!"

Lauren smiled ruefully. "No, I didn't. Your costume is amazing; you look the spitting image of Winry Rockbell. I didn't think you'd be able to come out after that bad cold you had…"

Now that Leigh was closer and had the bandana off, Ed realized the roots of her hair were brown.

Leigh grinned goofily. "That's what I was aiming for! Nice to see you're a witch again."

Lauren smiled, adjusting the brim of her hat. "Well, if the shoes fit…"

Leigh slapped her on the back. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Who's this with you?" She gave a flabbergasted Ed a one-over, and then nodded approvingly.

"Wow, that's a really good costume."

"What can I say; I practically live Fullmetal Alchemist…" Ed replied somewhat dully, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to avoid making eye contact.

"I **need** to quote you on that. Lauren, how did you meet this guy? Are you giving up on Chris so easily?"

"Chris and I are just friends!" Lauren snapped, surprising both Ed and Leigh.

"It was just a question…" Leigh murmured, before brightening up and waving goodbye. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow at school. You better give me the full details then, okay?"

After she had gone, Lauren sighed. "Well, that was the last house. You want to go back home?"

"Might as well." Ed answered, looking up at the moon with an almost pensive look on his face.

"Monica will have probably have started her party by the time we get back, so we'll have to sneak in the back door and…Ed, are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, just thinking." He said, catching up with her. The previously cheery streets were now empty and cold. Lauren didn't want to stay out any longer then she had to, so she rubbed her hands together for warmth and started back home.

Unfortunately, Lauren's neighbourhood was rather large. Getting back wasn't something she particularly looked forward to, easily since it was a well-known fact that it wasn't a good idea to be out at night alone. Of course Ed was with her, but there was no telling what they might run into.

"You coming?" Ed called, and Lauren was startled to notice that she'd fallen behind.

"Yeah, sorry!" There was another large gust of wind, and her hat was swept off her hair and into the nearby wooded park. It was dark and shadowy, and Lauren normally wouldn't go in the park after six, but she chased after it heedlessly. Swooping through the branches and almost out of sight, she knew it would be impossible to get it without going into the wood.

"Dammit!" She swore, pushing her way through the underbrush. She couldn't lose that hat, what would she wear next year?

She scanned the area critically, until she saw the pointed hat struggling to free itself from a clump of branches "Aha!"

Fighting her way through the brushwood, she snatched it and put it on her head (making sure to hold it in place with one hand).

"Got it?"

"Yeah, I've got it!" She shouted back, grinning triumphantly and beginning her arduous journey out of the wood.

Her black dress snagged on a stray twig. Groaning at the unfairness of life, Lauren bent down and tried her best to free it.

"Should've been something else…something that didn't wear loose-fitting clothes…" She murmured, irritated and eager to get back home and dive into her candy plunder.

There was a rustling sound only two metres or so off, which stopped Lauren dead in her tracks. Shaking her head, she dismissed it as probably being some small animal.

_Honestly, Lauren, you're too paranoid…I really need to work on _not_ panicking every time something I didn't expect happens…_

Then she heard it again. Heart hammering wildly in her ribs, she slowly crouched down, imperfectly hidden in the underbrush.

_It's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing…_She repeated to herself, but never the less Lauren tensed both with fear and apprehension.

As if to spite her, the rustling sound continued, increasing in both proximity and sound; until finally a dark figure emerged from the brush only a foot or so away. Whatever it was, it was huge- as tall as a man. In fact, Lauren thought it most likely to be a man, if the silhouette was any indication; a very large and strong man.

_It's heading straight towards Ed!_ She thought, terrified beyond all reason.

"Lauren, are you okay?"

The dark figure stopped, pausing as if to listen for something. Light-headed and edgy, Lauren did the only thing she could think of to do.

"I-I'm coming! J-just stay w-where you are!" The figure immediately turned towards the sound of her voice, and Lauren found herself staring into what she could only assume was the person's (was it even a person?) eyes. They were white and pupil-less; like something out of a horror movie.

And then Lauren ran. She ran as fast as she could as far as she could, ignoring the clawing branches as they ripped at her costume and scratched her skin. She was almost delirious with terror, knowing only that she had to get away and get away NOW.

Bursting out of the wood, she skidded to a stop as she found herself face to face with a certain blonde alchemist.

"I'm guessing we can go home now?" He didn't look very pleased about standing around on a cold fall night waiting, although that quickly changed when he noticed how pale she was.

"You look like you saw a ghost."

"I…I…" Panting and frightened out of her wits, Lauren could hardly string two words together to save her life.

"L-let's just get out of h-here." She managed, pulling him along at a fast walk.

"Alright." He replied, giving her an uncertain look.

Looking back for just a moment, Lauren's confused expression became reproachful before she walked off back home.

Soul-filled eyes watch her and Ed walk away.

…_Brother?_

---

I almost couldn't write this chapter, because my hand hurts and I wasn't feeling very inspired. But, thankfully, I found inspiration and wrote it anyway. And c'mon, did you really think Ed would've given into trick-or-treating so easily without persuasion? ;D I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, but I made it longer :)

I've got plenty of tricks up my sleeve, and a plot to boot. Next chapter should be even more interesting, because Ed gets to see the 'lay of the land' so to speak ;)

As you may have noticed, I've changed my penname from 'The Girl Who Thinks Too Much' to 'Arktos'. Look it up on Wikipedia if you want to know why, I'm to lazy to explain it ;D


	4. Things Get Even Crazier

**Author's Note:** I have an excuse for missing my last update- school, lack of inspiration, but mostly…well, my computer died; completely and utterly. I was able to bring it back from the dead, but I had to skip my last update :(

And I just became aware of a really big spelling error in the title…D'oh! I also wanted to include a special bonus at the end to make up for missing the update, but I barely finished this chapter as it was. However, I might have some art related to this fanfic on my website, if I can set it up properly…cross your fingers!

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Four: Things Get Even Crazier**

Cautiously peering around the back door, Lauren surveyed the living room cautiously. The only sound to be heard was the ticking of the kitchen clock, and the humming of the fridge.

Well, apart from the loud throbbing music and chatter of voices from the basement.

Lauren sighed. "Looks like Monica's party will go pretty late…" Turning around, she motioned to Ed that the coast was clear.

In fact, the kitchen (though deserted) was covered in everything from toilet paper to spilt pop. Taking of their shoes and gingerly stepping over the junk scattered across the kitchen floor, both Ed and Lauren tried to get to the other side of the room.

"Really, and what gave you that idea?" He replied somewhat sarcastically, nearly slipping on a stray newspaper. It didn't help that the floors were wooden, and it was easy to slip.

Insert yet another sigh from Lauren. Ed was cool, but also very exasperating. "I was going to let you sleep downstairs. Nobody but me ever goes down there, and it's actually very well insulated."

_But then,_ she realized ruefully, _I don't think I have the energy to clean it up right now. Maybe he could use the guest room?_

She was just pondering the consequences of telling her sister (or, god forbid, her **parents**) that Ed was staying for the night, when there was a yelp and a thud behind her. Poor Ed had slipped on a pile of streamers, and was currently lying on the ground with tissue paper stuck all over him and a look of extreme pain. His bag of candy lay strewn across the floor.

"Umm…are you alright?" She asked hesitantly.

"Friggin' fantastic…Ow, my back…" He grimaced, managing to push himself up against the wall. Lauren shook her head and offered her hand mutely, which he took.

"Thanks." He grimaced. "Wait…I think I'm stuck to the wall."

Lauren thought this would be a bad time to mention the empty jug of grape juice only a few metres away, so she simply helped him up (it really was amazing how sticky that stuff could be…). Picking up the spilt treats, she quickly stuffed them into his bag.

"C'mon, we have to get you upstairs before something bad happens-"

There was a crash from downstairs and the music stopped, followed by a loud, exuberant shout. Lauren and Ed grimaced.

"I think the speakers are busted." Lauren said amusedly. "Oh well, at least I won't have to listen to all that emo punk rock junk Monica keeps playing. I like rock, but honestly…all Monica's favourite songs are full of is screaming and mindless noise."

"What are you talking about?" Ed asked wearily, too tired to really care.

"I don't know." She laughed, waving her hand dismissively.

The stairs weren't much better then the kitchen and front hallway. It was almost like a mini-tornado with a penchant for littering and a love for sticky liquids had swept through the house. Thankfully, though, they managed to brave the fearsome obstacles until…

"What the hell?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. It's just Jared's old baby gate." Lauren replied in a matter-of-factly sort of way. "Actually, I'm surprised Monica was practical enough to put that up…guess she didn't want to sleep in a pile of pop and junk food either. Or she knew Mom would kill her if someone so much as touched the china set…yeah, it was probably the china set."

And after a few minutes of fiddling with the infuriating piece of plastic, Lauren finally opened it with a flourish. "Well, this is the upstairs."

It was just as neat as the rest of the house had been, with pale yellow walls and red carpeting. Looking around curiously, Ed followed her as she made a beeline towards what could only be her room. It was purple, with a purple bedspread and…well…purple everything. It was actually kind of disturbing. Her bed was neatly nestled into the corner next to the window, and a small bookcase sat next to in; on the other side were a small wooden desk (on which sat a strange metal and plastic box and a pile of paperwork) and her closet. The room wasn't very big, only a one metres to three across from the door, and three to five the other way. Strangely enough, her walls were bare and her shelves were mostly empty of anything besides a few toys and books.

"I know it's kind of small, but I like it." She said cheerfully. "Now for the guest room…"

The guest room was about twice the size of Lauren's room, although less homely. It had only a small dresser (which only had a lamp and an alarm clock on it) and a bed, with white-washed walls and pale peach carpeting. Ed could just barely make out the silhouettes of the branches from the tree outside on the curtains.

"I know it's not much, but I think you'll be alright here." Lauren replied, heading straight for the door. "Call me if you need me."

Ed sat down on the bed and glanced over at the alarm clock. It was only half past eight, but he was so tired that the only thing he wanted to do was sleep and forget any of this had happened…or pretend it was all a dream. Sighing, he fell back onto the mattress.

_I wonder what Al's doing…or if I'll ever see him again._

---

It was a scant hour later that Lauren was awakened by the loud honking of a car horn. Groaning, she reluctantly pushed her warm covers aside (shivering, because of the cold air from the open widow), stood up and pulled the curtains aside.

"Bloody neighbours…have to wake everyone up every single-"

She suddenly became self-conscious when she saw a boy with blue eyes and black hair staring up at her from the driveway.

"Hi, can you come down now, or is this a bad time?" He grinned.

"Christopher Greene! What the heck are you doing on my driveway at-" She checked the clock. "Nine fifty-five in the middle of the night?"

"I wanted to know if **you** wanted to go shopping."

"Right now?" She replied, confused. "Why not tomorrow?"

He looked sheepish. "Well, we kind of haven't really talked for a month for more then fifteen minutes, and I know you don't like shopping that much, but…well, Leigh got herself stuck at Hilton mall. I thought it'd be nice if someone else could help me look for her."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Alright, I'll come." A sudden thought occurred to her. "Hey, is it okay if I bring someone else?"

"The more the merrier." He answered.

She grinned. "Great, I'll be right down." Ducking out of sight, she headed straight for Ed's room and knocked on the door twice.

"Ed, could you wake up? I have-"

Lauren was interrupted by the sound of someone retching. Confused, she turned towards the previously unacknowledged bathroom, where the noise had originated from.

"Umm…hello?" Cautiously, the teenager moved closer tried to get a better view.

The sight that met her eyes not only surprised her, but left Lauren gaping. The lights were on, and she could barely see Ed practically clinging to the toilet. He wasn't wearing much besides his pants and a black tank top; the alchemist hadn't even stopped to put his hair in a ponytail.

"Meh?" She managed.

"He's sick." Jared replied, seemingly materializing out of thin air and making her jump.

"I can see that! But…but how did he get sick? He was perfectly fine earlier!...and when did you get back!" She sputtered.

Jared shrugged. "I came in a few minutes ago; the party didn't last very long. Anyway, he's had to cross over from another dimension, did you expect him to be peachy-keen? Besides, it isn't like this popped up just now- I bet he hasn't been feeling very well the entire evening. Why do you think he gave in to trick-or-treating so easily?"

"What?" Lauren replied, feeling her stomach tying itself in knots as guilt set in.

"I-I'm alright." Ed panted. "I'm just not feeling very-" He threw up again.

Awkwardly patting him on the back, Lauren tried her best to console him. "It's okay, just try not to talk."

"Why'd you want to talk to him anyway?" Jared asked curiously.

She blinked. "Oh, well…Chris wanted to go to the mall, and he said it was okay if I brought a friend, so I figured this would be a good time to go shopping for Ed without Mom or Dad breathing down my neck."

"In the middle of the night?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Well, he said he needed help looking for Leigh." Lauren replied defensively. "He said she'd gotten stuck at the mall-"

"Again?" Jared interrupted.

"Yes Jared, again…" Lauren sighed.

Ed once again proceeded to empty his stomach, and both Jared and Lauren winced.

"…although judging by the sound of that, it may be better to just stay with him at home." Lauren finished.

"I'm fine!" Ed snapped, furiously washing off his hands and face. "Look, I've caused you enough trouble, I don't need anything else!"

"Yes, you do! If you hadn't popped up the one night of the week when walking around as an anime character was the norm, you'd be hauled off to some asylum! Or worse, they'd take you seriously (which I don't doubt, with that arm) and decide to pull you apart from the inside out!" Lauren ranted. "In fact, if you don't-"

Ed was seized by yet another technicolour yawn, and suddenly all her pent up aggression disappeared.

_What sort of a person am I? Here he is, sick as a dog -which is probably partially my fault- and I'm yelling at him like I'm his mother._ Lauren thought bitterly.

Lauren sighed. "I'm sorry…I guess it's your choice what you do."

He shook his head. "No, you're right. But if I'm right, I probably can't spend any of my money here-"

"No, you can't." Jared interjected.

"-which means I'd leave you with the bill. I'm not going to do that." He ended firmly.

"Its okay, my birthday's coming up soon, and I rarely have anything to spend my money on anyway. If you want, you can pay me back later…actually, consider it well earned. You did save me from that dog earlier." Lauren pointed out.

"I didn't do that for money!" He retorted.

"Yeah, but **I'm** grateful and **I** want to pay you back- so, is it Equivalent Exchange?" She grinned.

There was a short pause, before…"Alright," He sighed.

"There's still the fact that he's sick." Jared pointed out.

"I'm feeling much better." He answered, managing to stand up and lean against the bathroom counter.

Lauren gave him an uncertain look. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." The look on his face seemed determined, but Ed looked like he wouldn't be able to stand on his feet if so much as a light breeze came his way.

"Well…alright." She replied, still hesitant. "By the way, where's Monica?"

"Next bathroom," Ed replied, jerking his thumb towards her parents' room. The sound of Monica tossing her cookies would have made them all sweat drop, if that had physically possible for non-animated characters.

Nevertheless, she sighed exasperatedly and headed back towards her room to change, knowing he wouldn't back down. She hadn't even taken off her costume, and while Ed didn't really have much of a choice when it came to what he wore at the moment, she still wanted to get something warmer on. One green sweatshirt and a pair of jeans later, she opened her door. The light in the bathroom was off, and she assumed he'd retreated to his room.

"You finished yet?" She asked, leery of going into Ed's current room while the door was closed.

"Yeap." The door opened, and a fully clothed Edward Elric stood before her.

Lauren snapped her fingers. "Darn it! I almost forgot a few things…" And with that, she headed back into her room to rummage through her closet. Ed had to duck as various articles of clothing and other junk sailed over his head.

"Aha!" Before Ed could even blink, he was blinded by a bright flash. Covering his eyes, he stumbled back and nearly tripped over her bed.

"Watch it!" He snapped, not pleased at being caught off guard.

"Oops, sorry!" She replied hastily. "I…well, nevermind…"

"What the hell was that, anyway?" He growled, rubbing his eyes.

"My Dad's digital camera; I figure since this has probably never happened in the history of everything, I might as well have a few photos to remind myself of it."

"Ask next time."

"I repeat: I'm really, really sorry!" She answered, grabbing her wallet. "Monica, I'm going out with a friend for a few hours!"

"Unguh…" There was the sound of vomiting.

Ed followed Lauren at a more sedate pace, wondering hazily why he had even bothered to get out of bed that morning.

"Wow, wild party?" Chris commented from the front porch, the screen door having been left open sometime while Lauren slept.

"Yeah, I guess. Monica decided to host a friend's Halloween bash, and…I don't think it turned out that well." She replied wryly.

"There's toilet paper in the tree." Chris said bluntly.

"Really? Huh, I thought that prank was an urban myth." She cocked her head and squinted, trying to get a better look at the branches.

"Who's your friend?" Chris asked, gesturing towards Ed.

"Oh…just a guy I met today," She replied hastily. "Monica nearly ran him over."

Chris groaned. "Again?"

"Yes, again..."

"Lauren, no offense, but your sister's crazy."

"So is the rest of my family." She laughed. "Are we just going to stand around and talk, or are we going to go?"

"Sure; my Dad's just around the corner, and he's driving us. We'll have to be back by around ten thirty to elven, but…yeah." He grinned.

And so, they set off down the block to his home; a strange chocolate-loving teenage girl, her friend and a really uncomfortable state alchemist.

---

Besides the fact that he really wished it wasn't so cold, his mind was completely blank as he stared at the towering…**store** that stood before him. Oh sure, he'd seen bigger buildings, but this one was so incredibly bizarre he couldn't help but do a double take.

Of course, what didn't help was the never-ending bustle of the place- people going in and out, walking by in large crowds, cars were honking and speeding past (there seemed to be a lot more cars in this world then his)…it was utter pandemonium.

Bright, glowing red letters proclaimed 'Pages'. Smooth oak would and huge pillars of…something (plastic?) framed the large glass windows and an elegant, two-paneled glass oak door with brass handles.

To put it bluntly, he'd never seen anything like it. He wasn't sure if after all this, he'd ever **want** to see anything like it again.

"Ed, hurry up." Lauren whispered, abet unwillingly. She knew this was a lot for him to take in at once, but attracting attention was the last thing she wanted to do.

He blinked, snapping out of it. "Oh…right." He followed her into the store.

The inside of the weird building was even more peculiar. Ed wondered why someone had decided to make a bookstore as big as Central HQ. Because a bookstore was obviously what it was; with hundreds and hundreds of books leaned up neatly (and not so neatly) in separate rows in a manner reminiscent of a library.

"If you think this is an eye-opener, I can't wait to see how you'll react when you see Hall-mart." Lauren remarked.

Ed didn't reply, still trying to get over the amazing sight.

"Okay, I'll be over in the religion section, since she usual spends most of her time there. If you could check the juvenile and teen fiction sections, I'd be grateful." Chris said, walking off to try and find Leigh. "Oh, and if you don't find her, she's probably in Hall-mart. We'll check Sellers to though, if she isn't there either."

And he was gone.

A few hours later, Lauren was pretty sure she was developing a headache. So far, she'd spent most of the outing peering around bookcases, none of which Leigh had been hiding behind. To make things worse, Ed was acting like a kid in a candy shop, constantly stopping to read whatever book happened to catch his eye. She'd had to drag him away from the Science section so many times, she'd lost count.

"I can't believe it; you have access to all these books? This is public?! This is bigger then most libraries **combined** back home!"

She sighed. "Well, yeah, you could probably order just about book you'd want. But then, I normally just take it out from the library."

"You have a library this big?!"

And on and on it went. While Lauren was happy that Ed wasn't exactly moping around, there was still the fact that she still hadn't fully absorbed the fact that he was **the** Edward Elric.

Not that she particularly constructed a shrine to him (like Leigh…) or devoted most of her time to writing fanfiction about events similar to the last few hours or so (again, like Leigh…); although she'd liked Edward Elric as a character for quite some time. Lauren was just trying to get over the fact that he was **real**. That something she'd automatically assumed, and been repeatedly told, was **fiction** turned out to actually **exist**; well…it was a shocker.

To be honest, she still wasn't sure how she should treat him- especially when she could easily guess what he was thinking. However stupid it may sound, she still hesitated around him when it came to a lot of things- His name would be an instance. Calling him by his full name sounded formal and stiff, Calling him by his last name sounded almost patronizing and calling him by his nickname seemed…weird.

_I think too much,_ She finally concluded. Watching him as he single-handedly attempted to read at least half of the bookstore's stock, she realized that if he didn't seem bothered by it, then she shouldn't.

_He must know that since I've watched Fullmetal Alchemist, I know a lot more then most people do about…well…his life. But why doesn't it bother him?_

Come to think of it, there were a lot of mysteries she hadn't considered. Starting with how the heck he managed to end up in her world. Which also lead to the question of when in the series canon he had come from. He was obviously fifteen or sixteen, so probably somewhere between the events in Lior and…well, darn near the rest of the series. At least she could rule the movie out, but she tended to be the sort of person who avoided spoilers (she'd only really knew his age during Conqueror of Shambala), so that was up for debate. Could he do alchemy? Why wasn't Al with him? Was the sickness he felt earlier a bad sign that meant his body wasn't built for her world? Would whatever science behind his automail work for very long in an environment like this? The questions went on and on, with no answer in sight.

Worst of all, there were the questions that couldn't be summed up into one, neat little answer. Such as how long he would have to stay, whether or not he could get back to his world, how she would take care of him on a ten dollar a week allowance (although she'd probably have to force him to let her do so), how she would keep a secret as big as this, how she would help him fit in as best as he could, how she would cover up his automail without being obvious or risky about it…

Well, this certainly wasn't like Leigh's fanfiction. Everything was extremely complicated, and extremely risky. One wrong move, and who knew what could happen.

She sighed again. _Not only do I think too much, I'm also a drama queen._

Suddenly, she realized that Ed had stopped and was staring at something with a rather strange expression on his face.

Lauren blinked. "What's the matter?" She moved loser to get a better look.

It was a copy of the first manga volume. The drawn picture of a determined Ed on the cover was a stark contrast to the pale, shocked real one only a foot or so away.

Abruptly, Lauren grabbed it and shoved it on the shelf; the strange trance he had been in immediately broke.

"Hey! I was-"

"Don't read it Ed. I'm no expert, but there might be something you shouldn't know yet…" She said firmly, steering him as far away from the Graphic novel section as she could.

"Yeah, you're right." He sighed. "But…could you stop pushing me?"

She immediately stopped. "Sorry."

"Lauren?" Leigh came into view, still wearing her costume from before.

"There goes our excuse for this shopping trip." Lauren said exasperatedly. "I thought for sure you'd be in Hall-mart…"

Leigh laughed. "Are you kidding me? It's packed. I'm surprised to see you here…why did you take off your costume? It's still technically Halloween, you know. I see your friend from before has the right idea."

Lauren rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "Well-"

"Sorry, but I never caught your name." Leigh interrupted, addressing Ed.

He laughed nervously. "Yeah, I-"

There was a scream from the front part of the store, which froze them all in their tracks.

---

This 'shopping trip' will be the last real foray into Lauren's social life, as far as I know. Ending for this was rushed, I know, but I didn't have much time. From here on in, things will focus on the FMA part of the story- and a few of everyone's favourite characters should pop up :) And always, read, review, and offer up some comments or suggestion!


	5. A Brilliant Idea

**Author's Note:** …Had a fun Halloween party with a few friends. Had to make up a story on the spot and used part of this one, only without the FMAness and with a new twist ending. 'Twas fun, school is a bitch, work is fun, yadda yadda. One of my reviewers gave me inspiration for this chapter, I admit. I was going to have the story take a different turn, but this one makes much more sense and will probably be a lot more fun :)

By the way, my sister's birthday party is today! Yay GuinRiza! Just wish you'd review my story –hint hint-

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Five: A Brilliant Idea**

Lauren, Ed and Leigh barely had time to react when suddenly a rabid fangirl came out of nowhere and viciously glomped the unsuspecting alchemist.

"Oof!" Managed Ed, caught off guard.

"HimynameisKatieWensworthbutyoucanjustcallmeCatandIwanttohaveyourbabies!" The girl cried exuberantly, while Ed struggled uselessly (Lauren and Leigh were too shocked to even think of doing anything).

"Hey! Geoff me! What the- ow!" The girl socked him straight in the stomach with her elbow.

It is a well known fact that, though sometimes clear-headed and patient, Edward Elric was not one who favored unwelcome surprises; especially if they involved an invasion of personal space.

"GET OFF ME!" He managed to push her away, making a run for it when she recovered quickly and started to chase him.

"Comebackwe'resupposedtolivetherestofourlivestogether!"

Lauren, after finally processing what had just happened, stuck out her leg. Down the rabid fangirl went, pin wheeling her arms and then scrambling to get to her feet. Lauren was deeply disturbed to notice that the fangirl was foaming at the mouth.

In a split second, the fangirl was hogtied and gagged, a triumphant Leigh dusting her hands off casually. She turned to the gathering crowd, and then cheerfully said "Nothing to see here folks! Just move on…"

Shrugging and muttering to themselves, the crowd reluctantly complied.

"That was incredible! How did you do that?" Lauren said, amazed.

"Black-belt in karate," She replied proudly. "I could teach you some moves sometime."

Lauren grinned wryly. "You can beat up a half-crazed fanatic, but you can't carry a tune in a bucket?"

"Hey, watch it," Leigh warned. "I might not do that again for you."

"Is she gone?" Ed asked warily, coming out from behind (ironically) a bookshelf full of self-help books. Lauren nodded.

"What was that all about? One minute I'm standing here, the next I hear some blood-curdling scream and some lunatic decides to jump on me!" He ranted, obviously shaken.

After quickly bidding goodbye to Leigh and setting a time and place they would meet to get home (Leigh was going off scouting for Chris), the teenage girl turned to Ed. Running a hand through her already frazzled hair, she inwardly debated on how to properly break certain…quirks…about his fandom- world- whatever.

"Uh…well, to start with, there are different types of _Fullmetal Alchemist_ fans…" She began hesitantly. "There are the kind that dabble in it for fun, the kind that view it as a treasured hobby, and the kind who…umm…go overboard. Well, it's not really as simple as that- not all of them fall into one category, some are a mix."

"Are you telling me there are people who…who…" Ed sputtered.

"Basically worship you?" She grinned. "Yeah, there are lots."

Judging by the look on his face, that wasn't what he needed to hear. Her grin quickly faded.

"I think I need aspirin…" He murmured, having gone as white as a ghost. He looked like he was about to fall over.

"Sorry, but we've got to get going- Leigh will probably expect us to show up soon." Lauren said reluctantly.

He swayed for a moment, massaging his forehead and grimacing. Apparently, the sickness was back full-force; no doubt the shock and activity hadn't helped.

"When we get back to my house, I'll give you something, okay?" She added sympathetically, holding the front door open for him. "You can lean on me if you want."

He winced again and shook his head, the movement making him dizzy. Despite this, he laughed bitterly. "No thanks, I've dealt with enough rabid fangirls."

She blinked bemusedly, surprised by the barb. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. I thought-"

"I'm fine!" He snapped. Lauren recoiled like she'd been struck, having not expected him to react like this.

"I'm going on ahead." He said; his expression hidden by his bangs as he brushed past her.

That broke her out of her trance. "Wait!" She yelled, trying to catch up with him. He started to run, and managed to tear across the street before a truck ploughed by and temporarily forced her to halt. She tried to keep up, but before she knew it Lauren was left in the dust.

"Dammit!" She rasped, out of breath. He was a pretty fast runner- she couldn't even see him anymore, though she'd never had great eyesight to begin with.

Lauren shivered and hugged herself, suddenly aware of how cold it was. The temperature had dropped rapidly during their short visit to the store; the teenager could actually see her breath now.

Here she was, freezing in the middle of a shopping mall parking lot on Halloween night, with Ed gone who knows where. Lauren didn't have the foggiest idea what could do, although breaking down into tears seemed like a good option. What if something happened to him?

_He said he was going ahead- that must mean he's heading to Hall-mart! I can still catch up to him!_

And so, with newfound determination, she headed of in that direction running as fast as she could- which wasn't very fast, unfortunately.

_I need to get into better shape…_

---

Ed wasn't normally one to rush off heedlessly. Well, maybe he was, but normally Ed wasn't normally one to rush off heedlessly when stuck in a strange city while having no clue where he was going. Needless to say, Ed hadn't thought things through as much as he should have; which brought him to his current problem.

What Chris had forgotten to tell Lauren was the reason Leigh had ended up at the mall in the first place. Hall-mart was hosting a special event, namely a one-night-only anime convention on Halloween night.

A passing ninja nodded approvingly. "Hey, nice costume!"

"Uh…thanks. Yours isn't bad either." Ed replied, smiling hesitantly. As soon as the cosplayer had passed, his smile disappeared abruptly.

Milling around were dozens of people dressed as anime characters, or wearing anime-related clothes. Quite a few looked like people from his world, including the Colonel, Riza Hawkeye, Maes Hughes, Envy, Lust…he was half-surprised he didn't spot an Armstrong in the fray somewhere…

"This is a technique that's been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

If he had still been animated, he would have sweat dropped. _And I thought that rabid fangirl was nuts…_

He saw a flash of red out of his eye, and turned to find himself staring straight at…himself.

"Wow, great costume!" The cosplayer- a young teenage girl dressed up as him, complete with red jacket, black leather and braided blonde hair- commented with a smile, before walking past him (obviously with the intention of going into the store to escape the cold).

"You too," He answered dazedly. _Well, that was…disturbing._

After that incident, not anything else could possibly surprise him. Not the many people dressed as him, not the people talking amiably about what he considered his personal life…Nope, nothing at all.

Or so he thought.

"Oof!" Like most people caught up in their thoughts, he had neglected to watch where he was going.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

Looking up, he offered a reassuring look. "Sure, I'm-" He stopped abruptly.

Alphonse Elric was standing right in front of him.

"Al?" He questioned breathlessly, his eyes wide.

"Bingo!" The person removed their helmet, revealing a rather tall grinning woman with frizzy red hair and large-framed glasses. "I'm guessing it was the armor that tipped you off?"

"I'm sorry." He sighed, looking even more downcast then before. He moved to walk past the stranger, who happened to grab his metal arm.

"Are you alright?" She asked sincerely, momentarily surprising him. "You look like your favourite cat just died. Was it something I said?"

_Cats…Al always loved cats…_"No, it's alright."

She gave him a concerned look. "No, it's not."

For some reason, whether the shock and loneliness was the reason, Ed found himself actually told her.

"I just went through a bit of a…change recently. I've possibly lost my brother and everything I knew forever, and instead I've been thrown into something strange beyond words; you just reminded me of something. Now are you satisfied?" He finished tersely.

She smiled sadly. "That sounds pretty rough."

He snorted. "That's not even the half of it."

"Then what is?" She replied curiously.

There was a tense silence, before…"I accidentally said something I shouldn't have to…someone I know. I don't know why I'm telling you all this…"

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger then someone you know." She smiled again. "This friend…can you make up with him?"

"Her." Ed corrected automatically. "And she's not really a friend…more of an acquaintance."

"If she was just an acquaintance, you wouldn't be so worried. Alright, can you make up with her?"

He thought for a moment. Lauren certainly was strange (though he wasn't exactly what constituted for normal either), but she'd helped him this far. She had apparently accepted him, no matter how strange the situation had been, and had offered to help him despite how hard it was going to be.

_She only offered to help me because she was forced into doing it…but she still did. And if she doesn't, where will I be?_

_Besides...how many people would be able to stand me after all that?_ He thought with a slight smile.

"I'm guessing that smile is a good sign?" The woman grinned again.

"You're right."

"Well, that's a first." She laughed. "By the way, my name's Helen Sherburne; nice to meet you. What's your name?"

"I…um…well…"He gave her a sheepish look.

"Let me guess, your parents don't like you talking to strangers?" Helen sighed. "Well, they'd be right. It's okay; you don't have to tell me."

"Thanks." He replied, relieved.

"Ah, so I was right again! Wow, I'm on a roll today." She laughed. "I go to the nearby university, but my family and I just moved here so I don't know many people around. I thought coming to an event like this would be a good opportunity to meet some friends."

"I don't think you'll have much luck. From what I've seen, mostly everyone around here is under seventeen." He replied dryly, but good-naturedly. There was something about her good mood that was infectious.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Oh well, at least I'm having fun." She winked. "Want to take a look at the booths they have set up for the anime fanatics like us?"

He grinned. "Sure, might as well."

_Judging by how fast Lauren was running, it'd take her a few years to get here anyway._

---

Lauren sneezed. "Oh perfect, now I've got a bloody cold!" Of all the places Leigh had to ask her to meet, it would have to be the one on almost the other side of the mall. Setting off car alarms and spooking dogs, she ran as fast as she could for as long as she could, until she had almost lost hope of ever reaching him.

But thankfully the bright, glowing red letters proclaiming 'Hall-mart' came into view eventually. Out of breath and close to a breakdown, Lauren breathlessly pushed herself until she was finally near the front doors.

"Yes! It didn't take me a few years to get here!" She panted, relieved.

Unfortunately, she hit a bit of a dilemma, in the form of cosplayers. Dozens of people with silver pocket watches and wearing red jackets with the flamel symbol (among other things) were milling about as if it was perfectly normal.

_Oh no, that's right! It would figure that the first anime convention in my town would have to happen on this night!_ She realized unhappily.

How could she ever find the **real** Edward Elric in a crowd of fake ones? It wasn't like he would have a bright neon sign hanging over him. There was only one thing she could do.

Quiz every single one of them.

---

"You know, I actually wanted to be someone else for this anime convention."

"What?" Ed asked, having been distracted by the sheer amount of…stuff lining the seemingly never-ending shelves. He distantly wondered if the store just went on forever, because he couldn't see the other side of it.

"Well, I wanted to be Kenshin from _Rurouni Kenshin_." She continued. "But I was too tall, so I couldn't." She sighed sadly, and then brightened. "Oh well, Al's my favourite character from FMA."

"Yeah, same here." Ed replied wryly.

"I don't think my costume's very good either." She said sadly. "I guess I should have spent more time on it…"

"I think it's first-rate, and trust me, I'd know." Ed smiled. "You had me fooled."

"Really? It's nice to know someone who could create a costume that good likes it, especially since I want to do Al justice. I mean, I can just connect with Alphonse on a lot more things. I have an older sister myself, so I know how it feels. Ed just seems…a bit harder to pin down, you know? He's cool, though he's sort of 'I'll just go and do my own thing' and a real tough guy, but then when he cries-"

"Wait, cries?" Ed asked, bewildered, having been listening thoughtfully (and, admittedly, was pleased when she said he was cool), until she'd mentioned the crying.

She gave him an odd look. "Yeah, I think one example would be during the Tucker incident, when he was crying over Nina. It was so heart-breaking, I found myself sobbing like a baby!"

Apparently, the series had a lot more to it then he'd at first thought.

_Nina…_

"Oh, yeah, right." He replied, wincing when his voice nearly broke.

"But anyways, there's really a lot more to him then most people give him credit for. He's not insensitive or mean (though he can be), he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread (though I'm sure a lot of people think that), but he's an awesome character because of that. You really can't help but admire him, in the end."

"Uh…yeah, I think I agree." He blinked, trying to absorb all that. _What the hell does she mean by sliced bread?_

"Oh! I'm sorry, there I go again ranting at someone I just met! Twenty-two years old and I can't even break a bad habit, how sad is that?" She said, apologetically.

"It's alright; it's nice to get someone else's perspective on it." _If I wake up to find that Winry just hit me harder then she should have over the head with her wrench, I wouldn't be so surprised…_

"EXCUSE ME!"

Ed turned only to find Lauren tearing down the aisle, recklessly darting to and fro to avoid other peoples' carts. She tried to skid to a stop, passing a store janitor just as he placed a sign saying 'wet floor'.

Unfortunately, gravity was not going to comply anytime soon. Before Ed could even blink, she'd slammed straight into Helen.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Helen gasped. "There must be some sort of magnetic force pulling people towards me!"

"Lauren, are you okay?" Ed asked, helping her up. He was shocked to realize she had tears streaming down her face. Before he could blink, she hugged him tightly.

"If you know my name, then that means I finally found the right one! I was so worried; I had visions of you lying in a gutter!"

"I'm okay, I'm okay!" He replied hurriedly, but his efforts were in vain, as she only cried harder.

"I'm guessing this was your friend from earlier?" Helen asked curiously. Ed couldn't reply; Lauren was hugging him just a bit too tightly, and he couldn't breathe very well. But thankfully, she let go quickly. Blushing, she moved away and lowered her head.

"I'm sorry, I know this must be pretty hard…and I know I'm not really handling this that well. Can you forgive me?" She asked, not quite able to make eye contact with him.

"For what? I'm the one who should be apologizing…"

Her eyes widened, and she gave him a disbelieving look. "But…I…well, I kind of put my foot in my mouth."

Helen grinned. "Let's just say that everything is back to normal, and leave it at that. Okay?" Both Lauren and Ed blinked.

"Now, without any further problems, I'll see you later. I have to go home soon, or my sister might do something drastic." Helen said amusedly. "I'll see you later."

He blinked, and watched her as she walked away.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Lauren quipped, confused.

"No." He replied, and then smiled.

Lauren sighed. "Well, I guess since we're here, we might as well get started on the clothes shopping."

---

"I'm not cutting my hair."

"You might have to." Lauren replied, puzzling over a bunch of sweatshirts. Green or blue, that was the question. She'd never had the best fashion sense to begin with, so she opted to go with the green one because green was one of her favorite colours.

"I'm not, end of story."

Lauren sighed. "No offense, Ed, but not many guys wear their hair in a braid nowadays."

"Wouldn't it be kind of strange for someone who spent a lot of time growing their hair that long to just…cut it?"

"You have a point." She said thoughtfully. "Besides, that's probably the least of our worries."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ed finally came out of the change rooms, dressed in normal, non-alchemic-symbol-bearing clothes, specifically a blue long-sleeved shirt, a jacket and jeans. It was surreal.

She blinked. "Wow, you look normal."

"That's great." The sarcasm was practically dripping off his words. "But I'm pretty sure it'd take more then a change of clothes to complete that illusion."

"Again, you have a point." She sighed. "With that arm and leg, and those eyes, it will be quite a challenge. At least we can solve the leg problem by having you wear long pants all the time…"

"What's wrong with my eyes?" He asked, giving her a quizzical look.

She winced. "Well, not many people I know of have that sort of eye colour naturally. In fact, I don't think **anyone** has that sort of eye colour naturally. Maybe we could invest some money into cosmetic contact lenses?"

"Contact lenses?"

"Well, they…uh…I don't know how to explain that properly, so let's just go for wearing sunglasses. Contact lenses would probably require a prescription, and I don't want to have to explain why you would need them. I bet sunglasses are cheaper to…But that brings me to yet another problem-"

A couple of teenage girls walked past, laughing at something. Lauren stopped talking, and Ed discreetly put his hands in his pockets to hide the automail. Luckily, they didn't notice them, and continued on.

After a few moments, Lauren resumed her explanation. "-The problem of your right arm- automail doesn't exist in my world, so people are going to notice. Any suggestions on how we hide that?"

"Not one." He replied bluntly.

She sighed again. "I thought so."

"You have a cut." Ed pointed to a scrape on her forehead, which was bleeding profusely.

"Darn…I must've got that when I rammed face-first into that woman from earlier…" She grimaced, realizing how clumsy she must've have looked.

"Her name was Helen Sherburne." Ed said absently.

"I wonder if we'll ever see her again…wow, this cut sure is bleeding…I hope I have a band-aid or bandage in here somewhere…"

And with that said, Ed suddenly had a flash of inspiration.

Lauren watched as he suddenly grinned that trademark grin of his, wondering whether or not the stress had finally gotten to him. "Are you okay?"

"I think I know how to hide my arm…"

---

I know Ed's been acting a bit OOC (He's too nice and easily shocked, dammit!), but c'mon, the guy's had a rough transition. He'll be back to his usual sarcastic self soon, hopefully. And aspirin would probably exist in Amestris- it was registered it as a trademark by Bayer in 1899, and most likely existed before then. (Ha! Wikipedia strikes again!)

I'm thinking of continuing this past Halloween, what do you think? By the way…I actually got time to write a short side story. So without further ado:

'**Measuring Up'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Ed, how tall am I compared to you?" Lauren pondered aloud. "I mean, the author never mentioned it…"

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were currently sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing.

"I don't know." Ed replied grouchily, sensing a few upcoming short jokes.

"She probably didn't say to be diplomatic…I wonder…am I shorter or taller?"

"I'M NOT SHORT, DAMMIT!"

"I didn't say you were; I just wanted to know!" She snapped, rolling her eyes.

Mumbling angrily, Ed stormed upstairs and then returned with what appeared to be a measuring stick.

"Here," he said flatly, handing it to her.

After a few minutes, they finally found out.

"Three feet six?!" Lauren cried.

"Ha!" Ed proclaimed. "You're **definitely** shorter then me!"

Lauren examined the measuring stick closely. "Wait…isn't there about one hundred centimetres in a measuring stick?"

He ran like hell. And they never discovered how tall Lauren really was.

**THE ED…I MEAN END**


	6. Day's End

**Author's Note:** Well, this is the last chapter in what I have dubbed the 'Halloween Arc' of the story, but the fic itself is far from over. I've got plenty more surprises up my sleeve :)

You know what's creepy? I was originally planning on trick-or-treating on Halloween, but I'll probably go out to a place across town for a Halloween party. If I see Ed along the way, I'll let you know lol.

_Thriller _and all related subjects © Michael Jackson. 'Tis a shame he went off his rocker, he had real talent.

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Six: Day's End**

"Bandages, lots and lots of bandages; not only will it cover up my automail, but I can leave it looser around the joints so I can move properly. And if people think I'm hurt, they'll avoid touching my arm." He looked very pleased with himself.

There was a short pause.

"Ed, that was absolutely, positively, fantastically brilliant." Lauren grinned.

He smirked. "I know."

"You know what this means, don't you?" She continued excitedly. "Everything's okay now! I mean, if people don't find out that you're not really from around this neck of the woods, the government won't cart you off and dismember you in the name of science! We actually may be able to pull this off!"

He gave her a look. "You thought we couldn't?"

She laughed. "Well, you've got to admit; you don't exactly blend into a crowd…"

He snorted. "Your confidence in me is astounding."

And then, to his surprise, she actually hugged him. "I'm so happy, that's been bugging me! Now that we finally have that problem out of the way, we can focus on the smaller ones…How am I going to provide for you on a ten-dollar allowance? How are we going to disguise your voice? How are-"

He held up his hands. "Wait a minute, if anyone is paying for this it'll be me from now on. Now that I think of it, I could use alchemy for anything I need. And what's wrong with my voice?"

"Alchemy in a town as big as this? No, to risky; someone might see. And you sound like your English voice actor, which could tip some people off. I mean, just because I was hard to convince even with you roaming out there without any sort of a disguise doesn't mean someone else won't be."

He sighed, heading back into the change room to take off the new clothes. "I guess. I still don't know if alchemy would work here either…"

There was a gloomy silence, until Ed finally emerged clad in his trademark jacket, boots and leather.

"You could get a job?" She suggested.

"How?" He pointed out, putting the bag filled with the clothes down. "I technically don't have any credentials or previous work experience that isn't back in my world. Besides, I don't think there's much I could do…I don't even know much about this world, when it boils down to it…"

There was another gloomy silence.

"I guess we'll have to just do our best as long as we can." She said softly.

He smiled bitterly. "Yeah, I think so."

Lauren huffed angrily; Ed glanced at her curiously. "Alright, enough wallowing in self-pity; whatever the future holds, it's still Halloween night, and I'm still ready to have a good time! So how about we grab some supplies and meet up with Leigh and Chris in the Toy section?"

He smiled. "Lead on."

"I will!" She nodded stiffly and placed the clothes in a nearby shopping cart, then headed off with Ed trailing behind her.

---

"AH!"

"Relax Ed; it's just an electronic toy. Jeez, you have mechanical limbs but you can't stand seeing a cute little animatronic dog?" Though she pretended to sound exasperated, Lauren really was enjoying introducing him to modern life. Unfortunately, Ed didn't quite see it that way…

"Will you stop being so patronizing about everything?! Okay, so I don't know a lot about things like this-" He looked anxiously both ways, as if afraid the toys on either shelves would come to live and maim him. "-but stop treating me like I'm four years old!"

"Sorry, it's just…it's fun to tell you all these things. I don't know of a better way of putting it." She replied honestly.

"Yeah, yeah…" He answered grouchily. "Didn't you say you were going to meet your friends around here? I don't see them…"

"Oh yeah, about that…Leigh has a teeny, tiny crush on you, so try not to tip her off to who you really are. She might…well; I don't know what she may do; which scares me."

Then she realized Ed had stopped. Turning around, she saw that his face was both beet red and sporting the strangest expression she'd ever seen.

"Uh…that's okay, isn't it?" Lauren asked tentatively. "I mean, she's not rabid; she's actually really nice. Most fangirls aren't that bad, it's just when they start writing in leet and raving about their Mary-Sue that you have to worry. Leigh is pretty much my best friend."

"If you say so…" He said uncertainly. Unable to resist any longer, Lauren took out her camera and took a picture of him, which seem to snap him out of his strange mood.

"Hey-!"

"There they are!" Lauren interrupted, and sure enough a few minutes later Leigh practically glided over to them.

"Hiya Lauren, I see you haven't managed to scare off your new cosplayer friend yet." Leigh grinned brightly. "By the way, what's your name? I'm afraid I never caught it…"

Lauren thought fast. "He's…Eric!"

"What?" Ed said under his breath.

"Yeah, Eric…Eldward!"

Ed face palmed.

"Oh really?" Leigh blinked, and then grinned. "Cool! Your name sounds like an anagram of Edward Elric! You even have the same initials!"

The look Ed gave Lauren could've curdled milk (oh, the irony). Lauren could only shrug sheepishly.

"Is…there something wrong?" Leigh ventured.

Ed smiled, abet in a fake 'I'm-going-to-kill-Lauren-as-soon-as-I-find-some-dark-alleyway-to-hide-the-body' sort of way. "No, we're fine. Everything's great."

Leigh blinked again "Okay. Chris's waiting by the Electronics section, so we should go meet him." Then she skipped ahead, with Lauren and Ed following a bit less…enthusiastically.

"Eric Eldward, the 'Halfsteel abiogenist'." Lauren snickered.

"Shut up. From now on, **I'm** doing the lying."

But the fun didn't end there. After actually having to drag Ed away from a bunch of copies of 'Conqueror of Shambala' ("Hey, I was just curious!"), Lauren found herself explaining the oh-so-complicated video games lining the shelves.

"You play them."

Ed nodded. "Alright, and is there anything else you would like to tell me? Like say for instance how the thing works?"

"…You play them with a game controller...thingie? I'm sorry; I've never played many video games."

"I wonder if they'll just straight out kidnap me, or have a shoot-'em-up like in the movies when they come for me; because at this rate, I'll get found out for sure." Ed sighed.

Lauren blinked. "Wait, you know about movies?"

Ed gave her a strange look. "Of course I do. Though, I can't say I've seen many…"

Lauren grinned. "Oh boy, how things have probably changed since then…you'd have a heart attack."

Ed snorted. "Please, I'm not that easily frightened."

There was the sound of evil laughter, and Ed nearly jumped.

"It's the radio." Lauren said, pointing towards the offending machine.

"Right, I knew that…"

As if on cue, Chris came around the corner with a teetering stack of DVDs and video games in his arms. "Lauren, is that you? I thought I heard your voice…"

Lauren blushed. "Oh, Hi."

"Sorry I forgot to tell you about the convention."

"It's okay, I should've known." Lauren grinned goofily.

"By the way, my name's Christopher Greene. It's nice to meet you Eric Eldward." He laughed after seeing Ed's confused expression. "Oh, I ran into Leigh."

"Oh really?" Ed grit out; he'd hoped that 'Eric Eldward' wouldn't become his new alias.

"Yeah, really," Chris grinned again. "Well, Leigh's back at the car, and we should get going. Is it okay if I drop you guys a block from Lauren's house? I kind of have a Halloween party to get to, and I'm already late."

"Sure, it's okay." Lauren replied before Ed could protest.

"Great, might as well follow me…why do you have so much stuff?" He gestured towards the cart.

"Oh, this? We were just getting some supplies for Eric! He moved in recently, you know, and he only managed to unpack his cosplay costume so far." Lauren assured him.

"But…you have all sorts of things…apples, cereal, tortillas, orange juice, a blue t-shirt, a dark blue jacket, denim jeans, socks…and are those boxers?" Ed coughed, either from embarrassment or…well, a cough.

"Umm, shouldn't we get going?" Lauren asked nervously.

He blinked. "Sure, okay. My Dad had to go home early though, so I'm driving."

Unfortunately, things didn't get any easier after that…

"Sixty-six twenty one WITHOUT the bloody tax?! You're lucky I have enough!" Lauren exclaimed.

"I didn't want you to buy this stuff in the first place!" Ed argued.

…They just got even harder…

"I claim shotgun next to Chris!" Leigh exclaimed happily.

"Dammit!" Lauren swore.

But when they ended up taking a detour because of some stupid bridge being built nearby, Lauren had simply had enough.

"Damned…construction workers…murder…arson…felony…" She murmured. Ed couldn't make out all of what she was saying, a fact he was entirely grateful for.

_Why the hell do I have such bad luck?_ He wondered.

However, things soon changed for the better. It turned out Lauren had always liked traveling at night on highways (especially with friends), so she soon cheered up. Which inevitably lead to other things.

"So, how was your first Halloween in our humble suburbia?" Chris asked humorously.

"It was…okay." Ed replied uncertainly. Of course, he didn't mention this was his first Halloween **ever** and he didn't exactly know what constituted for a good one.

"So Lauren, When's your birthday again?" Leigh asked. "I know it's in a few weeks, but you never really told me the date; are you having a party? If so, who's invited?"

Ed raised an eyebrow, and Lauren blushed. "It's…the seventh, and I don't know if I'll have a party."

"You better, otherwise I'll throw a surprise one for you!" Leigh laughed.

"It isn't really a surprise if you tell her all about it." Chris replied amusedly.

Lauren shook her head exasperatedly. "Could you just turn on the radio or something already?"

"Fine," Chris answered, shrugging before doing so. Either the universe was conspiring against them, or it was a rather disconcerting coincidence, but the first thing they heard was _Thriller_.

"Turn." Leigh sighed.

But just as Chris touched the knob…"Hey! Don't turn! I like this song!"

"It's twenty years old." Leigh laughed.

"I know, but I like it! Besides, I've always liked history."

"Alright…" Leigh replied good-naturedly.

Lauren leaned back into her seat, enjoying the song. Chris and Leigh managed to start up a conversation about holidays, the sound of low voices lulling her into a stupor. She noted Ed's thoughtful expression out of the corner of her eye, and briefly wondered what he was thinking.

"It's…strange."

She laughed at his expression. "Yeah, a bit…"

"I think I actually like it." An ironic smile tugged at his lips.

"And here I was thinking you'd hate all music that was less than eighty years old." She joked.

"What year is it?"

"Pardon?" Lauren replied, checking to see if Leigh and Chris had overheard. They hadn't, thankfully. Leaning forward, she whispered into his ear.

"2006."

"**What?!**" He shouted, then immediately lowered his voice when Leigh and Chris gave them puzzled looks. "But that's roughly ninety years in the future for me!"

"Ed, keep it down!" She furiously whispered, glancing uneasily at the front seats. "Yeah, I know it's quite a difference for you. Which is why when we get back, I'm going to have to quiz you on practically everything I can think of. You have a lot of catching up to do, especially if you want to fit in a society that values its stuff and creativity as much as this one does…"

"How the hell are you going to do that?!"

"Well, I figured the best place to start would be with my dictionary and encyclopedia…then maybe watch a few movies, so you can get used to seeing how people generally think. Err…scratch that last one. There's another reason, I just can't quite put it into words…" She explained.

"Ninety years…" He rubbed the back of his neck, looking shocked. "I can't believe it…"

"Yeah, to think how much things have probably changed since then…you don't even know what the internet is!"

"Internet?"

"…It's…well, I'll show you when we get home." And she left it at that.

She froze when she saw two dots of light coming closer, and then relaxed when she realized it was a car. As much as she tried to put it out of her mind, those strange, soul-filled eyes kept haunting her thoughts.

_Could it have been…? No, probably not. I was just seeing things._

The rest of the trip was spent in silence, broken by the occasional reluctant question from Ed. They left the highway, dropping Leigh off at her house and heading towards Lauren and Chris's neighbourhood.

"I guess this is where we get off?" Lauren asked out of the blue.

Chris nodded. "Sorry about all this, I'll make it up to you later. We didn't really get to see each other that much, did we?" He grinned.

She laughed. "Yeah, I guess we didn't…thank you for the ride, we really appreciate it."

"No problem. See you at school tomorrow…if I get a chance in between all the homework they're giving me."

"Wow, senior year is really that tough?" Lauren asked, taking off her seatbelt and getting out of the car. Thankfully, Ed seemed to have gotten the hang of modern-day seatbelts, and didn't need any help.

"Be grateful you're still in grade eleven." He replied wryly. "Well, I guess I'll drop you off here. Bye!"

She shut the door. "Bye!"

Lauren waved as the car drove off, before dusting herself off and starting to walk in the direction of her house. It was quiet, and was starting to snow. Lauren's exhaled, and realized it was cold enough to see her breath. A harsh gust of wind roughly tore into her, and she shivered.

Out of curiosity, the fifteen-year-old checked her watch. It was eleven thirty, later then she had thought. Lauren would be lucky if her parents didn't kill her when she got home.

Fortunately, Ed didn't seem to keen on lingering either. "We should hurry up."

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'll introduce you to the world wide web tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine with me," Another cold breeze swept by, and even Ed shivered.

The walk home was seemingly surreal. Here she was, walking home during the middle of the night with a fictional character that by all means shouldn't have existed. It was almost like she was stuck in a bad fantasy novel.

Longingly thinking of her bed back home, she still couldn't help but admire her street at night. Not a soul was about, almost as if this was any fall night. The lampposts cast a harsh orange light on everything, and Lauren watched her shadow lengthen and then disappear into the darkness as she past them by. The only sound to be heard was her footsteps, and Ed's. Her throat was sore from the cold air, and her legs freezing.

_Why didn't I at least wear a jacket? Or mittens? Or thicker pants?_

But her house came into view eventually, and she trudged up the driveway and climbed the arduous stairs to find the door closed shut.

She sighed, hearing Ed also come up the stairs behind her. "C'mon, we can try the garage. I bet Monica locked the back door."

Heading back down the stairs, she typed in the password on the keypad. Ed wasn't even that shocked when the garage door opened with a mechanical hum. Lauren gave him an odd look, which disappeared when she saw how tired he looked (even though he was trying his best to hide it).

The kitchen was empty, dark and still messy, though not as bad as before. Looking over to her right, Lauren realized why; Monica was asleep on the couch, one arm lazily draped around a broom and the other a dustpan.

"I guess she tried to clean up…" Lauren said thoughtfully, though mostly to herself.

"Well, well, so you're finally back home."

Turning, Lauren relaxed when she saw Jared sitting at the kitchen counter in his pajamas.

"Yeah, I know we took awhile; are Mom and Dad still gone?"

"Yeap. They called a few minutes before you came in and said they'd be back by twelve thirty though."

"Alright," Lauren nodded. "And Monica?"

He gestured towards the couch. "As you can see, she finally passed out in the middle of cleaning. All her friends are gone though, so you can sleep peacefully. She threatened to tell Mom and Dad about your late night trip, but I told her I'd tell them Michael Rowe was here."

"Oh, you mean that senior college student?"

"That's the one. Apparently she has a crush on him, although I don't think Mom and Dad would be pleased. You can thank me later by getting Ed's autograph."

Ed sighed; too tired to point out that he was still there.

"I'll see what I can do." Lauren answered, and then headed up the stairs with Ed in tow.

Deciding to forego a bath (as much as she wanted one), Lauren set about getting changed and pulling her covers back. She did, however, drag Ed into the bathroom to force him do his teeth.

"Oh come on," She said, pulling a spare toothbrush and tube of toothpaste out of the bathroom cabinet. "Don't they have toothpaste where you come from?"

"I'm not from the stone Stone Age, I use toothpaste." He replied dully. "But I'm tired!"

Lauren sighed, having had enough of dealing with his moods in one day. "You'll brush and floss your teeth tonight, and that's final! Ah, so that's where the floss is…"

He blinked. "You have floss?

"Yeah, of course I do." She gave him a weird look, closing the cabinet door with and audible snap. "Don't you floss?"

"Well…no, not really; I mean, it's pretty expensive to pay for silk, and-"

"Silk? What are you talking about? The stuff made now isn't silk!" She sighed, reflecting on the fact that she needed to do more history research. She handed him a floss harp. "Here. If you don't know how to floss properly, just use this."

And so, after properly brushing and flossing their teeth ("I still don't see why I couldn't have done it in the morning…"), they headed off to bed. But before leaving to go to her room, Lauren sat down on his bed and told Ed a few other important things.

"Listen, I'm going to have to go to school tomorrow, so I want you to try and pretend you aren't here. My Mom and Dad will probably be dead tired when they get home and when they wake up tomorrow, so I doubt they'll even bother checking the guest room. I'll sneak breakfast up to you tomorrow morning, but after I leave for school I want you to stay up here a read these books." She patted her encyclopedia and dictionary. "Any questions?"

"Sure, why don't you say it in smaller words so I can understand you better?" He replied sarcastically.

Lauren sighed. "I know it sounds patronizing, okay? I don't have the energy to look for any better way of phrasing it. I'm volunteering at the nearby library tomorrow, so we may be able to find something to get you back home." And with that said, she got off his bed and headed back to her room.

"Hey Lauren?"

She stopped, and turned around the face him. "Yes?"

"Thanks."

Lauren smiled. "You're very welcome. And don't try to butter me up so you can get out of that autograph."

"…Damn."

And then they both climbed into bed and fell asleep, though it took Lauren far longer. She stared at the ceiling with a scared, yet at the same time giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

_I wonder what tomorrow will bring?_

And then she let herself drift into dreamland.

---

Well, I've decided to do shorts for every five chapters, so send in any ideas/questions you have, and they may appear in one ;D And don't count Helen out just yet; I've had plans involving her since I first thought her up :) Which reminds me; I've changed Leigh's natural hair colour from red to brown. Will probably also tweak the summary a bit…

An abiogenist is believer in abiogenesis, which is basically a phenomenon involving living organisms being created from nonliving matter. No, I'm not smart, and neither is Lauren; I just spent a lot of time looking up something that rhymed with 'alchemist' so I could do that joke, and abiogenist fit the bill. Gosh, I have no life. As for Lauren…-cough- . And as you can tell, I actually added up how much it would cost Lauren to buy all those things. I also Wikipedia'd toothpaste and dental floss. I really **don't** have a life…

I'm amazed I managed to get out an eleven to twelve paged chapter almost every five days this month- really makes me feel better about myself. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to switch to doing one every seven to ten days for a bit, because I have other stories to work on and a lot of homework to do. Happy Halloween!


	7. Off Too A Bad Start

**Author's Note:** Nuu! Only three reviews last chapter! TT Oh well, I'm still continuing anyways to spite you all ;P And I forgot to mention last chapter I have my first picture for this story up on my website:

http// www . freewebs . com / stormtracer / strangerthanfiction . htm

Just remove the spaces. I think Ed's too small in the picture (I'm sure there's a joke I could crack here), but I'm not sure. I drew him from the back because I suck at FMA style so bad, which you can tell from Lauren. She does NOT look like that lol. Working on another picture that should be better, although no promises since this is my drawing skills we're talking about…and all of my really good pictures will never end up on the internet.

Well, on Halloween night I did pass by the stretch of road that was the inspiration for where Ed was found, but I didn't go through it, so I can't say whether or not he was there :) But my day was made when I thought I saw an Ed cosplayer around my street…which is weird, because there aren't many FMA fans where I live. Hmm…

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Seven: Off Too A Bad Start…**

"Wake up Ed, its morning!"

The alchemist grumbled and turned away from the voice, too tired to even bother answering. Who would wake him up this early, anyway? The voice obviously wasn't Al's, so-

He bolted upright, eyes wide and hands poised to clap, only to find himself face to face with…a girl?

_What the hell?_

Then he remembered the night before, and relaxed. Oh, right; after mysteriously ended up in a world ninety years or so in the future and devoid of alchemy, he'd run into her and she'd offered to help him. Well…okay, so she was **persuaded** to help him.

He sighed. "Don't do that. You could've ended up impaled on my automail."

She nodded. "Right; note to self: buy Ed an alarm clock when I actually manage to stop spending so much on other stuff for him."

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you always talk to yourself?"

"Not always, sometimes I talk to my cat."

"I always pick the crazy ones…"

"Now, is that anyway to speak to someone with your breakfast?" She presented a tray with a flourish.

"…An egg?"

"What, you wanted more? I'm sorry; but I at least expected a 'thank you' after all the trouble I had cooking and then sneaking this past my Mom!"

"No, I mean, is that an egg? I can't tell…it's burned beyond recognition. Is it even fit for human consumption?" He poked it with the nearby fork.

"Do you want me to kick you out?"

He began cutting it up into smaller pieces with the air of a condemned man, looking over at the bowl of cereal longingly.

"That's good." She said cheerfully. "I'll be back in a few minutes; enjoy!"

And with a slam of the door, she was gone.

---

'…_**local authorities are still puzzled as to who the culprit responsible is, but have found numerous signs of arson…'**_

"What's this all about?"

Jared turned away from the radio to find Lauren giving him a puzzled look. "The schools burned down last night."

"What?! Which one, mine or yours?" She asked, eyes wide.

He sighed. "That's the weirdest part; both."

"Are you telling me that last night someone burned down our schools?"

"Exactly, along with an office building and half a strip mall. I always said putting secondary and elementary school close together was a bad idea…"

She slumped back against the counter. "You've got to be kidding me."

He grinned. "Nope, this means we'll be able to spend more time with Ed! Though I will miss Eric…for a teaching assistant, he was pretty cool."

Her school couldn't have burned down…that sort of stuff just didn't happen in situations like this. Things just didn't happen like that without a reason.

"I…have to go tell Ed!" And she bolted up the stairs. Knocking before open his door, she entered to find him polishing off his breakfast dutifully, his hair now in a messy braid though he was still only wearing his pants and undershirt.

"My school burned down last night!"

He blinked. "What?"

"No, I'm serious! Someone burned my school down last night!" She repeated breathlessly.

His eyes narrowed. "That's coincidental; too coincidental, in fact."

"You think it has something to do with you being here?" Lauren asked critically.

He ran his fingers through his bangs exasperatedly. "I don't know, possibly."

"Could it be the homunculi?" She ventured, and then winced when his fork hit the plate with a resounding clatter.

"How do you know about them?"

"Well…you and you brother are the main protagonists of a fictional series called _Fullmetal Alchemist_ here, which is probably one of the most well-liked anime around…lots of people know…" She answered hesitantly.

"Do you just sit there and laugh? Do you think it's **funny**?" He demanded

She was taken aback. "No, of course not! I think it's…sort of inspiring. The way you just keep on going…after all that pain and sorrow. And the way you help other people."

Lauren blushed, inwardly berating herself for going all sappy at a time like this. Ed gave her an incredulous look.

"I…I'd better go downstairs." She left quickly, glancing back once before hurrying away.

Ed leaned back against the pillows, his mind blank. He just didn't what to think of this all…and the only one person he could really talk to was far away.

_Al, where are you?_

And the next thing he knew, he had drifted off to sleep.

---

"Lauren, explain this!"

"Mom, I told you! I just let him stay over!"

"Monica told me that you and her found him on the side of the road, and that you never gave any indication you knew him before then! Lauren, you let a stranger sleep in the room next to you! For all you know, he could be an…an escaped convict or the like!"

"MOM!"

_Wha…?_ Ed thought hazily, gradually waking up and half-opening his eyes. However, an unpleasant yank on his braid brought him out of his sleepy daze, and he found himself inches away from an unfamiliar woman's face.

"HEY! Let go of my hair! Who the hell do you think you are anyway?" He snapped, nearly falling back when the person complied.

"I'm Lauren's mother." She replied stonily.

_Oh…I guess that explains a few things…_Ed had the nasty feeling that he'd shot himself in the foot as far as first impressions went. But, being Ed, he just glared back at her.

"Linda, what in blazes is going on in here?" A man with glasses peered around the corner, his expression quickly changing from curious to confused.

"Who's this?"

"Lauren invited a stranger into our home, Robert." Mrs. Mackenzie said tersely. "He spent the night."

The man frowned. "Lauren, is this true?"

Lauren hesitated.

"It's alright, I forced her too." Ed interjected, before Lauren could speak. "I'm the one to blame, so don't punish her."

"That's no excuse!" Mrs. Mackenzie replied angrily. "Lauren, what were you thinking, inviting a strange boy to stay the night?"

"He's my friend. I had to help him." Lauren answered, furiously blinking away tears.

"…_.She's not really a friend…more of an acquaintance."_

"I don't care if he's your long lost brother!" Her mother thundered, and then turned to a shell-shocked Ed.

"Get out." She said curtly. Obediently, he grabbed his clothes and started to put them on, his surprised expression at Lauren's words changing into a glare.

"Wait, Mom-!" Lauren started.

"Lauren, we're doing this for your own good. Robert, could you drop him off at the police station?"

Ed froze, halfway through putting his red jacket on. He technically didn't even exist in this world…what would he do if they looked him up and didn't find anything?

Apparently, Lauren had realized the same thing. "Mom, don't! He's not a criminal, he's-"

"He's what, Lauren?" Her father asked, giving her a disapprovingly look over his glasses.

"Well…he's…" He voice broke, and she winced. "…he's a-"

"-friend of mine! Remember that helper at school? Eric? The one I was telling you about last night when you called?" Jared interrupted, having overheard the conversation.

Lauren's parents exchanged doubtful looks.

"I'm telling the truth! Ask any one of Lauren's or my friends, they'll be able to tell you who he is- everybody in my class worships the guy. And I bet if you could describe him to my teacher, she'd tell you all about him."

"Oh…" Mrs. Mackenzie blinked. "Well, in that case, I'm sorry Lauren for doubting you. But I can't allow him to stay another night."

Lauren nodded furiously, hardly daring to believe her luck. "Thank you!"

"Don't you need to go to work?" Jared asked.

Checking his watch, Mr. Mackenzie gasped. "You're right! I'll be lucky if I'm not late!"

"That means I'm already late..." Mrs. Mackenzie sighed. "I'm afraid you'll have to stay at home until I find a baby-sitter. I'll phone the library to let you know you aren't coming Lauren, since I doubt we'll be home before your volunteer work starts..."

"It's okay Mom," Lauren sighed. "I'll go tomorrow morning."

When they had gone, Lauren flopped over and collapsed on the unmade bed in relief. "Ugh…"

"I just hope they don't actually ask my teacher about 'Eric'. He has brown eyes, black hair and a completely different last name." Jared said, also slumping onto the bed.

"Did you know about this when you told Leigh that alias?" Ed asked Lauren dazedly, leaning against the wall.

"…No. You're just having a really, really lucky day."

"I wonder how long it'll be until your luck runs out." Jared pondered. There was an uncomfortable silence.

Lauren sighed. "I'm just grateful they didn't notice your eyes; I wouldn't have known how to explain that. Well, I suppose I'd better start your education in every day modern life. I have no clue where you'll stay tonight, but I'm sure we'll work something out."

"What about the old tree house?" They all looked over at the doorway, where Monica was leaning against the door frame.

"Make no mistake, I don't know what this is all about-" She replied hastily at their glares. "-But I'm guessing he needs a place to stay, right?"

No one replied.

Monica sighed. "Forget it. I'm going over to Heather's place, see you at five." She closed the door, and walked away.

"Well, that was odd." Jared commented.

"But helpful." Lauren added. "Nobody ever goes around the old tree house, so he should be okay. You'll need a lot of blankets Ed, but other then that it's pretty cosy."

Ed sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Well, we better get started on that later."

---

"Alright, I think we're done, at least for now." Lauren said, slamming the dictionary shut.

"Are you kidding? We barely got past the c section!" Ed protested, still intent on learning as much as he could.

"Give it a rest; we've been studying for an hour!" She complained, sinking lower in the chair. "Besides, now it's time for the culture aspect…"

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

She tossed something at him, and Ed caught it, examining it curiously. "A good part of the fandom writes crossovers between FMA and Harry Potter. People want to see how you would react to magic, especially since there are so many similarities between Harry's world and yours. I thought it'd be a good place to start."

His eyes widened. " '_Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_'?" He turned it over, skimming briefly over the summary.

"Yeah, you'd probably be able to relate to at least a good quarter of it." Jared added. "The first book mentions alchemy and, obviously, the Philosopher's Stone. Along with that, it's also one of the most popular books in children's and juvenile literature. You should really read the book first, but we're strapped on time until our parents come back."

And so, they watched it. Despite the occasionally sarcastic comment from Ed, he generally seemed to enjoy it. After having grilled cheese for lunch (Lauren decided to risk using some of their food instead of what she'd bought the previous night, reasoning that her parents either wouldn't notice or would think it was from his dinner the night before), they watched _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_, followed by _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_. To detail everything Ed said would take to long, but needless to say, he liked it. Unfortunately, they had to stop before they could watch the fourth one.

"Wow, we spent a whole day watching Harry Potter and quizzing you on stuff." Lauren said amusedly.

"There's still a lot I don't know." He sighed.

"Well, we should probably get the tree house set up now. Jared went off to search through the closest for extra blankets after lunch, but I doubt he found any." She explained.

"Yes I did!" Jared growled, his arms piled high with a teetering mound of blankets.

Lauren blinked. "You need any help with that?"

"No, I should be just fine." He answered, sounding somewhat frazzled despite his confident words.

It turned out that the tree house Monica had suggested was actually located somewhere in the woods behind Lauren's house. Hiking (or, more accurately, fighting) their way through the copse proved difficult, but thanks to Lauren's rather…aggressive tendencies (which mostly involved kicking, snapping, and shoving anything out of her way) they made it in fairly decent time. Especially considering the food, blankets, sleeping bag and other necessities they had to lug with them. Of course, that didn't mean everything was peachy-keen; particularly when Lauren fell behind.

Pulling aside a stubborn branch, Jared let go as soon as he had passed. Unfortunately, it smacked right into Lauren. "Oww!"

"Are you all right?" Jared asked, not appearing all that troubled. Further ahead by about two yards, Ed stopped when he noticed the commotion.

Rubbing her nose tenderly, Lauren was surprised to see blood when she pulled her hand away. Groaning, she pinched her nose and prayed she hadn't broken it. "Sure, I'm fine."

"Are you alright?" Ed called, puzzled by the sudden stop.

"No, she's dying." Jared replied sarcastically. Both Lauren and Ed shot him a look.

"We don't have time for this; Mom and Dad'll be home soon." She murmured, rising to her feet but still pinching her nose dutifully. Jared offered his hand, which she refused.

"I knew we should've left it to the last minute." Her younger brother sighed; brushing off the rebuttal like it was nothing.

"We had to milk the time we had for all it was worth." She replied distractedly, dearly hoping she could infect her previous misadventure on Jared.

He snickered. "Don't let Ed hear you say that."

Rolling her eyes, she continued on in a more careful manner. Lauren was just grateful there weren't hoards of bugs like in the summer; she didn't need anymore problems at the moment.

But, as mentioned before, they soon found themselves staring up at a lopsided, weather-beaten wreck Monica had so graciously termed a 'tree house'. Ed briefly wondered how it was even staying it the tree, as half the support beams that had been nailed to the tree had broken or fallen completely off. The roof was also mostly caved-in, and the rope ladder leading up to it was gone. In short (or, if you were sensitive about those things, 'In the final analysis'), it hardly looked habitable at all.

Ed sighed. "Please tell me that isn't where I'll be staying…"

"Alright, that isn't where you'll be staying." Lauren said brusquely, still made about the branch incident. "Now, could you help us move this junk up there?"

He winced. _I must've done something really bad in a previous life…_

Climbing the tree proved to be a chore. After finding the rope ladder in a nearby bush, Ed (being the only one who could climb trees to begin with) had to scale the oak, cut off the broken pieces still threaded through the holes (this was made possible by the donation of Lauren's scissors, as she had anticipated such a scenario) and re-tie the ladder.

The condition inside the tree house wasn't much better. Painting was peeling off the walls, and dust, trash and leaves covered almost everything. What little furniture there was (a wooden chair, an empty bookcase, an orange couch and a scratched coffee table) had been ravaged by both the elements and whatever animals had decided to chew or nest in them.

"When was the last time you came here?" Ed asked, casting a critical eye over the scene before him.

Jared pondered. "A year ago in August, for my birthday party; guess that bad ice storm we had last winter totaled it…"

"Oh come on, it's not that bad." Lauren said cheerfully, readjusting a crooked painting. Not only did the painting slide back into its original position, but also fell off the wall to land with a clatter at their feet.

"It **is **that bad." Ed replied stonily. "I've lived in some pretty inhospitable, filth-infested shacks in my lifetime, but I think this one takes the cake."

Lauren sighed. "Well, dismal conditions or no, this is the only way you can stay. This is only a temporary solution after all, until I either persuade my parents or find somewhere else-"

"-Or tell someone else and dump him on them." Jared finished, ignoring Lauren's glare.

"I feel so loved." Ed said sardonically.

"Hey, shouldn't somebody should go back to the house to make sure Mom and Dad aren't home yet?" Jared pointed out randomly, seemingly oblivious to Ed's sarcasm.

Lauren sighed. "Go for it."

Dropping the blankets like they were hot potatoes, Jared scrambled down the ladder and gradually made his way back to the house, the path they had cut through the thick undergrowth helping him greatly.

Lauren watched Ed as he attempted to clear a patch on the floor (he didn't trust the couch) to put the sleeping bag, feeling incredibly guilty. If only she'd handled things better, maybe he could have ended up sleeping in the basement or the guest room again, instead of facing the possibility of freezing to death in the sad excuse for a tree house.

"I'm sorry."

He stopped for a moment, and then continued (though it was in vain, as the floor was covered in an absolutely amazing amount of dirt and debris).

"I'm really, really sorry." She repeated, tensing for either a sarcastic remark, a murmur of agreement or fake reassurance. She received neither.

"You know, I was really surprised when you referred to me as a friend back there." He commented, almost as if he was talking about the weather.

Lauren was taken aback, surprised at his almost uncharacteristic reply.

"Thanks for sticking up for me, even though I didn't need it. I guess I must be a pretty big burden on you, if this world is really as complicated and as different as it seems. And I know I've said this before, and I'll either keep saying it or forget to say it entirely –I'm guessing the latter's more likely to happen- but…thanks."

She laughed bitterly. "I've just condemned you to a sleepless night in the most inhospitable, filth-infested shack you've ever seen in your life and you thank me? What sort of person are you?"

"The kind that could use help pulling this wooden beam aside so he can put down his sleeping bag?" He hinted.

She grinned, and moved to help him. "Sure." Then she realized something.

"Ed, I really meant it when I said you couldn't get out of that autograph. Jared will kill me."

"I'm not buttering you up! Jeez, I say something nice to people and they go around accusing me of having an ulterior motive..."

"But the autograph would help, right?" She replied amusedly.

He grinned. "Well, now that you mention it…"

Lauren sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

"I never got to find out what the 'internet' was…"

"Tomorrow, Ed."

---

Now, I know I said a short every five chapters, but I really couldn't resist it when one viewer asked about the possibility of any EdxLauren action. Please don't take offense at it, 'cause this is just me having fun :) As for romance actually being in the story, I feel that- Oh, sorry, on with the short! ;D

'**Forays in Romance'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Lauren, how do you feel about me?" Ed pondered aloud.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were currently sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing.

"I don't know." Lauren replied, blinking at the odd question.

"I mean…what do you see me as; an acquaintance, a friend, something else?"

She pointed towards the beginning of the chapter. "I just said I thought of you as a friend; you know that. Why do you ask?"

He sighed, then moved closer and kissed her. Pulling back, he replied. "That's why."

There was a pause, during which Lauren sputtered incoherently. Finally regaining her composure (but still blushing furiously), she sighed.

"Umm…no offense Ed, but I only met you last night."

He slumped over in relief. "Thank God. I was starting to wonder if you had a crush on me or something…"

"Wait…that was a test?"

He laughed. "Yeah, why do you ask?"

Poor Ed never saw the table coming.

**THE END…DUN DUN DUUN!**

Uh…the purpose of that would be to show how since Lauren's so darn sensitive and Ed enjoys goading people, a relationship between them probably won't work. Well…it might, but it all depends on whether or not there's chemistry and they'd be willing to look past that. I'm one of those EdxWin shippers so I'll probably stick with that, and I'd like to break a cliché, but I also enjoy the occasional OC pairing so who knows. I guess it all depends on whether the reviewers want it and if I'm up to the challenge :)

So…this chapter was mostly a 'dumping ground' for information. Sorry, at least I got it out early though, right? Next chapter should be more interesting, since we see a familiar face. Not to mention, we get to see Ed's reaction to a modern-day downtown city. He's faced suburbia, but how will he deal with skyscrapers? Public transport? Traffic jams? The possibilities are endless! -You can just tell she enjoys thinking about it-


	8. The Start of Something?

**Author's Note:** 'Ello! I'm happy 'cuz I passed the (lucky) seven chapter mark, which generally means I stick with a fic (no matter how long I put it on hiatus). I love this story…it's so much fun to write. I think I'll continue writing FMA fic after this :) Of course, I'll have to redo _Wishful Thinking_ a bit and I should really finish another chapter of _No Way Out_, but…yeah :) I'm sorry for the ambiguity of the name of Lauren's city, but…well, I live in Canada, and I bet a lot of my readers are American/British, so I can't just go 'Let's go eat a beaver-tail, eh?'. And if you are American or British and you understood that, I profoundly apologize for not knowing anything about your countries :) And if you happen to be Australian…I'm sorry! And by the way, this story alludes to events up to episode 34, though it might allude to episodes beyond that once I finish the series. As for EdxLauren…eh, four people wanted it, but I don't know yet whether I'll do it. Could we take a vote or something? ;D

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Eight: The Start of Something?**

His teeth chattered furiously as another cold draft swept through the tree house, seeming sucking all the warmth from his body. Pulling his soaked red jacket tighter, Ed couldn't help but wonder how long he would last when it got even colder.

_If it weren't for all these blankets, I probably would've frozen stiff already._ He reflected.

Of course, the mind-numbing cold wasn't all that got to him. The creaks and groans of the tree house itself had at first led him to believe that it would fall down at any minute. The howling wind, tapping branches, pounding rain and deafening thunder was certainly something to be reckoned with. Thankfully it hadn't, but the forceful gusts of icy air still left him wary.

_I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight…_

Fortunately for him, however, he was wrong.

---

"But what if he's not okay?"

Jared sighed. His sisters had the awful habit of making a mountain out of a molehill, though Lauren was definitely the worst of the two by far. But with a full-out storm raging outside, he couldn't quite blame her. Of course, the fact that she was currently wearing a grove in the living room floor with her relentless pacing and whining like a puppy completely nullified any sympathy.

"He could be out there somewhere lost…or hurt…or dead! We have to go out and help him!" She continued frantically, falling back into her old bad habit of biting her nails.

"Will you give it a rest?" Jared finally replied irritably, having had enough of his neurotic sister's theatrics. "He's been through worse and lived, besides, it isn't really any of your business."

"Any of my business?" She repeated incredulously. "He could be-"

" 'Out there somewhere lost…or hurt…or dead', I know." He sighed. "I agree, but Mom and Dad won't let us out past seven, and it's already nine thirty-"

"I don't care! Somebody's got to look after him!" She snapped, heading for the door.

Jared eyes widened, and he jumped up from the table to try and stop her. "Mom and Dad will kill you! He can take care of himself; he's not some injured animal!"

"I'm worried about him," Lauren said firmly.

But Jared had nothing but sarcasm to offer. "Really, I wouldn't have guessed. If you're going to do something as hotheaded and foolish as this, you could at least bother to grab a coat!" She sighed, pulling her hand away from the door and running it through her hair.

"You're right. I might as well grab a few other things for him while I'm at it…" She finished determinedly. And a coat, a flashlight, a knapsack, a covered mug of hot chocolate and a few other essential articles later she was all set to go.

"Wish me luck." She said grimly.

"Can I have all your Halloween candy if you die?"

"No."

Then she was off. If the journey there had been difficult to begin with, doing it in the pitch-black darkness during a storm armed with only a flashlight and a fuzzy memory to guide her was downright impossible.

"I'm starting to think this is a bad idea…" She said hesitantly, then smiled cynically. "Good grief, now I'm talking to myself? Maybe Ed was right, I **am** a nutter."

But she did indeed make it to the tree house, though sporting several bruises and cuts that would make themselves well known later on. Spying the ladder pinned to the tree with her pocketknife (_I never did get it back…_), Lauren grabbed it eagerly and climbed like the wind.

The sight that met her eyes took her breath away. Shining her flashlight across the rubbish-strewn floor, the beam landed on two tired gold eyes framed by blonde bangs.

"Have no fear, the cavalry has arrived!" She laughed, moving closer.

"Could you get that damn light out of my eyes?" He growled, and she humored him.

"Wow, you look pathetic." Lauren commented. He snorted, and Lauren was slightly concerned when he didn't have some sort of witty comeback.

"Why did you come here anyway? It's generally not a good idea to go out in weather like this." He gestured towards a window. The scene outside would not have looked out of place in a movie.

She smiled wryly. "I don't know; it could be that I was worried about you?"

He snorted again. "You're pulling my leg."

"I wouldn't do that; depending on which one I pick, it might come off." She grinned mischievously.

He rolled his eyes. "Ha, ha, let's poke fun at the guy with a permanent black cloud over his head."

"Literally. You know, I suspect the only reason I try to keep you from dying is so I can trade witty banter with you." She replied amusedly.

"You seem to manage that well enough with your cat."

Lauren pretended to be stabbed through the heart. "You wound me."

"If only…"

"Let's call it a draw, shall we? As much as I would love to continue, I have the funny feeling you're slowly freezing to death."

"What was your first clue, the blue lips or the violent shivering?"

She pulled out the mug of hot chocolate, carefully taking the covering off the top.

"…Is that what I think it is?" He eyed the mug liked a starved animal.

She grinned. "Yeap."

He practically pounced on it, and drank it all in one gulp while Lauren watched amusedly. Her smile quickly faded however when she realized just how cold he really looked.

"Are you really okay?" She asked concernedly.

He grinned. "Besides the fact that I feel like a giant frozen ice cube, I'm fine- really."

Though Lauren didn't quite believe that, she wasn't quite sure how to pry it out of him, so she went for the next best thing. "Do you feel under the weather anymore?"

"…that's a stupid question…"

She sighed, and face palmed. "Sorry, that didn't come out right. Umm…do you still feel like you need to throw up?"

Ed sighed. "No, I think I'm okay now."

Lauren nodded. "That's good, it means your body has probably adjusted to this world. I just hope your automail doesn't break while you're here, because I won't know how to fix it."

There was an awkward pause. Neither could really sum up the words for what the wanted to say (in Lauren's case), or think of anything relevant to say (in Ed's case). Unable to take it anymore, Lauren finally broke the silence.

"I promise I'll find something better for you soon." Then her tone brightened. "In the meantime, I can help you fix this place up!"

Ed blinked as she rummaged around the small tree house, apparently looking for something. After a moment of two, she pulled out was appeared to be a rusted tool box from underneath the coffee table, along with a few dusty wooden planks and a tarp presumably left over from when the tree house had been constructed. The she set about covering every crack the tree house had, even going so far as to pin the tarp over the roof (which had been risky, though she she'd been relatively careful). When she was finished, the tree house was noticeably less drafter.

But she didn't stop there. Pulling out an old but large dish, she threw any dry wood or leaves she could find and struck a match to try and light it. After the fire was blazing, she went to a corner of the tree house and grabbed a broom Ed hadn't noticed before, so covered it was in cobwebs. Lauren proceeded to sweep all the dirt and junk she could find out the entrance, and then collapsed next to him on the sleeping bag.

"Ugh, I'm exhausted. Next thing on the list: get you out of those soaked blankets and jacket, and then set up a better bed."

And before he could even protest, she'd grabbed his jacket, the sleeping bag and the blanket and hung them over the couch.

"Hey! What am I going to sleep on now?" He asked angrily. She smiled, then pulled out an air pump, a thick comforter and what Ed assumed was another plastic tarp from her knapsack.

"This is one of those air mattresses." She explained, pointing towards the tarp. "…and I can blow it up with this. You should be warmer with this blanket then you were with the others, anyway."

It took a bit longer to set up the air mattress then she had originally anticipated, but she did. And when she had finished, the tree house and any possibly of sleep for Ed certainly looked better.

"Well, I've got to go now. We've got a lot to study tomorrow, so prepare yourself for that. I'll come around about nine in the morning, and try wearing the clothes I got for you tomorrow, just in case someone happens too drop by." She placed an alarm clock on the coffee table. "I've set this to go off at eight thirty, so that should give you plenty of time to get ready. See you tomorrow!" Before Ed could even blink, she was gone.

Sighing, he decided to just simply go to bed before something else happened.

---

"Hello! My name is Helen Sherburne, and I'll be your…wait, I've seen you before!"

The day had started relatively uneventfully. Lauren had woken up; gone out to fetch Ed (he was still asleep, with the alarm clock smashed to pieces) and headed back to the house all the while threatening bodily harm on Ed for destroying her only alarm clock while he tried his best to apologize without **actually** apologizing. Two slices of toast later, they decided to resume Ed's…err…education. The doorbell had rung, and Lauren found herself face to face with someone she had never expected to see again.

"Remember me? I was Alphonse at that convention thing at Hall-mart?" Helen chattered excitedly. "Wow! It's so great to see you again! How's your Edward Elric cosplaying friend? Did you make up? Tell him I said hi!"

"Umm…here's right here." Lauren replied, pointing to Ed (who had peered around the corner to try and find out what all the commotion was about).

"Nice to see you again!" She said warmly.

"Err…nice to see you to." He smiled nervously, hiding his metal arm behind his back. Though Lauren had forced him to wear the 'normal' clothes she'd bought him, he hadn't ye put on the bandages to cover up his automail.

Briefly giving him what could only be described as a murderous look, Lauren tried her best to distract Helen so Ed could slip away. Unfortunately, it didn't work very well.

"What brings you to our neck of the neighbourhood?" Lauren asked, partially as a diversion and partially because she really did want to know the answer.

Helen blinked, and then laughed. "Oh, didn't your mother tell you? I'm your new babysitter."

"But we don't need a babysitter; I'm over twelve, and Lauren's turning sixteen soon." Jared replied for Lauren, who had developed a strange twitch over her left eye. The smile made it all the more disconcerting.

"I guess your Mom still felt you needed someone to look after you…she said something about a 'wretched hoodlum' boy…" Helen answered thoughtfully, her eyes lingering over Ed (who had to quickly hide the fact he had been inching away).

He rubbed the back of his neck, and laughed nervously. "Really, well, I wonder who that was…"

Helen smiled, for a minute appearing completely calm and less bubbly. "I think I can guess." Ed and Lauren blinked, surprised by her change in demeanor.

Helen clapped her hands together. "Well, anything you were doing you better finish soon! Your mother thought you'd like a day downtown, and she mentioned something about Lauren's volunteer work-"

"Can…umm…Eric come?" Lauren interjected, gesturing to a Ed.

Helen blinked. "So that's your name…"

"Yeap, Eric Eldward; that's my name." Ed replied flatly. Undeterred, Helen continued on heedlessly.

"Sure! As long as he pays for his own bus fare –oh, your mom gave me yours, by the way- he should be perfectly fine." She rambled happily.

"I'll…just go get ready." Ed said quickly, dashing off before she could reply. Helen blinked owlishly.

"Well, he sure seems happier…"

Lauren looked sheepish. "Uh, yeah…he must be happy because we worked things out. Come to think of it, I should get something too…"

Helen shrugged and leaned against the doorframe. "Okay, if you say so."

Lauren smiled briefly, before heading up the stairs after him, only to come face to face with said alchemist.

"I have enough money left for bus fare; you can use that." Lauren whispered, mindful of Helen listening even as she managed to steer him into her room.

He sighed. "I'd rather stay here, but I guess that'd be a lost cause."

Lauren didn't reply, handing him his bandages wordlessly. Of course, halfway through scrounging up the money she needed for Ed's bus fare, she noticed he was having some difficulty. After rolling up his sleeve as far it could go, he was trying to wrap the bandages around his automail arm with one hand; a task that proved impossible.

"Do you need any help?" She asked hesitantly.

"No, I'm just fine." He replied frostily. Lauren could only deduce that he wasn't to keen on having to depend on her as much as he needed. This realization, however, did not help hold her temper in check.

"Well, I'm helping you anyway." She said determinedly, grabbing the bandages and proceeding to start from his fingers upwards.

Though an ingenious idea, that bandages still led to a few problems. The cloth snagged on parts of his automail, Lauren couldn't accurately tell how tight to pull them without it appearing suspicious or restricting his movements and, most importantly, how much of his automail needed to be bandaged.

But nevertheless, a few minutes later, Ed headed back downstairs wearing his jacket with his arm bandaged up to the shoulder. Unfortunately, Helen proved to be very observant.

"Are you alright? That looks like quite an injury…how did you get something that major?" She asked concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay…just…busted it up a bit."

"Goodness, you didn't have that when I last saw you. Come to think of it, that was the same arm-"

"Could we get going?" Lauren interrupted desperately. Helen blinked, giving them all strange looks before seemingly dismissing it.

"Sure. I'm sorry for being so nosy; I just get so curious sometimes…" Helen apologized.

"It's alright." Ed replied, not quite able to meet her eyes.

"So," Lauren jumped in. "Where exactly are we going downtown?"

Helen scratched her head, looking thoughtful. "I don't know. The Museum of the Natural World would be a good place to start. Perhaps then the Ridack Centre, and…umm…I don't know. Shall we get going, and decide what will do later?" Jared raised an eyebrow, but no one else had a decent argument against it.

---

The first place they went to was the library, because Lauren had a half-hour's worth of volunteer service to do and Helen needed to drop off some books anyway. When they got there, however, it became something far more then a simple trip.

"Lauren…why are there so many people here?" Jared asked, staring out his car window with a baffled air. Ed had a strange look on his face; sort of the expression you'd expect him to have if he'd just discovered one of the many RoyxEd slash stories on the web.

Lauren would have laughed, if she hadn't currently sported the exact same look. The front of the community centre was crowded and the parking lot was packed to the brim, loud voices, shouts, car horns and barking dog blending together to form an almost unbearable din; which was, thankfully, muted from where they sat in Helen's car.

Helen herself sighed. "Well, looks like I'll have to find a parking space somewhere else. I'll meet you in the library, okay?" And they found themselves separated in the middle of a pushing, elbowing and disorderly crowd.

"Ed!" Lauren called, heart hammering wildly. She'd lost sight of him for only a moment, but that moment was apparently enough time for him to be jostled out of the way.

"YOU AREN'T SHOUTING FOR ME? I'M TOUCHED!" Jared snorted, shoving a path through the many overweight men wearing face paint.

"HAVE YOU SEEN ED? I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND HIM!" Lauren bit her lip, blushing slightly at the many shirtless men.

Jared gave her a peeved look. "OH COME ON, LAUREN! HE COULD FLATTEN THESE GUYS IN THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE ME TO COUGH; I THINK HE'LL BE OKAY-"

"WOOT! TIGERS FOREVER, MAN!"

"SHUT UP!" Jared snapped, kicking the over-enthusiastic man in the stomach, who doubled over like a sack of potatoes.

Lauren smirked. "OH RIGHT, I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT WORRIED AT ALL."

Jared ignored her remark, glancing briefly at the front doors to the community centre. They seemed so far away…"ISN'T 'TALEMOUNT TIGERS' THE NAME OF OUR LOCAL HOCKEY TEAM?"

Lauren grimaced. "I DON'T KNOW, I NEVER REALLY PAID ATTENTION TO HOCKEY…"

"THEN THERE MUST BE A HOCKEY GAME. FIGURES THEY'D HAVE TO BUILD THE LIBRARY IN THE COMMUNITY CENTRE…"

Lauren sighed, wondering if she should have worn her lucky socks. They needed all the help they could get. "WELL, I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR ED, SO GO AHEAD WITHOUT ME OKAY?"

Jared rolled his eyes, but nodded and began to carve a path towards the front doors. Lauren glanced almost helplessly at the seemingly never-ending swarm of people in front of her. This wasn't going to be easy.

_Next time, I hope that if I find one fictional character, it'll be someone who doesn't have such bad luck. _She made a face. _Well, that pretty much eliminates all my fandoms…_

"MOVE IT, PIPSQUEAK!"

"**WHO'RE YOU CALLING SMALL?!**"

Lauren almost collapsed from relief at the familiar voice. _Thank God, I've found him!_

Darting through a throng of scantily-clad men (and seeing more of the male body then she really wanted to …), she just barely managed to grab Ed before he went absolutely nuts.

"LET GO OF ME! I'M GOING TO RIP THAT BASTARD TO PIECES!" He struggled, and managed to give her a good kick in the shin by accident.

She winced, but held fast. "WE'VE GOT TO GET AWAY FROM THE CROWD! JARED'S WAITING FOR US IN THE LIBRARY!"

He turned, wide-eyed. "WAIT, LAUREN?"

Catching him off guard and half-dragging Ed, she finally managed to get out of the crowd and through the doorway. Closing the door with a slam, she leaned against it panting and sweating.

Ed sulked. "All I wanted to do was kick his ass…"

"Yeah, well I've got to be in the library by-" She checked her watch, then her eyes widened. "Oh dammit, I'm going to be late!"

Ed watched her dumbfounded as she ran towards the nearby library doors. "Hey, wait!" Throwing open the doors, she tore past bookracks and skidded to the stop outside the children's section.

"Just on time," Lauren turned around stiffly, and then relaxed when she saw who it was.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Stevens…" She smiled hesitantly.

The librarian smiled. "Hello to you to. I was just about to set up the craft, would you care to help me?" Lauren opened her mouth to reply, but stopped when she saw Ed.

"I'll be right there; I just need to take care of something first. Sorry…" She winced.

Mrs. Stevens nodded. "No need to be sorry, just don't be to long."

"Thank you." Lauren replied gratefully, heading off. She found him pouring over a couple of graphic novels in the juvenile fiction section.

She sighed exasperatedly. "Ed…"

He gave her a pointed look. "You ran off, so I figured that I'd catch up on my reading."

Lauren shook her head. "You probably won't find much here. I bet I can find you something better in the adult section…"

She trailed off as she noticed him eyeing something. Following his gaze, she saw a book with a picture of a war-torn battlefield, with the words 'World War Two: The Facts and the Fiction' proclaimed in bright gold letters.

"World War Two?" He whispered. Lauren snapped out of her trance, moving forward and picking the book off the floor before returning it to the shelves.

"What the hell do they mean by a 'World War'?" Lauren stiffened, and her hand clenched.

"Remember when I said that there are some things you're better off not knowing? That's one of them."

She changed the topic to something less extreme, but nevertheless unwelcome thoughts continued to plague her. She hadn't seen all of Fullmetal Alchemist, though she did know it mostly took place in 1915- just before World War One would have started. Would Ed get involved in the war if it happened? Would he…would he die?

She managed to push him into the section for the occult, explaining that he should start with finding out whether or not there were any successful alchemy attempts in this world. After all, the sooner they could find a way for him to get back home the better. Lauren then helped out with the reading time in the children's section, assisting with the craft and making sure everything was working properly. But thankfully, her volunteer work was soon over, and she was able to check on Ed.

"Boy, it sure is busy at the library today." She commented, sitting down next to him. He was completely immersed a book. "Any luck?"

"There's nothing here but mindless drivel." Ed replied bitterly, slamming the book shut. "Alchemy is science, not some form of magic. Though some of these books explain the basic concepts, nothing dives into anything more. They pass alchemists off as charlatans and thieves, and according to this there never were 'real' alchemists."

Lauren leaned against a bookshelf, a pensive look on her face. "I thought so. To be honest, I probably would've heard about it beforehand if it was anything we were looking for."

They both sighed.

_Alchemy is when you convert an object or matter into another form…why do I have the feeling I'm missing something?_

"I've got it!" She jumped up, a triumphant look on her face. "Ernest Rutherford!"

"Ernest…who?" Ed blinked, but started to look more hopeful.

"Ernest Rutherford. He transformed some nitrogen into oxygen in…umm…the late Edwardian Era or thereabouts. I remember reading about it in science class; it wasn't technically a transmutation, but it was close! Come on, we've got to do more research on the internet!"

"Wait, what's the internet?"

She sighed. "I'll show you."

---

No, my parents wouldn't have let Ed stay either…how would you feel if you woke up one morning to discover one of your daughters had thrown a wild party the night before and the other had a strange boy in the room next to her? They're actually really nice people, but…well; Lauren's parents tend to be pretty stubborn :) Why did Lauren comply? Well, she respects her parents (most of the time lol), and knows they mean well, but also because of one word: allowance. Anyway, if they'd grounded her, it'd be harder for her to sneak out and help Ed ;D

Originally thought this was going to be roughly fifteen chapters. But after I thought it out a bit more, I realized it'll probably be something like twenty-five to thirty. That number is subject to change, but…yeah. This'll be a big step for me as a writer if that's the case, because so far none of my stories have been more then seventeen chapters. Sorry I had to cut off before I got to the 'city' part of the actual chapter, but it was getting way too long. As it was, I made this chapter super big ;D Next chapter: Ed gets exposed to slash and 'Encyclowiki', and they head downtown. To make up for not putting the city part in this chapter, I'll include a short next chapter!


	9. Street Smarts

**Author's Note:** Every one of you reviewers rock my socks ;) I make a point of reading every review I get a dozen times, and I know I wouldn't have made it this far without you guys! If anyone has any constructive critism for me, I'll gladly take it :) and for the one Italian reviewer, 'son of my sister' in English is a 'nephew', and I thought your English was pretty darned good- better than mine! ;D

Oh, and while I might not be the biggest fan of slash, I respect people who like it; but you just know how Ed would react to it ;D I also think Winry is awesome, so don't go after me for that either ;) My birthday's next Monday! Yay! I have to work through it though…Boo.

_EDIT: Went through and fixed some obvious spelling errors/inconsistencies._

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Nine: Street Smarts**

It really was amazing what you could find on the internet. Of course, it was also kind of scary.

"What the hell does 'EdxRoy' mean?"

Lauren sighed, propping her chin up with her hand. If she had known what going down that dark road Halloween night would have led to, she…no, this was probably the most interesting thing that had ever and would ever happen in her life, and Lauren wouldn't have passed it up for the world.

Still…introducing Ed to the wonderful, wacky, weird world of slash wasn't something she was looking forward to.

"EdxRoy is…a pairing. Why do you want to know?"

"Pairing?" He blinked. "What do you mean? I just found some site called and clicked on it…"

Lauren face palmed. "Oh no…"

She was currently searching Encyclowiki on one of the library computers for anything she could find on alchemy, with varying degrees of success. After a few minutes of distracting fidgeting and complaining from Ed, she'd sat him down at the nearest computer and (after a crash course on basic computer components, typing and other such essential knowledge) allowed him to search Google to his heart's content.

"You mean…I can find almost anything on here?" He had said, absolutely floored.

"Yeah, the internet has a lot of information and junk on even the most random of things, with just the click of the mouse. Along with that, however, there's also a lot of misinformation and garbage, so think before you check certain things out, okay?"

Then she'd left him to it, and started her search on Encyclowiki for anything she could find on alchemy (with varying degrees of success). Now she wished she'd thought things out a bit more.

"What?"

She grimaced. "Well…you remember when I told you how popular your series was? People like to write 'fan stories' for their favourite fandoms, and…ah…pairings are part of it. I'll show you an article for it on Encyclowiki later…Ed?"

The blonde state alchemist had the strangest expression on his face, a mixture of fear, disgust, anger, shock and a few other choice emotions. He slowly pushed himself away from the computer, eyeing it as if it would come alive and eat him.

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "What is it now?"

"I…I…d-did…I…" Ed stammered, unable to properly voice his response to the filth currently displayed on the glowing monitor. Wordlessly, he pointed to it.

Lauren leaned over and peered at the screen, realizing at once why he had reacted so oddly. She recoiled like she'd been slapped; clicking the back button faster then you could say 'WTF?' (Which, all things considered, would probably sound more like 'W.T.F.').

"What the hell was that?!" Ed gasped, having finally found his voice.

"Slash, the kind that romantically pairs you with Roy." She replied nervously. "…I never knew you could do that with automail…"

"You can't!" Ed snapped, and then slapped a hand over his mouth, looking completely horrified with himself.

There was an extremely long, awkward pause.

"…Ed, how would you know that?" Lauren asked, not sure how she should react.

Ed ducked his head, embarrassed. His bangs covered his eyes, but Lauren could still make out his brilliant red face. He mumbled something.

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'I doubt it's scientifically possible'. I don't always tune Winry out when she goes into one of her automail rants…"

There was another, abet shorter, pause. Then Lauren started to laugh.

"What the hell is so funny?!" Ed growled, still blushing.

She only laughed harder. In fact, Lauren laughed so hard she started to cry, then nearly fell off her chair; which of course got Ed laughing. People stared at them, and then hurried on, not wanting to feel the wrath of two mentally unbalanced teenagers.

"Shh!" Looking up, Lauren saw a young, casually dressed woman in her twenties with messy hair and a pencil behind her ear. There was no mistaking who it was.

"Sorry, Mrs. Stevens," She said uncomfortably, feeling guilty.

The librarian smiled. "Just don't let it happen again."

When she was gone, Lauren tried to wipe the tears out of her eyes. "Wow, I haven't laughed that hard in…well, a long, long time."

He smirked. "I guess I'm having a positive influence on you."

Lauren grinned. "You're having an influence alright, but I doubt it's a positive one."

Jared peered out from behind a nearby bookcase, scaring them both to death. "Could you guys hurry up? We have to go now."

"Jared, don't do that!" Lauren snapped. Her brother shrugged.

"I left you guys alone long enough. Did you think it was a coincidence that Helen or I haven't interrupted you yet?"

Lauren blinked, and then sighed. "Alright, you've made your point. Could you give me a few minutes though? I need to grab a few things."

Jared rolled his eyes. "Go right ahead."

"Thank you." Quickly going back to her previous computer, she jotted down a few things on a nearby notepad, and then tore the paper off.

"Finished?" Jared said sardonically.

"Yeap," She replied. _I just hope this will actually help…_

---

Save for the sounds of the highway and the engine, the bus was moderately silent. The only people on the bus were an old lady knitting a scarf, a young woman reading the local newspaper and a stiff businessman with a suit and briefcase who kept glancing at his watch.

Of course, that was forgetting the people Ed was currently sitting with. Jared was reading a book, Helen was listening to music (or at least, that's what he assumed from her humming and the weird sounds coming from her contraption) and Lauren was staring blankly out the window.

"Hey, Lauren?"

She turned away from the window. "Mmm?"

"What were you writing down?"

Making a big show about it, Lauren looked each way to make sure no one else was listening, and then leaned closer. "Well, I came across a website detailing alchemy. You remember Ernest Rutherford, right? Well, turns out that wasn't the only scientific achievement or chemical reaction that could count under alchemy. From what I saw, the process you're used to is a pretty standard part in chemistry, only on a much larger scale then the stuff possible in this world."

"So theoretically, I could use alchemy?" He answered thoughtfully.

"I don't think it's as simple as whether or not you can use alchemy, but what you would use to control it." She sighed. "You'd need an almost unlimited power supply; and that's if you ever discover what powers alchemy in the first place. There's probably someway to divert energy from where ever you got it before, but you'd have to make one heck of a transmutation circle to access it."

"Would transmutation without a circle still work?"

"No, definitely not; it would be like clicking a broken link on a webpage." They both sighed.

The bus ground to a halt, and slowly people began boarding. Lauren moved closer to Ed; after all, if she had a question or remembered something important, having to fight her way back to him wasn't something she particularly wanted to do. Well, maybe that wasn't the whole reason…she was generally very shy around people, and having someone familiar (abet, even in a weird way) would definitely make her feel better.

"I don't like buses…too crowded and full of people." She whispered to Ed, hardly caring if he listened or not.

Ed shrugged. "I prefer trains, but it could worse."

She gave him a look. "Wait, have you been on buses before?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "You really don't know much about history, do you?"

"No, I don't know anything in that area; nearly failed my history course last year. Umm…could you move over just a bit? I think your automail is digging into my skin." He complied almost immediately, folding his arms and pillowing his head on them. Wincing, she rubbed her shoulder, but tried her best to do so as discreetly as possible.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Then Lauren noticed Helen signal the driver to stop the bus, and discreetly gathered up her jacket and backpack. "It's time to go."

They disembarked quickly, but as Lauren attempted to put the back pack and jacket on, she noticed Ed was staring straight past her with an astounded expression on his face. Cocking her head to one side in confusion, she looked behind her, only to see the usual hi-tech granite building (which was probably a skyscraper, but she was too lazy to look up).

"What's the matter?" She asked, wondering what on earth had surprised him. But the expression was gone as quickly as it had come.

"Nothing," He murmured, walking past her to catch up to Jared and Helen. Lauren stared after him in bewilderment, before it finally clicked.

_Oh, right…I bet where he comes from, the cities aren't as built up. Why does he keep doing this? Every time he comes across something that perplexes him, he either pretends that it's nothing new or ignores it. I guess he really doesn't like depending on me so much…_

Lauren had ample time to mull this over, as the museum they were heading for was four blocks away. She couldn't help but notice that Ed was acting very strangely; his eyes were practically glued to the ground, and his body was tense. It was almost unnerving.

"Are we there yet?" Moaned Jared; tired and fatigued from the walk.

"Almost," Helen replied cheerfully, not even sweating.

The building came into view, and Lauren almost bumped straight into Ed. The museum was covered in statues and intricate designs somewhat reminiscent of a castle or cathedral. Stained glass windows shone brilliantly in the bright sun, proudly set above the ordinary-looking glass doors below. The sheer size of the building itself was no comparison to a skyscraper, but it seemed to stretch for half a mile in separate directions; it was almost like standing in front of an impenetrable wall. Helen and Jared walked forth unperturbed, but Ed was as still as a statue.

Lauren exhaled mightily, blowing her bangs out of her face. If she'd had her way, Ed would have waited a bit longer before seeing something as intimidating as a city, let alone one of the biggest museums in the country.

"Well, we can't just stand around here gawking at it." She said bluntly, grabbing his left arm and pulling him along. It was harsh, but it did have the desired effect of snapping him out of it.

"Hey, let go!" He pulled his arm away, glaring at her. "I'm fine, it just surprised me. They don't make museums as big as this where I come from." He gestured towards said building.

Lauren returned the glare. "**Eric**, if we don't pick up the pace, Helen's going to notice something's up."

"I know; I can take care of myself." He said frostily, leaving a guilty Lauren behind.

_Why am I more of a hinder then a help?_

A few minutes and a set of seemingly never-ending marble stairs later, they made it to the front lobby. Lauren was still feeling remorseful (and sulking, though she'd never admit it), and Ed was…well, cold.

"Goodness, those two are at it again, aren't they?" Helen whispered.

He rolled his eyes. "They always are."

Personally, he was sick of being second man to their petty squabbles, no matter how quickly they would make up afterwards. Whoever said 'guests are like fish, after three days they start to smell' was bang on the money in this case (well, in Jared's not-so-humble opinion). Now, the question was how to fix the problem…

"Could we leave them behind to sort it out?" Jared asked wryly.

"You may have something there…" Helen pondered. And so a devious scheme was hatched. Involving lions, tigers, and bears…

---

"…Oh my…" Lauren gaped, wide-eyed.

Ed grinned, unbothered by the sight before him. "I think I'm going to like it here…"

They were in the beginning of the animal exhibit, and currently staring down what had to be the biggest dinosaur skeleton Ed had ever seen in his life. Of course, there tended not to be many museums back home open to the public, so that was understandable. Lauren was currently recovering from the heart attack she'd nearly had when she'd rounded the corner and found herself face to face with a set of teeth as big as steak knives.

Lauren shook her head, snapping out of it. "C'mon, we've got to catch up to Helen and Jared. They're probably far ahead by now!"

Ed nodded stiffly, once again returning to 'grudge-holding' mode. "Right, sure. Do you know what dinosaur this is anyways?"

Lauren blinked. "Well, dinosaurs are one of my biggest hobbies. I'm guessing by the shape of the skull and the two fingers, it's _Tyrannosaurus rex_?"

"No, it's _Daspletosaurus torosus_." Ed pointed to the sign.

Lauren grinned. "Okay, so maybe it's not **that** big of a hobby."

Ed smiled. Then they both remembered they were supposed to mad at each other, and scowled.

"Let's go." Lauren said bitterly. He shrugged, but followed her anyway.

The exhibit gradually changed from simple roped displays to elaborate dioramas behind glass. The amount of detail put into them was simply astounding, and though both of them refused to speak to each other any more then was necessary, Ed found himself floored (though certainly not for the first time).

"How did they ever get the funding for this?" He asked, barely managing to keep the amazement from showing in his tone.

"Well, now people put more value in science and information; parents realized some fifty-odd years back that the best career opportunities for their children lay in schooling, and it went from there. Not only was the standard for living greatly increased, but the desire for knowledge and understanding was also." Lauren stated frankly.

"Too bad I probably won't live long enough to see it." Ed replied wistfully. Lauren stopped walking.

"You said this was 2006, right? What are the chances of me living until then…now?" He continued.

"People have lived past one hundred before. Who's to say you couldn't?" Lauren answered, feeling as if a knot was tightening in her chest.

He snorted. "Let's be honest. Do you think I'm going to survive being in the military?" Her breath caught, and she turned to face him angrily.

"Of course you will! You can't just die like that!"

Ed looked surprised at her outburst, and blinked. He quickly recovered though. "Do you know that for sure?"

Lauren averted her eyes, trying to blink away what she irritably realized were tears. "Well, no…I haven't seen all of the series."

He grinned. "Then stop trying to give me false hope." Lauren tried to focus on the nearby cougar exhibit, as if not hearing his words would make them less real. It really was a nice exhibit, designed to look like some sort of den set into a mountain. What was presumably a mother cougar was watching over her cubs, who were both fascinated with a nearby vole and butterfly respectively. It was strange, seeing a snapshot in time like that.

"It must be nice, having a big family." Lauren looked at him quickly, but only saw him leaning casually against the railing.

Returning her gaze to the exhibit she replied. "Yeah, though those cubs will probably grow up in a few months and leave the den."

"I was actually talking about you." He replied amusedly.

She blinked. "Oh…well, it doesn't really matter. My mom's always working, and before my dad was laid off a month or two ago, he worked all the time. He's got another job now though. My sister is always away with her friends and my brother's always holed up in his room, though he's the one member of my family I'm close to." Now it was her turn to smile wistfully.

"Still, knowing you could depend on them is what really counts, right?" He theorized.

She grinned. "Yeah, they are always there for me. So are my friends, though. We've never been in a life or death situation or something, so I could be wrong, but somehow I know they'd be there for me."

He smiled, genuinely this time. "Then you know why living that long doesn't bother me that much."

It wasn't an apology, But Lauren somehow managed to understand. And for just that moment, she saw exactly who Edward Elric really was.

---

The rest of the so-called 'museum field trip' (as Lauren referred to it) went fairly well. They did eventually catch up to Jared and Helen, Lauren had to pull Ed away from the science section ("Ed, you're so predictable!"), Ed had to pull Lauren away from the beehive in the plant exhibit ("But…it's so memorizing!"), and everybody was basically in a good mood by the end of it. Well, until they came to the last section of the museum: the 'creepy crawlies' exhibit.

Lauren stopped just outside the doors, unwilling to budge another inch. "I'm not going in there."

Jared smirked. "She does this every time we go into this part of the museum."

Helen frowned. "Won't you come in, Lauren?" Lauren shook her head furiously.

"She's terrified of bugs, but mainly spiders. Not to mention small spaces, heights, and pretty much everything else covered in the exhibit." Jared finished wryly.

Ed just sighed. "Lauren, could you please stop acting like a lamb sent off to the slaughterhouse? Let's just get it over with and head back home; I'm tired."

"No."

"Please Lauren?" Helen said exasperatedly.

"NO." Ed and Jared exchanged looks, and then each grabbed one of her arms and started to pull her along anyway.

"Hey! Let go of me! I have rights, you know!"

"'Help, help, I'm being repressed!'" Jared snickered.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, I'M A FREE CITIZEN OF-"

"Yeah, yeah, we know." Ed yawned.

As soon as they'd dragged her as far as they could into the exhibit, Lauren changed tactics. Instead of trying her best to get away, she practically clung to Ed and attempted to hide behind him.

"Lauren, that is so uncool." Jared sighed. Ed personally didn't see what the big deal was all about; besides the giant replica of a spider on the wall, the room seemed mostly comprised of dimly-lit glass cases that glowed eerily in the darkened room.

"S-so many…bugs…" She gulped. Peering into one of the glass cases, Ed realized it was filled with at least fifty cockroaches.

"So it looks like a bad Halloween display, that's no reason to freak out." Jared continued. But nevertheless, Lauren continued to hold his shirt in a death grip, which started to annoy Ed. He'd never been much of a fan of being touched to begin with, but she was taking too far.

"Lauren, will you let go already?" He gritted his teeth. She shook her head wordlessly.

Thankfully, the exhibit wasn't very large, so they were out quickly. Lauren detached herself from the back of Ed's shirt, and Jared set about ripping into her.

"What is your problem? Every time you see a bug you go absolutely out of your mind with fear, I know, but did you have to screw it up for us too?" Jared snapped.

"I'm sorry…" She said, ducking her head. "…I just hate bugs so much-"

Jared sighed. "Yeah, I know. But at least try to make less of a scene next time, okay?"

Two more blocks later, Ed found himself looking at the 'Ridack' Centre; apparently a mall even bigger then the museum. Entering the building with some trepidation, he nonetheless followed Lauren and company.

It was the oddest thing he had ever seen; different shops and every interval, for floor upon floor. Everywhere he turned, there were more people selling their wares, and the amount of people and crowds was simply staggering.

Lauren smiled, noticing his expression. "I guess they don't make malls in Amestris like they make 'em here, right?"

He grinned. "Well, they don't make a lot of things the way you make them here."

After a lot of walking (not like they hadn't done enough already), they ran into another problem: lunch. As Helen went off to grab pizza for the three of them, a furious debate started.

"It's okay; I hardly ever buy anything here anyways. You can use my money." Lauren insisted.

"I've been leeching off you enough." Ed replied bluntly, crossing his arms. Nothing Jared or Lauren did would convince him to accept her offer. Helen came back with the pizza after a few minutes, blinking when she noticed Ed hadn't gone to pay for his own lunch.

"Eric, why don't you try getting some pizza before everything's gone?"

He crossed his arms, looking away sourly. "I'm fine."

Lauren felt incredibly guilty (which, strangely enough, had become the most prevalent feeling since Halloween night) as she ate her pizza. She was half-tempted to push it away, but it had cost a fair bit of money and she was starving. Then she had a brilliant idea; she had two pieces of pizza, so if she played her cards right, she could get her lunch **and** force Ed to eat something.

"I'm so full…" She moaned, pushing he plate away. Ed eyed the remaining piece hungrily, but didn't make a single move for it.

"**Eric**, why don't you finish it for me?" She prompted. He gave her an uncertain look.

"Are you sure you're full?"

"Positive."

Satisfied, Ed grabbed it and tore into the pizza like a starved animal. Lauren reflected that he must have been extremely hungry if he gave in that easily. Catching on, Jared pulled the same trick. Ed hesitated for a bit longer this time, but Lauren easily convinced him to take it.

Helen watched the proceedings curiously. Though having rarely gotten any time to talk one-on-one with him, she could tell there was something very strange about this 'Eric Eldward'. Having mostly stood on the sidelines observing for the duration of the trip, she noted that he seemed almost overwhelmed by everything, with Jared and Lauren almost constantly by his side. Filing it away for future use, she decided to ask him personally about it later on.

Lauren noticed that Ed seemed strangely preoccupied by something, rarely contributing to Helen and Jared's furious (but extremely random) debates. "You okay?"

"Sure, I'm fine." He said; a strange, almost disheartened look on his face.

"No you're not, something's bothering you. You can tell me what it is." Lauren said softly.

He sighed. "It seems…wrong. I'm missing something important, but I just can't figure out what it is. If only I could remember what happened before I ended up on that road…"

Lauren averted her eyes, knowing how tough it really must be for him. He was away from his brother, his friends, and pretty much everything familiar to him. Personally, she was surprised he was taking all of this so well.

A sudden explosion interrupted her thoughts, and Ed sprang to his feet. A dust cloud progressively poured in from the other side of the Food court, and gradually people began to move closer to see what it was.

Ed tensed. "We should move away."

Lauren gave him a confused look. "Why?"

"Because I'm got a bad feeling…"

Gradually a silhouette became discernable as the dust cleared, and Ed's eyes widened.

"Envy…"

The homunculus grinned. "Hello, Fullmetal."

---

I forgot to mention previously, but I have another picture up at the same link I put in an earlier chapter. It's a character sketch of Lauren. A really bad one, but I like it…sort of. Oh, and you remember that short I mentioned? Well, I was going to do one on a very popular FMA fandom cliché, but then one of my reviewers gave me an idea thanks to a typo…please don't kill me for this story :)

'**Gender Bender'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Ed, are you straight?" Lauren pondered aloud.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were currently sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing.

"What are you talking about?" Ed replied, blinking at the odd question.

"I mean…are you romantically attracted to guys or girls?"

He gave her a look. "Girls, of course..."

She sighed. "Damn. Then I guess a romance between us wouldn't work…"

There was a pause, during which Ed sputtered incoherently. Finally regaining his composure (but still blushing furiously), he sighed. "I repeat: what are you talking about? Is this some sort of joke?"

Lauren rolled her eyes and pulled up her shirt. "I'm a guy. A transsexual transvestite, if you will."

Ed stared.

"Wait…you mean I flirted with a GUY?!"

"You were FLIRTING?!"

**THE END…****THANK YOU FOR WASTING YOUR TIME**

I'd personally be put off an EdxLauren romance after this, but if you managed to survive it and still want the pairing…I might just humor you. And if you also watched _The Rocky Picture Horror Show_ and caught the reference…you're just as much of a geek as I am ;) Note: The whole 'Ed flirting with Lauren' was a joke. Just thought you'd like reassurance XD

On a whole separate thing, I'm very happy because I finally figured out want I wanted to do with this story. Oh, I had a plot and a direction, but I knew there was some other theme I wanted to incorporate…and as for the EdxLauren thing, I flipped a coin on it. In case you were wondering about the result…well, I disregarded it anyway. I really can't decide whether to do romance or not- maybe I could do a romantically-themed sequel or something? Gosh, that makes me sound arrogant…TT


	10. A Secret Revealed, A Problem Solved

**Author's Note:** Yay! I made it to the tenth chapter! I'm so proud of myself ;) Yes, 'the automail thing' will remain mysterious, 'cause I don't want to write something like that lol XD (I sound retarded, don't I? -sigh- Oh well, it was bound to show sooner or later…) Had an awesome birthday- my friends and family threw a surprise party, and I went to see a movie afterward. For some odd reason though, I couldn't stop thinking about this story. Of course, that may be because I watched my sister's FMA DVD before we left, and the movie was called 'Stranger Than Fiction'. Oh, the irony.

_EDIT: Again, just fiddled with some stuff._

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Ten: A Secret Revealed, A Problem Solved**

Lauren was caught somewhere between terror and apprehension. She could see out of the corner of her eye that Helen looked confused; her younger brother just looked angry.

Envy walked casually across the food court, around the many tables. All eyes were on him, but he didn't seem too worried. In fact, he held himself with the same infuriating confidence like he always did.

Ed smirked. "Well, didn't think this was your style. Normally, you wait until I'm injured or vulnerable."

Envy shrugged, smiling. "Well, I just happened to be in the neighbourhood. And I don't think you're exactly…invincible at the moment." He gaze slid to Lauren, who could only glare back at him with a mixture of anger, fear and amazement.

But Ed wasn't the sort to engage in small talk for very long. "What are you really here for?"

The homunculus grinned. "And I thought you'd never ask."

Ed found himself slammed against a glass window in a nearby store, choking as Envy held his throat in a vice-like grip. The shards of glass digging themselves into his back didn't help much either.

"I want answers. You were there; you know what that bitch was trying to do."

"What…are you talking about?" He replied hoarsely, trying to distract Envy long enough to think up a plan before he choked to death.

"Don't feel like talking? Maybe I should play a bit with your little girlfriend; she looks like she'd be willing to tell me everything…" Envy smirked.

"You leave her alone!" Before Envy even realized what was happening, Ed had clapped his hands together.

_Here goes nothing!_

With a flash of blue light, the bandages were shredded from his automail arm as Ed transmuted it into his signature blade, and he kicked the homunculus off of him.

Envy, however, was undeterred; smoothly changing his unexpected fall into a back flip and landing only a few feet away. "So…I see you can still use alchemy." He shrugged. "Oh well; doesn't really matter!"

He clapped his hands together, and fashioned a rough but impressive spear from the smooth stone floor in a flash of green light.

Ed's eyes widened. "You can use alchemy?"

Envy's grin was predatory. "Well, well, so the Fullmetal pipsqueak isn't as thick-headed as I thought."

"Ed!" Lauren cried, fighting against the surge of hysterical people trying to get as far away as they could from the fight.

"We've got to get out of here!" Jared breathed, grabbing Helen by the wrist. "C'mon Lauren!"

"But what about Ed, we just can't leave him!" Lauren replied desperately.

"He's dealt with Envy before; we'll only get in the way!"

"Edward Elric…Envy?" Helen whispered, in shock.

"I'm not going to leave him like that!" Lauren snapped.

"Lauren!" Jared growled. She gave him a look, as if daring him to try to drag her along with him.

"Whatever! It's your bloody skin, just don't get yourself killed!" he snarled, trying to pull Helen along with varying degrees of success.

"Nice to see you're still as social as ever." The green-haired homunculus commented, watching the scene amusedly.

Instead of replying, Ed braced himself and rushed headlong at Envy, who barely managed to block him.

"Oh, good job, you almost caught me off guard. I'll have to be more careful next time." He snickered.

"How the hell can you use alchemy?" Ed snarled.

The homunculus simply laughed, pushing him back and setting Ed off balance. "Lauren Mackenzie, right? Fifteen years old; turning sixteen the seventh of November. She has two siblings, a cat, two close friends and a pet state alchemist. She also has an intense dislike of insects."

Envy wielded his spear like a maniac, upsetting tables, overturning chairs and slashing at Ed viciously. Ed could do nothing but attempt to block his blows, until Envy pinned him against the wall once again.

"I know everything there is to know about your little posse. Who knew that in the future they'd not only have public schools, but make them so easy to break into?" He smirked.

"You set the school on fire, didn't you?" Ed croaked, hardly able to breathe.

"Not just there, either. The first one was an accident, but…well; your little friend should let her nicotine-addicted principle know that keeping a box of matches in plain sight like that isn't very advisable." He scolded, wagging a finger in front of Ed.

Lauren looked back towards the scene fretfully; Envy was saying something in a low voice to Ed, while the state alchemist appeared to be losing consciousness. She felt so useless, but what could she do? On impulse, she grabbed the nearest thing she could find -a can of Pepsi- and chucked it at Envy with all her might. The can missed its target by a mile, but the homunculus was sprayed with soda.

Angry, Envy let go of Ed, and the state alchemist fell to the ground. "That wasn't a very good idea." he hissed, moving closer. Lauren just stood there, frozen with fear and furiously trying to will her legs to move.

The sound of voices made them both pause to listen as they echoed ominously through the deserted mall.

Envy sighed. "Well, I suppose I don't have the time to kill you now. Oh well, shorty will probably be easier to break if I have a trump card to use against him." And with that, he casually walked away, jumping up and breaking one of the skylights in the roof before Lauren lost sight of him.

Immediately, she rushed to Ed's side. "Are you alright?! Ed, answer me!" She shook him.

He coughed and tried to say something, but all that came out was a raspy sigh.

"Don't talk." She said, blinking tears out of her eyes. "You'll be okay, alright? He's gone."

"He…burned down your school…"

"Ed, just don't talk. Come on, let's get you out the way so they don't truck you off and lock you up." She tried to help him stand, and he hissed in pain. Looking down, Lauren realized Envy's spear had left a sizable gash on his thigh.

The voices became louder, sounding as if they were getting closer. Panicked, Lauren managed to half help, half drag Ed into a nearby store, hiding behind the counter and praying that whoever it was wouldn't think to check the shops. It was the same closed shop Envy had shoved Ed into earlier, leaving a large opening where the glass had broken (which Lauren took full advantage of, considering the doors were probably locked).

"I though I saw someone over here…"

"Are you sure? The culprit is probably long gone by now."

"If only you kept your mouth shut, we might've caught the bastard! Just give me a minute; I'm going to check it out."

Lauren tensed as a beam of light sliced through the darkness, examining every corner and possible hiding place it could find. The sound of footsteps echoed in the empty store, making Lauren's heart beat faster and her breath quicken. Her grip on Ed tightened, and she tried her best to keep as far out of sight as possible.

The footsteps became louder and the flashlight beam became even brighter, focusing on something on the floor. Horrified, Lauren realized it was the pair of sunglasses she'd been meaning to give to Ed.

"Hey, let's get going. The suspect was spotted two minutes ago on Charleston Avenue." Lauren realized that the person speaking wasn't the same as before; the voice was too gruff.

"Look at what I found- a pair of sunglasses. Somebody's been here, and judging by the freshness of the blood on the floor, recently."

"Jim, give it a rest."

"But-"

"Listen, all we have to do is find the damn suspect. You can't go off chasing every 'mystery' that pops up. "

"Fine," There was a sigh. Lauren strained her ears, and as soon as she felt the footsteps were far enough away, she breathed a sigh of relief. The fifteen-year-old blearily realized that they'd ended up in some sort of clock shop. A quick look at the 'Closed for week – gone on vacation' sign told her all she needed to know. It wasn't a half-bad looking place, or…at least it had been before one of the store windows had been smashed to pieces.

Turning her attention to Ed, Lauren realized something.

_Is…is he SLEEPING?!_

Indeed he was. If Lauren had been in an anime, she would've sweat-dropped.

_Well, nice to see nothing bothers him that much…_

"_He…burned down your school…"_

Well, at least they knew who the culprit was, she reflected grimly. Tentatively, she tried to shake him awake.

"Ed…they're gone now. We have to get out here soon." Blearily, she realized the fight had probably not escaped the notice of the security cameras.

He didn't reply, and Lauren became slightly annoyed. She shook him harder.

"Ed! Wake up!"

Again, he was silent. Her annoyance quickly changed to worry. What if something happened to him? Maybe he had internal bleeding or something serious…

She fought her rising panic. _He's probably just playing with me…_

Taking a deep breath, she decided to try something different. "HEY, SHORTY! RUNT! PIPSQUEAK! **BEAN**!"

No response.

_Wow…he must be **really** tired…_

Lauren tried her best, but nothing she seemed to do would wake him up. Water, yelling, heavy objects…and yet he slept on.

"Ed?! Ed, wake up now! It isn't funny anymore!" She hissed, tears coming into her eyes. At a loss, she simply hugged him and started crying.

"…mmph? What're you doing?" He murmured hazily.

She pulled back wide-eyed, and then resumed hugging him; only much harder, squeezing the air out of his lungs. "Ed! You're okay!"

"Can't…breathe…" He wheezed.

Lauren stopped hugging him to death. "Oh…sorry…"

"It's okay," He coughed, and then managed a weak smile.

"We've got to get you out of here." Lauren bit her lip nervously, briefly glancing towards the broken store window. "If those cops come back and decide to take a better look around, I…I don't know how we'll get out of it."

"Then let's get out of here." He replied hoarsely, attempting to stand up but falling down with a yelp of pain. Lauren barely managed to catch him in time.

"Don't push yourself, Ed! With that huge gash on your leg, you aren't going anywhere fast." She pointed out urgently, gesturing towards the wound on his left thigh.

"It's nothing." He snapped, trying to pull away. His leg gave out, and he just managed to grab the counter.

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "Ed, no matter how many times you say ''Tis but a flesh wound!', I'm not going to believe you. That looks pretty nasty…he might as well as hamstrung you…"

"I'm fine!" He growled.

"No, you aren't! At least let me bandage the damn thing!" She snapped, catching him off guard. Taking advantage of his surprise, she grabbed his automail arm, ripped what little bandages still left on, pushed him into a nearby chair, rolled up his pant leg and went about cleaning him up.

"Hey, let go-"

"Shut up."

Ed grumbled, but decided that if her glare was any match to her temper he'd rather live a bit longer.

"Wish I had something to clean it properly with…oh well, if you lose another leg, it's none of my business-"

"Will you get off my back!"

There was the sound of voices. Scrambling, Lauren manage to pull Ed behind a door labeled 'Staff Only', ending up in a small, messy room with seemingly miles upon miles of clocks.

"Well, at least we'll know what time it is." Ed said sarcastically.

The voices came closer, and Lauren felt her heart rate quicken. Frantically, she tried her best to ram the back door open and surprising felt it yield, almost being blown off her feet by a sheet of rain. Grabbing Ed by the back off his shirt, she ran for all she was worth. Alleyways, trashcans, dumpsters, distant streets and more flew by, as the door now far behind her closed with a loud slam.

Ignoring Ed's protests, she continued to run until she was too exhausted to even move her leaden feet.

"I think…I think we lost them…" She gasped, leaning against a nearby building. The wet, harsh brick didn't exactly feel great, but she was too tired to care.

"Do you even know where we are?" Ed panted, also leaning right next to her.

Lauren felt her spirits plummet. "No."

Ed sighed. "Great, just great…"

"I guess that was a pretty stupid thing to do." She replied, with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Yeap, I'd say so." He snorted.

Lauren looked incredibly guilty. "I'm sorry, you're right. This is all my fault."

Ed sighed. "No, better lost then possibly arrested. I don't think I would've done any better in your position anyway…let's just try to find Helen and Jared."

"Hey, how long is it going to take you to notice us?"

Looking up, Lauren and Ed both realized there was a taxi stopped on the nearby boulevard. Jared was currently leaning out of the window, looking torn somewhere beyond amusement and vexation.

"Jared?" Lauren sputtered.

The preteen yawned. "Yeah, that's me. By the way, you guys have to go in the back seat with Helen."

"Why's Helen in the back seat?" Ed inquired.

"I bullied her into letting me in the front." Lauren and Ed sported the same exasperated looks, and then Lauren opened the door and got in.

"Ladies first," She said in response to Ed's peeved look.

"You're not a lady." He grumbled half-heartedly, before getting in also.

---

"So, you're Edward Elric?" Helen whispered. Lauren shifted uncomfortably, and glanced at the taxi driver (who had his eyes firmly fixed to the road, and apparently hadn't heard them).

Helen sighed. "Please, tell me the truth. I saw everything back there, including when you transmuted your arm."

"Yes." Ed answered reluctantly. Helen paused, obviously trying to get used to the idea.

"Can I see your automail again?" She asked seriously. "I honestly don't know If I'm dreaming or not…or something similar." Wordlessly (and making sure the driver couldn't see), he pulled up his left pant leg. There was a sharp intake of breath and her eyes widened, before she grinned, catching them off guard.

"This is so awesome. I'm friends with Edward Elric!"

"Aren't you even the least bit…surprised?!" Lauren sputtered.

"Oh, of course I am. But now that I think about it, it sure does explain why you look, sound and act the way you do. Plus, some of the things you said…well, I noticed something was up." She suddenly sobered. "I'm sorry about bringing up Nina."

Ed blinked, and then averted his eyes. "Don't worry; it's okay."

She sighed. "No, it's not okay, no matter whether or not I knew the truth. I promise I'll make it up to you somehow, in any way I can. Speaking of which…how did you get here in the first place?"

And so Lauren ended up launching into a whispered but long-winded explanation. By the time she had finished recapping the last few days (and the fight with Envy, which Helen had only partially seen), they had reached their destination and the taxi had driven away. While Ed and Jared occupied themselves with trying to remember the code to open the electric garage door, Helen and Lauren weighed their options.

Helen looked concerned. "Is there any way I could help? You seem to be a fairly responsible teenage girl Lauren, but taking care of another person is tough even when you have a stable income and other necessities. Shouldering something like this, especially considering the workload the average high school student has, is going to mean a lot of stress. You might have to choose between failing at academics or helping Ed. And that's on the assumption his stay is temporary."

Lauren sighed, running a hand through her bangs. "I know it's risky, but what else can I do? Ed knows next to nothing about this world."

"You said your parents forced Ed out of the guest room, and now he's sleeping in an old tree house nearby, right? Well, how about he stays with me for awhile? I have a job, I just moved into my former Great Aunt's place. It isn't that far away from here, and I could help bring him up to speed about modern day life while you're in school." Helen pointed out.

"Come on, Lauren! Are you going to stand out there and talk with Helen all day?" Jared called. They ascended the steps, still continuing their conversation.

"I think we should ask Ed about this," Lauren bit her lip. Though she knew she didn't have the resources or time to help Ed like Helen did, the thought of everything just…ending after all that had happened made her uncertain. She might never see Ed again.

"Ask me about what?" Ed asked, popping out from seemingly nowhere.

"Helen's offered to house you for a bit." Lauren explained.

"Only for a while, it would be more convenient. My Great Aunt just passed away, and I inherited her house. I haven't even set up my bed yet, but in one or two days you could come live with me." Helen elaborated.

Ed blinked. "Well, sure; if it's no trouble."

Lauren laughed. "Since when did the famed 'Fullmetal Alchemist' become worried about imposing on people?"

Ed gave her a sour look.

"Okay, it's settled. We'll start moving your stuff in tomorrow. Frankly, I'm surprised you managed to keep hidden this long." Helen admitted.

"I guess we're just lucky." Lauren replied wryly.

Helen snapped her fingers. "That reminds me, we still have quite a few mysteries to solve before then, the foremost being how Ed got here in the first place. You can't remember anything?"

"No, nothing." He sighed.

Helen nodded. "I have many theories what the cause of that may be, but I have a funny feeling it's because you're blocking memories."

Lauren linked. "What?"

"Sometimes, if a person experiences a really horrible, terrifying or bloody event, they'll sort of force themselves to forget it. Like voluntary amnesia or something."

Ed felt a chill run down his spine. "So you're saying I could have gone through something traumatic?"

Helen nodded again. "Exactly; I'm not certain though, the only way we'll know for sure is to go back to where it all began."

"The road I found him on, you mean." Lauren said gravely.

"Yeap- From there, we might get an idea as to how you got here; and possibly…why. But I have to look after you tomorrow Lauren, and since your Mom wouldn't approve of us sneaking of to check out some backwater road, it'll have to wait until Saturday. Do you remember where it was?"

Lauren shook her head. "No, but my older sister will."

"Good, ask her first thing you can, and then write it down."

"How can we trust you?" Lauren asked suddenly.

Helen smiled sadly. "Well, I don't think any of us really have much of a choice. Why can Ed do circleless alchemy here? Who was the 'bitch' Envy was referring to? Why is Ed's pocket watch missing? So many questions, so few answers; you need all the help you can get. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth."

Ed blinked, and then narrowed his eyes. "Wait, what about my pocket watch?"

Helen laughed sheepishly. "Oh, sorry- I thought you noticed. Your pocket watch was missing, at least from what I remember from Halloween night."

Lauren, Jared and Ed blinked.

"…Wow. That's observant." Lauren said, a bit of admiration creeping into her tone.

"I don't think we could've kept it from you even if we'd tried." Jared managed; his eyes wide.

"Well, I should go and ask Monica now. Who knows when I may get another opportunity?" Lauren sighed, heading towards the stairs and praying her older sister was taking her routine afternoon nap.

Jared sighed, heading for the back door. "I'll go start moving some of Ed's stuff."

"Wait, I'll help you-" Ed began.

"Nah, I'll be okay. You stay here and talk to Helen; you guys probably have a lot of catching up to do." And with a slam off the back door, Ed and Helen were left to entertain themselves in the Mackenzie living room.

"So…" Ed hesitated, trying (for once) to pick his words carefully. If some one had told him a few days ago he'd end up living in a ramshackle tree house in another world, he would have rolled his eyes. If even a day ago someone had told him he'd end up seeing Helen again, he would've laughed. But it didn't seem so crazy or amusing now.

"I…" Why couldn't he seem to find the right words?

She grinned. "It's okay. You had a good reason for all this. Don't think you can get out of being my friend that easily."

He smiled. "Believe me, I don't want to."

---

It's come to my attention that for the duration of this fic, my reviewers have been (scarily) guessing exactly what I'm about to do. Am I that predictable? -sobs- Because of that, there will be no more hints as to what I am doing in the future, except that the story will get darker soon. What, you thought this story would just be about Ed adapting to modern-day life? No, there's much more…you guys (are there any guys out there? -puzzled-) should like it though. Oh, and a few last things: Lauren and Ed's relationship (platonic one so far, of course) will be tested in the future, and Helen, Jared, Leigh and possibly Chris will get more back story. And now, here is the short:

'**FMA cliché #1: Shape-shifting Strife'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Lauren, do you love me?" Ed pondered aloud.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were currently sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. The author is starting to note a pattern…

"What are you talking about?" Lauren replied, blinking. "We already covered this in an earlier short!"

"I wasn't joking then, though. I love you."

She gave him a look, unable to fully register what he'd said. "Wha?"

Ed leaned closer, and the room suddenly felt very, very hot.

"You love me to, don't you?" Ed asked, smirking.

Lauren shrank back. "Well, I…umm…"

Just then, another Ed walked into the room. "Hey Lauren, I- What the hell?!"

Envy sighed, reverting to his usual form. "Damn."

**THE END…BECAUSE TO GO ANY FURTHER IN THE SHORT WOULD MEAN I'D HAVE TO CHANGE THE RATING. WHO KNEW LAUREN COULD BE SO VIOLENT?**

Is anybody but me sick of this cliché to death? It seems like in some stories whatever love interest/perceived love interest Ed has in the story, Envy decides to pull a prank for no real reason. People, Envy likes to toy with Ed, but c'mon…I see him as more likely to kidnap the girl and hold her for ransom if he gets her alone. Trying to kiss her? No.


	11. Discovery In The Woods

**Author's Note:** Hello again! Sorry last chapter was a bit of an information dump, but there were a few things I needed to clear up and set into motion :) I'm so happy- I've almost got 100 reviews! You guys rock! XD Sorry I couldn't proofread this chapter, and sorry it sucks, I'm going through a big crunch at work and school :(

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Eleven: Discovery In The Woods **

"She really was right; looks like my watch is gone."

Lauren sighed. "Ed, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but could you stop moping over it and help me with this stuff? Tonight's probably not going to be anything less then sub-zero; and I'll sleep better if I know you aren't slowly being frozen to the floor or something. By the way, when did you change your automail back to normal? I didn't even notice you had?"

He yawned. "I don't know, I think when we were running from the police or whoever was chasing us back at the mall."

"Oh…" Lauren blinked, mentally noting to try and stay more aware of her surroundings. It things went by so quickly sometimes, but she knew being aware of everything would be the only way she could even have a chance at helping Ed.

It was late afternoon, which would have normally made no difference to either Lauren or Ed. However, with the cardboard boxes filled with the various assorted supplies Ed would need, the possibility of separation at hand and the many odd occurrences that had plagued them the last two or three days, it felt strange that everything was just suddenly…ending.

Lauren nervously rubbed her elbow, a bad habit of hers and a sure sign of nervousness. "Hey…Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"What colour is your watch? Gold?"

He gave her a puzzled look. "No. Shouldn't you know that already?"

She sighed, unceremoniously dropping a box down the only opening into the tree house before yet another one. After all, she couldn't just lug the things down the ladder. "Well, that confirms a few things. You must be from the anime…I thought so. Now, if we can only find out which episode-"

Lauren was startled from her absent-minded musings when she heard a loud crash behind her. Spinning around, she realized that Ed had apparently collapsed onto the floor, knocking a few boxes over in the process. He was hunched over, clutching his arm and shaking.

"ED! Are you alright?!" Distressed and panicked, Lauren dropped the box and immediately rushed over. The shaking stopped, and he slowly straightened, panting and sweating.

"My…my arm…" He croaked.

"Are you okay now?" She asked, her tone calm but her heart racing madly.

He winced, gingerly rising to his feet. "Yeah…I'm fine."

"What happened?" Lauren asked concernedly, helping him.

"Don't worry…I'm fine." He replied a bit too quickly.

Lauren frowned. _Of all the stubborn…He falls to the floor like he's having a seizure, and then pretends that it's nothing._ As if on cue, Ed's stomach grumbled.

Lauren developed an eyebrow tic. "Ed…haven't you had your breakfast already? And you're still hungry?" Honestly, he sure could eat a lot.

Ed shook his head furiously and held up his hands. "No!"

Lauren gave him a look, suddenly apprehensive. She'd meant it as a joke, but he'd taken it almost too seriously. "Ed...is there something you aren't telling me? Why are you still hungry?"

There was a slight pause. When no reply from Ed was forthcoming, Lauren prompted him.

"Well?"

He mumbled something.

"Pardon?" Distantly, Lauren realized she was being unreasonable, but was determined to get to the bottom of it. Then it came to her.

"You…you weren't…" Quickly, she went through a mental tally of the food. From what she could remember, there wasn't much left; she hadn't even considered going out to buy more, too caught up in the flurry of the last few days. Ed had purposely tried to ration what little was left, instead of telling her about it.

She swallowed, feeling a strange lump in her throat. "You didn't have enough to eat?"

"I…" One look at the expression on his face told her all she needed to know.

Her guilt rapidly changed to anger. Why didn't he ever tell her these things? "If you needed more food, you should've told me!"

"You said yourself it cost a lot…and you don't have enough money left, do you?" He replied quietly. Lauren didn't have an answer to that, mostly because it was true.

_I really can't take care of him, can I?_ She felt the beginning of tears, and rubbed her eyes furiously to get rid of them. Great, not only was incapable of even helping him, she was also unable to go a day without sobbing like a crybaby.

"Fine!" She snapped, turning around to leave. A second later, and she had climbed out of sight.

Ed sighed, frustrated. He kicked a nearby box aside before falling back onto the old couch.

---

Swearing and stumbling over the occasional rock or log, it was safe to deduce that Lauren was not happy. The walk back to her house through the forest was normally just annoying, but with the sun setting rapidly and the sneaking suspicion she'd turned left instead of right somewhere along the line made it seem even longer.

Lauren's hurried pace slowed down to a slow walk. She'd never gotten lost in the woods before (they were so laughably small, it was hard to even on purpose), but it was beginning to get dark.

_I should…I should've been back by now…_She thought, biting her lip and glancing around uncertainly. An owl hooted nearby, and she jumped.

_Oh, for the love of…thank God Ed isn't here, he'd never let me get over that._ She thought, irritated. The owl hooted again, and she looked up and realized it was only a few trees ahead of her, looking at her calmly.

There was the sound of rustling bushes, but this time she didn't jump. Sure, it might be around the time serial killers and muggers roamed, but her neighbourhood was safe enough…right?

The rustling came again, only this time sounding like a person was gradually moving towards her; a **really** large person.

Fighting her rising panic (something she had found herself doing a lot lately…), she moved into a fighting position. Granted, she didn't know the first thing about fighting, but hopefully appearing as though she did would scare the person away.

"Come out already, before I decide to go Jackie Chan on you!" She called with far more confidence then she felt. In fact, confidence was something she desperately needed at that moment…

"Who's 'Jackie Chan'?" Though still hidden behind bushes, the figure was easy to discern from among the shadows, and Lauren's mind drew a blank when she realized it was the same pupil less white-eyed…thing from before. But the stranger's voice sounded oddly familiar…

Pulling aside a few stray branches to get a better look, she went wide-eyed and pointed a finger at him in amazement. "You, you're Alphonse Elric!"

Of course, threatening to beat someone up and then not even introducing yourself to them is incredibly rude, but then…Lauren had always been a bit strange. Although I'm sure you've realized that by now.

Al blinked (or what was his version of blinking), confused and not too sure how to react to her. "…Yes, that's my name. But how do you-"

"It's kind of complicated, but I'll explain everything later on." Lauren interrupted. "I'm sure your brother will want to see you-"

"-You know where my brother is?" This time it was Al who interrupted; an urgent tone in his voice.

She blinked. "Uh, yeah, he's just-"

"Lauren? Look, I'm sorry!"

"-currently only a few metres away," She finished. Lauren facepalmed, sighed, and then yelled back. "Ed, I think you'll want to see this!"

"See what?" He came into view, still wearing his bloody and ripped 'modern' clothes. Lauren moved out the way, still holding the branches back so he could see. The state alchemist froze, his curious expression quickly changing to one of utter surprise.

"Happy late…or early…birthday," She smiled tiredly in his direction.

He froze, staring at the suit of armor in shock. "Al?"

Ed was at a loss for words. How could he not be, with his brother only a few feet away from him? There was a long pause, during which neither did anything save for staring at each other.

"…Brother?" Before Lauren could even blink, Ed pushed aside the bushes, slid down the slight incline and was at his side hugging him tightly.

"Where have you been all this time?"

"Where have **you** been?"

Though she felt a bit out of place, Lauren just couldn't stop grinning. It was real. It was really…real. She was here, seeing something a lot of people would give an arm and a leg for (despite the bad pun). It sort of scared her when she thought about all the possibilities…and she of all people got to see it. The teenager had never felt more overwhelmed and exhilarated in her life.

"Ed, are you crying?"

"N-no! I've just got something in my eye…er…eyes…why are you still behind that bush?"

"…I'm stuck." Ed and Lauren amazingly managed to defy physics by sweat-dropping.

"Well, that can be fixed." With a quick clap of his hands, he crouched down low and placed his hands on the ground. Lauren, having attempted to scale down the incline as Ed had, slipped and landed the ground in an undignified heap, destroying the mood. Irritably, she picked herself up and dusted off her clothes.

"Ed, don't you think that-" There was a flash of blue light, and Al was free. "-it might be better to do it manually so we don't attract attention. Oh well, don't mind me, I'll just sit here…ignored…neglected…in great need of a hug…"

Ed turned towards and raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"It's going to be awfully hard sneaking a suit of armor back to the tree house." Lauren replied quickly, hoping he hadn't heard the last phrase. What the hell had possessed her to say something like that?

"I don't think many people will be out at this time strolling through the woods." He pointed out. "Besides, it would have taken a lot longer to fight through all the brush."

Lauren just gave him a look. He had actually thought things through? Then something occurred to her.

"Wait, wasn't I supposed to be home by now? My parents are going to kill me!"

Ed laughed. "Let me guess, you got lost."

Al looked at Ed, then at Lauren. "Am I missing something?"

Ed sighed, and then looked pointedly at Lauren. "You explain."

"No, **you** explain. I already tackled Helen, and he's your brother. No offense, Alphonse." She added hastily. It was disconcerting, knowing that she was apologizing to a hollow suit of armor.

"None taken," Al answered.

Ed gave her a sour look. "Thanks for nothing."

Lauren sighed, and held out her hand to Al. "Sorry for not introducing myself properly, my name is Lauren Mackenzie, and I've been looking after your brother for the last few days. There's…umm…a bit more to it, actually, but Ed should really explain that to you later."

The walk back to the tree house was both boring and hazardous. With daylight fading fast, Lauren knew she had to get back home as soon as she possibly could…or face the consequences. Eventually, however, they reached it; Lauren was slightly annoyed (and a bit frightened) to discover she'd actually headed in the opposite direction before, and if she hadn't run into Al…well, she definitely wouldn't have made it home. Plus, since there wasn't enough time to move everything back to her house, she'd have to put it back.

She sighed. _I need to go home and listen to some angsty rock music._

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Ed asked casually.

Lauren gave him an amused look. "No, of course not."

"It was nice meeting you." Al added politely.

Lauren smiled. "It was nice meeting you too, Alphonse."

_At least someone can help me keep Ed in line…_

---

"…And here's the orange couch, the scratched coffee table, my…bed…and that about sums it up."

Alphonse looked around room curiously. "So this is where you've been living the past few days?"

"Yeah; I had to, after her parents kicked me out- why are you looking at me like that?"

Al sighed, exasperated. "No reason."

Ed blinked, and then shrugged. "Well, anyway, you remember Helen? The women who was dressed up as you? She offered to let me stay at her place for a while, until I could get back on my feet again. I'm pretty sure she won't mind having you there either…she mentioned that you were her favourite character…"

Al shook his head disbelievingly. "I still can't believe that we're…just fictional here."

Ed smiled cynically. "Yeah, I know what you mean. It's true though- I've seen enough evidence to convince me. Stranger than fiction, I guess."

There was a pause.

"I think…I think I just had déjà vu…" Al said dazedly.

"I think I did to…" Ed blinked, puzzled, then shrugged again and grinned. "Anyway, its great having you back again. How are…were…things back home?"

Al looked surprised, an impressive feat for a suit of armor. "You mean you don't remember?"

Ed laughed. "Remember what?"

Al averted his gaze. "Never mind…it's nothing."

Something about his tone made Ed apprehensive. "What's nothing?"

Al paused, and then reluctantly answered. "Something about you is…different…"

Ed gave him a look.

"Well, besides the obvious." Al added wryly.

Ed hesitated, before voicing his thoughts. "I…I don't really remember anything important that happened before I ended up here. It's like there's a huge gap in my memory, even though I can remember everything before it perfectly. I don't even remember how I got here…do you?"

Al hesitated. "I can't…it was…" To Ed's alarm, Al started to shake.

"Never mind, you can tell me later." He said quickly, feeling a lump in his throat as he realized that whatever had happened that night, he hadn't been able to protect his brother from it.

"So…so many people…and she…I thought she was going to kill you…or worse." Al's voice broke.

"It's okay; you don't have to say anything more." Ed said quietly, gritting his teeth. Envy had also mentioned something about a women…who was she? What had she done? If he ever found out, it went without saying that he wouldn't let what she'd done to them -what she'd done to Al- go unpunished.

"Don't worry Al, everything's alright now. We'll get back home." The state alchemist said firmly.

"...I hope you're right."

"I **know** I'm right." He grinned. Ed only wished he was as confident as he sounded.

---

Tripping over yet another log, Lauren straightened and dusted herself off. It really was amazing how she found things to trip over when the path was mostly clear of debris. It was like a talent…

_Huh. You'd think after all those years of gymnastics, no matter how long ago they were, I wouldn't be so clumsy. Oh well, I never was very good at gymnastics anyway._

Just one more thing she'd have to get back to someday, if she ever got the chance.

It was a fairly cold morning; so cold, in fact, it had snowed the night before. Shivering, she hugged herself and thanked the fact she had remembered to wear her gloves, winter boots and coat.

_So cold…Ed must be freezing…_

Lauren finally came to the tree house, noting the ladder was covered in ice in places, a result of the broken eavestrough. Ascending the ladder with a resigned air, she blearily pulled herself into the tree house.

"Ed, Helen called me to tell you that you can move in any t- Ed?"

Said state alchemist was still in bed, clutching his bedcovers and shaking. He was sweating, and would occasionally jerk to this side. Al was hovering over him worriedly, holding him down to prevent Ed from hurting himself.

Her eyes widened. "What happened?" She asked, unable to keep the shock and concern from her voice.

"He's having a nightmare, and I can't wake him up." Al said, distressed.

She immediately hurried to his side. "Here, I'll help y-" Lauren stopped dead in her tracks, staring at Ed with a strange look in her eyes.

At Al's confused look, she snapped out of it. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Al?" Ed coughed hoarsely, trying to sit up.

"Yes brother?" Al asked, still worried.

"So…hot…"

Lauren blinked, then shook her head and moved closer to feel his forehead. She jerked back almost as soon as her hand touched his clammy skin. "He's burning up."

"He was fine last night, how did he get so sick overnight? How could I not notice?" Al averted his soul-filled eyes guiltily.

"We need to get him to the house." Lauren interjected firmly. "I'm no nurse, but I know we can't leave him out here when it's this cold; we can put him in the guest room, the bed in there is the best in the house anyway. The question is how to get him down…"

"Maybe we could lower him down on the couch? You can find some rope to use, and I'll make sure he stays warm." Al suggested, already wrapping Ed in blankets to ward off frostbite.

Meanwhile, Lauren rummaged around the tree house, until she came across a dusty, spider web-coated coil of rope. Loping it around one of the posts, she went about typing it around the couch, then stopped and glanced at Al sheepishly.

"Do you know how to tie knots? All I can ever do ends up being a mess." Wordlessly, he helped her, until finally they were done.

"I'll lower the couch?"

"…And I'll stand outside and make sure it isn't lowering to fast or that it doesn't tip over." Lauren finished, and then winced at how bossy she sounded. "If it's that's alright with you, I mean. I'm not very strong."

He gave her what passed for a smile. "It's okay."

After a lot of hard work, they eventually managed to get the couch on the ground with Ed more or less no worse for wear. He looked so peaceful, and Lauren found herself envying him, having nearly suffered at least three heart attacks while they implemented their makeshift plan. But there was no time to dwell on it, as they quickly hurried to her house. Jared nearly fell off his chair in surprise when his sister threw open the door in a blast of cold air and snowflakes.

"What the hell?" Here he'd been sitting on one of the kitchen stools next to the counter peacefully reading a book, when suddenly Lauren burst in with Alphonse Elric and an extremely sick Ed.

"Watch your language Jared." She scolded disapprovingly. Jared scowled.

"Nice to meet you," Al said politely. Jared blinked, his scowl quickly changing to a bemused expression.

"Wait…are you Alphonse Elric?"

"Yeah, he is, sorry I forgot to tell you last night. Could you call Helen? Ed's sick, and she might know what to do." Lauren added hastily, before rushing off with Al to show him where the guest room was.

Jared shook his head, putting down his book unenthusiastically. He reached for the phone, and started to dial.

Upstairs, Lauren pulled the covers over Ed. "All we can wait for is Helen; she might know what to do. We can't take him to a hospital, but I'm no expert on medicine so we might…we might have to."

She winced, having visions of a panicked Ed lying on a gurney with surgeons standing over him slowly dissembling his arm. Shaking her head, she turned to Al.

"Could you make sure my little brother's called Helen?"

He hesitated. "…Sure."

Nodding, she went off to the main bathroom to try and find the digital thermometer. When she did, she immediately washed it and went back into the room.

"Ed?"

"Mmmph?"

"Open your mouth; I need to take your temperature." She said quietly.

With little protest (which worried her greatly, considering that this was Ed), he allowed her to put it under his tongue. His breathing evened out and Lauren tried to creep out of the room, only to have a cold metal hand grab her arm.

"'S…Mom…'m sorry…"

Her expression softened, and she tried to gentlely pry his hand off. Finally succeeding, she took one last sad look at him before heading towards the door.

_I hope Helen arrives in time…_

"…Mom…where's my blankie?"

Lauren would have sweat-dropped if she could.

"I'll pretend that's just the fever talking…"

---

Thank God, Al's finally made an appearance. I was wondering what would kill me first: withdraw or the reviewers lol. Alphonse is one of my favorite characters, though he's pretty much tied with Ed in terms of **the** favourite. I really, REALLY wanted to introduce him earlier, but…well, I couldn't. Let's face it, Ed and Lauren wouldn't have become as good friends as they did if the circumstances hadn't been extreme. Speaking of extreme, where do I keep getting these ideas for shorts? -puzzled- And I'm really sorry about Ed's last comment…that was just me being blatantly silly…

'**FMA cliché #2: Magic and Alchemy'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Ed, why do people constantly crossover Harry Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist?" Lauren pondered aloud.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were currently sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing.

Ed shrugged. "Beats me, maybe it's like you said earlier. There are a lot of similarities, and people pick up on that."

"I guess so. Glad this fanfiction isn't like that."

"Agreed."

Just then, Harry Potter walked into the room. "Excuse me, but would you by any chance know which direction London is?"

Both blondes shook their heads.

Harry sighed. "Damn."

**THE END…AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER? (YEAH, RIGHT)**

And here's another cliché that needs to be dropped. While I have seen great HP/FMA crossovers out there, the fact is…well…most of them are bad. Really, REALLY bad. By the way, got a livejournal, and I put the link on my profile- in case you bizarrely enough want to read about my life, why I couldn't make an update on time or want spoilers/facts about _Stranger Than Fiction_, that's the place to go. Please? Aw, who am I kidding, not even **I** read author's notes that often…-sigh-


	12. Some Like It Cold

**Author's Note:** I. GOT. OVER. A. 100. REVIEWS. Did I ever mention that each and every one of you reviewers (and readers, too!) rock my socks? Because you do. Sorry this was late, my…love life went kinda crazy, and I got swamped with homework :) At least I've finally made a decision on whether or not to go with romance…

IMPORTANT NOTE: I have officially decided that it would be best if you read the whole series before reading this…I haven't seen to the end of the series myself, but I probably will have before this story ends and so some spoilers may find their way in. I put a warning in the first chapter also.

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Twelve: Some Like It Cold **

Helen liked to think of herself as the sort of person who didn't panic when faced with even the most insurmountable of dilemmas. When she received a phone call from Lauren's little brother about Ed's fever, however, she threw on a coat, grabbed her keys, got into her car and kept her foot on the accelerator the whole way, unsurprisingly thinking the worst.

So, naturally, she was anything but prepared for the sight that awaited her when she burst into the guest bedroom.

"Got any tens…err…Alphonse?"

"No, I don't, and you can call me Al."

"Oh…okay."

Helen blinked.

"Uh…by the way, Al?"

"Yes?"

"Could you stop cheating?"

Helen blinked again, then shook her head and moved over to the bed. Lauren's younger brother had made it sound like Ed had been dying a slow, painful death, but apparently it wasn't that bad or Lauren and Alphonse wouldn't have been playing cards. Wait…Alphonse?

"Hi Helen," Lauren smiled, looking up from their game.

"Pleased to meet you," Alphonse said politely.

She blinked for a third time, then grinned so widely Lauren wondered if her face would crack in two. In a split second, Helen was hugging Al tightly and…nuzzling him.

"I can't believe it! I get to meet Alphonse Elric! How did he get here?" She stopped. "Wait, is it really him, or did I just glomp an innocent cosplayer?"

"Yes, it's really him." Lauren replied, confused. Helen squealed and hugged him even tighter. Lauren blinked.

"Umm…sorry to bother you, Helen, but Ed's in dire need of a doctor." Lauren said, jerking her thumb in the direction of the nearby bed.

Immediately turning serious (and freaking Lauren out slightly, though she hid it very well), Helen stroked her chin, leaned over and inspected Ed thoughtfully. "He's got a bad fever, if the sweat and flushed complexion is anything to go on."

Lauren developed an eyebrow tick. "We already know that."

Helen blinked, looking up. "Oh, we do? Do we happen to know his temperature also?"

Lauren opened her mouth, and then closed it abruptly.

"I thought so." Helen said, pulling the thermometer out and examining it. "Wow…forty degrees Celsius."

"Is that bad?" Al said anxiously.

Helen rubbed the back of her neck, averting her eyes. "Yeah, I'd say so. A few more degrees and we'd have a medical emergency on our hands."

Ed stirred suddenly, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. "Feel…very sick."

Helen crouched down next to the bed. "Ed, can you hear me?"

"Too…hot…" he croaked.

"Just hang in there. Lauren, could you go get a damp cloth to put on his forehead and a light blanket? Al, I'm going to need you to help me take off most of his clothes."

Uncomfortable but determined; Helen nonetheless set about yanking his black jacket off, Al attempting to help her as best he could. A few minutes later, they had more or less succeeded in striping him down to his boxers and black tank top.

"Good God…If someone told me I'd end up…well, here, I would've pointed and laughed at them. Loudly." She sighed.

"I've got the stuff!" Lauren called, entering the room moments later with a wet rag and a thin fleece blanket.

Helen nodded, relieved. "Good, just put it over there on floor next to the dresser."

Lauren did so, not taking her eyes off Ed. He looked better then he had before, but he was flushed. He winced, grabbing his automail arm; Lauren started as she remembered something.

"…Helen?"

The twenty-something blinked. "Yes?"

Lauren hesitated. "Earlier, it almost seemed like Ed's automail was paining him. He went into a sort of…fit."

There was a short pause. Helen's expression slowly changed from surprised to sad.

"Thank you for telling me that, Lauren." She whispered.

"…Will he be alright?" Al asked softly.

Helen sighed. "I don't know. It may be that his body can't properly adapt to this environment. After all, the reality you and he come from isn't exactly a carbon copy of this one."

"But…but he already went through that!" Lauren said desperately. "He was sick the first night or so, and then he was fine!"

Helen ran a hand through her hair. "Automail isn't exactly easy to construct. If something small was forgotten or lost on the way here…one little gear or wire…that could also mean his body is missing something, and if he stays for too long…he may die."

---

Ed awoke to find himself in a dark, empty guest room. Confused and a bit bewildered, he attempted to sit up, only to cringe when a wave of nausea passed through him. He leaned back into the pillows, wincing.

"You shouldn't move very much. You're still very ill." Weakly turning his head in the direction off the voice, Ed realized he hadn't noticed Lauren was sitting on a chair next to the bed.

"What…happened? Where's Al?" He asked roughly. Lauren smiled sadly.

"You were pretty sick earlier, and you collapsed. Actually, you're not exactly a hundred percent now- Lauren says your fever should probably pass within a day or so. Apparently she took a nursing course or the like…Al went with her. My parents would've definitely asked questions if they found a walking, talking suit of armor in their house."

He grimaced. "Well…that explains a lot." He tried to sit up again, only to be firmly pushed down by Lauren.

"Don't move; you need to rest. Besides…" She fought to keep her expression neutral. "…You aren't wearing any pants."

He gave her a sidelong do-I-want-to-know look and edged slightly away from her. Unable to hold back any longer, she laughed.

"I wish I had my camera, the look on your face is priceless!"

Ed just rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as Winry…by the way, why am I missing my automail?"

Lauren stopped, the smile quickly fading from her face. "Oh…Helen had to take it off to…umm…make sure you were okay."

Ed could tell at once she was lying, and his brow furrowed. "What…?"

But as quickly as it came, her hesitation was gone, replaced once again by cheerfulness.

"Oh c'mon, don't be such a stick in the mud; I've got movies!" She said in a singsong tone of voice, before rummaging in a nearby bag. He blinked.

"Now, -Aha! I found it!-, I thought you'd like something a bit light-hearted, so I got…Monty Python!"

Her only reply was a raised eyebrow. Lauren sighed exasperatedly. "That's right, they don't have them back where you're from…how do you survive?"

"So…Monty Python is…?" He prompted. She held up a video cassette.

He narrowed his eyes. "'Monty Python's Flying Circus'?" Lauren just grinned.

And so they watched it. A few minutes later, not only was Ed in a better mood, but Lauren was also.

"Did you like it?" She said happily.

He smirked. "And now for something completely different…"

She shook her head amazedly. "If someone had told me a week ago I'd have Edward Elric in my house quoting Monty Python, I would've told them they were insane."

He grinned. "Takes one to know one?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"You just did."

"…So, what exactly do you think of my world…time…whatever? If it makes you feel any better, you'll probably live to see Monty Python."

"Thanks, that does make me feel better." He replied wryly, folding his arms…err…arm…behind his head lazily. "I don't know. Its okay, I guess. Weird, but okay…"

She smiled. "That's good to know…"

He gave her a questioning look.

"Well, after everything that's happened these past few days, I thought you might've…nothing, never mind. Oh, by the way, I've already had dinner, and I saved you some." She smiled. "Don't worry; I cut the hamburger in two. There's no danger of saliva."

She pushed a plate full of fries and half a hamburger towards him, also handing Ed a can of soda.

"Thanks." He replied quietly.

She grinned. "Don't mention it."

"Lauren Mildred Mackenzie, your brother says you need to come downstairs now!"

Lauren froze, while Ed gave her an amused look. "Mildred?"

"Uh…yeah, that's my middle name…" She blushed, and then grimaced when her mother continued.

"He said something about that show you watched…what was it called…Full-metal Alchemist?"

Lauren's eyes widened and Ed choked on his cola. Hesitating for a moment, she finally called back. "Uh…okay! I'll be down in a sec!"

"Full…Fullmetal Alchemist? You mean…I…"

"Sorry, Ed! I have to go now! Helen convinced Mom to let you stay here, but I'd rather you stayed in this room tonight, okay? Bye!" She said hurriedly, before leaving and closing the door behind her with a slam.

"Wait!" He tried to get up, only to fall back with a combination of dizziness and the realization that he was missing his leg.

Ed sighed bitterly. "Dammit…"

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed his automail leg and arm lying on the dresser. He grinned evilly.

---

"How's Ed?"

Lauren blinked, turning her attention from the TV set for a moment. "Oh, he's fine…and bit roughed up, but fine."

Jared gave her a searching look. "You sure?"

Lauren threw her hands up exasperatedly. "Of course he is! Ed's had worse and walked away unscathed! He seemed okay to me…"

They were currently in the recreation room in the basement, and had been watching Fullmetal Alchemist until it ended. No matter how much she tried, however, she couldn't get the look in Ed's eyes out of her head. For once, he'd been entirely helpless, and aware of it; which unnerved her.

"…Al said you hesitated. You know, back when you first came to the tree house." Jared said suddenly.

Lauren averted her eyes. "Yeah…it kind of scared me, seeing him like that."

Jared sighed. "Don't lie to me, I know you too well. You were afraid."

She blinked. "That's what I already said, I was-"

"You're not comfortable with his automail, are you? I mean, when you're prepared for it, you can shove your uncertainty aside, but when you aren't…"

Lauren's breath caught.

_He was trying to wrap the bandages around his automail arm with one hand; a task that proved impossible._

"_Do you need any help?" She asked hesitantly.** I can do this, it's just metal…nothing unnerving about that…**_

"_No, I'm just fine." He replied frostily._

"_Well, I'm helping you anyway." She said determinedly, grabbing the bandages and proceeding to start from his fingers upwards.** If he needs help, I'll do it whether I want to or not…**_

To Jared's surprise, Lauren smiled ruefully. "Yeah, you're right, I'm not. It's just…I never been very comfortable with strange or usual things, but this…this takes the cake. Jared, what am I going to do? It's a stupid, shallow fear, but how do I get rid of it?" She cradled her head in her hands.

"…Lauren?"

Lauren slowly raised her head, confused by Jared's strange tone. "What is it?"

"So that's how you really feel?"

She stiffened at the familiar voice, turning around to find Ed behind her. He was missing his arm, but he had apparently grabbed automail leg and put it on.

"Ed… why are you…why are you h-here?" At that moment, Lauren felt like the most insensitive jerk on the planet. The look of mixed surprise and hurt made her feel even worse.

_How could I say that?!_ She thought, horrified with herself. _How could I…How could I say something like that?! And I meant it to! What sort of horrible person does that make me?!_

But before she could blink, his face was expressionless, his bangs obscuring his eyes.

"Never mind; I'm sorry I bothered you." His tone wasn't angry or sad, but just…flat and monotone, which scared Lauren. Why wouldn't he yell at her? Why was he just taking it? _Why_ in the name of God was he just standing there and acting like everything was alright?

"Ed! I-I…" Words failed her. What could she say? 'I'm sorry'? 'I didn't mean that'? No, no reply she could think of sounded anything less then patronizing and cruel.

"I'll be upstairs; out of your way." He turned to walk away, his body tense and stiff.

"Ed!" She shouted, and then slapped a hand over her mouth, wide-eyed. Now would not be a good time for her parents to come downstairs. The blonde alchemist didn't stop or even acknowledge her, as before she realized it he was almost at the top of the stairs.

"No! Ed, stop!" With a slam of the door, he was out of sight. Lauren tried her best to fight back tears, but eventually started crying.

Jared sighed. "Well, it certainly feels like I'm watching a soap opera."

"Shut up!" Lauren snapped, rounding on him. "How c-can you joke about this? I j-just told s-someone else b-behind his back t-hat…that I-I…Oh, what's the b-bloody use!"

And then door was slammed yet again, with Jared left behind bewildered and hurt. Unbeknownst to her, the expression on his face gradually changed to a sad and guilty one.

_I'm not a very good brother, am I?_

---

Ed sat down heavily on one of the stools, staring blankly at the floor.

_So that's how she feels…_A sardonic smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Well, it wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Plenty of times- more times then he could think of, actually- people had reacted negatively to his automail; the reason he tried to cover it up. To be honest, he'd come to accept it.

But just because he'd accepted it, didn't mean it didn't hurt.

_Uncomfortable, Ed moved to pick up the phone. She scrambled back away from him, only to find herself blocked by the kitchen counter._

"_I'm sorry," He said quietly, not quite able to meet her eyes. "But do you believe me now?"_

He snorted. _Why does this bother me so much? I've only known her for a short time._

But then again, she'd done a lot for him…more then Ed could ever possibly pay her back for. He sighed, finally tearing his eyes from the kitchen floor. He'd never been very good at stuff like this (well…Al didn't count), and he'd rather not start to be now. He shoved it to the back of his mind, telling himself all the while he'd worry about it later.

Then out of the corner of his eye he noticed a note with hastily scribbled words on it. He blinked, then picked it up and examined it closely.

**Bye Lauren! Sorry for not being able to say it in person, but I have to go to work, and I'll be lucky to finish this note without being late.**

**Make sure Ed drinks lots of fluids, but keep an eye on him; he may seem a bit better later on, but he could have a relapse into fever at any time (All bio-mechanical limbs, gold eyes and reality-defying alchemy abilities aside, I'm pretty sure he has the flu).**

**I'm taking Al back to my place- your mother almost ran into him, and I'd rather keep him somewhere more private then the tree house. After all, anybody could stumble onto him there, and that may lead to quite a lot of unwanted questions. Dear God, I talk too much…sorry for the rambling letter! My phone number is at the very bottom of this note, in case Ed wants to call Al or something happens- Damn, I'm late; see you!**

**Sincerely,**

**Helen**

**P.S. You should be able to move Ed's stuff over tomorrow. Until then, I already asked your parents' permission to let him sleep over.**

Ed smiled, the cheery, long-winded tone of the letter lifting his spirits slightly. His eyes flickered briefly over the phone number.

_I really need to talk to Al…_

The door to the basement burst open, nearly giving him a heart-attack. "Ed, I'm sorry!"

He sighed, managed to muster a weak smile and turned around. "No, it's oka-"He was cut off roughly when Lauren hugged him, knocking the wind out of him.

"I know sorry doesn't really cut it but I REALLY didn't mean for it to come out that way and I'm so sorry I was going to say something earlier but I thought you'd just laugh and brush it off and everything's been going crazy lately and I-"

"Whoa, whoa; slow down!" Ed said quickly, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "I didn't even understand half of what you said."

To be honest, that wasn't the only reason he'd stopped her; Ed wasn't a very huggable person. Not that he wanted to push her away and hurt her feelings either…

To his surprise, she let go and stood up stiffly, her eyes firmly trained on the floor. "I'm sorry I said something like that. What I meant was that your…automail…is just something very strange to me, and I haven't quite gotten used to the idea yet."

She looked him in the eye, a determined look on her face. "But I will! I don't hate it; it just makes me a bit nervous. I don't think you're some sort of freak of nature, which I'm sure is what you think **I** think." Lauren smiled hesitatingly. "Can you forgive me Ed?"

He blinked. "Lauren, I wasn't mad at you."

She looked pointedly at the floor. "Yes you were."

"No, I wasn't, though I guess I can understand why you think so." He smiled bitterly. "Just call it bad memories."

Lauren raised an eyebrow and gave him a quizzical look.

He leaned back casually on the stool, resting his elbows on the counter. "Anyway, Helen left a note with her phone number on it. You read it, right? I was thinking of calling-"

He was interrupted by a scream, falling off the stool ungracefully. A white-faced Leigh stood in the hallway backed up against the front door, a disbelieving look on her face; as if she couldn't believe she had screamed.

"L-Lauren?" She asked hoarsely. "W-why is th-there…is that-t…Edward Elric?"

---

Well, I decided instead of a short, I'd write a nice little Christmas segment for you guys.

'**A Very, Very, VERY Special Christmas Party'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"I wish we could begin these miserable short stories another way." Lauren grumbled.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren, Jared, Al and Ed were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. Well, Ed was currently fiddling with an elastic band, but that didn't really count.

As if on cue, Lauren's mother walked into the kitchen. "Good news, we're having a Christmas party/family reunion tonight!...is that the boy you invited over a few days ago? Who's the man in armor?"

The last two questions were obviously rhetorical, because she left the kitchen as quickly as she came, heading into the dining room. Why exactly is a plot hole that will remain unexplained for the duration of the story, to irritate and generally annoy you.

"But it's the beginning of November!" Lauren threw up her hands exasperatedly.

"Oh no…" groaned Jared. "Not another Christmas party, I'm still scarred from the last one…"

"No, it's the family cat." Ed said sardonically. He was half-tempted to flick the elastic band in her direction, but amazingly refrained.

"'Christmas Party'?" Al asked curiously.

Jared sighed, hitting his head repeatedly on the counter. "You tell them."

Lauren glared at him. "Alright, Christmas is a religious holiday involving presents, family and general good will among men…"

A boring explanation later…

"Let me get this straight." Ed replied critically. "Once a year, people wait for some fat guy in red to break into their homes, steal their food, leave hoof prints on their roof, possibly damage furniture and property while they sleep upstairs and trust that he doesn't steal anything, all because he leaves presents? Hell, I'd leave a bank."

Al sighed. "Brother…"

Jared looked torn between laughing and maintaining his image. Lauren blinked.

"Uh…well, when you put it that way…it doesn't sound very magical…"

"There's no such thing as magic." Lauren rolled her eyes and shook her head, giving up on explaining the concept to him.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh, and by the way…" Lauren's mother added, still in the dining room. "…the party started ten minutes ago."

A mad dash to the basement later…

"Wow…you sure have a lot of friends and relatives." Al commented.

Jared snorted. "Yeah, they're all insane too." There was a pause. "…except for you guys. You're oddly sane. Well, at least you are, Al."

"Ugh…I don't feel so good…"

Lauren gave Ed a strange look. "You're turning green."

Much vomiting and gross description later (I'm sure we could all do without that)…

"Well, I think he's a bit sick." Jared declared.

Lauren gave him an annoyed look. "Brilliant, Jared, just brilliant. What was your first clue, the 'I don't feel so good' or the technicolour yawn?"

"Didn't we already use that term in an earlier chapter?" Jared pointed out.

"I don't care! We need a bucket, a few blankets and…a mop. Could you get all that?"

Jared grinned cheekily. "Yeah, he sure did a number on your pants, didn't he?"

Ed murmured something that sounded like 'Sock-ou', but Lauren suspected was an expletive.

"Well, I never liked these pants anyway. Could you please get going?"

"Alright already, jeez…why do I always get the grunt work…"

"Oh, so you'd prefer playing nurse?" Lauren replied wryly. As if on cue, Ed retched again. Lauren distantly thanked the fact that her father had never put carpeting down.

Al sighed. "Here, I'll move him away."

"Be careful," Lauren warned, though she knew it was unneeded. Gentlely, Al picked him up and laid him on the couch

Lauren sighed. "Well, I think I speak for Ed when I say this is a sucky pre-Christmas."

Al laughed. "We've had worse things happen."

"On Christmas?"

"'N gen'ral."

"Ah."

Ed threw up again. Unfortunately, Lauren was standing a bit too close.

"'M sorry…"

Sigh. "It's okay, I never liked this shirt much either."

**HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS…HANUKKAH…KWANZAA…RAMADAN…OR WHATEVER THE HECK YOU CELEBRATE:)**

Heh. Not bad. Not good, either, but my writing never is to begin with. Poor Ed, he seems to be chronically sick in this story :) By the way, I'm going to do a few (major) edits for this story during the holidays. Happy Holidays!


	13. An Unlucky Turn of Events

**Author's Note:** The point of the Christmas short last chapter?…well, there wasn't one :) Happy New Year everyone! Oh, and remember about what I said with the Harry Potter crossovers? I forgot to mention that I do like them (well, two, one of which was recommended by one of the reviewers (you know who you are! ;D)), but they're so cliché I just had to have a crack at them :)

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Thirteen: An Unlucky Turn Of Events**

"L-Lauren?" Leigh asked hoarsely. "W-why is th-there…is that-t…Edward Elric?"

Ed rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against the counter, at a loss for words. "…Well…"

"Umm…You didn't see anything?" Lauren said; waving her hands around in a manner she apparently thought looked 'mystical'.

Leigh seemed torn between bewilderment and anger. "What the hell are y-you talking about?! He's m-missing an arm!"

Lauren grinned sheepishly. "It was worth a try…"

"You tell me w-what this is all about- right **n-now**!" She choked, tears starting to stream down her face as she struggled with her emotions. All of Lauren's good-humored jokes immediately died away, and she felt ashamed of herself.

"My name is Edward Elric," Ed began tonelessly, his eyes firmly focused on his right arm as if it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

"Lauren found me on Halloween, and offered to help me get back home to Amestris." He suddenly looked up at Leigh, his expression somehow wistful as he smiled ruefully. "That's the short version, at least."

"But…but how?" Leigh managed.

Ed looked uncomfortable. "I think…maybe I should leave that to Lauren. I have to call someone."

The girl nodded sympathetically. "Sure, I can take care of it; and Ed?"

He stopped and turned to face her. "Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry about earlier."

He shrugged. "Don't worry about it." And with that, he was gone.

---

"Hey, Al?"

"_Yeah?"_

"I've just…got something to talk about." Ed said, glancing around the large bedroom he'd found himself in. He hadn't thought it through at the time, but thankfully was fortunate enough to discover there was a phone in the bedroom of Lauren's parents. Of course, there was always the danger that if they came home, he could be found out; he'd re-attached his automail arm, but he was looking forward to explaining it. Oh well, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

"_What did you do this time?"_ Al sighed.

"It's nothing like that! It just seems like a lot has happened since…well, last night, and I never really got a chance to talk to you properly. How are things?"

"_Helen's really nice; I'm sorry I left, but-"_

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know; can't let them see you. I'm getting sick of all this paranoia though."

"_How have the past few days here been for you, brother?"_

Ed blinked, incredulous. "What are you talking about Al?"

"_Something obviously happened; knowing you, I thought you'd procrastinate until tomorrow or at least later tonight to call."_

"That's cruel."

"_But true, right?"_ Al replied shrewdly. There was a short pause.

"…It's about Lauren."

"_Ooooh."_

"What do you mean 'ooooh'?" Ed demanded. "I never said this was about girls, I said this was about Lauren!"

"_I never said it was about girls."_ Al pointed out.

Ed ran a hand through his bangs, frustrated. "Cute. Look, I kind of…Lauren…she's afraid of my automail, okay?"

Another short pause, before… _"Oh."_

"Yeah; problem is, I have no clue how to deal with this- are you laughing? You are laughing, aren't you?"

"_That explains a lot! So that's why she treats you like a ticking time bomb…"_

Ed's brow furrowed. "What?"

---

"This is…wow." Leigh said breathlessly.

Lauren grinned. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Do you realize what this means?" The brunette said excitedly. "You've got Edward Elric **living** in your tree house and **in debt** to you. Plus, that friend of yours has Al captive!"

Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"…this fits at least half of the fanfictions I've read. Judging by how this is going, either you or I will get involved in a relationship with him!" Leigh laughed.

Lauren shook her head amusedly. "You're crazy."

"No, you're crazy. I mean, haven't you tried to put the moves on him yet?" Leigh ranted, heedless of Lauren's blush. "He's cute, he's smart and he's sarcastic…I mean, what more do you want?"

"A friend?" Lauren offered.

Leigh gave her a puzzled look. "I thought you already said he considered you a friend?"

Lauren blinked. "Well, yeah…but that's all I want him to be."

"Could that change?" Leigh prompted, suddenly serious.

Lauren blinked again, and gave her a confused look. "I don't know, I never thought of it that way. I suppose so…probably not."

"That's great, because I want him all to myself!" Leigh winked.

Lauren was torn between rolling her eyes and sighing, eventually settling for both. "How on earth did we go from an explanation to romance?"

"Busy conspiring to take over the world?" A cheerful voice said, interrupting their musings.

"Hello Ed." Lauren smiled, hardly able to fight against it thanks to Ed's infectious grin.

"Wow, you look happy." Leigh quipped.

"Just finished talking to Al?" Lauren suggested.

"Nope, I'm still up there talking with him. Don't mind me, I'm merely an illusion conjured up by your twisted fangirl imagination."

Leigh smiled mischievously. "…You didn't come right down here, did you? I bet it took at least twenty minutes to think that up."

"Ten minutes, actually, and I've got plenty more where that came from."

"Oh, I'm scared."

Lauren covered her face with her hands, propping her elbows on the corner. Oh boy, she knew telling Leigh was a big mistake…worse thing was, Ed seemed to be **enjoying** himself.

_Am I the only sane person left in the world?_

"Hey…umm…Ed?" Leigh asked cautiously.

"Yeah?"

"…Can I see your automail leg?" Ed blinked and Lauren tensed. After a moment of silence, Leigh lost her courage

"I-I'm sorry, if that's too personal, I'll …sorry. I just always wanted to see automail up close. "

Ed's expression was blank; it was impossible to tell what he felt about this request. Finally, he sighed and pulled up a pant leg, the metal gleaming dully in the dim light. Leigh leaned forward with a fascinated expression, trying to get a better look.

"Wow…real automail! That's…that's amazing! I can't believe…this is so cool!" She moved even closer, examining it eagerly.

Lauren kept her eyes firmly focused on the ground, her hands holding steadfast the sides to the kitchen chair she was sitting on. Ed briefly glanced at her, and then turned away.

"In any case," Lauren began. "Too get to the point…why did you come here to begin with Leigh, if you don't mind me asking?"

Leigh blinked, and then slapped her forehead. "I can't believe I nearly forgot! Ms. Stewards asked me to bring you some history homework, so you won't fall behind."

Lauren began to hit her head against the counter repeatedly. "Ugh. The darn school burns down, and she still torments me. How much is there?"

Leigh smirked, dropping a pile of textbooks and notes on the counter in front of Lauren. "A lot; luckily, I didn't procrastinate like you did, and I asked all my teachers for my work and got it done quickly but as best as I could. Provided they don't want me to do anything else, I'm completely free until school is back in, although if this so-called 'interruption' lasts for longer then a month or so they'll probably want me to do more."

"Oh great…"

"It gets better. Mr. Howards decided to go through with the Math test; we're supposed to be at his house this Tuesday."

"But Monday's my birthday; I'll have to study through it!" Lauren cried. Leigh shrugged helplessly, at a loss for how to comfort her.

"This is all very fascinating, but unfortunately I'm going to have to interrupt." Replied another voice dryly.

Leigh sighed. "How nice of you to bestow us with your presence, Jared; to what do we owe this honor?"

The twelve-year-old shrugged. "I just thought Ed might enjoy a bit of…music."

Lauren gave him a confused look. "Music?...Oh! Yeah, that's a good idea."

Jared rolled his eyes, but steered Ed away nevertheless. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the wonder known as heavy metal rock, no pun intended of course."

"What? Hey! Let go of me!" But Jared was insistent, and soon enough Ed was dragged out of the room and the two friends were left to their own devices.

"We're going to the place I found him tomorrow or Sunday…to search for clues." Lauren said, getting up and opening the fridge to look for something sugary to drink.

"So he has amnesia…" Leigh pondered. "What about Al? Does he know anything?"

"If he does, he's not saying anything." Lauren hesitated briefly. "I think whatever Ed, and possibly Al, saw was pretty horrible. Ed's blocking his memories and Al…just doesn't want to talk about it." As if to punctuate her words, she closed the refrigerator door firmly, giving up.

Leigh pillowed her chin on her crossed arms, slouching over the counter. "Sounds like you have it pretty rough."

Lauren sighed. "I'm not the one who really has it hard. Sure, this has been…strange…but honestly only slightly frazzling for me. When it comes to Ed and Al…I don't know how they can take it."

"Is there anything I can do?" Leigh asked quietly.

Lauren sat down next to her friend, sliding into a classic thinker pose with a thoughtful expression on her face. "Well…your father's a cop, right? Could you get the security tapes from yesterday's fight at the mall? I'd hate to see something like that get out…"

Leigh shrugged. "Sure, that's the one Ed had with Envy at the Ridack Centre? Dad was on that case anyway. I'll have to be careful though, he's kind of…wrapped up in it. He gets that way sometimes, especially if it's a really complicated one. If I outright ask him for it, he might get suspicious."

Lauren nodded gratefully. "Thank you, and thanks for everything. I'm sorry for keeping this from you, it's not because I don't trust you, but-"

"It's okay." Leigh cut her off, standing up and getting ready to leave. "I'm fine with it…well, it's late and my Mom's waiting outside for me, so I should probably get going. Oh; and there's something else…"

"What?" Lauren said curiously.

Leigh faltered and started rubbing her arm; a sure sign she was nervous about something. "Nevermind."

Lauren opened her mouth, and then closed it abruptly. She knew from experiencing that trying to prompt her friend anymore when she was this distressed would only lead to trouble. "Okay."

Leigh smiled sadly. "Sorry, it was nothing anyways. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Lauren didn't respond, not even looking up to watch Leigh go when the door closed behind her.

_I seem to have a talent when it comes to screwing up royally…_

She sighed, hitting her head on the counter again. "Guess I should get started on that homework." In any case, it was a lot better then being stuck here with her thoughts.

At that moment, the phone rang. Blearily, Lauren reached for the receiver, picked it up and held it next to her ear. "Yes?"

"_Hey Lauren!"_ Helen said cheerfully. _"How are things going?"_

"Ed was just found out by another person. She's a good friend of mine, so I think we can trust her, but..." She trailed off.

"_Well, that sucks. Can't be helped, I guess; at least we now have more people on our side."_

"Yeah, you have a point. So, what's up?"

"_Are we going to…you know…the _place _tomorrow?"_

"Right now, we should focus on getting Ed moved into your place; Helen, I don't know if I can keep him secret anymore. And if that wasn't enough…I've got homework, and lots of it."

"_That's understandable. I'll come over at…say…one?"_

"Sounds good to me."

"_Alright, bye then."_

"Bye." Lauren put the receiver back where it belonged, before dutifully facing her homework with a determined expression.

_Alright…here goes nothing._

---

"Hello? Ed?" He jerked, rudely interrupted from his thoughts.

"What!" Ed snapped irritably, rounding on a peeved Jared.

"Oh, nothing; I've just been asking your opinion on which CD to play next for the last **five minutes**."

Ed couldn't think of a decent comeback, and settled for scowling at the twelve-year-old.

Jared was anything but bothered. "Thinking about Lauren?"

Ed gave him a strange look. "No. Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

Jared smirked. "I could answer that so many ways. Anyway, it doesn't really matter; all I want to do is play some music. I'll make things simple- the blue CD, or the red CD?"

Ed pointed to the former, not very interested in listening to music at the moment. Nor, in fact, was the room he was currently in, with it's ugly green wallpaper, various (nauseating) posters, piles upon piles of dirty clothes scattered randomly throughout the bedroom, or…well, you get the idea. No, the distracting thoughts from before were first and foremost on his mind; mostly relating to Leigh's…ah…discovery of his 'true identity'.

_I need to get back home and yell at that bastard colonel,_ The state alchemist thought distantly. _All this stress is starting to get to me; I think I'm losing it. 'True identity'- that's a laugh._

Jared sighed. "Alright, since you obviously don't care about the music, how about I quiz you?"

Ed grinned evilly. "Sure." He was pleased to note Jared's surprised reaction. Apparently he hadn't counted on Ed agreeing.

_Maybe I don't need Mustang…this is going to be fun._

Jared recovered quickly, snickering. Poor guy didn't know what he was getting into.

"Alright then, I will. To start with, what's anime?"

"That's easy: Japanese animation."

"Too easy." Jared shot back. "Abraham Lincoln?"

"Sixteenth President of the United States of America…where ever that is…"

"iPods?"

"A brand of portable media players."

"…Emo?"

"In terms of angst or fashion sense?"

Jared shook his head in amazement. "Ed, there is no more I can teach you. I can't believe it- you learned the fundamental building blocks of society in just a few short days."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "First, you didn't 'teach' me anything; and second…is that all?"

"Yeap, mind if I sit here and bask in your presence?"

"Bask away."

"Alright Jared," Lauren was at the door to her brother's bedroom, giving them an amused look. "I think you've tortured him enough."

"Have I tortured you enough?" Jared pondered. Ed shrugged.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "That's it. Ed, if you aren't in the guest bedroom in five minutes, I'll force you to listen to my singing."

Jared pretended to be fearful. "Uh oh, better do what she says! She's got an awful singing voice, worse then Leigh. I swear it could break glass."

Lauren snorted. "Very funny…Ed?"

"I'm coming." He sighed 'pitifully'.

---

_Everything was dark. The only sound he could hear was his own breathing; nothing else._

**_What the hell?_**

_He gradually became aware of other things, such as the fact he was lying on something cold. But that wasn't all; his throat was parched, he was drenched in sweat, his stomach felt like it was being shred to pieces from the inside, and he generally felt like he'd been put through a meat-grinder. Groaning, he tried his best to move, then hissed when a wave of pain passed throughout his body, collapsing._

_**Okay, I guess I shouldn't have done that…**_

_Inhale, exhale; breathe in, breathe out. This was the only thought that ran through his mind, as he sluggishly tried to muster what little strength he had left. Blearily, he opened his eyes, only to close them shut tightly when he was blinded by the light. He briefly caught a glimpse of a dark outline against the fading brightness, and felt his breath catch._

"_So nice of you to join the land of the living, Edward Elric; I trust your…crossing from your world was successful?" The voice was smooth and polished, somehow as foreign from any he had heard before, but also strangely familiar._

_He tried to reply, but the only sound that came out of his throat was a raspy choke, followed by a disconcertingly harsh cough. After a moment or two, he finally managed a hoarse whisper. "What are you…talking about?"_

"_I'm impressed you made it this far. Your tolerance for pain is remarkable, especially considering how many others failed to pass. Of course, the hardest part is yet to come…"_

"_Where…the hell…am I? Where's…Al?"_

"_Ah, the famous 'teenage bravado' I've heard so much about. Such admirable spirit you have, Mr. Elric, especially considering the circumstances." She purred, condescending pleasure practically dripping from her tone._

"_**Where**. **Is**. **Al**?"_

"_He shall join you shortly, I give you my word." The women replied simply. "Now, I shall leave you to your thoughts."_

_Ed heard the sound of footsteps, which gradually became quieter as the women moved farther away. Struggling, he tried his best to sit up, or at least open his eyes, before she was gone._

_He opened his eyes again, and after a moment they re-adjusted. "Hey, wait! I-"_

_Then, he saw it. Blood was everywhere; on the floor, on the walls and on the ceiling. Bodies, cruelly torn apart lay in the middle of barely visible but strange transmutation circles. He was in sort of large garage or bunker, and situated in a transmutation himself; he barely noticed this. In the midst of all this horrible carnage stood a tall woman; silhouetted fuzzily against piercing daylight._

"_You shouldn't have looked."_

---

Lauren awoke to the sound of screaming. Leaping out of bed and hurriedly putting on her housecoat and slippers, she practically flew into the guest room. "Ed! Are you okay?"

She stopped dead in her tracks when she fully registered the sight before her. Ed was sitting up in the midst of a mess of bedcovers, hunched over with his face covered by his hands; but that wasn't what gave her pause.

Ed was crying, tears streaming down his despondent face. Lauren almost hugged him, but pulled her hand away, deciding to pat him on the back instead.

"Don't cry, Ed. You were just having a nightmare." She said, trying to sound soothing past the lump in her throat. It didn't come out right, her voice wavering sharply.

"You want me to call Al?" She asked, concerned. He was shivering with suppressed emotion, but despite this she knew he was nodding.

She smiled slightly. "Actually, I've got a better idea. How about we'll go over to Helen's place? I'm sure she'll understand, and you can stay with Al."

He nodded again, sobbing once before taking a deep breath to try and control himself.

"Great, I'll phone her up right now. Just you wait, we'll go to the place we found you and figure everything out, then you can go back home." Lauren said cheerfully. "Just don't cry, okay? That's my job."

He managed a brief, shaky laugh, and Lauren felt immensely proud of herself. Ed shouldn't cry; it was wrong for someone as strong as him to start weeping like that.

But as she pushed the buttons on the telephone, a disturbing thought occurred to her; what could make him cry in the first place?

---

So there you have it, a possibility for a relationship. Happy now? Honestly, Ed is clueless. Too bad Lauren is too. Wow, that was the biggest chapter so far…it's to the point where I've started an outline to keep track of everything, something I don't normally do for stories. Worse still, my earlier estimate of twenty to thirty chapters seems to have gracefully flown out the window…this fic may go up the fifty, which surprised me completely. And that's not even involving the brilliant idea for a sequel that spontaneously popped into my head. Plus, I keep getting these ideas for shorts, so I guess I'm going to keep writing them for awhile :)

'**FMA cliché #3: FullChimera Alchemist'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Hey Al, do you know where Ed is?" Lauren pondered aloud.

Al blinked. "No, But I'd like to know."

It was a sunny fall afternoon. Lauren and Al were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. Strangely enough, Ed seemed to have gone missing without a trace.

"Any idea where he could be?" Al asked.

Lauren sighed, and propped her chin up with one of her hands. "I don't know; I haven't seen him for a few hours."

There was a crash and a sound like a thunderclap. A few minutes later, Ed came storming out from the basement and slammed the door behind him. Al and Lauren did a double-take when they saw he had dark golden cat ears and a long, furry golden tail.

He sat down at the counter, his anger obvious by the absolute poisonous look he shot the innocent fridge across from him. Lauren half expected it to start melting into goo.

Lauren blinked. "Umm…"

"Don't ask." Ed said tersely. "I broke your couch, was trying to fix it with alchemy and your cat decided to jump on it at that moment. That's all you need to know."

There was a pause.

"…Have you gotten shorter?" Al ventured. Lauren decided to keep her opinions to herself, a wise decision when Ed decided to go postal.

"Calm down. He's stuck with Helen, remember." She pointed out, having grabbed him.

Ed scowled and looked away. "…Whatever…Aren't we supposed to go into a sappy, angsty romance scene at this point involving genetic and physical differences?"

Lauren blanched. "I think I'll skip."

"Sounds good to me; want some orange juice?" Ed offered, having spontaneously produced a jug of it from nowhere.

She shrugged. "Sure." They drank in silence. Al remained…damaged.

"You know, those ears are kind of…fuzzy…can I touch them?" Lauren asked as casually as she could.

"Go to hell."

**OH C'MON, YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING…**

They lurk in the deepest, darkest pits of FMA fanfiction: the dreaded Ed!chimera fics. I've seen one (okay, maybe two) done properly, but unlike the HP/FMA crossovers, there seems to be even less decent ones out there (at least most HP/FMA have decent grammar and spelling). One more thing completely unrelated, I may have to have a bigger gap between chapters as school bears down, something I am sincerely regretful for. To compensate for this, I'm aiming to make the chapters even longer and to try and add a short for each one.


	14. The Black Corner

**Author's Note:** You know what's weird? Some of the things I wrote in this story parallel things that are just now happening to me, Such as me getting sick…is that just a weird coincidence? Oh, and you may remember this guy, he showed up earlier- if I introduce someone by name in this story, chances are you'll probably see them again!

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Fourteen: The Black Corner **

"Alright, let me get this straight; your name is Roy Mustang?"

"Yes."

"Age…twenty-nine…height…5'8"…weight…unknown…nicknamed the 'Flame Alchemist'?"

"Like I said before, yes."

Jeremy 'Jim' Erkens massaged his forehead with an air of exasperation. A red-haired middle-aged man with little patience and a strict reputation, Jim nevertheless tried his best to listen to all sides of a story before he came to any conclusions. The answers he had been receiving so far, however, were anything but conclusive. "You also claim to be a 'state alchemist' in the 'Amestrian' military?"

Roy didn't exactly approve of the air quotes, but wisely kept his expression at a deadpan. "Yes. Can I go?"

Jim leaned back in his chair. "Why do I always get the crazy ones?"

"I've got proof; surely you had a good look at my pocket watch when that friend of yours frisked me." Roy said, looking almost bored.

Jim blinked. "What the…? Buddy, the joke's over; whatever a 'state alchemist' is or where this supposed country 'Amestris' exists, you're either nuts or yanking my chain. And believe me, you'd better be nuts."

Roy's demeanor changed immediately as he slammed his fist on the desk, coming dangerously close to spilling Jim's coffee. "I've told you a hundred times already! I'm fast losing my patience, so what the hell do you want with me?"

Jim leaned forward, lowering his voice dangerously. "Alright, I guess I'll have to spell it out for you: Amestris. Does. Not. Exist. There is no such thing as a 'state alchemist', and I sincerely doubt you're anything more than a slightly disturbed civilian."

That did it. Roy stood up suddenly, his expression the picture of fury. "You-"

"Sir." A voice interrupted. Roy looked to his right; for a moment startled that Riza Hawkeye of all people was interrupting him. Then his anger once again flared up.

"Hawkeye-" He began warningly.

"You knew this wasn't Amestris, even before they took us in for questioning." Riza said, calm and collected. "I know you're worried about the Elric brothers, but the sooner we cooperate the sooner we can leave."

There was a short pause, before Roy reluctantly sat down. Jim glanced at them both in turn, curious. It was obvious by the way they insisted they were from 'Amestris' (and in the **military**, no less) that they were obviously not mentally stable, but after watching them closely the last few minutes of the interview, Jim almost found himself doubting the facts before him. They didn't behave as though they were insane; indeed, if it was not for their outrageous claims he would have wondered why two seemingly rational (if not certainly intelligent) people like them were in his office to begin with.

Allowing his thoughts to wander, he briefly glanced at the nearby clock on his neatly ordered desk. It was eleven o'clock on the dot, meaning he had been interrogating them for roughly three and a half hours since he'd found them involved in that traffic accident earlier. He glanced over to his left, noticing his partner Harry Walker rapidly fading, his eyes sliding shut every two seconds or so before he jolted awake again. Poor Harry had never been much of a morning person, but with the arrival of his new daughter and his wife's demanding job he'd become almost a full-time babysitter.

"Harry, I won't be much longer," Jim sighed, "So could you please stay awake long enough to act as a witness?"

Harry jolted again and then mumbled something, obviously embarrassed about being caught.

There was the sound of a door opening and closing, and moments later a brown-haired teenager cautiously peered into the room. Upon noticing Jim, however, she grinned brilliantly and ran over to him presenting him a brown paper bag before hugging him.

"Hi Dad! Mom wanted to drop off your lunch, and I was heading for the library anyway. She says she'll skin you alive if you forget it again."

"Yes, Morgan would say tha- Leigh, your hands are shaking! You look like you've seen a ghost!" He replied, concerned.

"Well, you might say that I did. That is, run into someone I thought…um…listen, could I talk to you later? I really have to research something at the library and…wait…"

Jim's confusion only deepened as her already pale complexion completely drained of colour, a look of absolute shock on her face. She opened her mouth, and then closed it abruptly.

"…Dad…are these people…Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye?"

"How on earth did you know that?" Jim replied, bewildered.

She smiled weakly. "Lucky guess?"

"Leigh, you'd better explain this." Jim said warningly, his confusion quickly being shoved to the side at the prospect of honest answers.

Leigh was stuck. Either way she figured it, she'd have to lie; though she wasn't lily-white and innocent to begin with, lying to her father about something this big was out of the question. But…desperate times called for desperate measures, didn't they?

_I don't have a choice, do I?_ She thought miserably. Of course, she'd also have to convince Roy and Riza that she was on their side; which meant even more lying, provided she could come up with anything feasible. Leigh hated lying, it made her feel dishonest. Well, except if chocolate or candy was involved…

"Oh, I know them!" She said cheerfully. "A friend of mine, **Edward Elric**…"

If Leigh had been in a better mood, the look on Roy and Riza's face would have sent her into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. It was still funny, though; she half wished she'd brought her camera, before the guilt returned full force.

"…is related to them; says they're his aunt and uncle or something. Anyways, he said they're perfectly harmless, though they may rant about being in the military of a non-existent country."

"Great Scott, they did!" Jim said, absolutely stunned. Leigh gave him a strange look, wondering if her Dad had been watching too many Sherlock Holmes movies lately.

"…Umm…yeah...anyway, I could help guide them back home for you."

"Sorry Leigh, we can't just let you do that." Harry replied forlornly, obviously wanting to get back home as soon as possible. "We can't let you do that, they were the only people found at the scene of a car crash down near the Black Corner."

Leigh frowned. "The Black Corner?" Everyone in town knew Brewster Way, or 'The Black Corner', was the most dangerous road within a three mile radius; hardly anyone except cocky teenagers or desperadoes drove on it, though it was the quickest way from downtown to the suburban community of Talemount barring the nearby highway.

"Yeah; Strange thing was, nobody was in the car when we got there, though according to earlier witnesses there were at least five people –including one who was, oddly enough, wearing a suit of armor- in the car before it headed down Brewster Way. These two didn't fit any of the descriptions, but the fact they were so close was reason enough to question them. Hey, are you okay?"

Leigh was frozen, Lauren's words from the night before ringing in her head.

"_We're going to the place I found him tomorrow or Sunday…to search for clues."_

"Harry, you shouldn't tell her the details of the case." Jim reprimanded. Harry shrugged.

"Way I figured, it'll be in the 'Talemount Times' tomorrow in any case, if Rosie has her way. Leigh seems to know these two, so maybe she can tell us why they were there in the first place."

"Harry…" Leigh began hesitantly. "…was the car red?"

He blinked. "…Yeah."

"Was it…junky? Such as…looked extremely old and ready to fall apart?"

"Well, I couldn't really tell since it was pretty beat up from the crash, but yeah; I doubt it was in great shape before those poor suckers drove it off that cliff."

Leigh felt her heart skip a beat.

"Alright! Well, I'd better be going…" She said a bit too perkily, jumping up and discreetly motioning for a perplexed Roy and Riza to follow her.

Jim jolted. "Wait, where are you-"

"Bye Dad, I'll see you later. I'll just go drop these guys off at my friend's place…if he's still around." And with that, she and the strange 'Amestrians' were gone.

---

_Approximately four hours earlier…_

Lauren stirred her tea with a spoon, her head resting in her hand and a miserable expression on her face. Had someone walked by at that very moment, they might have assumed that she simply hated tea. This was of course preposterous, as Lauren liked tea very much, thank you, and would kindly mind if people would stop making so many assumptions about her.

Of course, that was a bit hypocritical, since she'd been the one making incorrect assumptions lately.

_Leigh always hated tea,_ She thought distantly, _I'm sure the first thing she would do as soon as she entered the room would be to gag, then fall over and pretend to play dead. I'd give anything to talk to her right now…_

Slowly, she turned to check the clock, unhappily noting that it was not only way past her bedtime, but that her alarm clock had probably already gone off. It was a good thing she'd left a note for her parents, though Lauren sincerely doubted they'd be up at this hour; they had a habit of sleeping in late on Saturdays. Come to think of it, she hadn't really seen them that much these past few days…almost like she was still doing gymnastics.

_Oh well, I sucked at the balance beam anyway._ She thought wistfully

As an afterthought, Lauren glanced through the kitchen door, slightly annoyed that she couldn't see the stairs from her position. Though her house had it's share of problems, the one good thing about it was being able to see the front hallway and stairs from the counter. Helen's house was too tidy and sterile, to the point where Lauren wondered if she even lived there.

_What the hell am I thinking?_ She thought dully. _I guess staying here with no news about Ed is driving me a bit loony…_

She heard the sound of a door closing, and then the sound of clanging armor and footsteps rushing down the stairs. Perking up, Lauren immediately abandoned her tea and stood.

Alphonse, Helen and Ed appeared; the latter strangely enough looking nervous and awkward.

"Good morning Lauren." Al said politely, as a prompt to Ed.

"Uh…hi; sorry about breaking down like that." He managed. Without a word, she pushed away her chair and walked over to him. He flinched, expecting either pain or a hug, but was surprised when she put her hands on her hips and looked him determinedly in the eye.

"Edward Elric, I should hurt you."

"Oh, I should make you feel the pain that I felt being separated from you!" Helen joked, pretending to look starry-eyed and innocent. "The torture, oh the torture!"

Lauren gave her a look, before turning her attention back to Ed. "In fact, I ought to slap you. And believe me, I would, but my preferred hand has developed a cramp from stirring my tea for **six bloody hours**."

"…I'm sorry?" Ed offered.

She nodded. "Okay, apology accepted." Ed blinked, surprised at how quickly she forgave him.

Helen clapped her hands together delightedly. "Splendid! Now that's over, let's get down to business, shall we?"

Ed, Al and Lauren gave her a wary look.

"Do you have the address, Lauren?" Helen said, suddenly serious. Lauren at first looked taken aback, but quickly recovered and handed her a small scrap of paper.

"Yes. I asked Monica which road we went down, and then asked my Mom for directions so Monica wouldn't be suspicious. We shouldn't have any trouble, either; nobody goes down the Black Corner if they can help it, though I can understand why. I hope you're a good driver."

Helen nodded, inspecting the note closely. "I see what you mean. Oh well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's driving; I passed my Driver's Ed. with flying colours. Could we try to be back before noon though? My nephew's coming over."

"Now all we need is Jared…" Ed mused.

"Present and accounted for." The youngest Mackenzie said, having just appeared from around the stairs carrying a bunch of flashlights. Noticing Lauren eyeing them curiously, he decided to elaborate.

"Do you want to try searching through the underbrush in a thick forest **without** a flashlight?"

Nobody saw anything wrong with that train of thought, and set about gathering together supplies they might need. It has started to rain overnight, and they all made sure to pack either rain clothes or umbrellas, along with a map of the region. Helen insisted they take the Mackenzie's car, saying 'if I crash, at least one of us will be insured'. Finally, after much debate and searching, they were ready to set off. And so they did.

Jared, Al and Lauren sat in the back seat, while Ed and Helen sat in front. This quickly led to many humorous situations, especially when Lauren attempted to coach an uncomfortable Al how to properly put on a seatbelt.

"Al, listen, you just slide this metal part into here and-"

"Why does he have to wear a seatbelt anyway?"

Lauren glared at Jared. "Because, dork, if we stop suddenly he might fall forward and break the windshield!"

"I'm not **that** heavy!" Al protested, trying to talk over his brother's laughter.

The rest of the trip towards the end, however, was strangely silent; it was as if a sense of foreboding had fallen over the small group. This feeling only seemed to increase when they left the highway and headed down the small back road.

"You know," Jared whispered, "I heard a rumor that the only reason they decided to pave this road was because the Black Lady appeared to the city planner."

"That's just a rumor." Lauren scoffed.

"Black Lady?" Al asked curiously.

Lauren sighed. "Supposedly, fifty years ago a bride dressed in a black wedding gown drove off the side of the road and died. Lots of people have claimed to see her since then around these parts, but like every ghost story nobody's ever proven it. I guess because it's so isolated around here, people decided it needed a fitting urban myth. The closest thing I can think of near the road before it splits into Frankton Road is that abandoned construction site, but that's pretty far."

"Lauren, let me know when we get to the place we found him." Helen called from the front seat.

Lauren winced. "Yeah, about that…it was pretty dark down here at night, and I'd just experienced a shock, so I didn't notice much."

Jared groaned. "Lauren, why didn't you tell us **before** we came down here?"

She blushed. "Well, it didn't occur to me until a few minutes ago!"

Helen sighed. "Great, well, I suppose that was to be expected. What about you, Ed? Do you remember anything?"

Ed, previously busy staring at the scenery, turned to face her with a strangely grim look on his face. "Yeah, I remember a few things; mostly because I crashed into them."

Jared laughed. "Brilliant, Ed." Lauren, however, frowned. He'd never mentioned anything from prior to waking up on the road and nearly being hit by a car.

But Ed didn't hear her reply, as he noticed something. "Wait, stop the car."

Obediently, Helen drove to the side of the road and ground the car to a halt. "You see something?"

"Yeah; see those three trees clustered together? The one with a paper bag caught in its branches? I remember bumping into that." He pointed, and Lauren craned over to get a better look. There they were, three trees clustered together; she was pretty sure he was right.

"Well, I guess this is where we get out and start looking for evidence." She said, getting out of the car as the others followed suite. "Do you remember which direction you came?"

"Yeah; towards the road." He replied dryly. They stood where they were for a few minutes, the soft downpour of rain, the bleak sky and imposing tree line giving them pause.

It was Helen who broke the silence. "Let's split up. Then maybe we can cover more ground."

Jared gave her a critical look. "Sure, and get lost in the process. Or stumble across something we shouldn't."

No one had a suitable reply to that, mostly because it was true. Finally, Lauren sighed.

"Okay, I'll go by myself then. I've been around here the most, and -even though I have no clue what we're looking for- I know what to avoid."

Ed also sighed. "I'll come along; I might know what we're looking for."

"I third the motion; I think you guys will feel a bit safer knowing a former Judo instructor is tagging along." Helen added cheerfully. "Would you guard the car for us, Jared and Al?"

"Guard the car from what?" Jared asked, confused.

"Would it be alright if I came instead?" Al asked tentatively.

"Its okay, I have no problem with that." Helen assured him.

"He gets to go, and I have to stay here?!" Jared growled. He was too late, however, as the group had already left the road behind.

Leaning against the car and snorting, Jared wondered why he always got the worst deal.

---

The first few minutes of their walk through the forest had been misleadingly easy, until they'd come across an impenetrable wall of shrubbery. Lauren stared at the sprawling expanse of brush and low tree branches ahead of them, hardly daring to believe a shrew let alone three people and a suit of armor could get through. "Okay, this may pose a bit of a problem…"

Wordlessly, Ed clapped his hand together, transmuting his automail into a blade and beginning to cut his way through.

"…Or it may not." Finished Lauren lamely, ducking under a particularly large branch before following him.

Helen, meanwhile, was surveying the scenery suspiciously. She wasn't quite sure why, but something about the woods seemed…off. It felt like they were being watched.

"Ed, Lauren…I think we should turn back-" Helen walked face-first into a large tree branch. Lauren, Al and Ed were immediately by her side, helping her up.

"You okay?" Lauren asked worriedly.

Helen blinked, slightly dazed. "Sure…I'm fine…"

"You're bleeding." Al pointed out, gesturing to her cheek.

"It's just a scratch. Where the heck did that branch come from?"

Lauren coughed, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Well, Ed was cutting the way, and he's a lot…a lot…"

Helen was waving her hands frantically, a look of extreme distress on her face as Al attempted to 'casually' gesture towards Ed. The state alchemist had developed a slight eyebrow tick, as if…oh…

Lauren laughed nervously. "Uh…never mind! Helen, you should watch where you're going!" Helen sighed, relieved; a height comment would not go over well with Ed at the moment. He was jumpy enough as it was, no need to make him angry on top of that.

After an hour of trying to fight their way through the underbrush, however, it became obvious that whatever clues they were trying to find were either non-existent or very well hidden.

Lauren in particular was growing increasingly frustrated. "We should give up; I don't see anything out of the ordinary."

"We don't know that for sure." Al pointed out. "I'm positive that if we keep looking, something is bound to turn up."

Lauren sighed. "The question is would it be worthwhile? I'm sorry for complaining, but it's getting kind of cold and Helen has to be back soon, right Helen?...Helen?"

The slightly unhinged university student was nowhere to be seen.

Lauren frowned. "That's funny; she was right behind us a few minutes ago…"

"She must've gone off on her own…but why didn't she tell us?" Al mused.

"Maybe she got lost?" Lauren suggested. "If that's the case, we have to find her as quickly as we can. I have a map, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. Hey, Ed?"

"Yeah?" He called back, halting his progress.

"Helen's gone."

He groaned. "What, again? Alright, let's head back and search for her- she probably went back, considering this is obviously the only damn trail in the entire forest…"

Al looked thoughtful; as much as a suit of armor could, at least. "Something's off; she wouldn't just wander off like that without a reason. Maybe something happened to her and-"

"Calm down, Al," Ed replied, unbothered. "I'm sure she just decided to go back to check up on Jared; we have been gone a long time. Or maybe she tripped over a root or something…"

There was a rustling sound, and suddenly Helen practically leapt out of a nearby tangle of brushwood, an expression of pure terror on her face, her clothes ripped and dirty. Ironically, her foot caught on a root, and she fell on top of a surprised Ed.

"Oof! Hey, get off!" He managed, and then winced as her elbow caught him in the stomach. Funny, it was almost like she'd done it on purpose…

"We have to go; now!" She managed, panting and shaking with either fear or the cold. Before Lauren could even form a coherent sentence, Helen had grabbed her by the wrist and was bodily pulling her back towards the car as Ed and Al attempted to keep up. Within minutes, they were back on the road and in the car, Helen frantically searching through her pockets for her keys.

"What in the…? Helen, what the heck happened?!" Lauren snapped from the back seat, surprised at Helen's uncharacteristic behaviour and the lack of justification. Finally finding the keys, she quickly turned the car on and started to drive away as fast as she could, holding onto the steering wheel like her life depended on it.

"I can't tell you now, we need to get away." She said, adjusting the rearview mirror as an after thought. His eyes involuntarily drawn to the small motion, Ed's eyes widened when he caught sight of her in the mirror.

"_You're bleeding." Al pointed out, gesturing to her cheek._

"_It's just a scratch. Where the heck did that branch come from?"_

Where a small scratch should have been present, there was only smooth skin.

"Where's Helen?"

The Helen look-alike blinked, looking away from the road momentarily. "Pardon?"

He clenched his teeth. "You heard me, you bastard. Where is she?"

Lauren gave him a baffled look. "Ed, what are you talking about?"

"Envy." Al said tersely, and no further explanation was needed.

"What did you do with her?!"

Envy reverted to his true form, giving Ed a toothy grin. "Well, I guess I won't get any answers from you. See you later, pipsqueak."

And with a violent jerk of the wheel, they went flying off a cliff.

---

If that's not a cliffhanger (literally **and** figuratively), then I don't know what is. By the way, when I said this would be fifty chapters that was an estimate of how far it **could** go, especially since I have a really neat twist in mind that I know you guys will like. Yes, Leigh is cool :) I am delirously happy that someone pointed out a problem with my earlier chapters- YES! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM! WOOT! No, last chapter had no Inuyasha references (though I love that series) and any clever things I said were either thanks to my pure genius or I stole 'em and forgot where they came from ;D Nope, I'm in no hurry with the romance, if there will be any…-evil laugh-

Okay, I think I covered everything. And here's the obligatory short:

'**FMA cliché #4: Pet Peeves'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

**_The Beginning of the End_** by_ xxxXEdwardsgurlXxxx_

_Ed and Al are finally together, after the whole Gate-_

Lauren winced, clicking the back button quickly. "Oi, they could give me some warning…"

"Hmm?" Ed peered over her shoulder at the glowing laptop screen.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. The teenage girl was currently hunched over her brother's computer with an expression caught between annoyance and jaded cynicism.

Lauren sighed "You know what I hate- Discovering a spoiler halfway through a summary."

Ed blinked, and then rolled his eyes. "This is why you finish the series _before_ you read the fanfiction."

"I can't help the fact they air episodes once a week, I'm too broke spending money on you and I have a bad craving for fanfiction!"

Ed sighed. "Still, you knew you'd run into spoilers."

"Yeah…" She said grudging. "But still…what about those people who can't get the latest episodes or chapters? Fanfiction authors could at least put a warning at the beginning of their summaries…"

Ed laughed. "Yeah, I saw this one authoress who didn't even bother to make up her mind as to where in canon it was until well into the story; pretty stupid, right?"

"Now I've seen everything."

"Why the heck are we talking about something like spoilers though? Shouldn't we be acting out a cliché or something?" Ed asked puzzledly.

Lauren frowned, looking thoughtful. "I guess the author just isn't very inspired right now, but still feels duty bound to do one anyway. I guess we could go over a few other things with the fandom…like the strange obsession with drabbles and one-shots, the Pride!Ed homunculi thing, the Girl!Ed thing, crackfic, pseudo-MSN chats…I could go on forever."

Ed gave her a look. "Then let's not, shall we?"

**YOU HEARD THE MAN!**

Went to an anime convention, which rocked. Had a power outage and missed my homework deadline, too, which did not rock. Went to a movie, celebrated my best friend's birthday…and umm…yeah. So that's why I'm late with this chapter- I was having too much fun ;D Well, 'cept for my recent test. I apologize for the sucky short, but I'm dead on my feet. God, I've got to tone down on my ranting…


	15. Curious Coincidences

**Author's Note:** Yes, I apologize for grammar errors, and I have thought about getting a beta but I can't find one. Y'see, I can't give out my email easily, and I change fandoms so often…it just makes it almost impossible. Not like I'm not open to a beta, of course! I'd go for one if I could :)

I've spent the last week or so stressing over tests and deadlines, which is a bad way of saying 'it's not my fault I took so long!'. I also spent a lot of time watching Weird Al music videos and _Death Note_ episodes…so if this chapter seems a bit weird, well, that's why ;D You guys are probably going to love me after the first part, as a long-awaited answer to an age-old question is given ;P

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Fifteen: Curious Coincidences**

"Hey, you okay?" Chris blinked, reluctantly dragging himself out of his sugar-induced stupor.

"Hmm?" He managed, giving the fifty-something store clerk a wary look. They wouldn't kick him out, would they? He wasn't exactly the best-dressed of people, but he wasn't scruffy-looking. Well…okay, maybe he was, but still…

"You were dead on your feet; it looked like you were falling asleep." The store clerk said as way of explanation, looking almost sheepish.

Chris laughed. "Oh no, I'm fine…" He glanced at the tag on the store clerk's obnoxiously red vest "…Bob? Just haven't got a lot of sleep lately; high school can do that to you."

The man chuckled, and then started to walk away. "Yeah, I remember. Just try not to knock anything over when you collapse, alright?"

The black-haired teenager grinned. "Sure, I'll try my best."

To be honest, he was feeling pretty good at the moment (well, besides being very tired). Chris had finished an extremely difficult test he was certain he'd gotten a decent mark on (despite having to study really hard in a short amount of time. Honestly, was it unreasonable to expect a school to stay closed once it had burned down?), come back from an almost sinfully fun party, and he was looking forward to calling Lauren when he got home. With all the schoolwork and frantic running around, he hadn't seen her for awhile; which was extremely difficult to bear, considering she was probably the only person in the world who would listen to his _Lord of the Rings_-related rants. Apparently, being friends with someone for four to six years helped you build up immunity to them or the like.

_I think I need a hobby- wait, no, I need a life. I've got too many hobbies already._ Chris thought wryly.

He bugged Lauren enough as it was. Chris had often wondered why he had so much fun around her (or, indeed, why she let him drag her around everywhere), before realizing it was probably best to just go with the flow and stop being so sappy. Frankly, he was starting to scare himself. What was next; soap operas?

Caught up in his thoughts, Chris didn't notice he was walking straight towards a rather precariously balanced display of Spam. And then with a crash that would wake the dead, hundreds of cans rolled onto the floor.

Only a few yards away, the store clerk sighed, turned, and started to walk back. "I should have known…"

Frantically apologizing as he tried his best to pick up as many cans as he could, Chris felt rightfully ashamed of himself. If he'd only been paying attention…well, the fact still remained that he hadn't.

"I swear, I never meant anything like this to happen!"

"I know, I know," The store clerk said tiredly, bending down to retrieve a can of Spam. Thankfully, none of the cans had opened, and Chris was more or less no worse for wear, if not a bit wiser.

Chris tried his best to reach for a can underneath one of the shelving units, finding it just out of his reach. "I'm really, really sorry; I just…oh no…" the tip of his finger had barely touched it, when it started to roll over towards the other aisle. Moving quickly, he immediately tried to head it off, his hand barely reaching it before the can was stopped by…a black boot?

Slowly, he raised his head, blinking when he noticed the navy pants and the bottom part of an overcoat with silver trimming above the black boots, and then the top part of the overcoat decorated with a strange gold chain and various coloured…blocks (of course, this all took a few minutes; the figure was quite large). And then Chris saw the face.

"This technique for stopping cans has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

---

"Lauren, wake up already!"

The party in questioned groaned, unwilling to haul herself out of the pleasant half-asleep state she was currently in.

_Can't I ever get a break around here?_ She thought sleepily. Her brother **always** had to wake her up, didn't he? She was having such a good dream…well, she couldn't remember all of it, but there was something about Edward Elric…and Spam?

Another voice spoke up. "Brother, her arm-"

"She's fine, Al." That voice didn't sound very friendly. Come to think of it, neither of the voices sounded like anyone she knew…except…

Her eyes shot open, and she sat up quickly, hitting her head on something really, **really** hard in the process. Cringing in pain, she slowly lay back again, massaging her sore forehead. She felt sort of heavy, like she was strapped onto the ceiling, and distantly realized the car must be on a slant. This theory was further validated when she realized her hair was blocking her face, and hanging in a direction impossible to achieve without lots of hair gel or gravity.

The car was totaled. Though Lauren was still in her seat (thanks to the wonder of seatbelts), it was plain to see that was a mixed blessing. The entire front part of the car (or at least what she could see of it; there was a strange chain link fence behind the front seats and the only thing preventing her from being crushed to death, which she could only assume was Ed's handiwork), was scrunched up like a tin can, most of the windows broken and the beaten front seats obscured by air bags. The roof had been dented in, explaining the source of her either mishap; rain leaked through the occasional tear in the metal, gathering in a dark puddle on the destroyed seat beside her before trickling down beneath the driver's seat.

As if the scenery wasn't surreal enough, there leaning over her was Edward Elric, his brother peering through the cracked opposite back window. Ed himself didn't look in great shape; she could see a large gash running up his calf and ending at the knee. He was covered in scrapes and dirt and was missing his infamous red coat, and was currently trying to kick one of the collapsed front seats away to give her more room; an awkward task, considering the angle he was at.

"I think she's awake." Ed said, giving up on the seat, his tone a bit too cheerful. But after spending almost half an hour shaking her, dumping water over her head and shouting in her ear; that was to be expected.

"You…jerk…" She grit out. Ed simply saluted, as his brother sighed in exasperation.

"That's not a nice thing to do."

"She was asking for it." He replied defensively. "Besides, she's okay; right?"

Lauren moved to give him a good punch (or at least lean very, very close and shout at him until she turned blue), But unexpectedly felt a tug on her left arm. Barely managing to catch herself, Lauren glanced over to find out what had stopped her. In her cursory glance around the car, she had failed to notice her most pressing concern: Lauren's door was dented in a manner similar to the roof, trapping her arm between the edges of her seat.

"Oh…" She felt strangely distanced from it all; it was someone else's arm, of course, and she was merely having a bad nightmare. Ed followed Lauren's gaze, and immediately became serious.

"We tried getting it out, but haven't had much luck." He said quietly. "We don't have much time-"

"Wait, what do you mean, 'we don't have much time'?" She interrupted. At that moment, the car jolted and started to shift forward slightly. Lauren felt her stomach do flip-flops, and that's when she really began to panic.

His expression changed to remorseful, which only served to increase her anxiety. "Look out the window."

Perhaps because of morbid fascination, Lauren did just that. The sight that met her eyes was more then surreal, it was…mind-boggling. Tree branches; firmly connected to each other and apparently perfectly healthy. Defying at least one of Newton's laws and practical common sense, they were also horizontal.

"Oy vey." She managed.

He nodded. "Yeah; whatever you just said, you can say it again." There was another jolt, and Ed nearly lost his balance.

Awe quickly changed to fear. "Ed, get me out!"

"I can't!" He snapped. "I told you, I've already tried, and I'm out of ideas."

"What the heck do you mean you're out of ideas?! You're a freaking alchemist!" She raved, terrified.

He smiled ruefully. "Yeah, about that…" he clapped his hands together, and then placed them on the car door. There was a flash of blue light, and…nothing happened?

"Seems like Envy knows a few new tricks," He finished, avoiding her gaze. The car shifted again, and Lauren found herself at a loss. Unpleasant, gory fantasies raced through her mind; she had to get out **now**. The frame of the car groaned, and this time Lauren could feel it slowly but surely moving.

That moment seemed so lucid. It was as if new life had been breathed into everything, and suddenly Lauren could make out things easier then before. She'd heard people's lives flashed before their eyes when they were about to die, but instead came a clarity she'd never known before. She was stuck and was going to die, and there was nothing she could do about it. It was then she realized that Ed faced the same danger, a thought Lauren was ashamed to admit hadn't even occurred to her in the frenzy of self-preservation.

"Get out."

Ed did a double-take; the bewildered expression on his face would have been funny in any other situation. "What?"

To be honest, with that one look Lauren was somehow able to relax; He was just as vulnerable as she was, even if he tried to hide it.

"I mean it," She replied firmly, with much more confidence then she felt. "Get out while you still can. I'm a goner, but that doesn't mean you have to be."

"Are you kidding? There's no way I'm going to leave you just because-"

"Ed, shut up." Lauren interrupted, surprising both of them. Her clipped tone softened, as she tried to put into words her true opinions.

"I'm…I'm not really one for speeches- well…okay, I am. B-but anyway, you've got a younger brother to look after; I'm just that random bystander who almost killed you on more then one occasion." She managed a slight laugh at this. "Please don't lie to me and make me seem that I'm that important…or something. Anyway, it's your f-fault for making me this sappy…although I suppose it's a blessing I'm n-not bawling my eyes out…" Lauren tried laugh again, her voice breaking sharply.

"Ed! Are you done yet? I think the car's about to fall." Al called

"Not yet!" His brother shouted back. And then Ed did something Lauren hadn't expected him to do. He hugged her.

"Come on, stop acting like an idiot. We'll both get out alive, I promise." And despite everything, Lauren felt just a bit better. Smiling, she was amazed when her eyes became blurry with tears of relief.

"Thanks," She choked out, "I think I needed that…even if it isn't true."

"Don't mention it." He said breezily, drawing back and pushing aside any worries or hesitations for the moment. "And stop being so pessimistic; you'll get out. I mean, its only metal- I know better then anybody how easy that is to break." He pretended to wince, making her grin.

He gave the twisted car door a thoughtful look. "You know, come to think of it, it doesn't look like the metal itself is trapping your arm." He moved a bit closer to get a better look, and Lauren noticed a strange…tattoo through a tear in one of his sleeves.

"Hey…Ed…could you move a bit closer?"

He blinked, but complied. She pulled the fabric aside a bit more, and noticed strange words in a different language: 'alchemia consigno'. It was inside what looked like a transmutation circle, along with an even stranger symbol. It wasn't to surprising that he hadn't noticed in, considering it was so close to his elbow. Wordlessly, she scooped up a handful of water from the nearby puddle, and started rubbing it out.

"Wha- Hey!" He quickly moved away, looking at her like she was insane. "What was that for?"

"There's something on your arm. I can't quite tell what it is, but I bet it has something to do with your alchemy problems." She explained, feeling slightly foolish. His eyes widened, and he immediately attempted to rub it off.

"Is it gone?"

She squinted. "Yeah, now it is." The car shifted again.

"Okay, let's give it a try and get this over with." He said hurriedly, clapping his hands together. A flash of blue light later, the metal covering her arm was gone, to reveal that her hand was in fact being held in place by her broken seatbelt.

"This is ironic. Here you were the one helping me get my seatbelt on before, and now I'm helping you get yours off!" He grinned, but it disappeared quickly when the car shifted again before promptly jerked downward.

"Less talking, more transmuting!" She replied hastily. Ed didn't need to be told twice; the car creaked again, before moving forward even faster. The seatbelt finally came undone, and both the teenagers tried their best to try and bust Lauren's door open. Of course Lauren felt sort of useless, as she was not really that strong, and settled for simply trying to fiddle with the door handle.

Gritting his teeth, Ed made sure to use his automail arm to its full advantage and slam his left side into the door. It dented, but stood firm despite everything. Finally, out of frustration, he gave it a good kick, and it flew off with a satisfying crunch. Lauren yelped, having nearly lost her fingers, but then stopped when she felt a cold metal hand grab one of her wrists and practically yank her out of the car just before it fell.

---

Al was worried. Of course, with Edward as an older brother, it was a fairly common state to be in.

However, Lauren was involved. If Alphonse had learned anything, it was that things rarely turned the way they should with Ed's last escapade when girls were added to the mix. Rose, Lyra, Claus...and those were just off the top of his head. Of course, this was leaving out Winry, who seemed to have a talent for bringing out Ed's worst qualities. Well, she did hit him with a wrench a lot, but Ed usually deserved it. Come to think of it, Ed just wasn't very good with people in general.

Of course, these musings weren't exactly along the lines Al was currently thinking (they were more polite, for one thing), but the young alchemist was still slightly exasperated with his older brother. He had a feeling there was something Ed wasn't telling him; something important. Maybe he should climb back up the tree to make sure everything was okay…

But all these thoughts were driven from his mind when the car started to shift again, and before his horrified eyes -indeed, before he could even react- the car fell abruptly to the ground. Leaning against the tree trunk for a moment, it gradually started to fall forward until it landed belly up with a sudden crash, the already battered car frame breaking even further.

"ED!" Al was immediately there, frantically digging through the wreckage to find his brother and Lauren.

"You don't really think something like that would kill me, do you?" came a familiar voice.

Al spun around to find himself looking at a dusty, if not slightly battered Edward Elric. And then he did the first thing that came into his mind: he hugged him.

"ED! YOU'RE ALIVE! I SAW THE CAR AND I WAS JUST-"

"I…can't…breathe…" Ed wheezed.

"Oh…sorry!" Al loosened his grip, still insanely happy. This of course quickly changed to admonishing. "Don't ever do that again; Jeez, Ed, Why do you have to be so dramatic and wait until the **last moment**!"

"Hey! It's not my fault!" Ed replied defensively. "I couldn't use alchemy, because-"

"You couldn't use alchemy?!"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well…no?"

While Al tried his best to beat some sense into Ed (literally), Lauren stared at her broken car with a forlorn look, as if that alone would make it magically reassemble itself. No such luck; if the fall hadn't damaged it beyond repair, the large amount of melting snow it had landed on had destroyed all the important, fragile parts that were bound to be in it. It would figure that because of the large so-called cliff/slight mountain they'd fallen off also blocked any significant sunlight, therefore allowing the snow to pile up.

"Are you alright?" Slowly, she turned to face Ed (who was now sporting a few new bruises- who knew Al could be so harsh?), an almost glazed look in her eyes.

"The stupid thing isn't even insured. My parents will have kittens when they found out…"

Ed sighed and put his hands into his pockets, not really to sure how to respond. He had a feeling a 'well, at least we're still alive' would just sound false and corny, but a 'deal with it' wouldn't exactly do any better. So, Ed being Ed, he changed to topic.

"I'm sorry about grabbing you like that." He glanced at her wrist, wincing when he noticed she had a yellowish imprint that would probably develop into a nasty bruise. "Especially since…" He trailed off; belatedly realizing that bringing up Lauren's aversion to automail might only make things worse.

She took a look at her wrist, then (to his surprise) shrugged. "Well, I'm glad you did. I was to busy playing damsel in distress to save myself. In fact, I'm just glad we all survived intact and relatively no worse for wear. Now, we just need to find Helen and…"

That train of thought immediately led to a sudden realization- her brother was nowhere to be seen.

Ed cocked his head, a questioning look on his face when she didn't finish her sentence. When her face completely drained of colour, however, he started to become worried. "Lauren? You okay?"

"Ed…where's Jared?" Her voice was shaking now; she already knew the answer to her own question, though she felt compelled to ask it.

"Jared?" He echoed, then his eyes widened. "I haven't seen him since we fell off the cliff…"

Al, who had been searching through the wreckage of Lauren's car for the map, started when he heard a sudden shout.

"JARED! WHERE ARE YOU!"

Looking over towards the other two teenagers, he was surprised to find them both upset about something. Lauren immediately dove towards the destroyed remains of her car, hoping against hope that she would find something, **anything**, that might tell her where her brother was- Whether he was alive…or dead.

But Al was confused, uncertain as to the sudden change in mood. "…Ed? What's going on?"

"Al, did you see Jared at any point **after** the crash?" The state alchemist asked urgently.

Al blinked. "…No. Wait, is he missing?" Ed was caught between the action of shrugging helplessly, or offering some sort of reassurance. He was spared deciding, however, as Al suddenly recalled the last time he'd seen the younger Mackenzie.

"I remember! He was sitting in his seat- I don't think his seat belt was done up properly. Then the next moment, we landed in the tree; I looked away, and he was just suddenly…gone!"

"'Gone'?" Ed's brow furrowed, before his eyes suddenly widened again. "Al, do you remember the window being broken?"

"Yeah; come to think of it, the window was broken right after he disappeared." Al said, the realization somehow showing on his face. Lauren, from her position near the car, stopped what she was doing and simply stared.

That was all Ed needed. Running quickly over to the tree, he started digging exactly where he presumed Jared would have fallen; he noticed the snow was disturbed, though whatever had fallen into the bank had long ago been covered by snow from the wind and caving sides.

"Come on…" He murmured; a shadow -Lauren's- moving close by out of the corner of his sight. Ed was soon joined by another pair of hands, and then a pair of heavy metal gauntlets. Their efforts were soon rewarded when he felt fabric, and he almost recklessly tried to push aside all the snow and ice before the snow was swept away to reveal the still form of Jared Mackenzie.

Jared was cold to the touch, shivering furiously and curled up into a ball, noticeably favoring his left leg. Carefully, Ed and Lauren both pulled him out, with some assistance from Al.

"Jared! Jared, come on, wake up!" Lauren shook him for good measure, praying that he would snap out of it and give her a scathing reply.

"'M not…asleep…" He managed in a dull tone, before blinking and giving her a strange look.

"…Lauren?"

She managed a weak grin. "Yeap, thankfully still in the flesh."

And then he hugged her; tightly. Lauren was at a loss for words, and then became alarmed when he started to cry, his shoulders shaking even more so and his tears wetting the front of her ripped, dusty sweatshirt.

Trying her best to act comforting, she rubbed his back and spoke to him soothingly. "It's okay, you don't have to cry, everything's fine…"

Ed stood around somewhat awkwardly, unsure whether or not he should leave them alone. He glanced over at Al to see his reaction, only to see the suit of armor gesture for Ed to follow him towards Lauren's car.

"It was so cold! My leg hurt, and I couldn't get out no matter how hard I struggled! It was…I…"

"Don't worry about it now, okay? I'm here, and now everything's okay…"

"No, everything's **not** okay! Lauren, I can't move my leg properly!"

Her blood ran cold. "What?"

"Lauren, we're miles away from the road, it's the middle of winter, we don't know where Helen is, we do know that Envy's out there and..." He was unable to finish, breaking down completely.

"Hey, don't worry about it." There was the sound of crunching snow, and suddenly Ed crouched down next to them, something firmly clutched in his hand. Judging by his cocky grin, it was something useful.

"We've found the map, now, at least." He waved the charred piece of paper in their face. "And according to the map, there's a construction site only two miles from here."

Lauren frowned, and peered closer at the map. "That's right, I forgot. The construction site was taken over by that company 'Wordfire' last year…"

"Right, so that means there's probably a phone, running water and warmth. But most importantly, there's probably a physician." Ed pointed out.

"But it's so far away…" Lauren said hesitantly. "And Jared's broken his leg."

"I can carry him." Al offered.

Lauren winced. "No offence Al, but I'm pretty sure he's suffering from hypothermia or something similar right now, and he has to stay warm. I don't know…if he'll make it as it is. I'm not very strong, and it's a long way." There was an uncomfortable, yet short-lived silence.

Lauren sighed "Anyway, I wonder what happened to Helen…"

"I'm sure she's fine." Ed kicked a stray piece of ice, his bangs obscuring his face and making his expression impossible to read. "Helen doesn't strike me as the sort of person who'd go out without a fight."

"We don't even really know if Envy did anything to her." Al pointed out. "He could've just seen an opportunity."

Lauren hesitated, before finally relenting. "Okay, but as soon as we get home I'll…organize a search party for her or something. I guess it's our best bet."

"It's our only bet." Ed said ominously, helping Lauren carefully pick her younger brother up and hoist him onto her back. Jared whimpered, but otherwise remained silent.

And so, with that course in mind, they set off.

---

Yes, Armstrong has appeared; you can all worship me now :) (You know I'm kidding, lol). I predict the Armstrong's famous line will be very over-used in this story…what, I like it! And now, cue the short:

'**FMA cliché #5: MSN Musings'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

**NotShort** has joined the chat.

**SpidersAreEVIL **has joined the chat.

**NotShort**: Lauren…I just found something really disturbing…

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Hi Ed.

**SpidersAreEVIL**: What is it?

**NotShort**: it says that Al and I are…are…

**SpidersAreEVIL**: …Ed?

**xxXBig Sisters SuckXxx** has joined the chat.

**xxXBig Sisters SuckXxx**: yo.

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Shove off Jared.

**xxXBig Sisters SuckXxx**: Y, u wanna B w/ ur boifrend?

**SpidersAreEVIL**: …

**SpidersAreEVIL**: I repeat, shove off Jared.

**xxXBig Sisters SuckXxx**: Wateva. L8ter.

**xxXBig Sisters SuckXxx **has left the chat.

**SpidersAreEVIL**: You were saying, Ed?

**NotShort**: link omitted to avoid getting my pants sued off

**SpidersAreEVIL**: …O.O

**NotShort**: Yeah, that was my reaction.

**Alphonse Love** has joined the chat.

**Alphonse Love**: Hello everyone! So, what's going on:)

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Helen, Ed just posted up a disturbing Elricest fanfic!

**NotShort**: Hey!

**Alphonse Love**: …What?

**SpidersAreEVIL**: link omitted to avoid getting my pants sued off…again

**Alphonse Love**: Cavorting Cornstarch! XX

**NotShort** has left the chat.

**EE+LE** has joined the chat.

**EE+LE**: So, what did I miss?

**Alphonse Love**: Hi Leigh

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Helen, could you tell Ed I'm sorry?

**Alphonse Love**: …

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Helen?

**Alphonse Love**: What, again?

**SpidersAreEVIL**: Yes, again.

**Alphonse Love**: Fine X(

**EE+LE**: Umm, what's going on? Did Lauren have another fight with Ed?

**SpidersAreEVIL** has left the chat.

**Alphonse Love** has left the chat.

**EE+LE**: Jeez.

**EE+LE** has left the chat.

**Kittensruleall** has joined the chat.

**LotR Fanboy** has joined the chat.

**LotR Fanboy**: Huh…Lauren said she'd meet us here…

**Kittensruleall**: I think she's mauling Ed at the moment.

**LotR Fanboy**: What, again?

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**The Strongarm Alchemist**: This method of joining chats been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!

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**NO STATE ALCHEMISTS WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS SHORT**

Yeap, those MSN things are everywhere. Although I can see why people do them; was kind of fun to write. Since I mentioned them last short…I decided to go for it :) It broke the traditional short format for once, but as Weird Al said, 'If Madonna's allowed to reinvent herself every 15 minutes, I figure I should be good for a change at least once every couple of decades". On that note, this will probably be the last time I do something completely different short-wise :) Also, I have three uber-spiffy new pictures up on my website, including one that will hopefully be the start of a series, another that shows the exact design of Envy's mysterious parting gift, and the last, which shows a very familiar scene ;D I also have a map of the Mackenzie residence, so if you guys want me to post it up, just let me know :) Next chapter should be sometime this weekend hopefully, so keep watching!


	16. Drumroll, Please

**Author's Note:** How I hate writer's block…it always strikes at the most inconvenient of times. I can't believe I've almost hit 200 reviews! I swear, if I get to it soon, I will put awesome drawings up on my site to thank you all :) And when I say awesome, I mean possible pictures of the OCs cosplaying certain people and an entire cast picture in the distant future. As to who they're cosplaying…well, I'm not telling ;P You know what's scary? Some of my reviewers have already guessed what I'm going to do later on…and at the risk of sounding silly and ignorant when it comes to punctuation because of the exclamation marks…stop that!! It makes me look like I'm stealing your ideas! ;D As for Ed and Lauren's height comparison…it will be answered. It may not be the answer you're expecting…or it may be. I'm not telling!

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Sixteen: Drumroll, Please**

"Well…"

Linda Mackenzie looked over at the front desk with an almost bored expression, her hand propping up her chin. As a librarian in charge of the Information desk, it was well-known among her profession that even workaholics suffered from the long stretches of monotony. Today had been especially bad; despite it being the weekend, there was not a soul in sight.

Any distraction was welcome, which of course meant she had sat there for a good twenty minutes staring a hole in her desk waiting for something, **anything** interesting to arise.

"Curious...I wonder what it is…"

"Do you think it's one of those self-help books?"

"No, it looks new age to me…"

"It'd wager it's older than that. Maybe it's being requested by a university professor?"

"Hmm?" She managed, just loud enough for the other librarians at the front desk to hear her. Whatever had caught their interest, chances were would catch hers. Linda managed to recognize one of them, Mrs. Stevens; the librarian in charge of Lauren's volunteer work.

"What's going on Karen?" She prompted a bit louder, hoping to attract their attention. She did indeed, and the three librarians stopped chattering for a moment to look at her bemusedly.

Mrs. Stevens blinked, and then realized she was being addressed. "Oh! Margaret just found a very strange book in the bins. Apparently, someone here requested it and it just arrived."

"Really? Let me see this book." She said inquisitively. Margaret complied, handing it to her.

As soon as she saw it, Linda understood what the furor was about. It was a small, black book of about nineteen centimetres in length, and roughly ten centimetres in width; beautiful embossed gold letters proclaimed it to be 'Abliber Alchemia'. Both the front and (when she turned it over) the back were bare of anything else; not even the name of the author.

"I take it you haven't read through it?" Linda finally said.

"It's far more interesting to guess." One of the librarians, Rachel Withers, said sheepishly.

Linda rolled her eyes, exasperated. She couldn't fairly say she'd do any different, but still…"Well then, let's take a look."

But just as she was about to open it, her phone rang. All dramatic tension gone, Linda picked it up irritably, wondering what patron would have such a bad sense of timing. "Hello?"

"Linda! Thank God, I finally got you! You need to come to the police station right away-"

She blinked, confused by her husband's panicked tone. "What?"

"It's Lauren, Jared and Helen! They've been in a car accident!"

---

_She examined the bar closely, gauging the distance between it and the floor. Then, without any further hesitation, she jumped and grabbed hold of the cold metal, the bright lights catching the swirl of chalk dust that resulted from the contact. Carefully, she fluidly swung over and over, until finally coming to a stop as she attempted a handstand. Her eyes stung from the chalk and bright lights, and her arms were shaking with exertion, but she nevertheless held that position as long as she could._

_Allowing herself to swing down again, she pulled herself up and firmly placed her feet on the bar, sliding into a crouch. Apprehensive, she once again carefully gauged the distance to the other, higher bar. And then she jumped, hands outstretched and her heart beating loudly in her ears. If she made this the rest would be easy, and she would finally be able to prove herself in front of her parents. She was so close; she could almost touch it-_

"Lauren?"

Said teenaged girl jolted, all traces of her pleasant daydream immediately swept away as she was rudely yanked back to reality. She once again became aware of her exhaustion, her arms shaking slightly from both the prolonged period she had spent carrying her brother, and the frigid cold. Her hunger was almost agonizing, and she ruefully realized she had long ago missed breakfast. As if all that wasn't enough, she also had to use the restroom; maybe she shouldn't have had all that tea earlier…

"Yes?" She replied, understandably grouchy.

Ed blinked. "Sorry, you just looked like-"

"I was thinking? Yes Ed, surprising as it may be, I **do** think."

"Don't bite my head off, I was just concerned." Ed replied quietly, though his tone sounded slightly annoyed.

Lauren bit her tongue, holding back a scathing retort. She was being unreasonable, she knew; but frankly, Lauren was not the sort of person who could be pleasant all the time. Especially when her stomach was empty and her back hurt.

Startling her, something black darted out of the corner of Lauren's eye. Turning to look at it, she was further unnerved to find nothing there. She had no further time to think about it, however, when her brother suddenly spoke up.

"Don't worry," Jared murmured, surprising them all. "She just gets like this sometimes. She doesn't really mean it."

Lauren looked away, ashamed. Here she was complaining when everyone else (well, besides Al) was in the same boat as she was. Indeed, Jared had even broken his leg, and yet never once said a word about it.

"I'm sorry," she said awkwardly. Ed muttered something that sounded distinctly like 'apology accepted', though Lauren really couldn't tell with him sometimes.

"Oh, that reminds me…" Al undid his chest plate, pulling out a familiar battered red coat. Ed blinked, and then narrowed his eyes.

"I've been freezing my ass off, and you've had my coat the whole time?"

Al laughed nervously. "I kind of…forgot about it. Besides, it's pretty torn up; there's a huge rip near the sleeve..."

"Nothing alchemy can't fix." Ed replied. A clap and flash of bright blue light later; his coat was mended. Except…

Lauren gave the coat a doubtful look. "Uh…no offense Ed, but the hemline is a bit higher then it should be."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess I can't fix it completely. Here, take it." He held it out to Lauren, and she started.

"Wait, I don't need it! I'm fine; you're the one without a coat!"

"Maybe so, but I'm not the only one." He gestured towards Jared. "I'm fine; anyway, I can't use it, and he's the injured one. You know if you're getting tired I could carry him for you."

Now it was Lauren's turn to blink, surprised at his thoughtfulness. "Uh…thank you for the coat. I can carry him though, I'm fine."

He handed it to her, shrugging. "Alright…"

She smiled. "Gymnastics."

"Hmm?"

"Gymnastics. That's what I was daydreaming about."

"That's funny; you didn't really strike me as the athletic type."

She frowned, not from Ed's comment but from long-forgotten memories. "Believe me, I'm not. But Mom liked the idea, and I had lots of free time back in junior high, so I went for it."

"'N you quit two years later." Jared said; his voice muffled.

Lauren laughed slightly. "Yeah, I did. Wasn't really my type of thing to be honest..."

"You only say that 'cause you missed the uneven bars that one time, and screwed up in front of Mom and Dad."

Lauren stopped briefly.

"Yeah, I guess so." She laughed again, resuming her previous pace. "I did like the feeling of being perfectly balanced and in control of things…but I've found a better substitute for it, in the form of writing. Actually…how were you able to tell where we were on map?"

"Not that difficult. There's only one cliff as high as the one we went off on the entire map." Ed replied monotonously.

Lauren blinked, and then snorted. "Yeah, I guess so. Figures the area I live in would be so predictable…"

Al gave her a curious look. "That reminds me, what did you mean when you said you forgot the construction site was taken over last year? Was it around before that?"

Lauren sighed, kicking a stray rock out of her path. "That construction site is older then I am. It's sat there since about the 1950s; they tried building the museum or something I think. They ran into rock sediments, or an underground spring of water or something, and abandoned it. Every few years or so, somebody tries to finish it, because it's already half done. My entire life I've heard of 'such and such' company working on it, and after awhile the names and times sort of blur together."

"You seem to know a lot of urban myths and stories." Ed commented leisurely, putting his hands in his pockets.

She shrugged. "Well, yeah, they're sort of a hobby. Some of them are kind of odd though, such as the one where that one guy was dragged to death by his possessed motorcycle. I think some people just have too much time. There's one I just can't figure out though…oh, sorry, I went off on a tangent, didn't I?"

"Go ahead, it's not like we have anything better to talk about." Ed snorted.

She paused briefly, before continuing. "…Okay, then. You recall that story I told you about the 'Black Lady'?"

"I remember; the one with the ghost of the bride in the black wedding dress?" Al asked.

"How could I forget that one?" Ed laughed. "You know, besides the fact it's the most generic urban myth I've ever heard."

Lauren frowned. "Well, here's the strange part. You know how it's supposed to have happened fifty years ago? I only started hearing about it when I was halfway through grade school."

Ed looked thoughtful. "Huh, that's curious…"

She nodded. "Yeah, it is. Furthermore, my Mom and Dad say the same thing, along with every other adult over twenty or so born here and familiar with the legend."

"Why would someone invent a myth that took place fifty years ago?" Ed asked rhetorically, echoing everyone's thoughts.

Lauren shrugged. "I don't know. Seems kind of coincidental that it takes place so close to the construction site…at about the same time…of course, it could be somebody's twisted idea of a joke. Speaking of twisted, how did Envy get close enough to put that mark on you?"

Ed shrugged. "I'm not so sure myself. I'm surprised he didn't kill me, actually."

"He wanted to get away." Al said, realization dawning.

Lauren ducked to avoid a low-lying branch. "Guess so. I'm kind of amazed he could manage something that detailed in such an amazing amount of time…and with such precision, considering the fact the car was going off the cliff…"

"He's probably had a lot of practice." Ed replied darkly. "I can't see Envy doing anything less then abusing a skill like that- especially since he obviously learned it recently. Still…that is weird."

"How far have we walked?" Jared muttered, startling everyone.

"What do you mean, 'we'? I'm the one carrying you!" Lauren said half-heartedly, too tired to put up any sort of a fight. As it was, his legs were gripping her waist so hard she **knew** it'd leave bruises; she was too tired to hold them up.

Ed looked thoughtful. "Almost two miles, I think."

"Really? But we haven't seen anything y- oof!" Not watching where she was going, Lauren had managed to trip. Pin wheeling her arms furiously for a moment, she tried to grab a nearby branch. But the laws of gravity finally kicked in, and Lauren only managed to snag a fistful of pine needles and ice before falling flat on her face. As if that wasn't pathetic enough, the previously mentioned branch dropped a fair amount of snow on snow on her in the process.

Spitting out snow and sneezing furiously, Lauren blinked as a pair of black boots entered her vision.

"Here, I'll help you up." Ed laughed, dusting the teenage girl off and helping her up. "I told you I should've carried Jared."

Lauren didn't reply, having noticed something strange only a few feet away. Her brow furrowed, and as her curiosity got the better of her, she moved over near it as she tried to get a better look.

Ed blinked, confused by her strange behaviour. "…Lauren? Maybe I should carry Jared now…"

"Look at this," She murmured, tentively dislodging it from the wet and hard packed snow. Lauren started to brush aside as much of it as she could, and then suddenly stopped.

Both Al and Ed crouched down near her, trying to get a better look. Hesitantly, she held the silver pocket watch up by its chain, sunlight glaring off the polished metal.

"…What's my pocket watch doing here?" Ed asked after a short silence.

"That's not the only thing that shouldn't be here." Al pointed at a nearby patch of bare ground, devoid of snow as a result of the rising temperature. Weathered concrete was just barely visible, the occasional weed jutting through the many cracks on its surface.

Ed managed to hoist Jared onto his back, and they began looking for other bare areas. They didn't have far to look, and pretty soon they had found a sort of overgrown road leading off into the jungle. But they were in for even more surprises...

"Hey, Lauren."

Lauren blinked, and stopped, noticing both Ed and Al examining something in the snow. Ed's brows were furrowed, which as far as Lauren was concerned wasn't a good sign. "Yes?"

She walked over to get a better look. A trail of footprints had mostly managed to evade the relatively heavy snowfall from earlier in the morning, and went in the opposite direction from where they were currently heading. Noticing something familiar, Lauren frowned and looked back at the way they had come. The footprints were an exact match to Ed's.

"I think that's pretty definite proof I was here." Ed said, his eyes seemingly glued to the offending footsteps.

"You must have been running; they're spaced rather far apart." Lauren observed.

"We should go back." Al said, his terse tone surprising everyone present.

"What?" Jared croaked, still weak from his fall and the prolonged exposure to the cold.

"This is the place it all happened…Ed, we've got to go back!"

"What do you mean we've got to go back?" Ed replied irritably, his voice rising. "You know, you've been acting very strange lately. Why won't you just tell me what's bothering you?!"

"Look at that!" Lauren interrupted, distracting them momentarily as she pointed towards something. Just barely twenty metres away, though it had at first been obscured by pine branches and tree trunks, lay the construction site. Rusted metal contraptions, wooden boards and large clumps of overgrown grass were strewn about, complimenting the broken glass windows and chipped bricks of the completed part of the building. Graffiti was everywhere, along with soda cans and the infrequent mitten or torn sock.

"Are you sure this construction site isn't still abandoned?" Jared mumbled.

"I'm positive." Lauren insisted. "Maybe they just started and they're on a break or something? It is the weekend, after all."

"If so, they took all their equipment with them," Ed pointed out, "And I know I'm not exactly the expert on twenty-first century technology, but doesn't that seem a bit strange?"

"You have a point." Lauren admitted.

"Alright then, so what it comes down to is whether or not we should take a chance on this place." Ed leaned against a nearby tree and crossed his arms, his eyes firmly fixed on the sight before them. "There have been way too many coincidences lately; Envy, Helen's disappearance and my pocket watch to name a few. But Jared needs medical attention, and there's no way we could search for Helen in these conditions alone. There may be a chance that they forgot to disconnect the phone lines…but would the unlikely probability of that outweigh the risks?"

"We managed two miles, but I don't think we could it again…and there's nothing even remotely resembling civilization within three miles…" Lauren mused.

"We can't go in there." Al said decisively.

"We might have to, Al." Ed replied tiredly, unable to muster the energy to argue. "Should we cast a vote?"

Lauren didn't answer, distracted by the sight of blood on the trail behind them. Really, it was surprising she'd overlooked it the first time; the small red droplets were hard to miss. Jared wasn't bleeding…she wasn't bleeding…she was pretty sure Al wasn't **capable** of bleeding…which meant-

She quickly looked down, noticing for the second time a large cut on the side of his left leg, the leather of his pants torn and ragged. "Ed, you're hurt!"

"Hmm?" He followed her gaze, and then winced. "Oh, that…it's…just a flesh wound?"

"Stupid…stupid…stupid…" she murmured to herself, shaking her head. "I should have remembered that you wouldn't be able to carry Jared. Here, hand him over."

"But I'm okay-"

"Ed, that's the **second** time within a week you've ripped that wound open since Envy gave it to you at the mall; now it's gotten even worse. Do I have to force you to let me bandage it again?"

"Lauren, there isn't any time for this!"

"Oh, so you want to lose another leg, then?! Newsflash Ed, there isn't an automail mechanic the next town over! If you lose that leg, you'll be even worse off then when you started!"

"Oh, thanks for reminding me- again! I just **love** remembering that I'm probably stuck here for the rest of my life with this stupid automail!"

"You're welcome! Next time I'll make sure to add your Oedipus complex into the mess!"

"What the **hell** is an Oedipus complex?!"

Al sighed, picking Jared up from where Ed had set him down during the argument. As he stood up, he regarded the abandoned construction site with the look of a cornered animal sizing up an adversary. He alone knew what awaited them if they choose to move forward, and yet his reasoning against going was becoming more insubstantial by the second. Not unwarranted, but it was obvious both Ed and Lauren were tired, hungry and unsurprisingly aggravated as a result of those facts, and Jared was fading fast. They had no choice.

"We can go." Lauren and Ed halted their argument, temporarily stunned by his consent.

"I guess we can't run away forever. Just remember Ed, I saw some pretty horrible things in there, but you probably saw worse. Just tell me if it gets to be too much, okay brother?" Al said meekly.

Ed was wide-eyed. "Al…"

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Lauren asked tentatively.

"We can always try getting back to the road and hitchhiking-" Ed started.

"That wouldn't be fair to you guys. It's pretty far." Al reminded him.

"We don't have to do it if…I…" He couldn't think of anything plausible to say, almost upset that Al was going along with what had originally been Ed's idea.

There was a short pause, to which Lauren dared not say a single thing. But after a short while, she reluctantly broke it.

"We should get going, if that's the decision…" She said softly. "Just watch out for security cameras."

"Yeah…you're right…" Ed replied distractedly, not even bothering to ask what a security camera was.

Scanning the area for any of the previously mentioned devices, Lauren came to the conclusion that she couldn't see any. Besides, if they had cameras that well hidden and small enough, it was a safe bet going back wouldn't do any good anyways. Moving quietly, they found themselves crouched underneath one of the many broken windowsills; they were rather high off the ground, which made it easier for Al to avoid being spotted.

"Okay, I'm going up there; just take care of my brother. Wish me-" Lauren started. But just as she was about to reach for the ledge, Al pulled her back down.

"Hey, what was that for!" She hissed furiously, struggling out of his grip.

"What if they have the windows wired? You could end up losing a limb, or setting off an alarm!" Al replied quickly.

"Well, someone has to try!"

"You said before he needed to conserve body heat, and I'm made of metal!"

Unbeknownst to them, during this entire argument Ed had decided to take matters in his own hands. He jumped up, felt around with his right hand for anything, and then hoisted himself onto the ledge. Sighing when he realized that there was nothing, the state alchemist looked back down. "Hey, it's okay; there's nothing but broken glass."

Lauren blinked and then looked up; her eyes narrowing in exasperation.

"…That was a pretty stupid thing to do." She commented. Al just sighed and shook his head disapprovingly.

"I suppose you had a better idea?" Ed countered. Lauren didn't have any suitable reply to this, so she leaned against the wall, crossed her arms and sulked with as much dignity as she could muster.

Ed rolled his eyes. "I'm going take a look around in here. Just wait outside for a few minutes, okay?"

Lauren's eyes widened, and her expression swiftly changing from indifference to panic as she suddenly looked up at him. "Wait, alone? In there?"

"Yeap." He replied, unbothered.

"…Alright, that's it. I'm coming." She proceeded to jump up and grab the ledge before either of the Elric brothers could protest. Hanging there for a few minutes, she then realized something she hadn't considered beforehand.

"Umm, Ed?"

"…Yeah?"

"Could you help me up?" There was a sigh, before the state alchemist complied.

"If she goes, I go too." Al said firmly.

Ed gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, Al; I don't think you'll fit through the window. Besides, somebody has got to keep an eye on Jared. We obviously can't take him with us."

Al sighed yet again. "I suppose you're right…I just-" But when he looked up, they had already moved on.

"Why am **I** always the one who stays behind?!"

---

"…So, this is what an abandoned building looks like." Lauren mused aloud, glancing around the dingy room they had eventually found themselves in. It was obviously an old board room, or had at least been intended to be one; the only note-worthy piece of furniture, besides the side tables and single lamp, was a long table with as many chairs as could be stuffed into such a crowded room.

"You'll get to see what a corpse looks like if you keep talking." Ed replied, even more frustrated and tired from their lack of progress then he had been before. They must have traveled at least half of the semi-constructed building by now, but yet nothing besides a few dusty armoires and moth-eaten carpets had greeted them.

"What really gets me is that there's so much furniture. I mean, I can understand opening up half the building I guess, but putting in so much junk and just leaving it is definitely suspicious." Lauren whispered.

Ed warily eyed the few paintings still hanging on the walls. "Yeah, I agree with that. It almost looks like someone was using this place as a sort of base…but it must have been a few years ago; I don't think it could fall into such disrepair in only a week." The meaning behind his words was plain to see, and Lauren realized with certainty that he believed this was the final clue to uncovering his strange appearance in her world.

But yet…it seemed too easy, like a jigsaw with only a handful of pieces. Whatever or whoever had bent reality to accommodate **living** fictional characters was obviously much more then simply powerful.

"Hey, Ed…" Lauren said softly.

"Yeah?"

She smiled somewhat wistfully at his characteristic one-word reply. "I've been meaning to ask you something for a long time…it's a stupid question, but somehow I have a feeling only you can answer it. Do you…I mean, are y-"

But before she could properly voice her concerns, her foot caught on the frayed carpet and sent her tumbling into Ed. This, of course, sent him straight into the wall. Trying to remain his balance, he reached for the nearest thing he could- a picture of a stack of books. The frame pulled back from the wall unexpectedly, and they both landed in a heap on the floor.

"Well…that was fun…" Ed said hoarsely, wincing as Lauren's elbow dug into his ribs.

"I'm really **really** really sorry that was so stupid I can't believe I-" The sound of gears and machinery gave he pause, and then before their very eyes the wall suddenly started to…move?

Blinking, they found themselves staring straight into a darkened hallway- one certainly cleaner and better kept then where they were currently. Dusting himself off and helping Lauren up, Ed could only shake his head in amusement.

"Well, well, well…that was a rather convenient accident. Looks like whoever was in charge of this place didn't leave after all."

"Should we go in?" Lauren asked nervously.

He snorted. "I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain at this point. You can go back, but I'm not."

Her jaw set firmly, she was the very picture of determination. "I'm not going back."

"Ladies first." He gestured towards the hallway, smirking when she gave him a poisonous look before attempting to hold her head high, moving forward.

"…Should've known you'd hold that against me." He only smirked, following her lead.

---

If anyone catches the pun in the title of the short, I'll be very surprised. It's that bad- I'm sure you'll have lower opinions of me after seeing it :)

'**FMA cliché #6: Femme Metal!'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

It was a sunny fall afternoon. Lauren and Al were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. Both were rather bored, and had the most despondent looks on their faces it would give even Envy pause.

Lauren sighed. "So bored…wish something would happen…"

Al blinked. "Wait…where's Ed?"

As if to answer Al's question, there was a crash and a sound like a thunderclap. A few minutes later, Ed came storming out from the basement and slammed the door behind him. Only there was something off about him…

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "Umm, Ed…you-"

"Don't ask." He said curtly, determinedly avoiding eye contact. And so they didn't, until the silence finally drove Lauren to raise the question that was just **begging** to be asked.

"Ed…you have-"

"I **know**."

"…What happened?"

"Monica happened." Lauren just blinked, still as bemused as before.

He sighed. "Look, I broke your couch…again, and I was trying to fix it with alchemy…again. Monica just happened to sit down at that moment."

After a short silence during which he received no reply, Ed nervously glanced over at Lauren…only to find himself face to face with a camera.

"Say cheese!" There was a blinding flash, and Ed blinked furiously for a few moments until it all sunk in.

"Hey, wait-!"

She grinned cheekily. "Are you kidding? This is prime blackmail material!"

Al sighed as the two started off on one of their epic arguments. Honestly, he was younger then them; so why were **they** the immature ones?

**GOOD QUESTION…TOO BAD IT'S THE END!**

I think it stands to reason that since Ed didn't suspect security cameras during Lab 5 in both the Manga and Anime, it wasn't available or even known about by the general public. Or something smart like that. Yeah. Speaking of which, I just saw the ending of the anime…it was freaking awesome, in my opinion ;D

Since I was a horrible person and have not updated in…eh…-checks-…roughly three weeks, I decided to put up something (or rather, _somethings_ (ignore the glaring grammar error)) special on my website. I'm not saying anything, except that if anyone actually likes my original characters (-muted laughter in background-) then you should love it ;)


	17. In Which Helen Is Found!

**Author's Note:** Do dee do- oh, hiya all! Well, I've been going through a cycle of depression and (recently) almost euphoric happiness, so…yeah. Hormones; methinks. Or I'm just wacko. The latter explanation is probably the true cause.

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Seventeen: In Which Helen Is Found!**

The hallway looked like something out of those old black and white movies. With the plush red carpet draped over a polished dark wood floor, the renaissance-esque paintings, mahogany side tables and other things one would expect to find in Film Noir or Gothic fiction.

"What is this, _Sunset Boulevard_?" Lauren whispered. "I'm half expecting Norma Desmond to float around the next corner…"

Ed didn't even bother to ask for clarification, having learned by now that quoting random bits of pop culture was just her way of dealing with difficult situations. And if this wasn't a difficult situation, he didn't know what was.

"Just stick close and keep your voice down." He advised, giving her a pointed look over his shoulder.

"Right," She replied hesitantly, having the feeling her attempt at cheering up Ed had backfired. Not noticing where she was going, she nearly bumped into Ed when he stopped suddenly. Peering around him, she realized one of the many doors in the seemingly never-ending hallway was slightly ajar; flickering, yellow light pooled in the floor in front of the doorway and on the opposite wall.

"What…do you think it is?" Lauren whispered, mentally kicking herself for sounding so melodramatic.

"An answer." Ed said tersely, resuming his pace with a reluctant Lauren in tow. Making sure to be as quiet as possible, he pushed the door slightly. The old hinges creaked slightly as the door gradually swung open to reveal a woman in black, who was turned away from them. Another woman (though dressed in more casual clothes) was slumped over in an armchair, her face obscured by her bangs.

The room was surprising bare, considering the hallway. There was only a wooden desk, a lit fireplace (which the 'women in black' was currently looking into), two armchairs, a loveseat and a large ornate cabinet. No paintings, no carpeting, and the walls hadn't even been painted properly. The room itself, however, was the farthest things from both the teenager's minds.

"You!" Lauren gasped, "You're that black figure I saw-"

"What?" Ed interrupted.

Lauren mentally kicked herself for forgetting about it. "Well…I saw her earlier, I think…"

"And you didn't tell me?" Ed replied, angry and disappointed.

"Well, I'm sorry for having other things on my mind!" She snapped, her temper flaring once again.

Out of the corner of his eye, however, Ed had noticed something about the figure in the chair. "Is that…Helen?"

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "What do you-"

"So you finally decided to arrive." The woman said, turning to face them with a satisfied look on her face. "I was starting to wonder."

Ed's eyes widened briefly, before gritting his teeth and giving her an impressive glare. "Lust; what are you doing here?"

"So glad you asked," She answered cryptically, in the same condescending tone. "Although I thought it was obvious by now…I suppose you're still missing your memories?"

That surprised him. "How do you-"

"Ugh…my head…" All eyes turned to Helen, as she shifted uncomfortably. Lauren, mindful of the homunculus only a few metres away, never the less inched towards her friend. Crouching down next to Helen, she examined her in detail.

Ed, however, never looked away from Lust for a second, a strange, almost predatory grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "So I guess the homunculi are behind this too. Kind of odd, considering how you guys normally operate."

She sighed, the smug look slipping for a moment. "Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, Fullmetal. Distracting me won't do any good, either- if I wanted to harm you or your…tagalongs, I would have done so already."

"She's okay," Lauren announced, slightly intimidated when she suddenly found herself the center of attention.

"So," Ed said, drawing the focus away from Lauren once again. "What's the **real** reason behind all this?"

Lust smiled wistfully. "You don't remember, do you?"

His expression didn't change at all. "Remember what?"

"I'm dead."

Ed laughed. "Sure you are; that makes perfect sense. It's all so clear now; I mean, besides the fact you're standing in front of me looking…well, whatever the hell you normally considering yourself looking."

"I'm serious, Edward. Though you may not remember it, I did die; as did you." She replied gravely.

"Wait a minute…I died? What the **hell** are you talking about?" He said heatedly, feeling his frustration growing with each passing second. This hadn't been a good day, and Lust was only making it worse.

"Ed, we should go now." Lauren hissed urgently, supporting a dazed Helen as best she could. But before she could move, she found her path blocked by one of Lust's long, sharp fingertips.

"I don't recall telling you that you could leave." She said simply. "I'm not quite finished with you yet- pull up a chair and stay awhile."

With an injured woman and a girl with relatively no fight-related skills, their only option was obvious. Reluctantly, Lauren sat down on the loveseat, carefully lowering Helen down onto it also. Ed remained standing, as if in defiance; Lust, however, sank into one of the armchairs, looking almost tired as she gazed into the roaring fire.

The oppressive silence was soon broken, as Lust once again spoke. "We had a partnership once; do you remember?"

"No," Ed replied curtly, having decided that straight answers might mean that they could leave sooner.

"I'm not surprised." She looked away from the fireplace, looking him directly in the eyes. "I have a proposition for you. If you will help me set things back to the way they were, the way they should be, I'll tell you all you need to know."

"Why do you want my help?" Ed asked, suspicious and unwilling to let her pull the wool over his eyes.

She smiled once again, her gaze returning to the fire. "It's quite simple, really. I want to die again."

There was a short pause, before Lauren decided to add her own two cents. "Why…?"

Lust sighed. "If you found the answer to all your questions and fears, would you give it up easily? All I want is to go back to the peace…I'm sure even you can't refuse me that wish. Now, I can't tell you much, except that whoever brought us here was…how should I put it…native to this universe? She's very powerful; though more vulnerable than Dante, if things play out the way I hope they will."

"Dante?" Ed was confused as to why the name sounded so familiar. Lauren, however, remembered immediately.

"Ed, I think she's someone you…meet later in the series." The teenager said hesitantly, wondering if she should reveal that much information.

The homunculi nodded. "Yes, I'd expect you wouldn't remember that either. Apparently, during the process of bringing humans here, memories and the ability to perform alchemy are usually taken away. The procedure works differently on homunculi, gifting them with alchemy and preserving what memories we do have. Ironic, isn't it? Things intended to be reflective of this world often have more trouble adapting then those that weren't. I suppose it's easier to bring something to life if it was never intended to be real."

Ed looked both thoughtful and conflicted, before finally responding. "I can still perform alchemy, and I don't have many recollections from before Lauren found me. How do you explain that?"

Lauren's eyes widened, before she leaned over and whispered something. "Ed, are you sure you should tell her-"

"You're doubtlessly blocking your memories." Lust answered simply. "It's exactly as your friend said; perhaps a shaky theory in practice, but not unreasonable considering what you would have seen."

"How do you know all this?" Lauren demanded almost desperately, temporarily forgetting her fear in face of the tangled mess she had found herself in.

Lust reached for something on the mantle, tossing it at Lauren's feet. "A better question would be how **She** knew all this. I found these documents here in one of the offices of one of Her previous employees. The building, as I'm sure you've guessed, was being used as a base of sorts by Her. It was where She contained all of Her…'sucesses', the fictional characters She managed to bring to this plane of existence. Unfortunately, Envy managed to track Her down before I could, and I've unable to dig up anything else on Her since. You'll be surprised to realize how much She knows."

Tentatively, Lauren reached for the brown folder and then started to flip through it, stopping when she noticed her picture.

"Name, Lauren Mildred Mackenzie…age, 15…birthday, November 7 1990…gender, female…subject is Current Host of 'Edward Elric', and is known fan of the series _Fullmetal Alchemist_. Family members include sister Monica Dorothy Mackenzie, mother Linda Harriet Harris-Mackenzie, father Robert Steven Mackenzie, and brother Jared Matthew Mackenzie. Subject is also close acquaintance of Christopher Richard Greene, Leigh Susan Erkens and Helen Shelly Sherburne …" Lauren trailed off, shocked beyond words. Ed himself was wide-eyed, hardly daring to believe what he'd just heard.

"But…how?" Lauren managed, stunned. "How did she…" Then a sudden though occurred to her, and her eyes widened even more.

"The school…"

Lust smiled. "Yes; Envy has never been subtle to begin with."

After allowing them a few minutes to absorb all that information, Lust continued. "Apparently, for whatever reason, this base shut down a few days ago. They left curiously fast, leaving almost everything behind and relocating to another building downtown. Along with others from our universe, I've found at least fifty other works she has brought fictional characters from. I compiled a list which is somewhere in that folder, with all the names and series She has…used."

"Why are you telling us all this?" Ed asked hoarsely, caught between amazement and confusion in the face of so much information. "Why don't you go bother Envy, or track her down yourself?"

Lust paused a moment, searching for the right words. "I've dealt with you in the past, and you came closer then any others to honoring your side of the agreement. That's more then I can say for half of these people, most of which I don't have any previous experience with. Besides that, you're one of her most recent experiments, and therefore would most likely have some previous knowledge of what happened that day. Is that a satisfactory answer?"

"She was manipulating us…" Lauren said, her tone horrorstruck. "Whoever the hell this is, she knows everything about me…my family…my friends…"

Lust smiled almost bitterly. "Did you think it was a coincidence? How you were good friends with the daughter of a policeman and the local newspaper owner's son? That you just **happened** to go down a rarely-traveled road just as Edward Elric stumbled onto it? That your parents were hardly at home, and therefore easy to hide secrets from? And don't look so surprised; she's kept records on all your recent escapades, up until two days ago."

"But then…how…" Lauren was tongue-tied, unable to utter anything coherently. It was all true; Monica had said at the time that it was the shorter route, but why had she picked such a dangerous one?

The teenaged girl finally took a deep, shaky breath; her voice once again level as she attempted to hold her emotions in check. "How did…that person know I was going down that particular road?"

Lust shrugged. "I'm not quite sure. Were you with anyone at the time?"

"Monica." Ed said breathlessly, unintentionally echoing Lauren's thoughts as well.

The homunculi nodded. "I'm not surprised; your sister must have mentioned it to someone else, or was influenced into taking that particular road."

Ed tensed. "Or she could be working for-"

"My sister would never do that!" Lauren snapped, as the frustration and shock finally took their toll. But before Ed could even reply, she burst into tears, leaning back into the loveseat and sobbing. The alchemist looked away, feeling guilty but bewildered as to whether or not he should try to comfort her.

"…Monica?" Helen said dazedly. "That's funny…I have a friend named Monica…actually, she was a friend of a friend, and was just out of high school or something….she recommended the convention to me. The one where I met Ed, I mean…"

Ed hesitated briefly. "Did she have green eyes and brown hair?"

"Yeah, she did, come to think of it. Why?" Helen blinked.

"…Lauren's sister fits that description."

Lauren clenched her fists, covering her face and shaking her head futilely. "Stop it, just stop it! I know my sister, she'd never get mixed up in something as nuts as this!"

"Whoever's responsible for this could be using her!" Ed argued.

"Ed has a point." Helen added, rubbing her head slightly and sitting up straighter.

Lust gave the twenty-something an amused look. "So strange, to think that despite Her reports on your supposed perceptive nature, Envy caught you so unprepared."

"What?" Ed interjected.

"I kind of got lost, and then I think someone clunked me over the head with something heavy." Helen said as way of explanation, then frowned. "Wait…Envy? Never mind…I guess I'll ask later."

Ed sighed. "We ran into him a while back. He was masquerading as you."

"I'm not surprised," Lust murmured, "I had wondered why he had attacked her, even if that was undoubtedly what I saw. He must have thought you would still remember the events after She brought you here."

"So what does this mean, anyway?" Helen pondered aloud. "How do we deal with this? You said yourself that this place was abandoned recently and that you have no idea where she is-"

"I don't recall saying that, however true it may be." Lust interrupted.

Helen gave her a warning look. "-and that Ed might be the key to finding out why she left…you might not have said it, but you definitely implied it. The question I'm wondering is why you want to waste time waiting for his memories to come back, when you could try to find the new 'base' yourself."

Lust laughed; a strange sound that seemed to echo in the empty building. "Who says I couldn't do both? Besides, I'm well aware of the fact that those documents are bait, to try and lure us into finding Her. It stands to reason She not only has other copies of these files, but is also updating them as we speak. But as far as She knows, I'm miles away from here; none of the security cameras or bugs planted in or around this building work anymore. You're one of her most valued experiments Fullmetal, and that means I have a connection -however slim- I can follow back to her."

Helen narrowed her eyes. "Either you're very foolish, or you have some deeper reason to be telling us all this."

The homunculi shrugged. "I believe in this case, having all the cards on the table is the best course of action."

Helen declined to add anything else, her face expressionless. She was keeping her suspicions to herself for the time being, until she could properly discuss them with Ed and Lauren.

Lust stood up, her arms crossed. "Well, if that's settled, I believe you will want to use the telephone down the hallway. I'm afraid I have to leave now, though rest assured you **will** hear from me soon."

But Ed still had one more question he needed to ask. "Wait a minute. When we ran into Envy a while back, he was able to use some sort of strange transmutation circle. Do you know anything about that?"

She smiled wryly. "No," And then without any further comments, she had left; Ed could hear her footsteps gradually become fainter and fainter.

Lauren sighed, allowing her face to rest in her hands. "This is insane. What are we going to tell Al and Jared?"

Ed sighed as well. "I think we should worry about that later. For now, let's just try to get out of here; I don't trust this place. I'm going to find that telephone Lust mentioned…if she wasn't just stringing me along."

And then Ed was gone as well, his heavy leather boots echoing down the hall in a manner reminiscent of Lust's departure. Startling Lauren, Helen suddenly burst into tears.

"I can't believe I…I mean, Envy and…I…dammit, why am I so useless?!"

Lauren blinked in alarm, before uncertainly putting her arm around the distressed university student. "What do you mean, useless?" She asked soothingly.

"What good has me being here done?! I only get in the way! Half the time I'm still trying to catch up while everyone else is already solving the problem!"

"That's not true!" Lauren protested. "You notice things that took us days to figure out!"

"But that's it; that's the only way I can help!" Helen replied, gritting her teeth, her body tense with frustration and anger. Lauren was unsure how to respond; she'd never been very good with words, and anything she did say would probably be ignored or make things worse.

There was the sound of footsteps, and then Ed appeared at the doorway. "Looks like Lust was telling the truth; there is a telephone down the hallway. I'm going to go get Al and Jared, and then we can get the hell out of this creepy building…" He stopped and furrowed his brow, noticing that Helen seemed…well, depressed. "Is everything okay?"

Lauren nodded; making sure her voice was clear and steady. "Everything's fine, it's just…a lot to take in."

He looked uncertain, but nevertheless let it go. "Alright…the telephone's in the last door on the right; I'll be right back."

Lauren nodded again, and then he was gone. Looking back at Helen, she attempted to push her onto her feet. "Okay…up we go."

"Sorry about that…I'm just-" Helen cut herself off, momentarily unable to find the right words. "Thanks for not telling him."

Lauren smiled wistfully. "C'mon, let's focus on getting out of here first."

---

"Oh my God…" Linda Mackenzie could do nothing but shake her head in horror at the sight before her, her hands covering her mouth. Indeed, the sight that met her eyes was every parents' worst nightmare: twisted metal, shattered glass, but most importantly: the absence of almost all of her children.

"I told you officer, I forgot to put the hand brake on and the car went off a cliff!" Helen said, pointing accusingly at the car as if it was to blame for the entire incident.

This scene was what first met Leigh's eyes, as her father pulled up in his car. Shoved between two irritated…Amestrians and currently worried sick about her best friend, it was no wonder she was scowling. It had been nice of her father to offer them a ride, especially since he had gone to such trouble to catch up to them, but still…she couldn't help but feel nervous. If he found anything linking 'Eric Eldward' to a certain fictional anime character, it was safe to say it would be game over for them.

"I can't stand it any longer; I'm getting the hell out of this car." Roy said through teeth, kicking the door open. Surprising, the door gave with little effort, and he swept out of the car with all the controlled anger of a patient but deadly tiger. Leigh followed closely behind, almost breaking into a run to keep up.

"Sir!" Riza called warningly, exasperated with her superior's behaviour. They were on thin enough ice as it was, and shaking the boat wasn't a good idea. Slamming the car door behind her, she briskly tried to catch up to them.

Jim massaged his temple, propping his elbow against the dashboard of the police car. "The Chief is going to kill me for bringing my daughter -and a couple of suspects, for crying out loud- here."

"Not if your wife gets to you first." His partner Harry joked.

"Former wife." Jim corrected wearily. Without any further ado, they both got out of the car and questioned the nearest patrol officer they could find.

Thomas Withers was one of the best in Talemount, though he was admittedly getting on in years. Despite this however, his hair remained stubbornly brunette and his face youthful; a strange thing to see in a criminalist.

"Hey, Tom, anything new turned up?" Harry asked cheerfully.

"Yeap," The forty-nine-year-old replied wryly. "You remember the oldest Mackenzie kid? She turned up out of the blue and starting claiming that her younger sister and brother were no where near the crime scene, and that she dropped them off at that old abandoned construction site down the road. She also spouted some BS about forgetting to use her hand brake, though I don't buy that. Mike isn't pleased with her."

"I'll bet." Jim murmured. "He never really liked getting stuck on patrol." Mike Reynolds was a hot-headed twenty-something, easily frustrated when things just didn't add up 'correctly'. Jim truly pitied Tom getting stuck with a greenfoot like that.

Tom shrugged. "Well, so far as I can figure it, the kid's telling the truth. The damn cold snap makes it harder to tell though; especially since everything's melting now. If we have a hit-and-run case on our hands, I don't see much evidence for it. Unless somebody came along and 'magically' destroyed all the evidence, and the fact that her fingerprints are all over the thing adds credibility…still, I can't help getting the feeling it's been staged. The snow around the car isn't as disturbed as it should be, and there's a weird line on the floor in the back seat. The girl says it was there before, and the parents are no help on the matter."

Harry frowned, gazing over at the broken car thoughtfully. "Are you sure? I think the snow looks disturbed enough…was the girl in the car?"

"Not according to her." Tom sighed. "By the way, would you mind giving the parents a lift over to the construction site? We need to verify the other Mackenzie kids are there."

Jim winced. "Sorry, I've…already got passengers."

Tom blinked, and then looked over at the strange threesome (who were currently surveying the car wreck from afar, to the great distress of a certain young blonde criminalist) as if seeing them for the first time. "You brought the suspects and your **daughter** to a crime scene?"

Jim winced yet again. "…Please don't tell Sam, he'll have my head."

"Goddammit, Jim! I've told you once, I've told you a **thousand** times, you bend the rules to much and you'll end up breaking them!" Tom roared, furious.

"It's not his fault!" Harry snapped, surprising both the officers. "We couldn't very well have dragged the girl back into the police station, and it was sheer dumb luck we subdued the suspects the first time! They were determined to go with her, and besides, as far as we know they weren't anywhere near the crime scene!"

There was a short pause, before Tom reluctantly replied. "Alright, I won't tell Sam. But if this happens again, I swear I'll have you both kicked off the force whether or not you're close friends!" He shook his finger warningly.

Jim blinked, stunned. "Thank you…"

"Don't mention it- and I mean that." Tom grunted. "Now, where'd I put that damn coffee…"

There was a collective sigh of relief from both the police officers when he left them; though he was one of the nicest people Jim had ever been fortunate to meet, he was also easily irritated.

The older police officer looked over at his partner. "You didn't have to do that."

Harry just grinned. "Yeah, I did. My skin was on the line to, you know."

Jim just laughed. "Harry, don't ever change."

---

Wow, things just keep getting more and more complicated! I'm sorry there was lots of swearing this chapter…I suppose everyone's just a little bit tense! I just want to say that all I know about the police is what I've gleaned off reality TV, CSI and Wikipedia, so feel free to comment if you notice something odd. Umm…following short is kind of spoilerish, just to warn. Ever since first seeing Hohenheim, I've had a plot bunny for a short just begging to be done. So, without further ado:

'**A "Special" Kind Of Short'**

By Arktos (The author wishes to add that this title was in no way poking at certain vertically challenged state alchemists. Nope, not at all ;) )

Many people thought Hohenheim had left his family simply because of an inferiority complex relating to his…err…'skin condition'. However, the truth behind the matter was much more poignant, in the way only _Fullmetal Alchemist_ could do it.

Yes sir, It was such a grave, important subject for any father to explain to his children; and Hohenheim had shied away from it before. He had originally hoped that they would learn for themselves, for surely even a centuries-old alchemist such as he couldn't explain It properly. But he couldn't run away from It forever, especially now considering the circumstances.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" Edward looked up from his latest foray into the wonderful world of space travel. His attempts had, admittedly, met with little success, but Ed was determined to be united with Al and his friends on the other side of the gate.

But despite this determination, he could feel himself growing tired of endlessly searching with no results. Which is why, on that fateful day in 1921 in Munich, Hohenheim couldn't have picked a worse day to…discuss **that** particular topic.

"…I have to tell you something important."

That caught Ed's interest, and he looked up from his research momentarily, surprised by the pensive look on Hohenheim's face. "Yeah?"

Hohenheim tensed. "It's time we had…The Talk."

Ed blinked, and then raised an eyebrow. "'The Talk'?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so." Hohenheim replied grimly. There was a short, abet slightly bemused pause.

"…What are you talking about?"

"You see, Edward," Hohenheim started, heedlessly moving forward in order to finish the dreaded 'Talk' as soon as was possible. "There are certain things that…well, for example, birds and bees-"

"Wait! I don't need to know!" Ed sputtered, waving his hands frantically; he could see where this was going. "I already learned that stuff when Mustang-"

"Nonsense! It's time I taught you-" Ed slapped his hands over his ears and started humming at the top of his lungs, trying vainly to tune out the painful, awkward explanation that was sure to follow.

Well, at least he now had another motivation to get back home.

**THE ****TA- OH, SORRY. THE END.**

Oh, c'mon- everybody knows that Hohenheim had to have had a better reason to leave home for so long; I'm allowed to fanwank! ;D I don't know why, but I suddenly got the strangest idea while writing this- what would happen if I showed this to Vic Mignogna (Edward Elric's English voice actor)?...that would be so awesome. If by some freak coincidence I ever go to an anime con and meet him (Ha, yeah right- nothing happens where I live relating to anime cons!)…I have to show him this. I don't know why…mostly because I think it'd be funny to see his reaction. Hey, I need to get my kicks somehow! XD


	18. Never Say Never

**Author's Note:** Since I was stupid and forgot to add this a few chapters ago, I posted up so many drawings because you guys rock and completely, utterly deserved it :) I'm sorry for the grammar/spelling errors last chapter!

I've got something special up on my website. I just **know** you'll love it :) This chapter was a bit longer than as per usual, but I'm sure you guys probably don't mind ;D

**_Stranger Than Fiction_**

**Chapter Eighteen: Never Say Never**

Leigh Erkens had always fancied herself as being rather laid-back and carefree. But despite this belief, she couldn't help feeling alarmed as she stared at the smoking wreckage below her.

"Is there any way to get closer?" Roy asked quietly, subdued. Riza found herself at a loss for words, her stern words about leaving the local law enforcement well enough alone to deal with it dying in her throat.

There was an irritated sigh behind them. "All right, show's over; stay back and let us do our jobs."

"We won't get in the way," Leigh replied numbly. The blonde police officer, the infamous Mike Reynolds, massaged his forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

"No, I told you already-"

"Let them go through," Tom interrupted, having had enough. "The girl's a friend of one of the girls involved; people like that sometimes have keener eyes then we do."

Mike stiffened. "With all due respect, sir, I will report you to Mr. Cross."

"No you won't, Mike. You know me to well not to realize I have a reason." Tom smiled bitterly.

"I can't read minds, sir." Mike replied simply.

"You shouldn't need to." Tom sighed, turning to the mismatched threesome. "Alright, I'm going to let you go down and take a look at the wreckage, but **don't** touch anything and **don't** get too close; am I clear?"

"Yes sir." Leigh replied briskly. She somehow managed to keep herself suitably composed, though her voice wavered slightly. Roy and Riza also responded in a similar manner, though more passive.

Jim, followed by Harry, joined the conversation. "Alright, then; follow me." And so they started the fairly perilous track to the bottom of the escarpment, made even more treacherous by the melting snow, mud and closely placed pine trees. Leigh, who had more than once professed a persistent fear for heights, was probably the one who had it worse; especially considering the embarrassment she faced when she remembered her dad's passion for climbing. More then once she slipped and almost fell to the bottom, grabbed just in the nick of time by either the elder Erkens or Roy. Thankfully, however, they made it to the bottom more or less no worse for wear; though Leigh did slip and fall over.

"Well, knock yourselves out." Tom replied exasperatedly.

Picking herself up, Leigh wasted no time; and started examining the car from all angles at as close a distance as her conscience would allow her. She immediately saw that what Mr. Withers had said was correct; the snow near the driver's seat was too neat, though the car itself looked like no one had been there.

Riza Hawkeye, however, noticed something strange out the corner of her eye. When Roy noticed her heading towards the treetops, he blinked in confusion; what on earth could have caught her attention? Deciding to listen to his common sense, he followed her.

After finishing her inspection of the car, Leigh allowed herself a relieved sigh. Lauren and the others hadn't been here, as far as she could see; the only thing that remained was to go pick them up at the construction site.

The sound of footsteps crunching through the snow put her on the alert again. Turning around, she saw that Riza (followed closely by a grim-looking Roy) had something rather strange in her arms; a red bundle of some sort.

Leigh's brows furrowed. "What's that?"

Riza handed it to her. "Part of Fullmetal's coat." Indeed, the material exactly matched the colour of said coat, but besides that Leigh was unsure whether or not it actually was.

"Having fun?" Leigh immediately hid the fabric behind her back, finding herself face to face with…Monica?

Leigh relaxed. "Oh, you…scared me."

Monica made a big show of looking both ways, before bending down to whisper something in Leigh's ear. "Just so you know, I was lying about the hand brake and when I said they weren't in the car. They've gone to the construction site, since it's the closest place around, but don't tell the cops that, 'kay?"

"How are you so sure they're all at the construction site?" Roy asked. Monica blinked.

"Well, like I said, it's the closest place around. My sister's pretty smart, I'm sure she'd figure it out-"

"Why did you lie?" Leigh interrupted.

Monica blinked again, and then laughed. "Well, don't tell the cops this either, but Lauren asked me for directions here yesterday. Mom and Dad would kill me if they knew; at least this way I'll get off with a more minor punishment. Plus, she's my little sister, y'know? I can't just let her get snapped up by the law for some stupid mistake."

"How did you get here?" Riza said critically.

Monica blinked yet again; apparently it was a nervous habit. "Oh, I biked here. I just know when Lauren gets that look in her eyes, she's about to do something incredibly stupid. And it did seem a little strange, her asking such a random thing like that…any other questions?"

After a short pause during which no one was able to think of one, she decided to count that as a 'no' and proceeded to walk back in the direction of her parent's car, whistling all the while. Leigh could only clench the fabric tightly, hoping against hope her friend was alright. It had never even occurred to her to ask how Monica knew Lauren and company were uninjured enough to get to the construction site.

Meanwhile, having finally found a suitably quiet spot away from everyone, Thomas Withers discreetly dialed something on his cell phone. After a short pause as he waited for the person to pick up the phone, he abruptly said "It's done."

"_Good."_ Said the voice on the other end; it had been electronically modified to avoid being identified.

He tensed. "My daughter and wife are alright?"

"_Yes; and remember Mr. Withers, the police have no need to get involved in this. In fact, I recommend they don't; things could become quite difficult if they chose to do so."_

"Understood." He replied abruptly, closing the cell phone with a snap before leaning against a nearby pine tree.

_Good Lord, what have I done?_

---

Lauren bit her lip, examining the severed telephone cord sadly. Well, so much for the phone; someone had obviously thought ahead.

_Why couldn't things just go **right** for once?_

Shrugging, she tossed the cord over her shoulder. There was no use crying over spilt milk (she cried enough as it was), especially since time was of the essence and Jared was obviously going to need medical attention. But without a phone, things suddenly became even harder than before.

"Cord's broken?" Helen asked from her place on the other side of the front desk.

Lauren sighed, pushing aside more junk with the vain hope of finding something else useful. "Yeah; and unless one of your shoes can double as a cellphone, I think we're stuck here."

Ed had left only a few minutes before, leaving Lauren and Helen to scout the main lobby for the infamous telephone. The place was a mess; the front windows were broken in places, and the floor and front desk itself was a mess, covered in paper, dirt, leaves, garbage and goodness knows what else. Of course, after ten minutes of trying to make herself useful with only a broken telephone to show for her efforts, Lauren was understandably starting to get frustrated.

They hadn't brought up Helen's breakdown, unanimously deciding to focus more on getting out of the abandoned construction site as soon as possible. Still…Looking over at Helen out the corner of her eye, Lauren couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. The tear stains on her cheeks were still fresh, the entire incident having apparently been forgotten by the twenty-something.

Lauren happened to notice something curious, and picked up a dusty old nameplate.

"Mr. H. Eccleston…"

Helen gave her a questioning look. "Hmm?"

Lauren set it down immediately, shaking her head. "Oh, it's nothing. Just the nameplate of a friend of the family…he used to work here, I think…I'd give anything find some way to get out of here…"

Helen propped her chin up on her elbow, leaning forward slightly onto the reception desk. "Maybe there's another telephone in the building somewhere? You have to admit, this looks like it was quite the place before it was deserted." The redhead eyed the dilapidated ceiling cautiously. However far above the ground up it was, a high ceiling would make no difference at all if the whole place suddenly collapsed.

Lauren stopped rummaging through the papers, a thoughtful expression on her face. "You know, that may be an idea…I think I'm going to go look-"

"Oh no," Helen interrupted. "I'm still responsible for you, even with the car crashes, homunculi and conspiracies popping up quicker than dandelions."

Lauren sighed and rolled her eyes. "Helen, I can take care of myself. I've been here before, you know."

Helen blinked. "You have?"

"Of course! I've been here loads of times." She said, gradually trailing off into a murmur. "How did you think I knew it existed to begin with? I mean, people can only talk about old abandoned construction sites for so long, no matter how many new businesses take them over."

Helen leaned back for a moment, debating with herself on whether to let her charge go out alone. "…Alright…just bevery, **very** careful."

Lauren laughed. "You make it sound like this is a horror movie or something. Nothing will jump me, I promise."

"This is an old building Lauren," Helen pointed out worriedly. "It might not be as safe as you think."

"I'll be careful. Besides, it's not like we have many options at the moment." A bitter smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Then, moving away from the desk and picking a hallway to go down, she was gone.

Now it was Helen's turn to bite her lip. _I hope I did the right thing…_

---

The hallway Lauren had gone down was the plainest she had seen so far in the buildings. The rotting carpet had gradually tampered out into hard concrete floor, and there was not a scrap of furniture or any paintings in sight. The ceiling itself shifted from a dark wood to rafters here and there, as she gradually moved beyond from the most completed part of the construction site.

The rooms she went into along the way were also becoming plainer. The farther and farther away Lauren went the more doors she would find that led to nothing but a small patch of weeds. Though the building itself would have been magnificent, it was obvious it hadn't been built properly, or more accurately, not built in the right places at the right time.

Turning a corner, she was surprised to find that the hallway simply…stopped, leading straight off into the erratic and overgrown lawn that surrounded the complex. As a matter of fact, the least assembled part of the building seemed strangely to face the only real road that lead to and from the construction site; the other at the front of the building had obviously been allowed to deteriorate.

_That's strange…_

And then she noticed something very, very familiar. It was a wooden picnic table, the sort she supposed you would find at every sort of construction site. But this picnic table, situated near a lopsided oak tree with only two branches, stood out from all the others.

Lauren could remember almost ten years ago when the construction site had not been so run down. Her father had known someone who had worked here, and had visited often during the lunch break, as he never got any other opportunities to see him.

Sitting down on the old picnic table, she couldn't hold back a sad smile. She could remember playing in this exact same spot, at almost the exact same time of day, and always with the exact same person…

The sun was warm and welcoming, any traces of the earlier snowfall melting or gone altogether. It wasn't to muggy out, just the right balance between a cool, light breeze and a bright blue sky. The green-tinted shadows of the leaves played across the ground, and quite Lauren felt extremely tired. She hadn't slept at all last night, and the previous nights had been filled with nightmares and interruptions, so perhaps it was unsurprising when her eyes gradually closed and she fell asleep.

---

_The gravel made almost a crackling sound as tires rolled over it, a rather beaten-up old red car croaking mournfully as it drove up next to a newly constructed building. One of the doors opened, and out stepped a youn_ger_ Robert Mackenzie, examining the wooded surroundings for a moment before a crash in the back of the car drew his attention._

"_Lauren! Leave it alone!" He said warningly._

_A small blonde six-year-old climbed out of the car, carrying a large binder and pouting. "I was acting in self defense! It attacked me for no reason!"_

_He sighed. "You know as well as I do that crazy drunk was to blame, NOT the microwave…drivers these days…honestly, he went straight through a red-"_

"_Daddy!" Lauren said in the same warning tone he had previously used._

_He blinked, and then laughed. "Alright, alright…promise you'll be a good girl, though. Salome's not working here, she's volunteering; that means she needs her visitors to-"_

"_I will!" She practically sang, bounding up the widely-spaced steps and into the front lobby. Skidding to a stop, she peered eagerly over the front desk._

"_Salome!"_

_But no one was there. Blinking, she went back down onto the balls of her feet and ran down the left hallway._

"_Salome! SALOME!"_

_Door after door passed by, until she came to the part that was closed off for renovations; wiggling underneath the blockade, she rushed through the thankfully fully constructed side doors. She was rewarded when she noticed a black-haired sixteen-year-old draped over a nearby picnic table. The ponytail tied back with a light blue bow ribbon, along with the black jeans and blue t-shirt were unmistakably Salome's._

"_Hello Salome!" Lauren practically sang, pouncing on the poor teen the way a cat leap at a mouse._

"_Iwantedtotellyouaboutsomethingit'sreallygoodandyou'llloveitand-"_

_The six-year-old abruptly broke off her long-winded tirade when she suddenly realized Salome was shaking. Then suddenly, the teenager was sobbing, shaking her head as if in denial._

"…_Hey, are you alright?" Lauren asked concernedly. "'Cause I'll tell you about it later if you want…"_

_Though the tears still flowed freely, Salome rubbed her eyes, and then took a deep breath to calm herself.. "N-no, I'm alright. I'm sorry for breaking d-down like that. Things have just been a bit…difficult."_

_Lauren beamed. "I have something that'll cheer you up!" plunking herself down next to Salome, she opened the binder, revealing some rather messily scrawled drawings._

"_Leigh drew them for me! See, we were playing and I was princess since **she's** normally the princess and it was my birthday; but we didn't have a prince, so she made one up!" Lauren proclaimed happily._

"_Oh really?" Salome smiled sadly._

"_His name's…umm…I forgot." Lauren looked sheepish. "But he's from someplace far, far away, and he's got magic powers! He's REALLY, really cool!"_

"_I can see that." Salome replied amusedly. "Your friend is quite talented."_

_The six-year-old nodded. "Uh huh, she sure is!"_

_Salome grinned slightly, then exaggeratedly examined the pictures closer. "Well, he does look a bit short…"_

"_I don't care." Lauren said simply. "That means I can boss him around easier!"_

_The teenager all-out laughed. "Yes, he does look a bit stubborn. I see he has blonde hair…likes a lot of red…what's that strange symbol on his clothes? And are his eyes white?"_

_Lauren blinked, and then looked at the picture again thoughtfully. "I don't know about the symbol; Leigh's weird like that. And his eyes aren't white; we just didn't know what colour they should be. I don't care anyways, I love him anyways!"_

_Salome grin faded to a sad smile. "Lauren…you know he isn't real."_

_Lauren crossed her eyes, looking exasperated. "I know that! Doesn't matter, 'cause it's all just make belief, right?"_

"_If he was…if he was real, would you still like him?" Salome asked quietly. _

_Lauren blinked. "What do you mean?"_

"_Nevermind." Salome laughed again. "It's nothing; just something I was wondering…"_

"_Okay," Lauren replied hesitantly. "…So, how's Matt?"_

_Salome stiffened. "Oh…Matt?"_

_Now it was Lauren's turn to laugh. "Yeah! I haven't seen him around for a long time, and-"_

"_He's…gone away."_

_Lauren blinked, confused as to why Salome was so sad. "Oh…is he going to be gone for a long time?"_

_Salome looked wistful. "Yes, Lauren; I don't think he'll ever come back."_

---

Lauren woke with a start. _That dream…it was so…vivid…_

But then, that wasn't very surprising. There had been a time when that one dream had plagued her night after night; though that was very long ago.

Lauren leaned against the picnic table; her eyes closed and a forlorn expression on her face. The teenaged girl had completely forgotten the last time she had ever come here; the last time she'd ever seen her friend…Salome had simply faded from her memory after a while, the old hurt being replaced by newer, happier memories.

_I'm almost the same age as she was back then…_Lauren reflected sadly. _In a few more days, I'll be sixteen too._

Poor Salome had never had much of a life; Lauren could always remember that sad smile of hers. Her mother had divorced her father at a young age, and then to lose her boyfriend…but Salome had never really been happy to begin with. She had buried herself in her schoolwork and books, shying from any sort of serious relationships with people. It wasn't that her life couldn't have been wonderful and exciting; she'd been fairly pretty and intelligent. But Salome had chosen to dwell on what could be rather than what was. And then, only a few weeks after her last talk with Lauren, the Ecclestons had abruptly moved away.

_I don't want to end up like that._ Lauren thought, and then became surprised when she felt a tear slide down her cheek, the despair and desperation suddenly hitting her all at once. _I don't want to be alone. I can't surround myself with illusions, because they aren't real; no matter how much I find myself wanting to believe they are. But is that such a bad thing? Is it so bad to want something so ridiculous? Does it even matter?_

_But if it doesn't, then…is Ed even real?_

She stood up and resumed walking, knowing better then to continue that train of thought. It was then that Lauren realized the clouds had turned dark and threatening, and she needed to get back to the others.

Going back through the building was out of the question; too many memories lay in those halls that she didn't want to remember. So she went the long way round instead; a decision that proved unwise when she found herself faced with an almost unsurpassable obstacle.

A large ditch, at least six feet in length and width, stood before her. She glanced both ways; there was no way around it, since the ditch reached from the edge of the building to the thickly wooded forest. It was covered over with wooden boards, but they were old and rotted; one false step and she might end up a goner. But as it started to rain, Lauren felt…almost determined to get across, no matter what.

Hesitantly, she put a foot on what looked to be a strong board. It held, not uttering so much as a creak. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears, and her mouth felt as dry as a dessert. A sickly feeling almost made her pull back, her fear getting the better of her.

_I'm not going to end up like her._ That one thought spurred her on, and another foot went ahead of the other. Lauren was pleased when she didn't even feel the board dip slightly. The rain started to trickle into her eyes, but she blinked it away irritably.

_I can do anything I put my mind to. No matter what I've seen, done or want, **I'm** the one who decides who I am and what I'll be._ One foot moved forward, and she planted it firmly on the board, instinctively holding out her arms to keep her balance.

_**Nobody** can take that away from me._ The rain was coming faster and heavier now; Lauren was completely soaked, and her hair plastered against her face and back. Her waterlogged sweater constricted Lauren's movements, her skin tingling with goosebumps from the cold. But none of that mattered anymore, so intent was the teenaged girl on the task before her.

_And then she jumped, hands outstretched and her heart beating loudly in her ears. If she made this the rest would be easy, and she would finally be able to prove herself in front of her parents. She was so close; she could almost touch it…_

She smiled grimly, feeling self-satisfaction swell within her. Lauren, the one girl who could stick with anything, the one girl who was always indecisive, knew in that one moment she was completely, utterly right.

_**I'm not going to end up like her.**_

And then suddenly, the board broke.

---

I love being able to tease people with that flashback XD. And since one of my favourite reviewers (aww heck, I can't pick out of all of you! ;D) requested a karaoke scene, I figured what the heck. Despite the fact I can't even spell 'karaoke' without a spell check (I know, very pathetic), here it is:

'**FMA cliché #8: Karaoke Kraziness!'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

It was a sunny fall afternoon. Ed, Al, Jared, Lauren, Helen, Roy, Riza, Leigh, Chris and Armstrong were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing (which was quite amazing, since the kitchen itself was quite small). All were, according to the short tradition, rather bored.

Roy was snapping his fingers every few seconds in an attempt to generate a spark, Riza was polishing her gun, Al was watching Klaus wash one of his paws, Leigh was watching Ed, Armstrong was…flexing, Chris was doing a few neat coin tricks and Jared was listening to a CD. Lauren and Ed, however, did not even try to look preoccupied.

Lauren sighed, sitting next to Ed on one of the kitchen stools. "Why is there never anything to do around here?"

Ed was hunched over the counter, with an expression that suggested he'd just been force-fed milk. "Because we're just really lucky."

There was a collective sigh. Even Armstrong seemed to sparkle a bit less, the despondent atmosphere affecting everyone.

"…Well, we could go out for karaoke…" Leigh said cheerfully.

Lauren jolted. "What?! No!"

Ed grimaced, face-palming. "Correction, we're just really, REALLY lucky."

Unfortunately, democracy dictated that the majority of votes won out over the minority, and only Lauren and Ed seemed adverse to the idea of a night out. Of course, they hadn't any better ideas on what to do, so naturally they were dragged along.

"It'll be fun!" Leigh said cheerfully.

"Yeah; even I'm looking forward to it." Jared added. He was one of the few members of the masculine persuasion that embraced his singing talent wholeheartedly. But what was even worse then that? He was absolutely terrific at it.

Roy just smirked, having discreetly stolen Lauren's camera when she hadn't been looking. Riza smiled (smiled, not smirked; Riza Hawkeye didn't **need** to smirk) slightly, having polished her gun the previous morning for just such an occasion. Al rolled his eyes, having realized that something as simple as a karaoke night out would inevitably mutate into a rabid, duel-to-the-death competition.

Lauren huffed, crossing her arms. "**I'm** not singing anything."

Helen shrugged. "Suite yourself; but I'm sure we'll find a way to get you up there." She winked at Leigh, who returned the gesture. Lauren saw this, and began to get a bit apprehensive; those two together certainly bode ill for her.

"C'mon Lauren, it'll be fun." Chris coaxed. "You don't have to sing, but I'm pretty sure listening to Leigh will be entertaining."

Said teenage girl turned bright red. "I thought I told you not to bring that up again."

He grinned. "What, you mean the 'Shower Incident'? You know, I remember hearing my uncle sing like that when he was drunk. I think-"

"Could we just go now?" Leigh interrupted. And so they did; it was hard at first to squeeze everyone into three cars, but they somehow managed thanks to the miracle of plot holes.

When they got there, all (save for Lauren and Ed, of course) were pleased to see that the restaurant was mostly empty. Leigh grinned evilly.

"Lauren, why don't you go first?" And before she could even protest, Leigh shoved a piece of paper into her arms and pushed her on stage.

"Umm…" She winced when the microphone decided to squeal. Everyone present clapped their hands over their ears. Then she cleared her throat, and started to sing.

The effect was immediate. Glass started breaking, dogs started howling, but what really made her burst into tears was when people started throwing tomatoes and other assorted produce at her. Sobbing, she practically flew from the stand towards the nearest thing she could find: the bathrooms.

"Wait, Lauren-!" Ed got up to run after her, but was yanked back into his seat by Helen.

"Ed, it's your turn next! Do you want to make her feel even worse? You know if you miss this, she'll feel guilty!" Helen argued.

"You're just trying to get me to sing!" Ed snarled. "You set her up for this; don't you feel a least a **little** bit responsible?"

Helen looked shamefaced. "I didn't know she was that bad. Look, if I had my way, I'd go right in there and apologize, but…I'm sorry for ruining the evening. I thought this would be…I don't know…"

Leigh looked away, unwilling to participate in the conversation. But Helen looked so despondent that Ed gave in. "Alright, fine. **One** song, and then I'm going to check on her."

Meanwhile, Lauren stumbled into the bathroom, collapsing against the nearby counter and allowing herself to just cry her heart out. Her head started to pound, and her nose was running, but at that moment she didn't really care. She could hear the distant sound of cheering, but didn't even bother to acknowledge it.

"Hey, are you alright?" It was Ed. There was the sound of the door slamming shut, and footsteps coming closer. Then suddenly his voice was right next to her, sounding uncomfortable but strangely reassuring.

"You weren't that bad. Well, you were bad-" Ed laughed. "-but…umm…it was…okay?"

"I suck." She spat, the tears coming again. She heard a sigh.

"Okay, so you suck." He said bluntly. "Life goes on though. Besides, it's not that big a deal-"

She abruptly turned to face him, her expression livid. "Oh really! And I suppose…" She wavered briefly, before her resolve hardened and she continued. "…I suppose you were just as bad out there as I was!"

Ed didn't have a suitable reply to that. Truth to be told, the audience had all cheered.

"See! I knew it!" Lauren said triumphantly. He rolled his eyes.

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes!"

He finally snapped, having lost all patience. "Well, it doesn't to me!"

There was a short, awkward silence.

"The others must be wondering where we are." He grumbled, looking like he had forced to swallow something unpleasant. "C'mon."

"…Did you really mean that?"

Ed blinked. "Hmm?"

"I mean…about it not mattering…" She continued hesitantly, avoiding eye contact.

He sighed. "The opinion of a few people you don't even know on something so unimportant shouldn't matter that much to you. Well…what I mean is…that came out a bit wrong…" He facepalmed, sighing.

She smiled. "No, I think I get it…thanks."

"You're very welcome." He replied, nearly sighing again in relief.

Lauren bit her lip as another problem occurred to her. "Umm…Ed…?"

"What is it now?" He asked exasperatedly.

"This is the girl's bathroom, isn't it?"

"…Dammit."

**THANK GOD, IT'S OVER!!**

Poor Lauren! Sorry the short's so rushed, I had an intense day. Two of my reviewers last chapter asked me where I got my inspiration. Well, to be honest, anywhere and everywhere. For instance, Lauren losing her witch's hat during Halloween was inspired by the fact mine was so hard to keep on; it never actually came off, but imagining what happened if it had was interesting. :) There are also a few things here and there in the story that have actually happened to me. And then, there also things I've seen somewhere else and decided to bring here; like the ditch Lauren just fell into. -points-

That ditch has quite a lot of symbolism packed into it. I saw it once in a movie called _Homeward Bound_, and though it was merely used as a dramatic device there, I couldn't help but feel it could be so much more. The ditch, to me, represents what happens when you try so hard for something you want desperately, and then you fail. After you fail, you almost always spiral into depression, and come to believe that you'll never be able to get out of it. Everybody deals with ditches at some point in their lives; some people deal with them every day. But the point is you've got to keep trying to get out of that ditch, no matter what. Maybe you'll fail; but usually, you find out that ditch isn't so hard to climb out of. And that's all there is to it.

This is pretty much a turning point in the story. Up until now, most of the conflict has revolved around the character's thoughts and feelings, and the real problems seemed far away. But in a few chapters, things will definitely start to focus less on Lauren and Ed, and more on the other characters, before going in a completely different direction (although I can promise you'll like it). I'll leave you guys to guess where :) Oh, and by the way…what sort of fandoms do you guys like? Not that I'm planning to have a crossover chapter or anything. -tries to whistle innocently- And I'm really sorry for the rant!


	19. A New Perspective

**Author's Note:** Well, here it is; the nineteenth chapter of STF. That's almost twenty chapters, with over 200 reviews. And believe me; I've got plenty more up my sleeve! ;D I had to go back a change a few sticky little problems in a couple of previous chapters, so you might want to review them…I'm sorry for my almost-two-months-long absence, but school was just wacko for a while there. As it is, this might be the only update I get out this month, what with exams, road trips and various other related escapades I have to endure.

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Nineteen: A New Perspective**

_I hope brother shows up soon…_ Al thought, sighing out loud. Although the temperature had been rising before, the sky had gradually become overcast and dreary. Jared was fast asleep, murmuring nonsensical phrases such as 'Oh really?' and 'all your base are belong to us'.

He sighed. Oh well, at least it was starting to clear up slightly…

"Hey, Al!" There was the sound of something heavy falling to the ground behind him, followed by a muffled curse word in a familiar voice. Turning, Al did indeed find himself face to face with Ed.

"It's about time you showed up!" Al berated. Just because he was happy to see his older brother didn't mean he wasn't more than slightly annoyed at how long Ed had made him wait.

Getting to his feet and dusting himself off, Ed didn't waste any time with small talk. "We found Lust, and possibly a way out of here. I thought retracing my steps would be quicker than walking around the whole damn building, but…" He looked sheepish. "…I got a bit lost."

Al blinked, trying to absorb all this information. "Wait…Lust?"

The elder Elric nodded. "Yeap; she's gone now…I think…but wait until I tell you what **she** told us-"

"You mentioned a phone?" Al asked gently, feeling guilty for interrupting but knowing at the same that they probably didn't have time to go through everything until later.

Ed blinked. "Umm…yeah; it's supposedly down the hall from the room we met Lust in. I think that's the front lobby, or something. Lauren and Helen are looking for it as-"

"Wait, Helen?" Al said, inadvertently interrupting his brother again.

Ed waved his hands dismissively. "There's a long story behind that too, but I think we should leave now. I've been gone way longer then I'd thought; Lauren and Helen are probably wondering what happened to us."

Al nodded. "Okay…one question though; should we go back the way you came?"

Ed frowned. "No, I'm pretty sure if we just go around to the front of the building we'll get there faster."

Obviously in a hurry to get back, Ed cut the small talk and started walking away, stopping and looking back only when he realized his younger brother wasn't coming. "Al?"

The fourteen-year-old hesitated briefly, before finally following the state alchemist, giving the building a wary look. In Al's opinion, the sooner they managed to get out here, the better.

---

The soft sound of dripping water was the first thing Lauren became aware of. Moaning, she tried to prop herself up, only to have her arm give out on her and fall face-first into the mud again. The cold, gritty mess had soaked through her clothes and hair, and she coughed feebly in an attempt to get it out of her mouth.

_That probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done…_She thought somewhat dersively. A sharp pain in her left arm crudely yanked the teenager back to reality, and she grimaced as she felt a large gash right below her elbow. Just one more to add to her ever-growing collection.

Settling back into a sort of half-crouch, she surveyed the ditch wearily. What little light there was to be had came from the large hole in the rotten planks above where she'd fallen through, though the light was so poor it didn't matter one way or another. It was a long, slippery way up; over nine feet of slippery mud, if the driving rain didn't get to her first.

Shivering, Lauren leaned against the dirt wall, feeling yet more mud seep through her formerly dry sweatshirt. Staring blankly at the opposite wall, she couldn't help but feel a confusing mixture of desperation, fear and frustration. She'd really done it this time; no one would know where to look for her, and with her busted arm she obviously couldn't climb out.

Tears began to trail down her cheeks, until she closed her eyes shut and tried her best to take deep breaths, to keep a handle on her emotions.

_I'm not going to be able to get out by myself…the others can't help me…so what am I supposed to do? How the __**hell**__ am I supposed to deal with this?! Great going, Mackenzie, you've __**really**__ shot yourself in the foot this time!_

And then, to her immense shame, she started to cry. And not even dignified, silent crying, oh no; great heaving sobs, as her shoulders shuddered violently and she shook her head back and forth, as if to deny the truth she was faced with.

_Why do I always end up sitting here, waiting for someone to rescue me?! WHY, IF NOT ONLY FOR ONE TIME, COULDN'T I FIXE THE DAMN PROBLEM__ AND STOP BOTHERING PEOPLE?!_

Clenching her teeth, she suddenly stood up and kicked the wall, ignoring the stabbing pain in her leg. She felt almost smugly pleased with herself as she did so; she had finally found something that wouldn't hit her back, no matter how much she did. And she kept kicking, and kicking, until she was suddenly throwing herself against it, clawing at the thick, almost frozen dirt and sobbing all the while.

The all the hate and anger drained out of her, and Lauren leaned wearily against the wall, allowing herself to slide back down into the freezing muck. She was completely caked from head to toe in it, and knew she should feel distinctly ashamed of herself for losing control like that. But all the while, only one thought drifted through her mind: what on earth would Ed and the others think of her now?

_I have no place in this world…_She stiffened briefly at the strange, almost alien thought; before simply accepting it and allowing her eyes to close.

After all, it seemed true enough.

---

"Hey, Helen, where's Lauren? Have you had any luck with the telephone yet?" The twenty-something looked up from the file she had been examining, her slightly harried expression softening into a weak smile when she saw who it was.

"Oh, hello Ed and Al. The telephone was a bust, I'm afraid, and Lauren went out to go look around for another. Speaking of which, she's been gone for quite a while, and I was hoping you could go look for her?"

Ed blinked. "Sure…she went off by herself alone? And you let her?"

Helen sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Don't worry, I'll bring her back." Ed replied without hesitation. "Which way did she go?"

Helen gestured towards the nearby hallway. "That way; she probably didn't go too far. Alphonse, could you help with a few things? I'm afraid I'm not really getting anywhere by myself…"

Al also blinked. "Sure."

And so, Ed found himself traveling down a dusty hallway, every once and now peering into the many rooms he passed. And besides a lot of overturned furniture, dead rodents and a few other miscellaneous items, he more or less just wandered around. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed, adding an almost eerie ambiance to the already sinister building.

And before long, he soon found himself at the very same place Lauren had been only hours earlier, stopping long enough to lean against a nearby tree and inspect the picturesque scenery (or what would be picturesque scenery, if it hadn't been overcast and raining, though it was significantly less heavy then it had been earlier.

Ed's short break didn't last long, however, as something caught his eye: familiar footprints in the soft mud, only barely visible with the rain. It matched the same footprints he'd seen earlier; the ones Lauren had left behind.

His brow creased slightly as his eyes traced the path of the footprints, and he started to follow them, surprised when he realized they went back in the direction he'd come from. The trail, he soon discovered, led right to an enormous pit covered by wooden boards; and by all appearance, something had recently fallen through them.

Ed blinked, checking again to see if there were anymore footprints. But his fears were soon confirmed when he realized they ended straight at the edge of the ditch; she had obviously gone forward. Though the wind blew the light drizzling rain in his eyes, it was still plain enough to see.

For a moment, he could only stare in shock. Tentively, he called her name. "Lauren?"

There was no answer. Mustering his courage, the state alchemist scanned the side of the pit for another way around, to see whether or not she had made it across, as he desperately hoped she had. None lay in sight.

Just as he was about to go forward despite the obvious danger, he heard a cough from inside the ditch. His heart pounding furiously, he knew a once that he needed to check the bottom of the ditch first. At that very moment, he noticed an entrance; a place he could slide down through.

Grimacing, Ed did just that, sliding down the slightly incline and lowering himself down carefully, his hands gripping a nearby board hard. Mindful of the slippery mud, he pushed aside the splintered wooden boards in his way carefully. The slope eventually became too steep, and he was forced to jump down, wincing when he landed in a deep pool of thick muck that just barely rose above his ankles.

The ditch was completely pitch-black, and the only reason Ed could see anything was because of the dim light pouring out of the small opening he had crawled through. Looking back up, he also saw the hole where Lauren had presumably fallen through the boards. The sixteen-year-old sighed, and looked back into the shadows.

Ed then noticed a source of light ahead; opting to try and move around the planks instead of pushing them away, he cautiously resumed his search. Ducking to avoid another wooden board, he stopped abruptly.

Lauren was sitting down with her legs splayed at an awkward angle. She was completely covered in mud, her hair hanging in miserable, limp dreadlocks. The once cheerful girl was hugging herself and shivering, having not noticed him yet. Of course, her current state could have been a result of her fall, but somehow Ed knew something was wrong.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" He knelt down next to her, checking quickly for any injuries. For a brief incredulous moment he thought she had escaped with nothing more then a few scrapes and bruises, but was proved wrong when he moved into a better position to examine her left arm.

It appeared that at the last moment she'd held out her hand to try and stop her fall. There was a large five-inch-long slash on her arm, which was barely covered by a flap of skin hanging from above her elbow. It was bleeding profusely, and Ed winced when he realized he could see bone.

He shook her a bit, hoping to get some sort of reaction. "Hey, I'm here to help you up, okay?"

"How do you do it?"

The sudden question caught Ed by surprise, and he hesitated for a brief moment. His earlier apprehension only increased at her strangely quiet tone. "How do I do what?"

"…Keep going…" Lauren said dimly, tensing as she was hit by an intense wave of pain.

Ed blinked, then shook his head and grabbed her good arm. "This isn't the time for this-"

"Yes it is!" She snapped, yanking her arm out of his grip and standing up shakily. Then, quite suddenly, her voice softened. "Please…I just want to know…"

Ed raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you-"

"I fell through the boards." She said in a blankly.

"…I can see that." What on earth was she talking about?

She sighed, still speaking in that same strange tone. "No, you don't understand. I busted my arm because I did something stupid; I thought I could…" Then the anger drained out of her, and she sat down again, a defeated look on her face. "Nevermind."

Seeing as she obviously wouldn't stand up, he settled for half kneeling, half crouching down next to her and trying to speak softly while reigning in his temper. Look, "I've been there and done that. Getting angry about it is your decision to make, but don't rip into me just because I'm trying to help you."

Lauren sighed angrily. "Just leave it."

He glared at her. "Alright, fine, I will." And with that, he stood up and started to survey the wall, obviously trying to think of the best way to alchemize it. Lauren felt strangely disappointed, as if she had hoped he wouldn't give in so easily.

"…Stairs probably won't work. Maybe handholds…?" He mused, half to himself.

"Arm, remember?" She said, gesturing towards her rather conspicuous wound.

Ed sighed, running his hand through his hair. He felt a little light-headed and sluggish; and trying to think was like trying to slog through molasses. He hadn't been feeling great all day, but it was suddenly much, much worse. "Right, then; I guess we'll have to settle for stairs. Make sure to stand b-"

A sudden stab of pain in his chest made him stop; then suddenly it felt like his whole body was on fire. He fell over, scratching vainly for a handhold. None was forthcoming, and with a thick-sounding splat the state alchemist landed straight into the mud.

Lauren could only watch wide-eyed, becoming even more distressed when she realized he wasn't moving at all. Rushing over to his side, she turned him over. Ed was breathing heavily, curled up into a sort of ball. Sweating and gritting his teeth in pain, and had a death grip on his right arm.

"Ed?"

"Dammit…not again…" He said hoarsely, an odd sort of strangled whimper coming out of his throat. That was what really got her attention; Edward Elric did **not** whimper. There was only one thing Lauren could think of to do.

Working quickly, Lauren managed to pull off his coat and the leather shirt he wore underneath, before realizing something very important. "Ed, how do I take off your automail?!"

"I'll do it." He snarled, obviously not in a good mood. Quickly pulling up his left pant leg also, he wrenched his metal arm and leg from their ports; he slumped against the edge of the ditch afterwards, drained and panting but thankfully feeling a lot better.

There was a short pause, before Lauren ventured to break the silence. "…Well, I guess this means we're stuck here…"

He leaned back more against the wall, looking up at the smaller opening. "That's great; **just** great. It couldn't get any worse, could it?"

As if to punctuate this, the wooden boards shifted. There was a loud crack, and Ed barely managed to pull himself out of the way before the wooden planks behind him snapped and the way he had come before was once again obstructed.

Coughing, Lauren rubbed the dust from the cave in from her eyes. "…Oh wow...that was-"

"Don't remind me." He hissed, clutching his forehead where a falling plank had hit it.

"When we get back, I'll make sure to give you something for that." Lauren murmured quietly, feeling both exhausted and somewhat guilty.

Ed sighed, glancing at his mud-covered automail arm. "Yeah…this **would** be the one time I forgot to put the bandages on."

Despite the pain, Lauren managed to stand up. Trying to appear as if the fall hadn't bothered her at all, she put her hands on her hips and surveyed the broken planks above critically. "Think you could still transmute us out of here?"

"I don't think I could concentrate very well. My head still hurts." He replied crossly, obvious not in the best of moods. This was exactly what Lauren had hoped not to hear.

"…How long do you think it'll be before they come and get us?"

He smiled grimly. "Anywhere from a hundred years to millennium."

She laughed, just a bit hysterically. "Wow, I bet the Gregorian calendar will be obsolete by then!"

He sighed irritably. "I'm sure we'll find a way out…what the heck is the 'Gregorian calendar'?"

Now it was her turn to sigh, her panic temporarily forgotten. Having to constantly explain things wasn't fun for either of them, she was sure. "You know, the one with the dating system based on the birth of Christ? Does the phrase 'Before Christ' ring any bells?"

"That's great." He said flatly. "Could we focus on getting out now? Why the hell do these things keep happening to me…"

"Well, it's a cruel and random world." Lauren answered sarcastically, a sardonic smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She wasn't quite sure what had possessed her to say something so bizarre, but for a moment it seemed to fit.

Then Ed gave her a strange look. Feeling somewhat like she'd just committed a faux pas of epic proportions, Lauren nervously rubbed the back of her neck, before finally voicing the only obvious question. "What?"

Ed opened his mouth, then closed it without a word. Then he shook his head, apparently snapping out of whatever distant memory he'd been caught in. "You just…reminded me of someone. It's nothing."

Lauren hesitated, before deciding tht the problem at hand was far more important. "So…any idea how to get out of here?"

"Not a clue."

"Ah…then I guess I should just shut up and let you think…"

"Well, that would help." Lauren shot him a warning look.

---

Sorry, I have a monstrous case of writer's block. Will have a better chapter sometime…and of course, here's the short:

'**FMA cliché #9: I Scream for Ice Cream!'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Okay, Ed, I have a few extremely important questions for you."

It was a sunny fall afternoon. Ed was sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen reading a newspaper, when suddenly Lauren strode in, looking every bit as menacing and determined as a sort-of-not-really-fangirl could look. She had one hand behind her back, as if she was hiding something.

Ed blinked, putting down the newspaper and turning to face her. "Yeah, sure. It wasn't like I was doing much anyway."

Lauren seemed taken aback. "Oh…umm…alright then! According to very reliable sources, you will drink flavoured milk, your favourite of which is strawberry…"

He raised an eyebrow. "…And this is important…how?"

She leaned close, staring him right in the eyes with an utterly serious expression on her face. "I'm trying to find out what sort of dairy products you'll actually eat."

The other eyebrow went up. "Why?"

"Because it makes finding something you'll actually drink or eat easier. I haven't forgotten the time you threw that bagel at me because you didn't like the sour cream." He rolled his eyes, not too surprised with Lauren's reasoning.

"Okay…now to start…butter?"

"As long as I can't taste it."

"Skim, condensed, evaporated or any other type of milk besides flavoured?"

"Nope."

"…Buttermilk?"

"Who drinks buttermilk? Besides, you already asked me about milk."

"Right. Cheese?"

"Again, as long as I can't taste it…well, very much."

"Casein?"

"…What the hell is casein?"

"Moving on…yogurt? Gelato?"

"Sure…gelato is the stuff they put in jello right?"

"Wrong, that's gelatin. Gelato is an Italian ice cream…speaking of which, I'm down to the most important question." She smiled triumphantly.

Ed gave her a challenging look. "Bring it on."

Her smile only widened, and Ed began to feel nervous. "Do you like ice cream? Specifically 'Triple Screaming Death Chocolate Fudge'?"

He blinked. "Yeah."

She scowled, and reluctantly handed him the ice cream cone she'd had hidden behind her back. "Darn. Less for me."

**YOU'VE REACHED A DEAD END****, MY FRIEND**

Yes, I know, the short isn't great. Yes, I know I didn't get time to proofread and it shows. Sorry folks, no extra creativity here today- school sapped all that out of me, and camp zapped anything else that came after that.


	20. The Flip Side Of The Coin

**Author's Note:** There were a few things I forgot to mention last chapter…first and foremost being that I have tons of new fanart up at my site (including a special 'Halloween' picture; just check the 'Updates' section for more info) and second that I have a new forum for my FMA fanfic (I'd appreciate questions so I can get a FAQ set up at my website :)).Thank you for your patience, that's all for now :)

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Twenty: The Flip Side Of The Coin**

"So, your name is 'Alexander Louise Armstrong'?"

"Of course! Surely you must have heard the great name of Armstrong-"

Chris sighed. "Yes, I know, I know. I'm sorry to be rude, Mr. Armstrong, but something fishy is going on and I **need** to find out now!"

If there was one good thing about being a reporter's son, it was that you always knew when and how to get to the point; something Chris exceeded all to well at. Well, when he had something to go on, that is. Which perhaps explained why he hadn't gotten anywhere…

Chris rubbed his forehead, wondering if he should try phoning Lauren and Leigh again. It seemed like they were somehow caught up in all the strange stuff happening; maybe they could shed some light on the subject. Lord knew that trying to interrogate a man more then four times his size in his living room wasn't working. The abundance of lace doilies and pink flowered wallpaper didn't help his cause that much either.

And then he got such a brilliant idea, Chris found himself wondering why he hadn't thought of it before. With newfound energy, he tried a completely different tactic.

"Does this have anything to do with…ah…Edward…no, Eric Eldward?"

Armstrong blinked. "Do you by any chance mean Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Chris gave him a skeptical look, raising a single eyebrow. "Ah…who?" Though come to think of it…that name **did** sound familiar…Lauren had said something about an 'Edward Elric' or 'Fullmetal Alchemist', hadn't she?

Pleased that he had finally found something to follow, Chris pounced on it. "Okay then, this Edward Elric guy…how exactly do you know him?"

Chris watched for the Major's reaction, knowing he'd have to be extra careful with his questions. All he wanted was the basic facts, but if he said one wrong thing and set Armstrong off in a tangent relating to his illustrious family history, he might learn a bit too much.

"We served together in the military. It was back when I was under Lieutenant Hughes that I met him…he's a very strong-willed boy, dedicated solely to his brother and the cause that they both pursued."

"You were in the military?"

"I was, before I resigned my post and took up a position in Lior…"

Chris ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Do you have any idea where he is now?"

"No, although I have reason to believe he is somewhere in this world." The sadness in his voice gave Chris pause, wondering if he'd touched on a sore subject.

But the pressing need for answers made him continue all the same. "'This world'?"

"Yes," Armstrong said miserably, "This world, at the mercy of that woman…she could kill him without a second thought, if it was to her advantage. I've seen many terrible things in Amestris…but she's almost as dangerous as Scar."

Chris didn't interrupt to ask about where 'Amestris' was or why in blazes this 'Scar' person was so dangerous. It was obvious that it was best to leave those alone, and get to the heart of the matter as soon as possible.

"What does this Edward Elric look like?" he asked quietly.

"Short, blond-haired…usually wears it in a braid…an automail right arm and left leg…red coat…gold eyes…here I have a picture." Digging into one of his coat pockets, he pulled out a small, creased photo of himself, a girl, a person wearing armor, a dog, an old women and a teenage boy standing in front of a house set against a bright blue sky and rolling green hills.

Chris pointed at the teenage boy in the picture. "Is this him?"

"Yes, it is. I see the picture has changed as well, just like everything else that makes it across to this side of the Gate." He replied grimly.

There were so many other questions Chris wanted to ask, but another came unbidden to take their place. "Why are you telling me this?"

Armstrong looked taken aback. "Well, why not? What I've told you of is common knowledge, at least where I come from. Besides, I'm sure you're acquainted with Lauren Mackenzie? I've heard that she has some sort of connection with him. Perhaps you could help me find him, and I could help you find the answers you seek." Numbly, Chris nodded, surprised that Armstrong knew so much already.

The Major held out his hand. "Partners?"

Somehow, Chris felt like he could trust Armstrong. He seemed so…familiar. Chris couldn't help but trust him, though he knew he really shouldn't have. Hesitantly, he took his hand, and shook it.

Armstrong beamed. "Excellent! Now, did I ever tell you about some of the great techniques passed down from Armstrong to Armstrong in the matter of partnerships?"

Chris rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hold back a small smile. There was certainly a lot more to Alexander Louise Armstrong then he'd expected to find.

---

"Think of anything yet?"

"Not since you asked me ten seconds ago, no." Came the bad-tempered reply.

Lauren knew snapping back at him wouldn't do any good, but still, it was hard to reign in her temper. The better they got along, the sooner she'd get out of this stinking mud hole and back to a nice, hot bath at home. Still, it was tempting.

_Simmer down, Mackenzie. He's got it worse then you._ She chided herself, her eyes automatically drifting towards the empty automail ports. If she didn't know any better, she'd say that fate itself was conspiring against them. Of course, that was ridiculous, considering they were stuck in the middle of a ditch, covered in dirt, miles away from the nearest town, hungry, cold and without much hope for rescue…and that was just to start.

Not entirely pleased with the dark turn her thoughts had taken, Lauren steered them towards a slightly more satisfying course: figuring out just what the heck was going on.

_He said I reminded him of someone…who could that be?_

Lauren hadn't seen every single part of the series (the movie and OVAs, for a start), but she was pretty certain none of the characters he met or would meet would be anything like her. Well...certainly not as plain and boring. _Fullmetal Alchemist_ wasn't exactly the sort of series that did well with ordinary people like her.

But that was the least of her concerns right now. What was important was to try and fit some the pieces of the puzzle together; the more they knew, the better prepared they'd be with whatever else The Powers That Be threw at them. But where to start…

A sudden thought occurred to her, and before she could think twice she had opened her big mouth and voiced it. "Hey Ed, what would you have to do with an abandoned construction site? And what makes you think we'll find a _working_ telephone?"

He gave her a look that could have frozen water. Lauren felt nothing but mounting shame, and looked away when she felt herself blushing.

"I don't know. One thing's for certain though, it hasn't been abandoned for very long."

Lauren dragged herself out of her spiral of guilt long enough to blink. "…Pardon?"

"It's set up to look like it was. The lights were still working, the papers you saw were maybe a month or two old and probably aged artificially, and so on." He did have a point; the fact they hadn't stumbled into complete pitch darkness was a testament to that. But still, the whole thing sounded fishy to Lauren.

"Ed, we're not wrapped up in some sort of conspiracy. Who would go to that much trouble, and leave such obvious clues?" She asked skeptically.

"It's not finished." Ed said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "…And maybe they weren't trying to fool me."

Lauren felt a shiver go down her spine. "Alright then, let's get the heck out of here."

He smiled sardonically. "Brilliant idea, I can't believe I didn't think of it before. Well, you know what they say; 'ladies first'."

"Really, I thought it was 'age before beauty'." Lauren countered, the beginnings of a grin ghosting her lips. It was at that moment that all anger and tension seem to evapourate from the air, and a genuine smile from Ed confirmed it. All this faded, However, when a glance upwards sharply reminded her of the pickle they were in.

Lauren sighed, but her resolve had already been hardened. She would try again. "Well, I suppose I should give it another sporting chance. Wish me luck."

Ed shook his head. "I'll go first. I don't want to get another tidal wave of mud in the face if you fall…which you probably will." He laughed.

She laughed as well. "Okay, fair enough…but how are you going to-"

He abruptly re-connected his automail arm, gritting his teeth and somehow managed to only whimper a bit in pain. He repeated the same with his leg, standing up slowly and looking about ready to fall over at any moment. Lauren immediately stepped in to help support him, frantically checking to make sure he was relatively alright. That much pain couldn't be good for a person.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He managed through gritted teeth, pushing her away and trying to find a good handhold in the oozing mud and soft dirt wall. And then, to her amazement, he actually started to climb it.

Of course, the term 'climbing' was a rather loose one; more or less, he was hauling himself up every few minutes, checking for hand and footholds before stopping for a short rest. Surprised, Lauren nonetheless stepped forward and tried to follow his example, with varying degrees of success. After a few minutes, she had only advanced about a metre off the ground.

Sinking her arm into the dark mud once again for another handhold, she struggled to pull herself up to the next handhold. Ed made it look easy, but it was obvious he got out a bit more than she did. It was funny how quickly gymnastic lessons could were off…it didn't help that her arm felt like it was on fire.

Derailing that particular train off thought before it could go any farther, she focused even more on just getting out of that ditch as quickly as she could. Reaching for another handhold, her bad arm slipped, and she had to quickly sink her hands into the mud and try to stop from falling.

"Lauren? You okay?"

Looking up as far as she could and still hugging the wall like a long-lost relative, she saw Ed was not only farther up than her, but out of the ditch altogether. Her temper flared, and she angrily tried to pull herself up again, ignoring the cold mud against her face and seeping through her clothes.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She managed through grit teeth, feeling a flash of self-satisfaction as she advanced a few more feet upward. Only she could get herself out of this mess, and she intended to do nothing less. She **had** to make it! How much longer could she rely on Ed? He had his own problems, and **she** was the one who'd offered to help **him**.

Grab, pull, step onto the next meager foothold…it became a routine. The light from above grew closer and brighter, almost driving her into a desperate frenzy at the nearness.

_So close, so close…_ She thought eagerly, the light almost blinding her with it's intensity. Ed seemed like only a dark silhouette against the extreme brightness.

"You can do it, Lauren. Just a bit further…" Ed said tensely, knowing all to well that if she slipped again this far up, she may not get . Bizarrely, his words actually seemed to help.

Finally, she reached the top edge, shaking her head apologetically when Ed offered his hand. Then, just as she was about to hoist herself up, her hand once again slipped and she once again lost her balance. Madly trying to grab anything she could hold onto, Lauren felt her heart sink when she realized there was nothing. But before she fell back, Ed reached for her bad arm and pulled her forward, both of them ending up in a uncomfortable heap. She choked at the pain, but immediately clamped her jaw shut to muffle her cries.

Edward, in the meantime, was caught somewhere between bewilderment, hysteria and concern. "Sorry about that, it was the closest thing I could-"

"Thanks." She interrupted, hugging him tightly before he could finish his sentence. And then, to her great horror, she began to cry.

Somewhat taken aback but all the same relieved, he said the first thing that came into his mind. "…We're not having a good week, are we?"

She barely managed a trembling laugh through her hysterical sobbing. "Y-You can say t-that again."

He smiled somewhat ruefully, before clearing his throat and speaking with somewhat more conviction. "Well, now that we've conquered that daunting obstacle, shall we press on?"

She nodded mutely, and so they both managed to stand up, Ed wincing slightly as he put more weight on his automail. Lauren noticed this immediately, feeling somewhat humbled as she realized he wound was paper cut compared to what he was going through. And least hers would heal with time; there was no telling whether they'd be able to help him.

"Automail still hurt?" Lauren asked, trying to sound as casual as she could and failing miserably.

"It's fine." Came the automatic response. Her expression made it plain she didn't buy that for a minute.

He sighed. "It's…better. It doesn't hurt much."

"But it still hurts." Lauren confirmed. His silence only assured her of that. But Lauren knew better than to bother asking; for being such a blunt person, he sure could dance around an issue sometimes…

"I'm sure Helen's having kittens by now." Ed said suddenly. And suddenly Lauren found herself hoping Helen **hadn't** found a phone yet…something told her that national security wouldn't be happy if she did.

---

"Where on earth **are** they?!"

Al looked up momentarily from watching Jared to see Helen pacing about the lobby with her arms crossed and a worried expression on her face. "I'm sure brother knows what he's doing-"

"But Lauren's been missing a **whole** bloody hour! Ed about half off that time! I mean no offense, of course," Helen hastily assured him. "But even you have to admit it's strange."

"Well, it's an old, abandoned building…It's probably not in the best of condition. That might be holding him up." Al pointed out.

"More reason to worry then!" Helen responded, anxiously glancing towards the corridor both teenagers had gone down. "Those two are my responsibility, and if something happened to them-"

"Brother **will** be back. He's been in tougher situations than this." Al said firmly, with unquestionable certainty. Blinking, Helen couldn't tell if she was merely surprised or wistful for that sort of faith.

"I'm sorry." Al murmured, after a moment of silence, obviously unsure how else to answer her.

Helen managed a small smile. "Don't be. You're right."

And then came a familiar voice. "Of course he is! Al's never wrong about stuff like this…well, when it counts-"

Barely able to believe it, Helen turned around to find Ed standing right behind her.

"Ed! You're back!" The state alchemist barely had time to react before both Helen and Al gave him a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, I'm feeling kind of unloved here." joked Lauren from a nearby chair.

Helen immediately jumped in. "Ah! That's right! You need a hug as…why are you both covered in mud?"

Ed exchanged looks with Lauren, laughing nervously. "Funny you should ask that…"

"We were mud-wrestling!" Lauren interrupted, grinning widely. Helen raised her eyebrows, and for a moment the teenage girl thought she wouldn't be let off the hook that easily, but then Helen returned her grin.

"Well, that explains it. Now, the question is, how do we explain that to your mother."

Lauren's look of dawning realization nearly made Helen laugh evilly in triumph. "My Mom?...Oh, now that's a scary thought…"

"Well, I'd get used to it." To the astonishment of all, Helen held up what appeared to be…a cell phone? "They're coming to pick you up. See? I was worried for a **reason**."

There was a stunned silence, broken by a hoarse comment from Jared.

"I'm sort of disappointed you're still alive." He croaked.

"At the moment, so am I." Answered Lauren numbly.

While Lauren proceeded to start praying to whatever deity would hear her, Ed turned to Helen with an amused expression. "You had that all the time, didn't you?"

"Well, I didn't remember it until now." Helen admitted. Ed felt an eyebrow twitch developing.

Lauren, on the other hand, was content to simply lie back and sleep. She dreaded her parents' reaction to her mud-soaked clothes, but at the same time was thankful for it. Focusing on the nameplate with the name 'Mr. H. Eccleston' on it, which had somehow been dropped to the floor.

"_You just…reminded me of someone. It's nothing."_

Lauren could only wonder what the future had in store. But then why did she feel like she was forgetting something…?

---

Hey, I finally finished it! -wipes sweat from brow- Thank God that's finally over! And now, for a very special short…

'**FMA cliché #11: The 'Dreaded' Winter Ball'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

Diverging a teensy bit from the set formula, it was a snowy winter afternoon, and Lauren, Al, Jared and Ed were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing except gazing out the nearby window with rather bored expressions. The teenage girl was currently hunched over the counter with a rather bored expression.

Just as Lauren was considering whether or not to tackle her homework, she suddenly realized she wasn't sitting at her kitchen counter anymore. Blinking, she sat up straighter, realizing she'd been slouched over a table covered in a flawless white tablecloth. Fancy silverware, china plates, a expensive-looking vase with fresh roses…the whole shebang.

"What just happened?" Tearing herself away from the remarkable phenomenon in front of her, Lauren realized she was sitting across from Ed, with Al and Jared on her right and left.

"…I….dunno…" She said, struck dumb. Looking up and around, she quickly realized they were sitting in a large, ornate ballroom with a giant four-sided clock suspended from the ceiling. A couple other people were sat around similar tables, chatting excitedly amongst themselves.

"This reminds me of something…" Jared mused, surprisingly calm considering the situation. "Remember that old fanfiction cliché? You know, the one where everyone under the sun is invited to some random ball and ends up falling in love?"

All four grimaced. Lauren looked down, fiddling with her fork before realizing she was wearing long, white gloves and a nice-looking dark blue dress. Judging by her reflection in the silverware, her usually messy and unruly hair had been combed neatly and styled. When had that happened?

"What the…? Why am I wearing a dress?" Lauren asked, flabbergasted as she examined her reflection.

"I don't know, probably the same reason I'm wearing a tuxedo." Jared replied sarcastically. "Out of all of us, it seems like Ed got the better deal."

Indeed, that seemed to be true. Looking up again, Lauren realized that Al, of course, wasn't wearing anything but his loincloth. However, Ed was wearing…what he normally wore. Complete with red coat and gloves.

"I guess I'm just lucky." He said smugly, tilting his chair back slightly.

"I think we've got some evidence to back up Lauren's 'Winter Ball theory'," Jared said numbly, pointing into the sea of people dancing nearby. "…Unless I'm mistaken, that's a case of 'generic part guest'."

Against her better judgment, Lauren followed his line of vision, startled when she realized all of the other male guests in the ballroom appeared to be missing faces. No eyes, mouth or nose…just skin stretched over where they should have been. None of the other guests seemed alarmed by it, seeming carrying on conversations with the faceless men.

"I think we should go back…" Lauren said nervously. Something weird was going on, and she didn't want to be involved in it

Ed gave her a sardonic smile. "How, exactly? We don't even know how we came here in the first place."

"I think we're about to find out." Following Al's gaze, all three noticed four guests approaching them.

"May I have this dance?" One of them asked Al; thankfully one of the guests with a face. She was a cheerful redhead with bright green eyes and a sweeping green dress, short but still seemingly sweet.

"Well, I don't-" He didn't even have time to fully voice his protest before she pulled his towards the dance floor, beaming and talking to him excitedly. Jared found himself herded towards the dance floor by another girl himself, not even managing to get a word in edgewise this time.

And then, it was Lauren's turn. The faceless man (who Lauren suspected would have been quite handsome, had he possessed any facial features) offered his hand, strangely enough acting more courteous then the girls who **had** faces. Unnerved, Lauren's moment of uncertainty allowed Ed to pull her away by the back of her dress.

He grinned somewhat in a somewhat disarming manner. "Sorry, she promised me the first dance."

The faceless man seemed to consider this, and then grudgingly nodded and moved on.

"T-Thanks." She said hoarsely.

"Don't mention it." He replied, eyes intensely focused on the distant figures of Al and Jared across the sea of empty tables. "Notice that all the women have faces? But it seems like most of the men don't…"

Lauren nodded. "Yeah, I can only see one or two men who have faces. It sort of reminds me of women than men, I mean…"

"You don't really think we could actually be living that 'winter ball' cliché you mentioned?" Ed replied, surprised.

She grinned sheepishly. "Well…I don't really know. We do have to get Al and Jared back obviously, so we'll have to make it across the dance floor somehow without attracting attention…why do those girls keep staring at us?"

Blinking, Ed turned around. Off to the side, and strangely not dancing, were a horde of giggling girls. When they noticed both Lauren and him looking at them, they immediately pretended to look away.

He frowned, turning back to face Lauren. "I don't know. Wish they'd stop."

Lauren, however, was thoughtful. "Hmm…I wonder." Moving her chair closer to Ed (who, in typical fashion, just raised his eyebrow at her), she heard the giggling increase in volume.

Satisfied, Lauren crossed her arms with the air of a cat who had just caught a canary. "I thought so. They're shippers."

The other eyebrow went up. "Care to repeat that?"

"They like seeing us together." Lauren explained, a slight blush developing. "They're the sort of people who tend to hope two characters will hook up…romantically."

Shocking her, Ed burst into laughter. "What?!"

"I'm glad you find it so funny!" Lauren said hotly, glaring at him, her face quite red.

"I do, believe me, I do." He answered, still snickering and barely controlling his amusement. "You and me…that's hilarious."

"We don't have time for this. We need to get Al and Jared, and get out of here." Lauren replied icily.

Ed tried to look focused, failing miserably as he once again snickered. "Why don't we just join the rest of the guests on the dance floor? We could make are way on, and then snatch Al and Jared when the time is right."

Lauren nodded again. "Okay, that sounds good. Usually these fanfiction balls end at twelve…that gives us ten minutes. You go after your little brother, and I'll go after mine, right?"

"Right."

The girls sighed happily as Ed and Lauren made their way towards the dance floor. Their plan seemed to be going smoothly, until Lauren discovered precisely why she had stuck to gymnastics. Dancing was incredibly hard, though thankfully Ed seemed to be a decent dancer and was able to avoid most of her blows…err…'mistakes'.

"Now!" She hissed, and they both headed in separate directions. If dancing had been hard, fighting against a tide of people was even harder. Finally, she spotted a bewildered Jared, barely able to keep up with his expert partner.

She snatched his hand quickly and pulled him away, mumbling a quick "C'mon, we're leaving." Before heading off the dance floor. She spotted Ed and Al coming out as well, just before the huge clock struck midnight.

And then, they were suddenly back in the Mackenzie kitchen, sitting around the counter with identical confused expressions.

"Well…I was right." Lauren sighed. Jared and Al gave her an odd look, but decided that it probably wasn't important.

"Yeah…that was weird." Ed looked towards the nearby kitchen clock; noting that it was now officially lunch. "Though not half as weird as seeing those shippers…Although that was funny…"

"Yeah, it kind of was, wasn't it?" Lauren said in a strange tone. Ed gave her an odd look, but decided that it probably wasn't important.

**THE END****. THAT'S RIGHT; ADIEU, AUFWIEDERSEHEN, GESUNDHEIT!**

If any shippers were offended by this…please don't be, I'm just poking fun at you :) And sorry I didn't get time to properly proofread again!

Well, I know you reviewers probably want a good explanation for why it took me so conceivably long. At the risk of sounded conceited, I won't answer that obvious question, frankly because I don't have a suitable answer to that one myself…

Anyways, see you all next update. Hopefully my schedule will get better, but I wouldn't count on it. And last, but certainly not least, there is no way in heck I'm giving up on this story. I love it too much. I'm kind of juggling two Halloween parties, making an Edward Elric cosplay, a birthday and a possible anime convention at this point though…--


	21. The Calm Before The Storm

**Author's Note:** Well, I know it's strange that after such a long disappearing act I pop up and post two chapters within the same week, but I actually have a couple of reasons for doing so: a) you guys deserve it b) there's an upcoming scene that would be awesome to read just before or on Halloween, and I hope to make it there before it's over :)

Oh, and I decided to write this character from Ed's point of view. This wasn't just a 'well, time for a change' sort of decision though. I have two reasons, at least one which will probably become evident towards the end of the chapter. And yeah, it is something new as well :)

**SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:** To celebrate Halloween, my sister's birthday and MY upcoming birthday (and because I think you guys are awesome), I've got a special contest. From now on, for everyone who leaves a post on my forum or a review requesting it, I will PM a special, temporary link with a new STF poster and a special clip from a future chapter ;D This contest ends Halloween night at 7:00 PM, so be sure you don't miss out!

_Note: The final date's been changed to Friday at 7:00 PM, simply because I just found out I'm going to be outrageously busy Halloween night. XX_

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Twenty-One: The Calm Before The Storm**

Believe or not, but even though Jared apparently 'taught me the basics' (ha, yeah right), I still have lot to learn about this world. Cellphones were just another thing I hadn't figured out yet.

"So, let me get this straight; that's a portable phone?" I asked skeptically. This world **was** more technologically advanced than mine, but that's still hard to believe. The closest thing I could think of to compare to that was a telegraph, but it only took one look at the small, sleek device in her hand for me to realize it wasn't a good comparison.

Helen nodded. "Yeah. But you can also do lots of other things, like sending pictures and surfing the internet…you do know about the internet, don't you?"

"Yeah, Lauren mentioned it a couple of times." Although it sounded interesting, the thought of that 'fanfiction' stuff told me I didn't want to know too much…I barely suppressed a shudder. If that bastard colonel ever got a hold of it, I'd never live it down.

"In any case," Helen continued happily. "I know Mrs. Mackenzie has a cellphone for work, and she usually keeps it on. As soon as she checks her messages, which will probably be soon since the library isn't exactly known for being busy on Saturdays, we'll have a ride home!"

I couldn't help but smile slightly at her enthusiasm. Good old Helen; you could stick her in the most miserable place imaginable and she'd be as happy as a clam. I don't think anything could really upset her.

All of the sudden, she snapped her fingers. "That reminds me of something! I'll be right back." I could only raise an eyebrow as she sauntered across the room. I heard the familiar sound of heavy footsteps, and knew without even looking that Al was behind me.

"What the hell was that about?" I asked, not expecting an answer.

"I don't know, unless she-…Oh…you might want to get out of the way brother."

I gave him a confused look, but followed his advice. Sure enough, moments later Helen waltzed over and dumped a pail of water on a bewildered Lauren.

"H-Hey!" She sputtered, vainly trying to pull her wet face out of her face. She looked like a drowned rat, and I had to laugh. Lauren glared at me, blushing furiously, but I only laughed harder.

"You look ridiculous." Jared murmured, laughing hoarsely.

"It's not funny!" She growled, turning her attention to an extremely amused Helen. Immediately sensing danger, Helen took off like a bat out of hell, and was just about to roughly throw open the door when she stopped. A car was coming down the road, and when I saw the faces of Lauren's parents I knew immediately it wasn't going to be a happy family reunion.

The car stopped just in front of the steps, and out stepped Mrs. Mackenzie, slamming the door shut like it had committed some sort of personal offence against her.

Yeap, this definitely wouldn't be pleasant.

"LAUREN! HELEN! JARED!" She yelled, crossing her arms expectantly. Helen sighed, and went back to help Jared up, supporting him as best as she could. Their expressions reminding me of someone on their way to the gallows, they headed out the doors, Helen shooting me an expectant look. I nodded, and stayed where I was, holding Al back when he was about to follow them.

"_Whatever you do, don't let the Mackenzies know you're here. If I have to, I'll come and pick you up in an hour. You've got enough of a reputation in their eyes as it is, and I don't want too many people seeing you around town. I think it's best to just let it play out for now…because if you're right, and this was all staged, we have no way of telling how deep this goes…For all we know, this could just be the beginning of something bigger."_

"What is it Brother?" Al whispered. It was too dark for Mrs. Mackenzie to see into the lobby, but neither of us wanted to draw attention to ourselves.

"Just wait, Al. I don't think we should get involved in this." I replied, though I'm sure I looked as doubtful as I felt.

"What in God's name were you doing?" Mrs. Mackenzie demanded loudly, looking towards Helen specifically for an answer.

"Well, you see Ma'am…" Helen began, only to be interrupted by the sound of shifting gravel. Two police cars were coming down the road, and also pulled up to the front of the building. Followed by the police, Monica got out of one, heading purposely towards Mrs. Mackenzie.

"Mom, I already told you! Lauren wanted to take a look at this old building, and I dropped them off. The car accident was **my** fault, and nobody was in it!" Helen nodded as if Monica was telling the truth, instead of lying blatantly through her teeth.

Mrs. Mackenzie sighed. "I know Monica. What I'm interested in is the reason they came here in the first place!" Her glare was just as scary as Lauren's.

"It's my fault." Lauren spoke up, and I couldn't help but wonder if all the Mackenzies were talented at lying. Maybe it was genetic? "I forced Monica to drive us here and Helen and Jared to come along. I hadn't been here in ages, Mom! Not since Matthew died. I just wanted to see if the old building was still here."

"Well, you broke a few laws during the process. And don't think we can wave those aside because you're friends with my daughter." Sighed a brown-haired policeman with green eyes. For some reason, he reminded me of someone…wait, 'because you're friends with my daughter?'.

And then as if we didn't have enough people as it was, Leigh of all people got out of one the cars. Well, at least that explained why he looked so familiar…

"Mr. Erkens, I can assure you there will be punishments for this sort of behaviour." Mrs. Mackenzie replied darkly. "What on earth were you all thinking? Trespassing on private property, **hazardous** private property, no less. That building's been abandoned for years Lauren!"

"You never would have taken me." Lauren countered defiantly. "Ever since Salome-"

"Lauren," Mr. Mackenzie interrupted hastily, "We were worried about you. Next time, think these things through carefully. Helen, I'm afraid we'll have to let you go. Temporary classes have been set up at the local church, in any case. Do you want a drive home?"

Helen appeared shell-shocked. "But, Mr. Mackenzie-"

"That's final, Helen." He replied firmly. There was a short pause.

"I think I'll go with Mr. Erkens, if you don't mind." She said quietly. And then **he **stepped out of the car, followed closely by Riza Hawkeye. Why did that bastard colonel end up following me everywhere?!

"It's alright. It will give me a chance to ask Fullmetal some questions, where ever the hell he is at the moment…Hawkeye, you stay with them."

"But sir-" She started, before realizing it wasn't worth wasting her breath on, and reluctantly getting into the car with the Erkens and a strangely quiet Helen. I felt a twinge of guilt.

"Brother…" Al whispered, apparently thinking the same thing as me.

I turned to face him. "Al, we have to wait."

"So, this is where you're hiding. The girl mentioned you might be a bit skittish."

I froze, gritting my teeth and turning to face that smug bastard, carefully keeping my expression blank. "Colonel."

"Fullmetal." He replied, as way of acknowledgement.

"What are you doing here?" I was mad, and he could tell. Shrugging, he appeared casual and unbothered. I knew it was an act immediately.

"I'd have to ask you the same question…unless you ended up stranded in the middle of the woods, alone, and spent four days trying to figure out where the hell you were and how you got there. I fortunately ran into Hawkeye, and I managed to become a potential witness to a car accident I hadn't even known about."

"You ended up in the woods too?" Al said. "That's the same thing that happened to Ed!"

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

I sighed, figuring I might as well bite the bullet. I didn't think he'd leave me alone until he learned the full story, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him withhold potentially important information from me.

"Do you remember anything before you ended up in the woods?" Anything at all?"

---

One long explanation and exchanging of information later, I hadn't learned much more then I'd hoped I would. I did, however, learn a few important things. The day before I'd ended up in this crazy world, Mustang had received a note from the higher-ups about widespread disappearances. Some people had disappeared for months and then turned up miles from where they'd been last seen, saying something about being taken to another world. It'd become such a serious problem that it was becoming harder and harder for the police to avoid a mass panic, and the Furher was requesting that the state alchemists in Central investigate a recent tip off.

"That's too much of a coincidence." I said simply, leaning against the front desk, watching as Al examined a nearby mildewed picture. He was sitting in the chair behind the desk. I'm sure his ego wouldn't have allowed anything less.

"That's what I thought." He replied, his smug tone grating me. "So, I hear you've been relying on that Mackenzie girl, and you and Al are staying with that other woman, Helen…she seems a bit tall for you, I didn't think you went for older women…"

"I'M NOT SHORT! AND IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" I was about punch his lights out, but Al grabbed me (the traitor). Before I could convince Al to let me go so I could kick that idiot's sorry ass, Lauren came in.

"Are you guys finished catching up on old times?" Lauren sounded nervous, probably because I was still glaring daggers at Mustang. "Because everyone's about to leave. Mr. Withers is finished telling my Mom off, and we've probably only got a few minutes. What were you talking about, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, just about how we suddenly ended up in a world ninety years or so in the future where we're apparently fictional characters." I replied sarcastically.

I guess she couldn't think of a proper reply to that, and so settled for changing the subject. "Well, anyways, Mr. Withers has agreed to give you guys a ride to Leigh's. He's waiting outside right now."

I nodded. "Okay, we'll see you there."

She grimaced. "I don't think so…Mom wants Jared to go to the hospital, and I have to go with them. I don't think Mom's going to ground me again, but she probably won't let me out much. I'll talk to you guys…well, I'll call you when I get back."

"He's not really badly hurt, is he?" Al asked, concerned.

She shook her head. "No, just a very mild concussion and a sprained wrist. He was lucky. But we should really hurry up guys…"

I held up one hand. "Wait just a minute! Lauren, you're not going to meet us there? When did this happen?"

"Just now." She said hurriedly, herding them towards the door. "Now come on, we need to get going…"

Stumbling outside, I realized at once it was practically raining cats and dogs. As if I didn't have enough to worry about at the moment. Mrs. and Mr. Mackenzie were apparently talking to Mr. Withers, facing away from us. But I didn't get a chance to question at my good fortune, as Lauren managed to firmly squash all of us into one car without being seen by her parents. Thankfully, I was sitting next to Al and not that bastard colonel, though I couldn't help but think that was intentional.

"See you later." I mumbled to Lauren as she checked Al's seatbelt. Strangely enough, she tensed and then closed the door. I blinked. What was her problem?

"I think she's just sad to see you go." Al elaborated, reading me like a book. "And she's probably mad her Mom won't let her go out anymore.

"Yeah, I guess so." I admitted. Still it seemed odd behaviour coming from her. Maybe she was mad at me? I couldn't think of any reason she could, though.

For some reason, though, it bothered me the entire trip…

---

Leigh lived in an ordinary-looking apartment building, not that far enough away that Lauren probably couldn't have gotten there without Helen's assistance anyway. I had almost gotten used to the immense size of the buildings in this world, but I couldn't help but wonder how the hell they got them that big. Better building materials? A better structure or frame? Whatever it was, it certainly looked impressive.

The inside wasn't as impressive. It looked like most apartments I'd seen before; sort of worn-down but clean. Leigh was waiting for us in the lobby; probably a good thing, since people were starting to stare at us, though especially Al. I glared at them, but one look at Al and I could tell it wasn't making much of a difference.

"Just don't look anyone in the eye." She whispered, strangely calm. "Helen's already waiting upstairs. My Dad's gone out on another call, so he'll probably be out for the rest of the afternoon. I've got some bus tickets you can use to get home in an hour or so, but we're in no big hurry."

She led us briskly past the front desk, heading straight for the elevators. I stopped and eyed them warily.

"Brother…" Al sounded exasperated. People were still staring at us, and he obviously didn't want to stick around for much longer. But I couldn't help it; I'd always hated elevators. Back home, they weren't exactly very safe…

Reluctantly, I went in, watching nervously as the doors closed and it started to move.

"If it makes you feel any better Ed, elevators have gotten a lot safer." Leigh assured me, pressing the button for the third floor. I felt an eye twitch developing; why did it seem so easy for everyone to tell what I was thinking?

But I was happy to see Roy wasn't enjoying it either. If I had to suffer, and least he got to suffer with me.

After what seemed like an eternity, it stopped and the doors opened. I was out of there immediately, not wanting to have to stay in that thing any longer than I had to. Thankfully, there weren't many people in the hallway; but when we finally got to her apartment Al immediately relaxed. If anything, the people here were worse than the ones back home.

"We're here!" Leigh called, and I heard footsteps. A moment later, Helen's cheery face popped out from what I guessed was the kitchen.

"Hey there! Glad you could make it so quickly; I hope you didn't have any trouble on the way up?" She said all in a rush, as if nothing had happened. I didn't buy it for a minute; I could see the tearstains on her face.

"I'm sorry."

She blinked, surprised, before smiling genuinely. "Don't worry about it. I'll get another job, and I can still help."

"I hate to destroy this tender moment," Roy said wryly, "But we do have a bit of a problem on our hands." I shot him a warning look, but he brushed it aside like it was nothing.

Riza suddenly appeared. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Colonel. Leigh seems to know a great deal more than we do."

"Should I get my notes?" Leigh offered.

Riza nodded. "That might be best."

We all followed Leigh into the living room, where I could see newspaper clippings, books and other assorted papers scattered haphazardly across the floor, furniture and coffee table. I was kind of impressed; I hadn't really known much about Leigh before, but she was obviously a lot tougher than I'd thought. I spotted the folder Lust had given Lauren among the mess; Helen must have snatched it before she'd left. It took me a while to find a seat, but then Helen left to go rummage in the kitchen.

"Believe it or not," She began, "You aren't the only ones to pop up around here. For instance, two floors above in room 539, we've got Inuyasha living with a university student named Kevin Byrd. Right next door, we have an old man named Samuel Thompson playing host to Legolas Thranduilion. A floor below in room 242, we've got Harry Potter chumming around with the Berenstein family. On the very top floor of this building in room 715, Captain Jack Sparrow is baby-sitting Alice Black, daughter of single mom Irene Black."

I only knew two of those names, but the implication of her statement was pretty hard to miss. Well, unless you were an idiot…

"Pardon?" Roy said, apparently not realizing what she was hinting at.

She nodded. "That's what I said originally. All these supposedly 'fictional' characters, living about without anyone knowing their true identities but a few confided friends. But where did they come from? First, we have to realize that we know **where** they came from, but the real question is **how**. How on earth did fiction suddenly become reality? And furthermore, why isn't it out in the open?"

"Because someone's behind it all." Al said, taking the words straight out my mouth. Leigh nodded again.

"Exactly. I've checked, but I haven't been able to find any evidence at all that this isn't a phenomenon isolated to this city. I think we can assume that Enoch is the only place this is happening."

"But why here?" Roy asked, thoughtful.

"Because the person responsible for this lives here." Helen said simply, throwing a newspaper to the floor in front of him. I leaned closer to get a better look. The headline was impossible to miss.

**WORDFIRE TO START HIRING FOR NEW PROGRAM**

"Wordfire…that name sounds familiar…wasn't that the name of the company that owned the abandoned construction site?" I asked.

Leigh nodded yet again. "Yeap. They're a pretty big company around here, though nobody really knows what they do. I think they're in charge of contracting or something…I've heard rumors they're involved in this new attraction across town."

I unfolded the newspaper, noticing the picture of a pretty, dark-haired woman underneath the headline. She was wearing a grey business suit and smiling brightly, but there was something cold about her. Looking up, I noticed the paper was dated August 27th, 2005. I started to read out loud.

" 'Salome Eccleston, CEO of Wordfire, has announced the coming expansion of the local contracting company, adding desperately needed life to a dying city. Since the hi-tech industry evapourated back in early 2001 and jobs became scarce, Enoch has been firmly lodged on a never-ending downward spiral. "The law is becoming harder to enforce" says Thomas Withers, head of the local police department. "over the past few years I've seen the quality of life around here deteriorate. Neighbourhoods have been getting tougher and urban decay is more rampant than ever before. I believe this new program Ms. Eccleston has put into place may be the one thing that saves this town". Indeed, twenty-six-year-old Ms. Eccleston, a well-known local figure, lived in the town for most of her childhood before moving away after the tragic death of her recently-declared fiancée'…should I read on?"

"No, I think that's enough." Leigh responded, and I put down the paper. "Interestingly enough, Ms. Eccleston was actually a friend of Lauren's before she moved away. I don't think they've talked to each other since, but I think we should pay her a visit. Wordfire seems to be involved in this quite a bit…every single employee of the company seems to have connections with the people who look after, or help, the fictional characters that have been showing up."

"Intriguing." Helen picked up the newspaper, examining it thoughtfully. "I wonder how many fictional characters are out there as we speak…"

Leigh pounced on the question immediately. "Well, I've noticed a few trends…one, that only popular characters from popular fandoms have been brought here, and two, usually newer fandoms. _Fullmetal Alchemist_ isn't the only anime, though there are a few small things about it that seem to set it apart…"

"Oh boy, I see how much of a headache it will be to round them up!" Helen laughed.

"Hmm?" Leigh said absently, searching for something else in the outrageous piles of paper.

Helen blinked. "Well, we have to get all of these characters -including you guys- back to where they came from, don't we?"

"I think there's a lot more involved." Riza answered. "There's a lot of things we don't know yet. One thing is for certain; something's about to happen. Why did they want their main building to appear abandoned?"

"I think another important question would be why Lauren and everyone around her seem to be tied up in this…" Al said softly. No one had a good answer to that.

Leigh's cellphone suddenly rang, startling everyone.

"_Hi Leigh, it's Chris. Lauren's grounded according to her Mom, and I've got a bit of a sticky situation on my hands…I guess you're busy, so call me back as soon as you can? You know my phone number."_

I sighed, relaxing. I hadn't even been aware that I'd been holding my breath. That voice sounded familiar, though…wasn't he a friend of Lauren's I'd met earlier in the week?

Helen laughed, relieving the tension in the room. "I think we've had enough conspiracies for one day. I need to get home soon anyway; I have to babysit for a friend in-" she checked her watch. "-an hour, and Ed and I haven't had breakfast…or any sleep."

I suddenly realized how tired I was, emotionally and physically. It'd been a rough day so far, and Helen, Al and I had stayed up the entire night talking. Not to mention I was pretty hungry by this point.

Leigh blinked, than smiled apologetically. "Oh, okay. Sorry about keeping you guys for so long…do you want anything to eat before you go? I've got some half-eaten pizza I've been trying to get rid of…"

"Thank you, but we couldn't possibly impose." Helen replied politely. "Besides, I've got a special meal deal at the university. Food's pretty cheap there. Mr. Mustang, would you and you're second lieutenant want to come with us?"

She discreetly gestured for him to follow her outside. I gave her a searching look; despite her politeness, it was obvious she wanted to leave.

"Yes, I think we will." He answered smoothly; Riza hardly batted an eyelash at the exchange, having obviously expected it. Herding all of us out the door, she spared one cheery smile at Leigh before closing the door firmly behind her.

"What was that about?" I asked immediately.

"Take a good look around, Elric." Roy said quietly, mindful that none of the neighbours would hear him as we walked down the hallway. "This may be impressively tall building by our standards, but it's run down. You may not have noticed, but Ms. Erkens didn't have much furniture. Myself, Hawkeye and Ms. Sherburne weren't just standing because we wanted to."

"So what?"

Helen sighed. "I talked to Lauren about this a while back…Leigh has to work at two different jobs, and because of the hiring freeze she's lucky if she gets paid. Mr. Erkens has a very high position in the police force around here, but doesn't get paid very well either. They have to send money to her mother once a month as well." Helen gave me a pointed look. "She was lying when she said she had lots of food in her fridge. I could only find some pizza, a jug of milk and a jar of olives."

"Oh…" Thinking back on it, the apartment had been kind of bare. It wasn't really obvious, but she hadn't even had a couch.

"You'll be far better off coming to my place to have a good brunch." Helen said, stopping when we reached they elevator and pressing a few buttons. The doors opened almost immediately, and I she dragged me in before I had a chance to protest.

"Now, I've got the bus tickets home." She said, waving them in front on my face as if to prove her point. "We'll go home and grab something to eat. Then we should go searching for a job, because if you lot keep multiplying at this rate, I won't be able to take care of you all for long. And neither can Lauren or Leigh, for obvious reasons. And then we should take a trip to the library again."

The doors closed, and we were on our way.

---

Do you know how hard it is to write in first person? Very hard. And I'm not very good at it. Never doing that again…and now, I think it's about time for the short:

'**FMA cliché #12: School Daze'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Lauren…why are we at your school again?" Ed asked irritably, an eyebrow twitching as he was jostled and pushed. He'd never been a fan of crowds, but the amount of people clogging the hallway was ridiculous!

"Because," Lauren said pointedly, "People will start asking questions if they find out you stay at home during the day. I don't know what it's like for you in Amestris, but here school is mandatory until you graduate from high school."

He didn't buy that for a second. "You just want to torture me, don't you?"

She grinned. "Well, that is an added bonus."

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren and Ed were trying to get to their next class (although you've probably gathered that). So far, nothing much had happened out of the ordinary…just the same old boring stuff. No change. Yeap, just the typical day in the life of a typical student. Well, Ed wasn't technically a student, but no else needed to know that…

But anyways, the day had passed fairly quickly, without anything strange happening to them (for once). Lauren was perfectly content with that, but Ed had been fidgeting the entire day. By this time, he'd usually stopped some manic taking over the world, maimed a couple of Evil Minions, or stopped someone from poisoning the water supply. Sometimes, all three. And if you don't get that I'm hinting at something by now…then I'm probably not making it clear enough…oops…

"I'm bored." Ed said dully.

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "You're bored? I thought you _liked_ learning about stuff like this…"

"Not when I already know it." Ed sighed. "I could run circles around most of these teachers…like that math teacher who was explaining variables in such a convoluted way…"

Lauren laughed. "You mean Mr. Howards? Yeah, he is a bit hard to follow."

"A _bit_?" He ranted. "I already knew how to do it, and _I_ didn't understand why the hell he was talking about!"

Verdict? Ed is probably more likely to **teach** classes than participate in them, especially considering his disdain for authority. Think about this before you write a high school fic.

"And that science teacher…don't get me started on how awful her example of a scientific method was…"

"I've been subjected to your rants before. What makes you think I need encouragement to get you started on another one?"

"Ha ha, very funny."

"That's what I thought too."

**YOU CAN COME OUT OF HIDING; IT'S GONE NOW**

Well, that's all for now. School's been tough on me lately, and with a deadline, Halloween and my sister's birthday approaching, I'm kind of swamped. Who knows, I might have something up before Saturday though :) (And yes, I'm going as a witch again this Halloween --)


	22. Telephone Tag?

**Author's Note:** Well, this is where we start to get into deeper waters, so to speak…Sorry it took me so long, school held me hostage. I even missed my birthday:( Unfortunately, I don't think it's going to get any better, so I won't be making any promises for updates from now on.

This chapter gets into a little religious imagery (not that that's anything new for fans of the FMA anime like me). It's important for the story though, so I'm not just sticking it in there for no reason :) If anyone has any problems with this, just left me know and I'll change it!

_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Telephone Tag?**

There had never been a time in Lauren's life before when she'd wanted so desperately to get away from one person, and yet see them at the same time. Well, that wasn't entirely true (take Salome for example), but it was close to it. Which was probably why she had sneaked down to check the answering machines for messages, and wait hopefully for him to call her so she could apologize for her behaviour. **If** she could form a coherent thought **if** he did call her, of course.

Which he wouldn't.

Hopefully.

And so she sat there in that comfortable armchair, staring at the answering machine so intensely it was surprising it hadn't burst into flames. The phone rang, and she immediately snatched it.

"_Hey, Lauren?"_ It was Chris. She relaxed, both disappointed and relieved at the same time.

"_No, I'm afraid not Christopher, this is Mrs. Mackenzie. Lauren can't come to the phone right now, she's grounded."_

Lauren dared not even breath, hoping against hope her mother wouldn't discover that she wasn't in her (thankfully locked) room. Climbing out her window had been risky, but it had been the only way she could get downstairs without being seen.

"_Oh, okay. Thank you."_ To say he sounded depressed would be an understatement. _"When she can call me back, could you do tell her I called? I've got a bit of a problem...tell her it has to do with __**Fullmetal Alchemist**__."_

"_I will. Good bye."_

They both hung up. Lauren blinked, than raised her eyebrow. What on earth could that have been about? Chris didn't even **like** that show!

She was given no time to ponder the matter, as she heard someone coming down the stairs. Jumping up quickly and hiding behind the chair, she heard her mother shout up the stairs, presumably so she (and Jared, who was still locked in his room as well) could hear her.

"Lauren, I know this is a bit last minute, but I have to go back to work! In case you need anything, Dad's downstairs and will be coming up to check on you every fifteen minutes. Behave and you might be out sooner then you think!" And with a slam of the door and the sound of the garage door opening and closing, she was gone.

And just as Lauren was certain she could leave, the phone rang. She was immediately back in the chair, eyes glued to the phone. But Lauren knew better then to answer the phone, just in case she got someone other than Ed, Leigh or Helen.

"_Hello, are you there Lauren? It's Jennifer."_ It would figure one of her closest friends, whom she hadn't seen in over a month, would call at a time like this. Of course, this wasn't the first time Lauren had gone without hearing from her for that long; Jennifer Williams was extremely polite, and rarely wished to trouble anyone with a phone call.

"_I…I know you must be wondering where I've been for the past half week…"_ Lauren raised an eyebrow. Didn't Jennifer remember that the school had burned down? And with her Dad madly running around and receiving phone calls left and right (a couple of buildings that belonged to the company he worked for had burned down. Ten guesses as to who the culprit had been), she hadn't heard anything from anyone lately, at least when it came to phone calls.

"…_But I can't tell you until your birthday party. Sorry, but I really have to go!"_ There was a click, and Lauren knew she had hung up.

_Well…that was…curious…_There was obviously something off about Jennifer, and normally Lauren would have called back straight away and asked her about it, but Lauren had to wait for that other phone call first.

She still felt guilty about it anyways.

But strangely enough, the rest of Saturday passed by harmlessly enough, with no dire news bulletins or any other phone calls from her friends. This greatly surprised Lauren, who had been expecting…well, some sort of final showdown. After all, that's how it normally went…wasn't it?

She could only suppose that someone up there really liked her. Especially since, judging by what Murphy's Law stated, she should have been put into another awkward situation with Ed.

Still, she didn't see or hear from them all of Saturday afternoon and night. No matter how long she waited next to the phone (a difficult thing to do, considering her mother assumed she was upstairs in her locked room like a good girl), no one called her. Which was a bit of a mixed blessing at this point. She'd actually been able to get all her homework done and watch a movie. Probably because she hadn't wanted to spend the night pondering why exactly they hadn't called her, but she'd managed to do that anyways before finally falling asleep.

"Lauren! Time to get ready for church!"

The fifteen-year-old woke with a start, nearly falling out of her bed. Rubbing her eyes, she reluctantly peeled back her sweat-soaked covers to per at her nearby calendar. It wasn't exactly up to date; probably because she'd spent most of the past week worrying over Ed. Blearily, she noticed it was only two days until her sixteenth birthday.

_Well, looks like I'll have to hold my party a bit late this year,_ She thought absently. The thought didn't really bother her, mostly because she needed to get further in her work before Christmas anyways.

Later on, she would dimly recall getting dressed in her best clothes and grabbing her notes, before heading out the door. Her mother nodded silently when she saw her get into the car; Jared rarely ever came anymore anyway, and Lauren knew as soon as they left he would be waiting by the telephone in her place. It was quite a long drive downtown, but Lauren barely noticed, caught up in her thoughts and watching the raindrops trickle down her window.

The teenager felt herself relax slightly when the familiar building came into view. To most people, Lauren was sure it looked like just another small, slightly shabby apartment building at first glance. To her, it represented a fall back into the old routine, and a sign that things were once again returning to normal. No bothersome state alchemists traipsing about messing up her carefully plotted schedule!

But Lauren didn't allow herself to dwell on that last thought for long; she still felt guilty about how she'd acted the day before. Besides, she comforted herself with the thought that even if Ed had been there with her, he would have found it very boring. Religion wasn't exactly a topic Lauren usually liked getting into with other people, and she was very eager to avoid discussing the subject with him especially…among other things she'd rather not contemplate…

Lauren was brought out of her musings when she absently noticed a commotion near the front doors. A large, sleek black limousine was parked next to a huge crowd of people, and she realized most of them were reporters when she was temporarily blinded by the bright flashes of light from the many cameras.

_I wonder what all the fuss is about!_ She thought curiously, squinting and trying to make it out. But all too soon they passed it, and her mother found a place to park in the nearby lot.

"Lauren, is there anything you want to talk about?" Her mother asked, as she locked the car doors and they made their way towards the entrance. She appeared hesitant, having obviously noticed Lauren's uncharacteristic silence on the way there.

Lauren watched as the front doors and black limousine came closer and closer, not looking away from the large crowd. "No mom. Everything's fine."

And that was that, as they managed to push through the crowd and went into the church. Her mother gave her one final concerned look, before reluctantly heading up the stairs that lead to the sanctuary. Lauren however took a different route, heading down a separate set of stairs to the area where the teachers normally taught Sunday school.

It was admittedly not very holy-looking or grand as she imagined the ones in Paris or London were. Just a very large room, with light blue walls, sturdy grey carpets and small rooms branching off from it. There was also a stairway that lead to the stage above in the sanctuary, and a few offices for the ministers and other important staff, carefully roped off the beaten path.

The first thing Lauren noticed was that no one else besides the other teachers had arrived yet. Good news, since she needed to get materials and grab some Bibles for her lesson. Just as she was about to head for the craft cupboard to do just that, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Looking back, Lauren immediately realized it was the church school coordinator, Roberta Stuart. She was a nice older woman with a heart-shaped face, blue eyes and red hair swept back into a neat bun. As a matter of fact, she looked a bit like an older Helen. Lauren firmly put an end to that train of thought.

"Oh, hello." Lauren said, sounding much more cheerful than she felt. "How are you? I was just about to go get set up-"

"Thank goodness I've found you!" Mrs. Stuart interrupted, panting. She winced shortly after she realized how rude she sounded (she was the sort of women who valued politeness very highly), but nevertheless continued.

"What I mean to say is, you won't be teaching the Grade six class today. Ms. Eccleston came in yesterday to request a class for a day, and I'm afraid you're the least experienced of the teachers, so I…oh bother, I'm sorry Lauren. She just donated a substantial amount of money to the church, and it would have looked bad if I'd refused her, especially since I'd mentioned how we needed more teachers at the last meeting. I was going to call you last night, but with that school pestering me about using the Sunday school area tomorrow for their classes, I just-"

"It's alright, Mrs. Stuart." Lauren blinked, bemused as to why she thought it would bother her. Then the implications finally sank in. "Wait…'Ms. Eccleston'?"

"Yes, you know, that important businesswoman in the papers." Mrs. Stuart said dismissively. "She used to go to here a few years ago. Weren't you and her good friends? I remember she used to help out in your class when you were knee-high to a grasshopper."

"Oh…yes…I remember her." Barely managing to force them past her gritted teeth, the words were bitterly ironic. How could Lauren not remember her, after all? "Could I volunteer in another class, then?"

Mrs. Stuart's apologetic look said it all.

"You've got to be kidding me…we've been short on volunteers since September, and _now_ is when they decide?" Lauren said, exasperated.

"I'm afraid so," She confirmed. "It is close to Christmas, after all. You don't have to help out, but Ms. Eccleston does need a helper. Grade six has had a remarkably high attendance lately."

Lauren was not pleased, though she knew she couldn't blame Mrs. Stuart. Coordinating the Sunday school was a big job, and she did it voluntarily on top of her paying job. Sometimes, a monkey wrench or two would get in the works; it was bound to happen. Besides, it was only a day; how bad could that be?

"I'll do it."

"Excellent! Thank you so much Lauren, I'll make it up to you somehow. She's already in the classroom getting set up. The children will be down here in a minute or two, so you'd best get started!" And then she hurried away to get ready for her own class.

Lauren knew at once that the sooner she got the painful reunion over with, the smoother things would go. Taking a deep breathe, she marched over to the Grade six classroom and, seeing the door was open, looked in.

The room wasn't very big. Maybe five metres in length and width, at the most. The walls and carpet were the same as in the main room, but the absence of any overhead lights and only a few small windows on the top of the opposite wall made it look a bit creepy. A long, wooden table had been stuffed through the small door somehow, taking up most of the space and leaving very little elbow room. Lauren spotted a dark figure hunched over a pile of notes, and hesitantly cleared her throat. Salome turned abruptly.

"Yes?" She said mildly, smiling.

Lauren realized she was staring, and looked away immediately. She hadn't been able to help it. This was obviously the same Salome Eccleston she had known as a little girl, but so much…older. More mature.

But it wasn't even something as simple as her age that bothered Lauren. There was something cold about her. Something hard and cautious behind that seemingly gentle smile. Lauren felt a shiver run down her spine.

Desperate for something else to focus on, she looked at the blackboard, surprised to see untidily scrawled words on it. It was a quote from the Bible.

Salome followed her gaze. "I thought I'd take a slightly different approach to the lesson this time, to which that quote will play an important part. Matthew, chapter 7, verses 7 to 8, which says-"

"-'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.'" Lauren recited, her eyes trailing over the words and coming rest on Salome.

Salome gave her an impressed, yet appraising look. "Very good. Do you know many Biblical quotes?"

Lauren shook her head. "No, only that one. My sister's the one who managed to memorize quotes; that used to be her favourite one."

Salome nodded. "It's a very interesting quote. Interesting, isn't it? To think that you would only need to ask, or 'seek', to receive something. It's a pity life isn't that easy, and people don't always find what they're looking for."

"No, it isn't." Lauren agreed. "But I don't think that's the point. The point is, if you work hard enough for something, you'll probably get it. Or get something else in return. Sort of…I dunno, equivalent exchange. It's not the one law that governs the universe, but it's important to know all the same. It gives people hope."

Salome smiled again. "You've obviously given this a lot of thought."

Lauren shrugged. "Well, I seem to be running into the concept a lot lately. My name's Lauren Mackenzie, by the way."

Salome laughed, then reached to shake her hand. "Oh! You're that new teacher I've heard so much about. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry for temporarily hijacking your class and insisting on you, but it's been so long since I've taught Sunday school, and I suppose I got a bit carried away."

_Yeah, right._ Lauren thought distantly, shaking the offered hand automatically. How could Salome have forgotten her so easily? However, she was spared from her thoughts when she heard the sound of many footsteps pounding down the stairs and into the main room.

"Oh, it appears I finished setting up just in time!" Salome sighed exaggeratedly, sitting down at Lauren's customary spot nearest the blackboard as the eleven-year-olds came streaming in. Lauren sat down at her right, giving her a perplexed look.

There was something fishy going on here. The question was what.

"Hey, Lauren! I heard about you school burning…who's this?" Blinking, Lauren turned to see that, unsurprisingly, her students looked confused by Salome's unexplained presence.

The brief silence was broken by the sound of a ring tone, which sounded suspiciously like _Girl_ by the Beatles. Salome took out her cellphone, and preceded to ignore all of them as she talked to some employee or other. This was perfectly fine with Lauren, who found herself suddenly the center of attention.

"First of all," She said briskly, "It's 'Ms. Mackenzie', not Lauren, if you please. Secondly, Salome's teaching this class for today. I'm just helping out."

"That doesn't make any sense." Replied one of the boys, Thomas, who gave her a pointed look. "Why did they replace you?"

"Well…" She hesitated. "…That's hard to explain-"

"Lauren? Would you mind taking over for a bit?" Salome interrupted, a bit too cheerful. "I have to go down to the office for a minute. I'll see you in half an hour or so." And with that said, she left abruptly.

Lauren blinked, barely able to process this new development quickly enough. Then it sunk in, and she attempted to rush after Salome, stopping at the doorway when she remembered she couldn't leave her students unsupervised.

"Wait! The class ends in half an hour!" She called to Salome's retreating back. But it was too late, the women was too far away to hear her, and she disappeared around a bend.

Lauren slumped into a nearby chair, massaging her forehead and wondering when her life had become so…busy.

"Umm…Lauren?"

She sighed irritably. "You mean 'Ms. Mackenzie'."

Thomas gave her a 'why should I care?' look. "Right, whatever. Are we going to start the lesson now? I have to practice for the church Christmas pageant after this."

That's right. Like it or not, Lauren would have to take over while Salome was gone…which apparently would be for quite awhile. Standing up, she closed the door and maneuvered her way past the chairs towards the blackboard, gesturing for them to sit down.

"Alright, now…I guess Salome wants me to teach you something about…uh…" Lauren was at a loss. She hadn't prepared the lesson plan, and judging by the lack of notes nearby, Salome hadn't written it down either. How was she supposed to teach a lesson if she didn't know what she was teaching?

The teenager sighed, and then decided to proceed anyway. "Turn to Matthew, chapter 7, verses 7 to 8. Salome wanted to teach you the meaning behind this quote, and I think she wanted us to discuss how it applies to…life, I guess."

They did, reading silently for a few minutes As Lauren gathered her thoughts. She put everything out of her mind relating to Ed, fictional characters and other worlds, and tried her best to focus on the situation at hand. Now, how should she go about explaining this…? It wasn't exactly a complicated idea, but it sure was a hard one to explain.

And then she realized she was approaching it from the wrong angle. "Umm…can anyone tell me what it means?"

Finding only blank stares directed her way, Lauren started to write on the board, speaking all the while. "It's…basically sort of like a concept a friend of mine likes to call 'equivalent exchange'. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost-"

"That doesn't always work." Thomas snorted. "You don't always have to give up something in order to get something."

Lauren shifted, again finding herself wondering how to explain the quote properly. "Well, yes, that's true. It's not an idea that encompasses life, the universe and everything else. Not everyone or everything operates on a give-or-take basis But if you think about it, 'equivalent exchange' does cover a lot in our daily lives…sort of like how you do chores to earn an allowance, or do homework to learn how to perform certain tasks."

"So why is that important?" Asked one of the girls curiously.

Lauren smiled. "I'm glad you asked that. In some ways, we can think of that as being an important characteristic of the human race. People often work better if they have something to strive for, and it's the foundation of our society. In some ways, even the good things we do are done because we think 'this is the right thing to do', and that we gain something valuable from doing them: self-satisfaction. You could almost argue there's no such thing as 'altruism', because we **do** gain something. Can anyone tell me what the underlying message of that is? What does the part 'and to him that knocketh it shall be opened' mean?"

"It means…you have to work for things?" Another boy offered. "Because we're all searching for something?"

The teenager nodded. "Yes, and no. The meaning behind the quote is that you're supposed to work hard and live life as best you can. This includes being truthful to yourself and to others and trying to look for the truth where you can. The search for truth is something that humans have strived for centuries to find and expressed in many different ways…even that mystical stuff like alchemy, mythology, and other forms of…superstition…"

She paused, wondering if alchemy really counted under superstition in this case, considering she'd seen it performed in front of her. Shrugging, she decided to continue on. "…that attempted to unlock the mysteries of the world. I'm not going into religion or politics in relation to this (because I think I already covered the first one anyway), but they reflect a person's philosophy on life and how they view the world."

"This is too deep for me." Thomas said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

Lauren smiled sadly. "Well, I'm probably not right on all accounts anyway. That's how I interpret that quote, although I'm sure there are plenty of people who think differently. I don't even know if I'm right, really. I guess what I'm saying is it's important to keep going, and to think about these things and try to find the answers yourself."

One of the boys nodded, laughing. "Well, it was interesting, I'll give you that much."

And then, as if to punctuate that statement, a rather beat up Edward Elric came crashing through the window. Lauren and her students barely managed to duck under the table before he hit the wall. She quickly yanked him underneath the table as large shards of glass embedded themselves on the table, carpet, blackboard and walls. Her heart racing as she hyperventilated, Lauren could only stare at the sharp pieces of glass mere inches away from her hand.

"Sorry about that." He murmured dazedly, his eyes half-closed as he bled from various minor cuts. "I didn't mean to crash through the window…Oh, Lauren, it's you." He managed a weak smile, then grimaced and clutched his chest.

"Who the heck is this?" One of the boys asked incredulously, taking in the red coat, leather and braid and undoubtedly coming to a strange conclusion.

"A friend of mine." She said quickly, turning to Ed. "What are you **doing** here?! You could have gotten yourself killed pulling a stunt like that!"

"That stained glass is going to cost a lost to repair." Thomas mused. Ed clapped his hands together, and touched the carpet. With a bright flash of blue light, the glass was gone and the damage repaired. It was as if the whole thing had never happened.

There was an unanimous gasp, and the questions started quickly, including the ones Lauren didn't want to answer.

"How did you do that?!"

"Why'd you fall through the window?"

"Who are you?"

"Alright, that's enough!" She interrupted sharply. They quieted immediately, realizing that they were in a serious situation.

Ed sighed. "Lauren, it was nice talking to you, but I have to go…Sloth's after me, and I've got to get back to the convention-"

"Sloth? Convention?" She said in amazement. "What's this all about?!"

"We don't have time." Ed interjected impatiently. "I'll explain later. First, I need to get out of here without her seeing me. I don't think she'll just break in like Envy, since she knows I'm not going to stay here very long with Al, Helen and- Oh hell, I'll tell you later!" And with that, he unsteadily got to his feet.

"I'm coming with you." Lauren replied instantly. "Thomas, go tell Mrs. Stuart I had to leave urgently, and I'll be back soon, alright?"

The boy nodded, and Lauren carefully guided Ed out of the classroom, sitting him down on a nearby couch. "Okay, where is this convention?"

"Richardson avenue." He said wearily, looking around the room. "Wait, where is this?"

She quickly did the math. Richardson avenue was probably only three blocks away. They could make it there quickly if they hurried. "You're at my church. This is the Sunday school."

Ed gave her a blank look. "Sunday school?"

She sighed. "Never mind, we'll catch up later. First, let's get to that convention."

---

For those of you who don't know, Jennifer Williams is my OC from _Wishful Thinking_ :) Yes, that's really her. Sorry about the rushed nature of this chapter, especially considering how long I took to write it. I've been so busy this past month or two…and now the short:

'**FMA cliché #13: The Fullmetal Homunculus'**

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"Sooo….bored…" Lauren moaned.

It was a dull, grey afternoon, and Lauren was sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. She was currently hunched over the counter with a rather bored expression, toying with the idea of spiking Jared's left over Halloween candy.

Breaking the serenity, an explosion, then a large flash of blue light came from the basement, followed by another large explosion. Dust and pieces of plaster rained down from the ceiling, but Lauren barely noticed, staring blankly at a fixed point on the fridge.

"AL, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I'M SORRY BROTHER!" The angry voices gradually got louder, until the basement down was roughly pushed open, nearly broken off it's hinges.

Lauren sighed, and then turned around. "So, what was it this time? I hope you haven't turned Ed into a chimera aga-…Oh…"

Ed glared. "What?" He was wearing clothes somewhat…err…similar to Envy's, his hair was loose and not in his trademark braid, and he was covered in strange tattoos. He was showing way to much skin, in Lauren's opinion.

She blinked, blushing slightly. "Oh, uh…nothing!"

"Brother, I'm really sorry!" Al replied nervously. "I didn't mean to bring you back as a homunculus after that support beam fell on you-"

Lauren seemed to snap out of a trance. "A support beam?!"

There was a guilty pause.

"Well, we wanted to spar..."

"…And we thought it would be a good idea to outside..."

"…And things got a bit out of hand."

"My parents will kill me!" Lauren sobbed, running downstairs to access the damage.

Silence.

"Well, can you think of a good punch line?" Ed asked Al, sarcastic and obviously still mad.

"Uh…no…" Al replied nervously.

Ed mock saluted. "Okay then, could you guys leave? Yeah, I mean you, the readers! And remember, don't make me dress up like Envy to pay homage to _Bluebird's Illusion_…or I will hunt you down and torture you!"

**AND ****ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST**

Explanation: _Bluebird's Illusion_ is a fan-made Chinese game based on _Fullmetal Alchemist_. As you may have noticed, there are pictures of Ed dressed as a homunculus randomly scattered across the internet, taken from or inspired by one of the alternate endings of the game, where Ed turns into the homunculi Pride. Unfortunately, I've noticed lately that there seem to be a lot of fanfic homages to it…and it's getting to be a pretty formidable cliché. Hence the short :)

Two last things: I've got a forum dedicated to Parental!RoyEd now, so you might want to check that out if you love those sorts of fics :) I've also got a C2 for good FMA fanfiction, so that's a looker as well, along with my new DevantArt account. The latter has a few extra pieces of new STF art, so treasure it well. I won't be doing much fanart for my stories anymore; I simply don't get the time. Maybe over Christmas?


End file.
